Candid, not Candied

Friday, 31 December 2010

Happy 2011

A year is like a ride on a roller coaster. Beginning of any year is like a starting point of the ride. You know it is going to be one helluva ride, you are clueless how it will turn out for you - whether you will enjoy or will you end up sick - you want to enjoy every bit of it; but before you know it, it has already come to an end!

Happy New Year to all my readers! :) May this year and each one after that bring you many occasions to smile, laugh and celebrate with your loved ones!


Thursday, 16 December 2010

Umrika Amaiyrica

Imagine making the 20 odd hours journey from across continents and time zones. Since I was a kid, though as I said I was not interested in making that a long journey, I was nevertheless fascinated by America and Americans.   This was the time when my comprehension was limited to thinking that foreign country means the one and only, USA.

The word itself had a lot of *bling* to it. Anyone mentioning that name, and I would imagine a mesmerizing wonderland. With all the facts and files stuffed into my head by someone making a passing comment about the country, I had no reason to doubt that this was a place which held magic. I can't help but look back and laugh at my innocence.

What can a child's mind make of a place where it was day when you slept and night when you went to school? I remember, in those times ["in those times" already now! :'( ], it wasn't common for people to go abroad... or maybe it was and I wasn't aware. But we rarely knew as many people as we know today who are abroad. So, all kind of news would make our eyes go wide. V and me used to go ga-ga over the details that any American return would narrate to us. There are ovens in the wall, homes come with built in air conditioning and heaters, roads never have bumps in them, 911, snow feels like heaven, every block looks like a picture postcard... and so many more things!!! And, of course, who can forget the famous Amaiyrican twang they had to their English. It sounded uber sexy than our plain desi English accent. Oh! I remember the time V told me "You know, in America, even beggars own a car." Immediately I had this image flash in my mind, beggars driving in a car to beg for money! No wonder we thought our country was way too boring in comparison.

I remember, the biggest fact that ever stumped me was the night and day funda. This was much before geography introduced the rotation of Earth etc. One of our acquaintances was here and, her parents did not have a land line then. She would call at our place asking for her parents. It was a wow moment for us! They used to have breakfast when we would have had our dinner!

In return for our favor to receive their calls at odd times, whenever they came back home, they used to bring us GIFTS. American maal was so 'in' at that time! The precious Hershey's Kisses and variety of other dark chocolates with nuts in them. V was pretty high with the idea of studyinghere. He would promise to bring me the same chocolates. Oh, how I waited for him to grow up!! (W/o realizing that I would be growing up too!)

Gifts were particularly worshiped by me. And why not? It gave me a chance to show off in school. I had these sketch pens that would change colors with a flick of another pen. It had an eraser too! I loved it. I still do, I think. Mom would warn me a thousand times not to lose it in school. She used to tell me how costly they were and I would never have another if I lost them. That made me pretty possessive about my color pens. However, that did not stop me from sharing it with my class mates.

Umm.. share? No, show it off is a better word. Who said I wanted to share it, anyway? One look at those, and the kids would be all over me to catch a glimpse of it. Lucky ones got to see it, luckier ones could touch it and best friend for the day would be able to hold it in her hand. Well that was that then! Proud presentation of gifts, smug face, being a snob to all the heavy pleading to use them once - all because it was "imported maal".

If you think I was being a mini b***h, then think again. Each one had their day of showing off one thing or the other and I would be at the begging end too. Such things spiced up our lives then. What else could we expect in a school where we had to wear the same ol' uniform 6 days a week and not have a fancy dress party like in a far far country, 24 hours away?

The reason I write all this today is because, I am finally in this country where I never dreamed I would be. Even last year, whenever I chatted with K (oblivious to the fact that he would be my partner), I told him even wild horses couldn't get me to USA. I must say it didn't take any wild horse to drag me to this end of the world but one man with extraordinary convincing powers to do so. :)

When I came to know that I would have to come here, I did not exactly give a whoop of joy. This place takes me away from what I call home, my parents and tons of memories that I have built. But gradually, I realized that my days here are fulfilling too. I commenced my new life here and may I say, it has started with a pleasant blast. Whatever good/ bad I thought about this country is behind me and I already have my "treasured moments"; making way for new memories.

I love this place as much as I can call it my home. But not so much that I will condemn my country as I have seen people do it. I have decided to make it worthwhile while I am here.

Most of the times I never find anything special here. Its like back home with an exception of a few things. At other times, when I look around, I sense wonder and amazement that I once felt. I guess the little girl in me is still alive. :D

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Final Surrender

'And I say, you never understood me!' he bellowed in response to her equally adequate accusation. He could have given in to his rage and raised a hand at his wife but he didn't. As always, he stormed out of the house leaving her to lament and curse her own luck through hot tears.

They were married for 4 years now. With each passing year, the decibels were rising whenever they had an argument, which was almost everyday. The heated discussion was always the same, according to her they had no money and according to him, it was just enough to lead a decent, happy life.

When he came home from work in the evening, he found her in the kitchen by the stove, mumbling inaudibly to herself. He knew she was still blowing steam from the morning's episode. Quietly, he moved into the bedroom. Peace and quiet was least expected. He knew this was the lull before the storm.

'Do you want some coffee?' she surprisingly asked .

'Yes. I'm tired.' There was no reason why he should have included the last sentence; however, it was a sort of warning for her.

She set the cup of coffee along with some biscuits on the dining table, and pulled a chair for her to sit in. She waited until he had had his first sip of coffee and then kick started the topic again, 'What is the problem in quitting your 9-6 office job? Start a business.'

He squeezed his eyes between his fingers - that's what he usually did when he was in a tight situation as this. Not again, he thought. But at least she had a calm demeanor.

Perhaps I should try and talk to her nicely, maybe she will understand, he surmised. 'It is not easy, my dear. I think we should...'

'It is never easy. What is easy? Living this life is also not easy for me!', she complained yet again like she had for all the 4 years.

In reality, they were self sufficient. He had a stable job, a salary that was credited into his account on the fifth day of every month, adequately furnished one bedroom house and also a two wheeler to provide humble transportation. Even with household expenses and once in a while vacation, he was able to save. He did not find anything to complain except his wife's wishes for extravagant spending.

She was no more born and brought up in a middle class family than his. Other than the 36 point horoscope match, this was a reason why their alliance seemed to be good enough to get a green signal.

Sadly though, the horoscopes and the family conditions were mere illusions. These two people were as different as chalk and cheese. He knew where to show maturity. He knew where and how to be content. On the other hand, she was immature as a child and always craved for more. And her 'more' was often materialistic. Prior to the days of her marriage, she daydreamed of honeymooning in Paris and Switzerland wearing a chiffon sari like one of those many actresses on screen. Although she was aware of his financial status being no more than that of her father, she secretly hoped he would be her prince in disguise. Maybe on our first night he will reveal that he is in fact very very rich and not a typical middle class, thought she, frequently.

These were her shattered childish dreams that led more bitterness into their marriage. She just would not understand why he could not start a business.

'First of all, I do not come from any business family. I hardly know how to run things that way. And secondly, even if I thought about it, I need to have some capital. I need to have a lump sum of cash before I begin with anything.', he tried to reason with her.

'We have savings. Saving from past 4 years that we have never touched... why can't you use that?', she said, well aware of his saving habit.

His temples started throbbing, and he shouted back, 'Have you never heard of emergencies? We are yet to have a kid, for god's sake! Once we have a kid, we will not be able to save as much as we do now. And I am not going to blow up all that on some whimsical, kiddish wants of yours.'

Fortunately, they had no issues to witness these arguments. She said she did not want any "hindrances" before she completed her bucket list. And as of now, her bucket list was growing by the day, since he had supposedly been incapable of providing her the means to complete them.

'Then why can't you borrow a loan from my uncle? He is rich enough. If you want, I will talk to him. If I talk, I'm sure he won't even take back the money.' She always seemed to have a back up answer to his questions. Smartly, she had avoided the whole 'kids' section. She was in no hurry to hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet.

Her parents hardly interfered in their matters, but his folks were keen to see their grand child at their earliest. They had also recognized the fine lines of stress on their son's face. He had always dismissed their worries by saying it was the office work. But he knew they suspected marital fissures. He would not admit it to them. Not yet at least.

'I am not borrowing anything from anyone. I will never stoop to borrowing money out of relatives, yours or mine. You get that? Why don't you resume your old job at the post office? That might bring in some more money.'

'How much does that pay me? 8000 a month? No, thanks. I will not slog for mere 8000.'

Before marriage, for the lack of a proper educational degree, she worked as a clerk in the post office. But her attitude was no less than that of a Harvard graduate. She was too proud to settle for a job that paid her a measly amount.

'What if it is 8000? It is all your money, spend it the way you like it. I will never interfere. And maybe, if we save some of that too, we could afford a holiday.'

'Since you cannot arrange for extra income, you are asking me to work, eh? You are a lousy husband.'

'You have always failed to keep me happy!', she continued bawling and accusing. 'You are lazy and narrow minded and selfish too. All you think about is your good. You married me... you ruined my life.', she vehemently hurtled accusations at him. She was shaking and her anger seemed to ooze out of her pores.

He looked at his unfinished coffee going cold, oblivious to the storm around it. He did not know he was crying until a teardrop rippled his coffee. She had said these words a thousand times before. Each time they stung as newly as they had been uttered for the very first time.

He wanted to put a stop to this daily ruckus. He had loved her and truly wanted to see her happy. Even if it meant keeping her happy by giving her all that she wanted, material or not. He knew he had to give in, he has to surrender. Finally he said, 'I will see what I can do. But I will make sure you are happy. If you are happy, I will be happy too. I just want to see you happy...I want to see you smiling' he rattled deliriously and at that moment he had made a firm decision - 'You will have everything you want - Everything!'

That night, tired and listless, both of them retired early. Tomorrow is going to be a new day, a happy day, thought both of them.

The next day was a life changing day indeed, for she found a note beside his dead, bleeding body in the kitchen - "Contact this number. He is my lawyer. He will help you get my insurance money. I hope the amount you receive will make you happy"

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

What do I do?


At 28, I have a life that not many can even dream of. My parents have always given a lot of importance to education. And thus, when I expressed my wish to go abroad for higher studies to them; they left no stone unturned to fulfill my dream. Now, the life that I boast of consists a fulfilling career with a supporting, heavy paycheck that takes care of all the bills and also a few luxuries, doting parents and a long distance relationship that seems to be working just fine. 

Everything was routinely fine until half a year ago. I walked into the house after a long day of work; only to see my parents rummaging through haphazardly strewn papers and photographs. Only during the dinner time did I come to know that they were a set of horoscopes along with their respective photographs. My parents thought it was time for me to get married. Within no time, they started reading out the bio data of "prospective partners" one after the other. Over and again, they recited terms like "Investment banker", "Chartered Accountant", "Business Analyst at so and so". No doubt, education and career were important to them; so was physical appearance! There were about 30 faces smiling up at me from their glossy and matte finish. In my honest opinion, all of them were certified candies. But they weren't for me. 


Looking at my bored and forlorn expression, my parents dutifully chanted the names of my school and college friends, who had tied a knot one after another like they were roll numbered. Some of them were also tasting parenthood. I remember seeing their happy faces smiling at the lenses; many with their newly born and some with their recently possessed fiancĂ©(e) on Facebook. I was genuinely happy for them. Though I never thought I might need to fit in that shoe one day. 

I met him at a bar, when I was abroad completing my Masters. We met a couple of times before we decided to throw our inhibitions away and accept that we were meant for each other. Our relationship grew from friendship; and that is what kept us together for the 3 years that I was there and even today. I was skeptical at first. I was scared of being betrayed. After all, I was still an Indian when it came to relationships. I'm not forget-and move-on type. But this man was here to stay. He proved that by giving me a surprise visit last month. I had yet not figured out how to make this relation work. For the moment, I was enjoying being marinated in his love.

I moved in with him within 3 weeks of meeting him for the first time. We spent a magical time together. Though we had a tight schedule, we made it a point to spend quality time with each other. I lied to my parents about having Indian roommates. When they accidentally saw him when we were on Skype, I said he was my roommate's friend. The lecture that ensued then, was interminable. They never trusted Westerners. 

Time is running out for me. Parents grill me each day after work, to agree to meet my prospective partner's family and finalize. Dead photographs are still smiling under my nose every day. Calls from punditji haunt me. And parents are relentlessly pursuing this issue. Stress has started making an appearance on my physical self. 

How do I tell my orthodox parents about my life abroad? How do I confess to the delightful sin that I committed there? How do I convince them that "marriage with photographs" is not what I want? Being their only child, they have loaded their expectations on me. How do I say that I'm not their perfect child?

Just for a moment, I wish. I wish I could freeze the time when I was the happiest. The time when I was abroad. The time when I first met him at the bar and thought gay relationships do work.

Friday, 3 September 2010

Love that's brewing...

Before


The situation

A boy and a girl were going to meet for the very first time in their life. The girl was anxious, nervous, happy with the fact that she is finally going to see the person she would be marrying in 19 more days! The boy was happy too, shy even, and feeling heady as he was to meet his would-be-bride-in19-days. And, he wasn't sure what was "romantic". Neither by words, nor by actions. So, in addition to being happy and shy, he was confused too. But, both were super excited and looking forward to the meeting event.  She was coming to pick him up from the bus depot. He had been travelling the night before.

During


The event (1) :: The bus depot

She came in a chauffeur-driven, swanky big car. She texted him. "Where are you?"

He replied, "I don't know.. but I guess we are in the city... I see a lot of buildings and shops etc. Where are you btw?"

She could no longer text. She speed dialed him. "Hey, hi! I have reached... how long will it take for you to get here?"

"This conductor says another 15 minutes. So I guess, you'll have to wait."

"Ok. fine. Just let me know where you..."

"Look, I forgot to charge my cell last night... I'll give you a call when I reach... ok?"

"What???! You knew you were travelling and you did not charge your cell? Oh! C'mon! How could you?"

"Seriously the battery is running low... I'll talk to you later?? Please? Bye"

"Alright, bye. But gimme a call, else I'll call you. Bye"

Finally, they did meet. He called her when he reached and they saw each other. Bells did not ring, birds did not sing. Violins did not play and the trees did not sway. It wasn't Bollywood. It was real life. Instead, infernal honks blared, dogs barked and rickshaw-wallahs haggled for a fair fare. Nevertheless, it was special.

"Hmmm.. you are not taller than me. I thought you were." he complimented. himself.

"That's why I didn't wear heels. Mind if we catch a cup of coffee before we go to my place?"

"No, sure... let's go?"

The event (2) :: At the restaurant

She : Let's just order for coffee? Mom's made proper proper breakfast at home...

He : No problem.

She : (silence)

He : (silence)

She : You are staring at me. You are embarrassing me!

He : No. I'm looking at you. You look so different in the snaps.

She : That's what everyone says!

By this time the coffee came and went, and he said "The coffee was YUCK!" She agreed, because it was.

The event (3) :: At the Men's wear shop

The salesman : Try this one, Sir!

He : Fine. Ray ban... do you like it?

She : Yeah.. if you like it then go ahead...

The cashier : That would be Rs. 4000, Sir!

After


(4 months after they got married)

She : You should take care of your glares... They cost a lot. Seriously, what was worth 4000 in it? Tell me. I don't see anything except the label "Ray Ban". They are so costly. Mine cost me only 1500. And look, there are good.

He : Yes, I know they were costly. You did not take me to a cheaper place!

She : Arre?! You said you wanted to buy right there. So I thought you will buy it there.. like there there.. that place itself.

He : I found it costly too. But I had to buy it anyway.

She : Why? We could have bought something elsewhere, no?

He : You were there with me.

She : I was there with you???! Lekin, I did not force you to buy! You bought it because it looked good on you.

He : Whoa! Look, I have this girl coming to pick me up in a biiig, shiny Honda City, with a driver, a jazzy cell phone in her hand, fighting elegantly with rickshaw-wallahs, throwing orders at the driver over the phone... I naturally thought you were a girl brought up in all luxuries, used to servants and brands and labels etc. You'd think I was a cheapskate if I didn't buy it because the price was HUUGE!

She : :O :O :O I had told you everything about me, no? I was not like that. I am not like that. I knew it! I knew I shouldn't have come in that car with a driver and all. But parents did not allow me to drive all the way in that horrendous place - full of dirty men and dogs and each one barking at another!! I knew this was what you'd think about me.  And did you know what I thought about you?

He : No, what?

She : I thought that since you have come from the States, you were running after labels and amounts that ran into thousands, just because comparing it with USD it would mean spending nothing. I also was devising ways to control your spending habit already.

It was time for him to be :O :O :O!!!

He : That's what we thought about each other?

She : I also thought you were rude. No make it crude. You told me the coffee was YUCK!

He : But it was! And you agreed too!

She : Yes, it was. I agreed and I still agree. But you could be a bit more courteous and say it was good, right? A little white lie wouldn't hurt.

He : I didn't know how to behave around a girl. You were my first, serious date.

She : You didn't/ don't know chivalry?

He : No, who's that??

She : Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!

And there, she knew the core reason for falling head over heels in love with him.

----------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------

Any guesses on who's the "He" and the "She", here?

Edited to add : He says the Ray Ban was for Rs. 4370 and not just Rs. 4000. So there, she put down the value of Ray Ban by Rs. 370. Hence, she apologizes. ;)

Friday, 27 August 2010

My Rakhi Gift for this year is...






Dear V,

It's not like the old times, when we were under the same roof... I fought with you even on Raksha bandhan day and swore not to talk to you ever. Today we live in different continents, lead different lives. I have to calculate the time before I can pick up the phone and give you a call. Though I love my new life, I miss the old one. 

Will always be there for you, no matter what!

Love,

Purnima

Friday, 6 August 2010

Name Game

Have you come across funny surnames? I know, it is considered bad manners - making fun of names, surnames etc. Debate-able, touchy issues those are! However, I have come across some classic surnames and classic-er alliances of such surnames.

You might be knowing the joke which goes like - What's the name of the guy with 3 knees? Nitin
What's the surname of the guy with 6 knees? - Sahani. What's the full name of guy with 9 knees? Nitin Sahani. Well, something like that.

My area for this post is mainly restricted to (majority of) Maharashtrian surnames, since the obvious fact that I have lived my whole life in MH. I hope Maharashtrian bandhu- bhaginis will take this lightly... with a pinch of salt. And for those extra sensitive ones, I highly recommend a bowlful of salt. After all, I don't want ANY jumpy Maharashtrian Manoos to feel insulted and then spam my comments section with hate mails and brickbats and lecture and etc. and etc.

Often I have teased V. "What if our surname was 'Nayak'?" - I would ask. Then in the same breath I'd say "Then your name would be Vinayak Nayak". I relentlessly continued "What if our surname was 'Nayak' and our Dad's name started with a 'V'? Then your name would be Vinayak V. Nayak... that's like calling your name twice!!"

I just couldn't stop there, for I continued "What if my name was 'Prabha'? Then I would be 'Prabha Prabhu'. :D "And then what if our dad's name was Prabhakar? Then I would be 'Prabha Prabhakar Prabhu'?" :D

There are safe surnames and there are volatile ones. The latter ones can make you range from a chuckle to a full throated laughter. Sometimes I wonder how they live with such ones. Not ashamed maybe, but admit it, they do tend to fall on the funnier side. I mean, what do you think of Potdukhe (roughly meaning stomach ache), Tupe (Ghee), Hirwe (Green), Takle (bald), Phatak (gate), Dahibhate (curd rice) etc?

Imagine marriages of such families. In fact, I got thinking when recently there was a marriage at our neighbour's place. Their surname is 'Kurkure' and the bride's side was 'TaLele'. When we went to attend the marriage, I couldn't stop giggling; for the board read 'TaLele & Kurkure' which means Fried Crispy! That's what I call a perfect alliance.

Some more perfect matches as below ::

Imagine the groom's surname as 'Wagh - Tiger' and the bride's surname as 'Waghmare - Tiger Hunter' :D

Imagine the groom's surname as 'Gupchup - the silent ones' and the bride's 'Badbade - The talkitive'. :D

Imagine the groom's surname as 'Kale - Black' and the bride's 'Gore - Fair'. The children hence become Grey? :D

Imagine the groom's surname 'Dhere - big, fat stomach' and the bride's 'Potphode - someone who'll burst the stomach' :D

Imagine the groom's surname 'Sakhardande - sugar candy' and the bride's 'Tikhe - Chilly hot' :D

Imagine the groom's surname 'Kate - Thorn' and the bride's 'Phule - Flowers'. Would her name after marriage be 'Phul aur Kaate'? :D

Then there are parts of the body - 'Doke - The head', 'Mane - the neck' and of course, our very own GSB surname 'Pai - the foot'

And then there are those who manhandle the body parts 'Kanpile - the one who twists ears' and 'Paitode - the leg breaker'

Hey what if there is an intercaste marriage between 'Pai' and 'Paitode'??

And then there are the intellectuals too. 'Vichare - the thinker' and 'Shahane - the intelligent'

And the humans that don't sound like one 'Gaitonde - face of cow', 'Kolhe - the fox', 'Landge - the wolf'

And the metal lovers 'Tambe - copper man', 'Lokhande - Iron man', 'Pitale - Brass man', 'Sonar - Goldsmith', 'Lohar - Blacksmith'...

I hope, by now you are done with your bowlful of salt. Is there more to it? Add on if you know some interesting ones. Will add them here.

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