Day 3 : Fleeting Conversations

Some conversations just happen. They don't make you laugh till you burst. They make your day with their subtle humor. Some make you feel stupid, some make you feel like a complete dork! Conversation here happened between us and other people I know. I don't like taking names though. ;) :)

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She : I went to the grocery store today. guess who I met there. I met X. X said they are done with the shifting stuff. They love the new house. They are planning to invite us over this Saturday. Shayad they are throwing a party.

He : (watching tv, not even batting eyelids)

She : I think we should buy a gift for them. What do you think? I was thinking something nice and useful. Maybe a gift certificate or something. Oh and by the way before I forget, you don't forget to call that bank guy... what's his name?

He : (still watching tv, still not batting eyelids)

She : I said what's his name? Did you even hear a word I said? I don't know why I even bother! I think I have married the walls! and u do this to me every time. and when I don't respond to you, you get irritated. Before marriage, you kept your every work away to talk to me and you talked for hours on end. Now...

He : Dear, you have married me and not the walls... and I heard every word you said. Before marriage, were we staying together? No right. Now we do. I have 24*7 access to you. We will buy a gift certificate for them ok? That is a very nice idea. I have already called the bank guy. Nothing to worry. And his name is Y.(goes back to watching TV, without batting eyelids)

She : !!!!!!

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She : These sandals are giving me blisters. I think I should throw them.

He : Better take a wise decision. I paid for your sandals but the feet came free with you!

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She : This pillow cover just ripped through the seam...

He : Throw it and buy a new one.

A few days later...

She : This jacket hardly protects me from this cold.

He : Throw it. We'll find a new one for you.

A few more days later...

She : Remember I told you, our blender was making funny noises? Well, a little part has broken.

He : Throw it. Get a new one.

She : Well, nowadays you fight with me a lot. Shouldn't I get a new husband for myself?

He : !!!!

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She : (reading the instructions on a wooden spatula) Look what it says here, "Hand wash only." Which idiot will wash them with his feet?

He : DUH! It means no throwing it into the dishwasher!!

She : I know! I was kidding!

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It was his birthday. She arranged for a cake and invited their friends. Finally it was the cake cutting ceremony. He cut the cake. She lovingly fed him the cake first and waited. Waited for him to do the same, that is lovingly feed her a piece.

She : Ok. Now gimme a piece of cake.

He : Why?

She : Why, what? I gave you, now you give me.

He : I didn't ask you to! Secondly, you pulled the knife from my hand. Now since your hands are already messy, eat them for yourself!

She : !!!!

Day 2 : The Twisty Knot Called Marriage

Marriages may be made in heaven but I think it is up to us to make our marriage a heaven. After *successful* completion of one year of marital life, I can stand on a podium and start lecturing. :) Not really, just a bit maybe.

Looking around me at some of my relatives, friends, acquaintances, who have (had) fragile wedded lives, I was terrified of what would be in store for me. As it turns out, all it needs is a bit of everything to work it out. 

My marriage has some mutually agreed upon rules & guidelines to it. And these rules & guidelines are not the ones that require any of us to stand in attention and obey them, but the ones that gently course our lives. They act like a buffer system when there's a fear of hitting the rocks. They keep us happy and smiling most of the times. We aren't experienced people to state definitively that this formula works for everybody. It may; it may not. Each one has to find the fine tuning and balance to their married life. We have observed people around us, seen what keeps them clicked and what draws them apart. We filtered the right ways, enlisted the wrong approach and tried to learn from them. And till now, it has worked perfectly fine. Then why not share it?

Whenever we talk about two individuals, there's bound to be a difference of opinion. Even with us not every day was full of love and rosy red hearts. There have been some days of complaining, whining and don't talk to me. Tears shed here and there. There's no denying to the grey days. There have been times when we have had word dueling sessions on every Saturday of the month. That led us to wonder what in the world has gone wrong with our relationship? However, talking to many other friends restored the faith in us that we are as normal as other couples who fight every weekend because they have nothing to do!

And this is where you need strength, courage and openness of heart to accept mistakes, forgive and come forward to speak about it. We have learnt this only after having a few back and forth of words. 

As much angry as we may be, we never raise our voices (or a hand). I think it is important to respect a person even when you are having an argument with him. Sometimes, argument is the best teacher. It will teach you how not to make the same mistake again; i.e. if you are mature enough to learn from it. 

Trust - One thing that keeps a marriage going, they say. Trust is good; blind trust, not. How many times have we seen women defending their husbands "Main apne pati ke baare main ek shabd bhi nahi sunana chahti!", even when she sees every possible proof of his money philandering activities and extra marital affair? 

Trust is something that needs to be built over a period of time. It isn't something that you can discount a loved person with. Blind trust can only hurt and shatter you. Not every person is trustworthy, but if he is then he'll build it with you. Trust comes from frequent, open communication.

Talking for me, is perhaps the most important factor. However hard or bitter it is, I talk it out. If not, I carry around a heaviness with me, which just keeps worsening till I have had it off my mind. Likewise, I make it a point to volunteer and ask if anything I did was disturbing. Opening up has helped to avoid a lot many arguments and bad feelings later that would have piled up as a result of not communicating. 

Problems arise every where. Tackling them require skill, patience and understanding. Many of these things I am yet to learn and master. But knowing what I need to know brings me a long way. At least I know what I need to begin with. 

As I said, I have some of my friends who are going through rough patches(so rough that it starts to affect everyone around them) in their marital life. And they are recently married. I just wish they could manage to sort their lives out and soon.

I cannot take names and say it to them, but if they ever come here and read :

1. You may be a child at heart but when necessity arises, you need to grow up.

2. Not everyone is rich to afford many luxuries as soon as you start your married life. Do try and understand that earlier you better half was single and his spending was half. Now he is married, earning is still the same but spending is doubled.(If you are not lending a hand i.e.) 

3. The girl who is staying with you has already sacrificed a lot when she married you. She is staying in a new house, a new environment just because you promised her love, affection and lifetime of commitment. She is not a piece of rag that you use, abuse and throw. 

4. Parents got you two married because they thought you were capable of handling responsibilities. Do not go running to them for every small needs and fissures. They have invested close to 25 yrs of their life looking after you. They deserve a break and need to enjoy life. Don't burden them with your troubles. If you need to take a third person's perspective sometimes, talk to your siblings, or best friend. 

5. Let go ego! They work in corporate world, not at home. 

6. Saving money is good... but that doesn't mean giving up having fun. Enjoy when you can. Sometimes buying things on an impulse is good. But only "sometimes".

7. Resolve fights and make peace. Do not leave it unattended. Else you'd be fighting over it even after you celebrate your Golden Jubilee.

8. Suspecting your partner only insults your choice of marrying him/ her. 

One of the best marriage lines I have heard was on one of the Marathi serials "He naatach asa asta, taNla tar tut-ta ani sodla tar sutt-ta" which means "This (husband-wife) relation is queer; you try to pull it- it snaps, you let it lose, it slips."

ETA 1 : Can't thank KK enough for all the love and patience he has shown throughout the year and even now. I  can be pretty difficult to live with. His voluminous patience that absorbed all my tantrums, madness, crying spells, bad hair days, has mellowed me down a bit.

KK :: I love you, but I don't want to be your husband.
Me :: (almost dead at that comment, thinking WTH? He means live-in... how the hell am I supposed to react to this... what will I tell my parents? God! I am screwed)
KK :: We'll be friends just like we are now. warna we'll fight like other husbands and wives.

We fight alright. But not like other husbands and wives.


ETA 2 : Rachana was the one who pointed out "Tali ek haath se nahi bajti" So thanks to her as well for opening my eyes! *sniff*

Day 1 : Commencing a blogathon

Prodding this idea in my mind for a few days now, I think I should give it a shot! A blog marathon! Writing a blog post each day for one whole month. I know it is not the beginning of a month, but I think it is better late than never.

Where did I flick this from? I have been reading Preeti Shenoy's blog for quite some time now, and she does this blogathon once a year. Taking it from here, let me write a bit about why I like this blogger cum author cum artist cum just a mother of two (and so many more facets to her, which are often revealed through her blog). 

If you like reading, you will absolutely LOVE the way she writes. Its everyday life put in simple words that guarantees a smile on your face. Most of the times I associate myself with every big and small details mentioned therein. I do not always drop in a comment, cz her blogposts have rendered me speechless. I often shake my head and say "Now, how come I didn't think of that?". When I say author, you'd expect some heavy language with heavier philosophical gyaan about how to count chickens and turkeys and how to survive rat races... not her. Navigating through her work is as easy as breathing. She's one blogger, whose blogs if I do miss, I do not feel lethargic to hit the "older posts" link and read them. 

That's the reason why I bought her first book "34 Bubblegums and Candies". Its a compilation of short stories of her life, some hilarious, some merit just a smile, some touch your heart, and overall, its a feel good book. While reading her book, in some places I was like, "hey, that's my story!" It is a warm, soothing book. 

After reading it, I sent her an email and within a few hours I got a reply. The humility in her email touched me immensely. It takes a lot not to let success intoxicate you; and she is, by far one of the best examples I could quote.  

I call her Preeti akka, and she's my daily dose of Chicken soups. :) She's the motivation behind this blogathon and a gentle kick to my lazy, self-induced writer's block.  

Here's to blogging and inspirations in life! Cheers!

Friends?!

Everyone has them - with varying degrees of friendship. I have them too. Some are close, some are very close and a few are close to getting close.

Friendship is kind of vague to understand. But it a basic tool required to pull, push and squeeze through life. Sometimes you make friends for life and sometimes you just can't keep them for more than a month. The latter simply fade out; friendship fizzles out; and the chemistry you once shared begins to seem obsolete. And there will be surprising few incidents where you are not in contact for 15 years and still, when you find them through non conventional medium, you'll start from where you left it off. 

I have tasted each one of these in my life too! I have solid friends that I know are gonna stay with me forever. By forever I mean, even if we do lose touch, we will not feel awkward to connect after eons. However, for the moment they are there with me, like they have been since a long time. They know who they are. :) 

And there are other close friends too who have been my pillars in times of extreme necessities. For me, moral and emotional support mean a lot than any other kind of help. They have extended a helping hand and lent an ear. They know when to listen, when to give an advice and when to keep mum. They have provided me with different perspective when everything I saw was in one direction. Especially when I was to get married, there were a lot of great guidelines by friends who have been there done that. No points for guessing how badly I needed these sessions when not many in family would encourage my feelings (nervousness, anxiety, insecurity, curiosity, fear of rejection)

Opposite sex friendships rock too, with a tad bit risk of tipping over to the other side. Not many can carry on with a platonic relation and NOT necessarily think each time you laugh at their jokes and play a prank on them mean you have fallen in love with them. I have struck gold with these too, who have been good listeners, entertainers, jokers, logical thinkers. I married one of them. And my marriage to him hasn't affected the bond and friendship with many others. Of course, there were a few who tried to tip the balance discreetly. And, it was up to me to maintain or throw the person off balance. Some took it graciously, others reacted childishly. I am sure I am not the only girl in this world to have gone through this.

The unexplained ones. Their whooshing presence in life makes me wonder. How they came and how they went never seem to find a logical reason. They hit off with me beautifully, accepted me wholeheartedly, laughed, cried, back slapped, high fived and one fine day abandoned all of it. Coming to think of it, the feeling was mutual. It's like we dumped each other at the same time with no hard feelings... in fact with no feelings at all. One day I come to know that they have just struck me off their friend list. Suddenly, the birthday wishes, excitement over "changed relationship status", phone calls, texting dwindled and I was ok, although I would have loved to have a closure on it. 

I am not the kind of person who dives deep, head first into any relationship. I take my time. If that does happen, I stop to analyse , look through and think on it. Like many others, I find it hard to gulp disappointments. I'd rather brake my speed than get my hands burnt and cry over it. 

Friends are like stickers, some of them are glued to you till death and some of them just fall off due to lack of gum. I guess we have to take them as they are. 

Love at Five

Her eyes fluttered open when she felt his arm on her. Still sleepy, she checked the time on her cell phone. It was 5 AM. She yawned, stretched and said “Why are you up so early today? I told you I wanted to sleep, right?” He said nothing; he was stark awake; he just smiled at her.

Even in their dimly lit room, his lopsided smile melted her like butter. He shook her; she tried to pretend that she was asleep. However, now he had learned to catch her bluff. He tapped her on her belly. She opened her eyes and met his. There he was... again smiling that mischievous smile of his. Slowly, he slid his hand under her orange T-shirt. She knew what he was up to. She threw a stern look at him. He wasn’t even looking at her. He was busy concentrating on the job at hand.

His soft hands on her bare belly always made her giggle. She was vulnerable to tickling. “Stop it! I told you not to do that! Stop!!!” she managed to throw up these words among her fitful giggles. “You are in a mood to play, eh honey?”

Meanwhile, he had successfully pushed her T shirt up. His capers were well known to her. And moreover, she loved him when he did those silly things to her. He sat up languidly and set his brown eyes on his prey. Suddenly, without any intimation, he put his head on her curved waist and started nibbling it gently. She felt his teeth on her flesh, tickling and tingling her. She tried to stop him... but she couldn’t... rather she wouldn’t, because she wanted it as much as he. At first he bit her softly, then hungrily.

“Hey!!!” She complained. But he was beyond hearing her voice anymore. He was enjoying the feast. In a wink, he stopped his activity. He sat up alarmed. He waited exactly two seconds before jumping on top of her. “Hey!!!” she complained yet again. “Slow down, baby. It hurts.” Still he wasn’t bothered. He smiled so deep, it formed a dimple on his right cheek.

He lay his head on her chest. He loved hearing the rhythmic thump of heartbeat. Eventually, his right hand found a new territory to fondle with. Her ear. He was well aware that it gave her goosebumps when you did that thing to her - roll his pinkie along the circumference of her ear. She gripped him to keep him from falling off her.

Against her grip, he rolled off on to the bed. Again he diverted his attention to her stretch marks lined tummy. This time he went for the kill. He dived straight for her belly button. His tongue lapped over the crater as if it held liquid chocolate in it. She squealed, held his jet black curly haired head and tried to back him off. He was a leech when it came to this. He was gurgling and cooing. Her complaints, mixed with heavy laughter and breathlessness, excited him further.

She could no longer take it. She sat up causing him to fall backwards on the bed. Too stunned by her sudden action, his expression turned bitter and hurt. He stared at her with frightful, big eyes. She couldn’t help but laugh at the sudden change in his demeanor. She grabbed his hands and pulled him close to her. She kissed his forehead and collected him in her arms. He nuzzled in the crook of her neck. Her hair smelt awesome. She squeezed him as tightly as she could manage without causing him any pain.

They swung together for a while and she sang his favorite song. Within seconds, he was in dreamland. Slowly she set her 10 month old baby beside her.

Fire Freeze Contest - Melting emotions

One of the worst things to happen to you during childhood is having to see your parents go through a bitter divorce. And that's precisely what comprised mine. I guess they have been at loggerheads since the day they were married. Perhaps no; else I wouldn't be here to narrate my story.

Since the day I remember, there was not a single day when they did not see it customary to argue with one another. In fact, my wake up alarm used to be one of them hurtling accusations at another followed by hot tears. There were days when I returned from school to a house full of sinister silence. At such times I wondered if mom had killed dad or the other way round. Thankfully, I was spared from that scene. 

My parents loved me dearly. In spite of repulsion between them, they made sure I was not deprived of worldly things. They tried to make everything perfect for me. Only they never realised that more than material things in life and their individual love, I wanted to see them love each other. I wanted a home and not just plain walls and windows and negative vibes. Alas, I was never able to make them recognize my yearning for one. 

You would wonder what I did when they fought. I was a silent spectator, praying for arguments to end. After all, my parents never forgot to teach me the right things in between their hatred. I was not supposed to speak when two adults were "in communication". Likewise, mom told me not to spill our household news to others. As a result, I had no one to talk to. My feelings ebbed and surged but remained bottled up, howsoever. 

No issue was too small to arouse conflicts between them. They battled incessantly on the colour of walls to arranging finances. By the age of nine, I knew the intensity of each of their confrontations. While I hoped for the day when they would make peace with themselves and start mending their shattered relationship, their mutual loathing was turning passionate by the day. 

For a very long time, I was the zip that kept them attached. But soon things started getting out of control - accusations were wild, words stung poison and disgusted glances at each other became so common that they pierced my soul. Even I could no longer be the clasp that hoped to bring them together.

Two months before I turned eleven, my mom shook me awake. Her eyes were red like I had seen them before. 

"Wake up! We are going to grandma's place." she said. She did not think it was necessary to give me any details. Without asking any more questions I followed her out of the house. Dad was in the bedroom and did not even come to see us off. I sensed a familiar feeling, however this time there was a finality to it. 

Dad did not come for my birthday. Mom had told him not to. She did not want to see him. I was never asked my opinion anyway.

A few months later, I found my mom sitting at the table brooding over a document. I guessed it right, it was the divorce notice. They were going to be separated for good. 

I was torn between relief and tension, hatred and love, happiness and deep sorrow. It was difficult to say if I celebrated the moment or mourned it. My parents' missteps lead me to suffer. I had asked for freedom from daily domestic haggles, parents bargained it at the cost of our family. 

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No One Killed Jessica - Movie Myview

 I was eager to watch this one as soon as I saw the promos which seemed promising. I must say I was not let down. Usually I have low expectations from movies that are inspired by real life stories. This one turned out different though.

No One Killed Jessica, as you all might be aware, is a representation of the Jessica Lall murder case. So there is not much that I can further elaborate about the plot. It is a mix of fact and fiction, but this is as close as it can get to reality.

Kudos to the whole team who put this movie together. Portraying reality onto the screen is a tight rope walk, which was successfully carried out. As far as acting is concerned, Rani Mukherji and Vidya Balan stand tall individually, and I couldn't make out who was better. While this movie might rekindle Rani's career life, Vidya Balan's managed to put up a worthy achievement in her resume!

About the movie as a whole -  Some found it slow, whereas I found its pace consistent and just enough to keep my interest level high. Since the audience knows the story, it is not about being hooked to find out what happens next - rather you look forward to know how the subject is being treated. And according to me, it is very well done. The movie highlights the influence of power and politics over justice, futile attempts of Sabrina Lall to ensure that the guilty is punished and finally the nation wide anguish and uproar against the so called verdict.

Not even for a single moment does the movie deviate from the subject and that's what makes it worth a watch. No One Killed Jessica is not an out and out entertainer, which makes you forget your worries back home and is certainly not light hearted movie meant to enjoyed over popcorn and drinks. This one makes you think and question our faith in legal system; even wonder in amazement how frivolous reasons can take your life just like that.

NKJ merits more than just stars.

Finally, a movie worth paying for. Do watch it.