The Day He Didn't Propose Me...

Every love marriage has a proposal day. Even we have our proposal day, but with a difference. He didn't "propose" me. He did it but didn't really do it. Confusing, isn't it?

That day for us was December 3rd, 2009. I expected it to be a normal working day for me at the office. And, it was. We both used to be online, working and chatting with a dozen people. However, my first priority and preference would always be KK. Yes, I nurtured a special place for him, but was still unsure myself. I hadn't yet acknowledged my feelings, let alone confessing it to KK. 

A light flirt that he was, he would warn me that he'll come and whisk me away for a candle light dinner. I crunched his hopes by saying - ask my parents, if they say yes, I might think about it. One day he declared that he would come to my office with a bouquet of roses, just so that my colleagues will start gossiping about me. Again I punched hole in his high hopes by saying you have to find out where I work. Such was our harmless teasing- flirting bit. Whatever we talked about, he was never indecent. He never teased too much, nor did he ever cross his limits. He was never desperate. It was pure friendship on the borderline of flirtism. * I make good words* 

This day that year, while chatting merrily, he suddenly went silent. I asked him if he ran away. 

"Nope, I am waiting for you to come at the train station. Just like SRK in DDLJ"

I knew the crazy streak in him had started playing. Somewhere there, my doubts got better of me and perhaps I was fed up of this chor-police chuppa chuppi; I asked him if he was serious. From there on, the conversation started taking a serious bend. He said he was never as serious and wanted to take all this ahead. I still find it hard to translate those feelings of mine in words. To talk freely, I asked him to give me a call. The moment he said "hello", I decided I am marrying this guy. He had a wonderful voice, which matched his personality. (We'd never talked before on phone)

We talked for half an hour, discussing how and what of everything. By the time I cut the call, I was shaking and my palms were sweating. He didn't say those words, he didn't ask me that question. Yet it was magical talking to him. We had reached a decision. A decision that we didn't know whether it was a wise one or not. A decision that would not only change our lives but our families lives too forever. It was just a beginning. I had to talk to my parents; he'd a lot of explanation to give to his parents. Getting parental approval seemed like a humongous task. The situation was impossible and logically no parents would say a yes to such a relationship, where the boy and the girl had never seen each other and still claimed mutual love. 

This will throw some light on why KK had to do some manao-ing to his parents (all because of me). 

That was 2 years back. And this is today. What has changed? Perhaps nothing, perhaps a lot. We have realised that our decision, though seemed doubtful and impulsive at that time, was the right one. We have never once regretted it. There are ups and downs, but we have managed them well. Love is deepening, friendship is deeper, respect remains intact. We are still discovering traits in each other. It is fun to find layers in myself and in him. Headiness of love with zing of responsibility, tempering of arguments and a lot of fun thrown in makes an intoxicating concoction. 

2 years later, my waist has become vast; my tummy, earlier size 0 is now shape 0. The weighing scale is screaming for mercy (47 kgs to 65 kgs, is no joke). The clothes shopwala salesman, who never dared to show me stuff above M, now smiles wickedly and says "This is the biggest size available, XXXL" Of course, there's a beautiful reason behind my explosion of size. And that's my Jr. Our Jr. - who brings us closer than where we are right now. 

This day is filled with small memories, surprises, fear, romantic illusions, dreams, ticklish feelings, and so many things that I have not mentioned here. It seems as fresh as everything happened today. I want this feeling to last forever. I may seem like a sappy, romantic lunatic with hearts in my eyes. That's what true love has brought out in me. One right person is all you need to make everything feel like heaven. I have found him and I am proud to have him. 

BTW, in case you are wondering, there's still no sign of candle light dinner, nor has he gone down on his knees, nor has he appeared at the doorstep with a bouquet of roses in his hand. :P (P.S. He did send me roses soon after this chapter, then again for my b'day and then again for V day which falls just 2 days after my b'day)

KK, do I have to tell you that I am in love with you, madly, deeply, immensely?!

I leave you with our romance song which was 

December Update

Yeah, the last month of preggyness!

The doc visit was as usual. She was pretty happy with my baby's weight gain. I am heavy at 65 kgs now :D But seriously, I don't feel that heavy. My blood pressure and Jr's heartbeats are normal and healthy.

Jr is currently lying in head down, but oblique position. So gyn has asked me to continue with the exercises and try to coax the baby into current position. I have started scolding telling Jr. that s/he needs to move else it could be C-section.

Of course, there is in fact nothing to be worried about yet, as it seems there are still 15 days left for the baby to actually settle in to a final position. Nevertheless, docs will be docs and warn, they will. :)

Other than that, how am I you ask? I am fine, except for the massive physical discomfort that comes along with 9th month. Twisting and turning at night is a HUGE headache. I feel broken in half a dozen places with bones rattling and Jr. merrily kicking from inside. Thankfully, I am still away from exhaustion. Walking has now started to become a duck waddle. Yeah, despite the fact that I don't have a bump that's gigantic, I look funny when I walk! Have I mentioned that the girl who had to be told to walk slow, now tells others to walk like grandmas?

My stomach is somewhere in the throat and, is full within a few grains of food. Gravity is working overtime. Anything and everything that I hold falls on the ground and I am not even allowed to crib about it!!! X(

I sleep on my left, Jr. tumbles to the left and starts tickling me. I sleep on my right and Jr. tumbles to the right and starts tickling me. I sleep on my back; back starts complaining. Jr. still kicks. While I try to attain a balance between what Jr. wants and my comfort, I am thirsty. I have to haul myself in a sitting position and drink water. With immense effort,  lot of aah, ooohs later when I finally manage lie down, the bladder starts talking. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat and wonder "When did I become like this?"!

Amidst all this nocturnal drama, concerned husband asks, "Anything wrong?!" to which I answer, "Nothing, I am just pregnant!"

Good Girls Do Not Buy Condoms!

@ a super market, billing section...

Ma : You didn't find it? 

Me : No.

Ma : Then ask for it.

Me : No need. Leave it.

Ma : You have been eating my ears all this week saying you wanted to come here. At least ask them, it might be in stock. 

Exactly two minutes later...

Ma : (bewildered) Is that it's name??? Is that what you asked for??? Look at those sales guys snickering!!! The other one is even pointing at you!!!!!! I thought you wanted something else.

Me :  (mumbling and turning red) But I told you I didn't want to ask. You forced.

What happened in those two minutes 

Me to ma : Alright, alright. Don't push it. I'll ask. 

Me to the billing employee : Do you have KamaSutra Deodorant? (OMG, did I just say it??!)

Billing Employee : Sorry, kya?

Me : (Damn! He didn't hear it!) Deeeodorant.

Billing Employee : Kaun sa chahiye, medem?

Me : Bola naa... Kamasutra.

Billing Employee : Kya? *snicker* *snicker* arrrrre, woh KAMASUTRA HAI KYA DEKH RE!

Other Employee : Nirodh?? Nirodh naa?? Hai naa...*snicker* *giggle* *giggle* *wink*

Me : Nahi, nahiiiiii, DEODORANT!

Ma : (bewildered) Is that it's name??? Is that what you asked for??? Look at those sales guys snickering!!! The other one is even pointing at you!!!!!! I thought you wanted something else.

Me :  (mumbling and turning red) But I told you I didn't want to ask. You forced.

----------------------------

Yes, that was me a while ago, no ring on my ring finger, in front of my ma, asking for a product with such a (according to mommy - besharam) name making an absolute fool of myself, falling prey to giggling, winking, pointing at me, perverted idiots. 

How could I help it if the deo's named Kamasutra?

November Update

My gyn is really happy with me and the baby. That's like telling only the moral of the story. So here's the detailed version.

The main cause for concern was that our blood groups are positive and negative. And apparently, there is some biological zhol there and probability of complications. Hence, an additional test was recommended. A lot depended on the result, I was told. Thankfully, the test reports were negative again, which saved me a lot of headache. Other than that, there was Glucose Tolerance Test, blood tests, U/S and some more; all of which turned out to be great.

Probably I am observing it better, but I see a lot of pregnant ladies. I cannot help but compare my tum with the others and wonder if I am "pregnant enough". Everyone else seems to have a larger bump than mine. Mom patiently tells me that they are way ahead of me, and I will eventually reach there. :)

Oh yes! My gyn said the baby is pretty healthy and chubby too! Ooooooooooo... I am imagining a mini version of KK already. I got some U/S snaps. And yes, there are chubby cheeks and nose like KK's. :| :P

Other than that, everyone's on the guessing game, whether it'll be blue or pink booties. So far, all of them say I am gonna have a boy -  A. Because I don't have a huge bump. B. Because when seen from behind, I don't look pregs at all.

I have no reasons to believe or rather even pay attention to the speculations. I'll be happy with a healthy baby.  But yeah, sure as hell, I am curious to know!

BTW, my EDD has jumped up to 9th Jan, according to the U/S. That means I have exact 2 months to go! :O

Umm... went shopping for some clothes today, and got some comfy, daily wears. I made sure they don't make me look like an aunty. So these are cute tops and night wears, and I DON'T look like any preggy aunty. Yeah, I still drive my mom crazy by refusing to wear those long, behenji types salwars and nighties. She    is wondering what's so wrong in wearing something that is comfortable. I am all for comfort, but what's wrong with good looks?

:) :) :) :) Next doc appointment on 3rd Dec. (and hopefully heavier by 1.5 kgs)

October update

Sometimes nothing happens for a long period of time and other times, there are so many things happening that you wonder if you've even taken a breath. So yes, since the past week there have been whirlwind activities at my end.

First and the foremost, and probably the best - KK's back from the US. I am not going to elaborate how happy I am to see him after a long gap of 3.5 months. Secondly, he got me a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggg surprise. Will blog about it some other time; it qualifies a blog post!!

Secondly, I had my first baby shower at the in laws place and must say it was a great event. When so many people wish you, bless you and shower love, it's difficult not to feel special. We felt grateful for our decision to come back to India for the delivery (as against so many people trying to convince us that our decision was not right - will blog about that one too)

Third : BABY UPDATE!!

Yesterday was my first appointment with the doctor here. And everything is fine, with me and the baby. I was PHEW! After the flight journey, Mangalore-Bangalore-Pune, I was scared even though the journey was pretty comfortable.

Anyway, I found out that from now on the weight gain is going to be rapid. I'm already seeing the proof of it. There are no eating restrictions, as long as I eat every two hours and healthy (= tasty). There's a series of tests that I have to go through before the next appointment. :O  I am all excited for the ultrasound which will take place in a few days.. so Yippppppppeeeeeeeee!!!

The kicks are so strong and frequent now, that I jump in my seat when I receive them unawares. Yeah, KK's fascinated too and loves it when Jr. moves around and packs punches.

At 61.5 kgs, I am wondering where the 47 kg-ed girl has disappeared. I find my increasing weight amusing! :) Everyone else (esp. those who's been seeing me since childhood), who'd always had the wish to see me weighty is pulling my cheeks.

Currently waiting for the second baby shower that's coming up on the 30th of this month.

I am more than smiling! :)

Name Calling

How do you call your husband? By name? By "those" words of respect? Or some other endearment?

Thinking back about 25 - 30 years; roughly around the time when our parents tied a knot; it is indeed fascinating to see how things have changed. If we were to place those times and situations next to today's, we would probably list down a 1000 differences at least. 

One of the stark difference and perhaps the most revolutionising (liberating?) is how we, the neo-ladies call our respective husbands. With evolution and open-ness of husband-wife relation, the suniye-ji era has started to  fade into oblivion. Once considered the supreme power in a wedded woman's life, is now more of a back slapping buddy who considers his wife an equal. In fact, the good news being, the husbands no longer want to be worshipped or labelled  as pati-parmeshwar. They gladly tell you "Call me by my name. No issues". 

This is where the confusion started for me. For some time, it was a constant battle for me to decide whether to call KK by name or Aji, sunte ho? (Itte, aikata ve? - Konkani equivalent) as a part of sanskar bestowed by my parents. Come to think of it, suniye-ji sounded natural to me before marriage, since that's how my mother and other older ladies in the house refer to their better halves. I have never heard my mother call my father by name, and if she did, I'd probably tell her not to. Not because it is wrong, but because it sounds so alien to my ears! 

Well, it wasn't lightening strike love for me and KK. We took time in discovering that we had feelings for each other. Of course till then, I'd been calling him by name. Later, when we acknowledged our mutual feelings and decided to bring our parents in picture, realisation struck me that he is no longer going to be "just a friend". With involvement of family and relatives and the fact that we were going to be "wedded as husband and wife", I knew I had to look at him from a different perspective. And this is where parents discreetly mention the "now there will be a husband in your life". 

Over a telephone call, I mentioned to KK that I'd have to show him some extra respect for being my husband. He was shocked. He did not expect a Pune-bred girl to have such orthodox thinking. I must admit, somewhere deep inside me, I did not want a husband, I wanted a friend to spend my life with. And suniye-ji would just keep me at one hand distance. But who'd convince my parents? Thinking from their side too, they were not too wrong. Its not always about the husband, its about the husband's family too - they'd say. 

Perhaps I knew KK, but I was certainly not acquainted with his parents. Maybe they expected an aadarsh bahu? Or were they open enough to accept me with my ups and downs? They were from our native town, not much lived in a city. I knew the living conditions in Pune differed a lot from the manner in which our native dwellers live. In such a situation, would they like it if I called their son by name?

Much later did I come to know that KK had told my in laws that he wants me to call him only by name. I was caught in a trap. In private, I'd call KK by his name and in front of others (mostly elders) I referred to him as "He/ His/ Him" (hanni/ tanni in Konkani). It was a tongue twisting job for me. Many a times I ended up confusing myself. KK was blissfully enjoying my predicament. "Who's asking you to create confusion? Why can't you simply call me by name in front of everyone?"

KK got fed up of my pleadings to let him call by "those" words. He said if I were to call address him in that way, then he'd address me in a similar way. What a put off that was! And then there were friends and elders too who laughed at my 1950's way. "You!!! You won't call your husband by name? Are you ancient or what?" they mocked me. 

You might wonder what was the dilemma. Why wouldn't I just take an easy way out and heed to my pati-parmeshwar's simple solution? Well, even I have ego problems. I did not want anyone to say anything to me regarding "ladki ko kuch sikhaya hi nahi". Yeah I was adamant.

However, of late my tenacity to stay put on my self imposed stupid belief started to wither as I realised how cumbersome it was for me to adjust my language every time I spoke to my in laws. Somehow my mother also succeeded in convincing my father that it was naya zamana and kid's lives have changed now. As long as they are comfortable with calling each other whatever they want, that should be fine. 

Still to be on the safer side, I explained it to my MIL why and how the transformation took place. She only laughed at my almost 1.5 year old stint. And I gaped at my FIL when he said "You do what he says. He should do what you says. We are not going to come in between the two of you. As long as you are happy with each other, we are happy." Frankly, very frankly, I was not expecting this kind of open-ness and broad minded ness from my in laws. Do I say I am lucky? :)

Now whether it is a 8 yr old kid or 80 yr old grandma, I call KK by name with no guilt. :D 

To be noted : not every one calls their husband by name, even today. In fact my own SIL, calls out to my brother "aji sunte ho?", while before they got married it was by name.  To each their own levels of comfort.

Nothing worth a mention

My blog stats graph has started to resemble a dying man's ECG monitor.  The only thing needed to resuscitate it is a blog post. Frankly, this doesn't qualify as one. Just wanted to put my feelings down somewhere; so here they are.

I am surrounded by every kind of happiness and yet I don't feel so excited. I am looking forward to a lot of things; although I guess I am tired of waiting and want things to happen. For the uninitiated, KK decided to come whole 2 months early, just in time for my baby shower! And I am counting days, which seem to drag by slowly.

I do not lack energy; but the will to do things that I want to do. I know the statement contradicts itself. People know I am paradoxical. Perhaps a little bizarre.

I begin to write something and I cannot push myself to complete it. My enthusiasm to see something till its end comes spiralling down and as a result remains undone. It leaves me feeling utterly frustrated.

Hoping this feeling will soon disappear!

I think the best phrase that can describe my feelings is "I am not in my elements".

(Does this happen during pregnancy? Or am I one of a kind, as always?)