Day 10 :: Horrorscopic

Isn't it wonderful to believe that those twinkle twinkle little stars guide our destiny?!

Call it imperfect science, but people have reasons to swear by its worth. There are believers, non-believers and then there are people like me - who cannot yet decide whether or not to believe.

I have my reasons. Earlier, as a kid I thought it was some god written scripture for each one of us which only the learned pundits could read. As a young adult, I wish-washed the entire thing by calling it a man made hoopla.

Then came a day when I was awestruck! One of my uncles read my horoscope and told every big and small thing about me. I haven't met this uncle since I was a few years old. And here he was telling every minute grain about my nature.

Not just that, he even predicted correctly about my marriage. He said my would-be husband was where my brother was working, but currently (then)he is abroad.

He also said that my wbh would be right under my nose and yet I won't be able to see him. (for those who do not know the story, KK was all the while before me and I never knew I was gonna marry him)

I had goosebumps when my parents told me all this.

I still cannot completely bring myself to give in to believing. I do not trust the horoscope matching during marriages. It is considered to be the sole strong base in arranged marriages. Many of them who had had an excellent match are now living in sad marriages.

Not everyone though. There are happy arranged marriages and there are sad love marriages.

There are some who will go ahead with an alliance without bothering much about horoscope matching, which was the case in my and V's marriage. (mind you, mom had made sure, long long long back that we will net good spouses by asking a pundit against our individual horoscope) and hence the decision not to press.

While that was the case at my place, my mother in law, a strong believer, consulted their pundit who told her "This girl needs to be understood in depth. She is of complex nature." Isn't that true?! ;)

I feel it is ok to consult the H once in a while. Just so that it gives you a rough path to follow. But sometimes when somethings are revealed or suggested by looking at the horoscope, one should think before blindly taking a plunge. Like I was told that if I didn't get married by 22, my marriage would be delayed until I turned 27. That hit the panic button on my parents and hence began a frantic search.

But guess what, I didn't get married until 25 and at 27, I already have a daughter!

Beat that! ;)

Day 9 :: When little things make you smile...

Despite a long, rainy, gloomy and chilly day, when I see my child sleeping, it brought an instant smile on my face! Sigh!

*Sorry about that! Dunno how I made my post disappear. Had to re post this one. Hence the change in date*

Day 8 :: When are you giving me a "good news"?

Yeah! Right, so how many of you married gals have had to endure this statement before you thrust your bounty baby into their hands?

They (read: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, relatives, friends, i.e society, in general) will relentlessly hold your case until they get a satisfactory reply. That reply always is the birth of your baby! They care, they say. Like we don't.

I am not against anyone who inquire once or twice. It's when these people start getting nosy that you are at complete loss of privacy. I mean how in this world are you supposed to answer that question? I guess to shut them up one should say "Tonight we are starting a new session. You might expect the news soon." Try that and you shall be forever labelled "Shameless"

A new life is the biggest investment you make in your life. Like once I heard someone say "A kid isn't as easy as making it." True that! From the moment you find out that you are pregnant, you are responsible for the well being of the life growing inside you. One  needs to be prepared (although you realise later that the preparation was but marginal).

The decision to add to your family solely depends on the couple - whether they want to have one or not, now or 10 years later, Vicky donor or adoption or surrogacy - entirely is their say! Alas, we make it our business.

In my case, parents and in laws did mention their wish and need for a grand child. But perhaps the fact that we were here, they did not pursue much. It might have been a different story had we been close by. (You see you can't do too much much-much over an international call.)

One of my friend had this irritating habit of asking me if I were pregnant. She asked me that when I called her to invite for my wedding reception!!! And guess what? She was then already been married for 2 years and still no news of the good news! When I pointed it out to her she says "You are younger than you. You first!!" Like we were arguing over who will first eat a piece of cake.

After that, every time she called, this was the only thing she wanted to know!!!!

Like I said, people have to have their say in others' lives. When I did conceive, one of my school mate pinged to "confirm" the news, although she had read it on my blog in black and white!

Honestly, I was happy she asked. Who doesn't like it when people talk about your happiness?

After asking me if I was in India and if it was indeed the news, she says "really nice to know... But that's really soon right...sorry don't mean to offend" Alright now, the question is not just offending (which you probably already knew), it is downright insulting and vulgar.

I had a thousand ways to answer her query with vile comebacks and some meaner counter-questions, but I held my tongue, just because I did not want any negativity to affect my baby. Nor could I stoop to that level of raising demeaning questions. Did she want to know if it was an unplanned baby? an accident? I am not (and neither should anyone be) answerable to such questions.

All that makes you sick to your stomach pit. No matter how hard we try to escape, someone succeeds in trapping you.

The story doesn't end with the baby. They'll ask you when is the next good news? ;)




Alright now, the question was not just offending (which you probably already knew) , it is downright insulting and vulgar.

Day 7 :: Another Award And a Tag

First of all apologies for being so late in updating my today's post. It was my Yoga evening and hence the delay.

umm... how do I start? First of all THANKS to Uma for being so generous with the blog awards. And also sorry girl, for not taking it up any earlier. Hope you didn't think I'd pass it!

So I get

Aren't they lovely? I am all smiles. Thanks really! Like blog awards function tradition, I am supposed to pass on this award to fellow bloggers. And I read only a handful of yous! ;) There is a sea of bloggers who write wonderfully, much better than I do! So instead of nominating people, let me pass this award to all the bloggers who are committed to blogging and love their spaces to pieces. Many people start a blog but soon neglect it, since they can't seem to keep up with the writing bit. Hence,consider yourself awarded if you are in the category.

Also I am supposed to write 7 random facts about myself.

1. I am weaker than I thought I was. Physically and emotionally as well. Of late anything hurts me and tears sting in my eyes at slightest provocation.

2. I can live without the television but not without the internet.

3. I forgive, but never forget.

4. I have many unfulfilled wishes. Some of them remain so due to my laziness!

5. I thought it' d be scary to mother a child. Now I am loving it.

6. I do not place trust in anyone easily. I am a doubtful person and will doubt even the most genuine intentions. Perhaps that's just the way I am. Ask KK.

&

7. I drink very less water. :( Maybe just like a glass or two in a day. On the other hand, all through the night I finish a bottle of water! :|

Day 6 :: And what they said...

As soon as I lay my eyes on the tattoo, I was welling up with emotions. I was feeling honoured, although I did realise that he must have had to go through a lot of pain for that. I wasn't really thrilled with the thought.

Like I said, with that "I don't care what others think about it." dialogue, I knew that he must have gotten a tattoo. (And there were other clues too, like one day over video chat, he said he was feeling cold and wore a long sleeved shirt. And he is not the one who feels cold so easily!) He wanted to do it long back; even before we got married. I had told him not to. I have heard that it is way too painful,. And let's just face it, there isn't a dearth of people who would have thought I made him do it.

And neither was I expecting it to be this large. It was fairly new and hence the skin was a bit raw and swollen. You can imagine the melange of feel-good and feel-bad emotions that I was experiencing!

That episode elicits a wide range of reactions from people.

Reaction by 

Mom-in-law : She just smiled.

Sister-in-law : WOW, Brother!

Father-in-law : Love birds. Do what you please, you both!

Hubby's aunt : (jaw dropping) Did it pain? Why did you do this?
 - Hubby's reply : Because I love her!

Hubby's maami :Oh! You shouldn't have!
 -Hubby's reply : Oh! But I wanted to!

My mom : Is that permanent?

My dad : (Raises eyebrows with a smile)

V : !!!!!!!

N : (Playfully looks daggers at V)

My younger cousin brothers : Awesome, bhavaji!!! Even I wanted to do, but mom doesn't let me!
 -Hubby's reply : Earn and do it with your own money. No one will say anything.

Our Friend, T :Yaar, tune toh hadd kardi. You shouldn't do such things. It gets the rest of us in trouble with our wives!!!

:) :) :)

The next day was my baby shower, where my Parents-in-law had arranged for a Pooja (Sheemantha) and about a hundred people where invited. No points for guessing, I was NOT the centre of attraction!

And then there are some more reactions, each qualifying for a separate post for themselves. Wait for them.

;)

Day 5 : Knight in Shining ARMor

Every girl has at least once in her life time fantasized about her knight in the shining armor. Like a typical Bollywood movie, she wonders what out of the world thing her man would do for her. And she wishes - wishes that her fantasy does come true.

Now, what was my fantasy? Well, I wanted a memorable proposal. Nothing too elaborate or expensive, but something that would be etched in my mind forever. Something sweet, something special. I didn't want a going down on the knees bit. That is too cliched and unoriginal. I'd have preferred him (I didn't have KK in mind then) to unexpectedly pop the ring, or the question when I was with my friends. 

But as you possibly know already, my story was entirely different! Fantasy indeed!

KK, however, had other plans.

Last year in October, he told me he was coming back from the US with a nice little surprise for me. He has this very bad habit. He knows I am a curious cat and still he has to tell me that there is a surprise. I kept guessing. 'Something awesome, for you.' he assured each time we spoke. 

I kept guessing. Is it a Solitaire?, a car? a villa? Swarovski? Apple?? Each time the response was negative. 'You shall see, and keep seeing'

There was nothing I could do other than wait patiently for him to come. 

In a few days, one of is colleagues wife pinged me and eventually said "Bhaiyya ne aapke liye kuch kiya hai. Aapko bahut accha lagega. Lekin please unhein mat bolna ki maine apko yeh bola hai." (Your husband has done something really very nice for you. You will like it. But please don't tell him that I said this to you")

She knows what he bought for me?? I mean, why would KK want to tell the whole world what he does for me?? And again a few days later, my best friend in Germany pings me and says, "KK is absolutely amazing re! He loves you so much!! He has a nice surprise for you!" She too??!  I was getting a little irritated and impatient. How dare he keep me in the dark?

When I got confrontational, he took another way out by getting all mushy and emotional. "You know, I don't care what people say or relatives think. I just did it for me and for you." Now this dialogue, I had heard before. I started getting a whiff of what he might have got for me. 

He came to India on 16th October. And he was supposed to attend his cousin's wedding and only then come home. On his way back, he refused to even tell it any of his relatives. He wanted me to be the first one to know. (Yeah, right!!!)

The moment I saw him, I pulled him into the bedroom. Even before I asked him how the journey was, I wanted to know what my gift was! 

He pulled up his shirt sleeve and showed me 

I know! Sweet! 

More about this later...

Day 4 :: Disappointment sometimes

Friendship is a vague term. Just like "Love" is. There is no particular definition to it, nor any boundaries. Hence when someone is good to you, talks to nicely, smiles at you often, you instantly regard him/ her as a friend. And a person can have so many of them. It is hard to say if they are real friends or just casual someones.

I am choosy about befriending anyone. That is not be mistaken with being friendly. I can be friendly with any random person. As a result, I have very few friends and I have held them close to my heart. Maybe I am not that verbal, but friendship from my side has always been sincere and genuine. I cannot fake it. If I have to, I'd rather break the ties. 

Am I wrong in expecting the same kind of devotion to friendship from them? And is this the reason why I end up being disappointed and dejected and sometimes hurt when they fall short???

I remember a series of incidents in college that led to me having a huge fall out with  my so called friends. They called me rude and mean for being straight forward, for calling a spade a spade. And I called them hypocrites, for being hypocrites. They took my straight forwardness to heart, while they celebrated happy times bitching cruelly behind backs. I didn't mind if they hated me, but at least have he guts to tell it to me oin my face! I couldn't bear this two faced friendship. I severed ties with them but not without a verbal.

By then I fairly knew that not everyone is worth your trust`. I understand that my real friends take me as I am, sometimes telling me that being so blunt is not good. And I have respected that, even though I did not agree. 

What do you truly expect from a friend? Just that he shares your joys and understands your sorrows? I realised that not everyone with whom you hang out, spend fun time with, share some secrets with or gives you sound advice can meet your expectation. 

During my pregnant days in Pune, I encountered many friends, online and in person too. All of them were way too happy to see me in pregnant state. "Ohhhhhh you are having a baby??? How sweet, how cute!!!" was the general outburst from them. Everyone was pouring advices left, right and centre. And all of them wanted to be the first one to know whether it was a girl or a boy. And of course, everyone promised to come and meet the little one. 

I was at my parents' place for 5 months. None of these gushing, enthusiastic friends, who wanted to see Aa came to visit me. This is not just one or two of them. Many promised continually, and never turned up. One friend even told me she is coming for sure on Saturday. That Saturday never came.  

I am not saying that I am important or that my baby should be for someone. My point is why make a commitment when you do not plan to honour it? Why act concerned when you obviously do not seem to. Perhaps I would understand if this has happened with one or two friends. But all of them??? Except for my three friends, Pallavi, Shraddha and Tejaswini, who were behind my back to know what Aa does every day. I am so thankful that I still have some of those gems for friends. Others, are they just illusions?

I am not staking my friendship on this incident alone. I am not that fragile. But I can feel disappointed, can't I? 

I know I probably shouldn't have posted this on the eve of Friendship Day. But feelings don't see days! Promising a nice post tomorrow.