13 things I have newly discovered about myself
1. I can let go of things that disturb me. It is very difficult, but I have been capable of doing it.
2. I can finish my kitchen chores within 45 minutes (Aa's morning nap time) - cooking, cleaning et al.
3. I can lose weight! YAY!
4. I can be very observant if I choose to be.
5. I can set a goal and achieve it too.
6. I can willingly forgo chocolate and cheese. (Of course, not permanently!)
7. I can make a beginning and see it till the end.
8. I can live without many things that I thought I could never live without!
9. I can forgive myself for bad cooking.
10. I can look after Aa, which I thought would be an impossible task.
11. I can understand a lot of things my mother used to tell me. (Yeah, now!)
12. I can stay alive without my 10 hour daily, beauty sleep.
and
13. I can (still) let my mind wander to places of my imagination.
:) :) :)
Monday, 13 August 2012
Sunday, 12 August 2012
Day :: 12 Taking it for Granted
After ages today, I got to enjoy full five minutes, all to myself. While I sat enjoying a cup of coffee, the silence that engulfed me, allowed some deep introspection.
There was a time when I'd get restless if I didn't have my "me" time throughout the day. And then there is today, the day begins as soon as it starts. I'd have never thought of giving up my five precious for anything.
One takes many things for granted. And it is not a conscious effort. We happen to make everything our habit and when that habit is regularly practiced, we tend to think that nothing will ever change. Like I took my pencil thin body structure for granted. Like I took my five minutes a day for granted.
Have you taken anything or anyone for granted only to realize later?
There was a time when I'd get restless if I didn't have my "me" time throughout the day. And then there is today, the day begins as soon as it starts. I'd have never thought of giving up my five precious for anything.
One takes many things for granted. And it is not a conscious effort. We happen to make everything our habit and when that habit is regularly practiced, we tend to think that nothing will ever change. Like I took my pencil thin body structure for granted. Like I took my five minutes a day for granted.
Have you taken anything or anyone for granted only to realize later?
Saturday, 11 August 2012
Day 11 :: Unearthing Love
It was their 11th wedding anniversary. Yet none of them was in a mood to celebrate. Nikhil and Shilpa had been fighting for over a month now. They had bought a new apartment and their squabble was over the shifting day. Shilpa wanted to celebrate their anniversary in their new home, while Nikhil wanted to stay in their old house clinging to the last bits of memories in the house. It had been their home for 8 years.
Adamant as she was, Shilpa’d won the round. She decided she’ll take up the whole responsibility, whether Nikhil lends a hand or not.
They’d been like this; fighting on and off, back slapping, pulling each other’s leg. At first glance, they looked like cousins and not a couple. Their camaraderie was adored by every one. This was probably because they were friends since college times. They got married a few months after their convocation ceremony. Fortunately for them they had no parental issues. Their wedding was a smooth affair.
It was the life after that taught them some important lessons. Both were ambitious and both had the will to study further. With immense moral and financial support from Nikhil’s father, they had been able to achieve what they’d aimed for. Nikhil was a successful Chartered Accountant, working in one of the prestigious firms. Shilpa got a Masters degree in Mass communication, and was drawing a six figure salary.
They were happy with their DINK status. Lately, life was stressful. There were days when they didn’t even see each other despite living under the same roof. And when they did, there was constant bickering and frustration to unload. Arguments were a daily affair. ‘You don’t understand me!’ was a common statement. Cold wars and silent stares started to seem more appealing than making an effort to exchange words. Worse was when they accepted and settled into this life. None seemed to discuss the rift, none wanted to complain.
They were battling one such situation now - shifting the house. Shilpa tried to make Nikhil understand her reason. However, they had grown beyond the point where compromise was acceptable. They were at logger heads at each other since a month now.
‘Phew! Finally!!’ Shilpa sighed. Nikhil grunted his approval.
‘What?’ Shilpa asked.
‘You very well know what. Now don’t start all that again.’
‘It isn’t me, Nikhil. Try and be more practical... and a bit sensitive to my needs, if possible’ she gave back tearfully.
‘Don’t you even try that on me. It’s disgusting enough to fight on our anniversary, please don’t bring in your messy tears.’
‘Why are you so hurtful, Nikhil? I don’t want all this any more than you do!’
To avoid any more confrontation, Nikhil moved out of the room and started sorting the labelled boxes. Shilpa shed a few more tears; decided it wasn’t worth it and then headed towards the kitchen.
A few moments later Nikhil bellowed, ‘Shilpa, come here.’
‘Why?... Is there something more hurtful that you thought of?’ she uttered through clenched teeth.
‘Just come here, will you?’
She went into the sitting room reluctantly..
‘What’s in this box?’
‘Why? Can’t you read? I have labelled every box.’
'No, this one is not. Take a look.’ he said trying very hard to control his anger at her reproach. ‘It must be one of the boxes from the store room, in which you kept your ratty old clothes and other knick-knacks. I say, throw it out. If you unpack this, you’ll start feeling sappy and keep them in the house. We have no use for any of it.’
‘Nothing I keep is useless. And I am not going to throw anything away without even glancing at it. If you do not want to help, I am quite capable myself. Find yourself some friends and get entertained. I will set up my house.’
‘It’s my house too.’ he shouted.
‘I thought so too, until you showed no inclination to come here.’
‘It is worthless to talk to you.’
‘You should have realised that 11 years back.’ she said, while driving the pen knife into the tape that closed the box in argument. While she busied herself into prodding over the contents of the box, Nikhil grabbed some old newspaper and sat in the same room. Although he would have liked to stay away from her, there was no option as the other rooms laid strewn of painting material and shifted furniture.
Shilpa tore off the remainder tape. A familiar whiff of sogginess hit her as she opened the box. There was an old bed sheet covering the contents. She was puzzled. Slowly she pulled the cover away, careful not to break anything fragile. There was a stack of her college books. It looked like a huge pile.
‘Nikhil was right. I have no need for these books any more.’ she thought and pulled out one book after another. The books were only half way through the box. She found another box inside it. It was a big wooden box with intricate carved designs on it. It was gifted by her mother on her 16th birthday. She took it out lovingly, still wondering what lay inside.
She flipped the metallic latch and the contents took her breath away. They were memories. Memories of good times. Her heart beat fast. The first thing she took out of it was a small Mickey Mouse pocket watch. Nikhil had gifted it to her. He’d pleaded his uncle who lived in States to bring one for her.
As other things came out, memories flooded through her.
‘Nikhil!’ she called out timidly. ‘Look.’
He came close to inspect. His voice cracked as he said ‘You still have all this? It’s been years since I saw them... I’d forgotten about them!’
Together they sat sifting through their old life. Their first pink rose, a ruby pendant, a piece of paper on which Shilpa had smeared some of their Valentine cake, a vial of sand as honeymoon nostalgia, his first SIM card, a photograph clicked during the college annual fest with their common friends, Shilpa’s torn scarf and so many other things that they had tears in their eyes and a smile on their lips each time they said ‘Remember this one?’
The last thing that Nikhil pulled out was a ruled notebook page, folded neatly. It was a written conversation made by them during Financial Management lecture. It read -
N : I have to ask you something.
S : The answer is NO.
N: You haven’t even heard what I want to say.
S : I know you are going to ask me for the notes of Costing lecture, which you bunked yesterday.
N : No re baba! I got them photocopied in the morning.
S : It is still a NO-NO. I know you are going to ask me for a treat. I am all washed out. And now stop this nonsense. Don’t disturb, the prof is saying something!!
N : Marry me no please? I love you.
S : Shut up, idiot! Can’t you see... the prof is looking here. You and your stupid jokes!
N : I am not jok
With this the professor had caught them red handed with the letter and asked the parents to come and meet him.
As soon as Shilpa finished reading the conversation aloud, Nikhil pulled her close to him. He saw the girl with whom he had fallen in love with... just older. He pulled her tear-streaked face close to him and kissed her lips tenderly. All the love that was bottled up somewhere came oozing out. The passion was igniting, the love was glowing, the intimacy was returning.
'I have missed you, Shilpa.’ he whispered between the kiss.
Adamant as she was, Shilpa’d won the round. She decided she’ll take up the whole responsibility, whether Nikhil lends a hand or not.
They’d been like this; fighting on and off, back slapping, pulling each other’s leg. At first glance, they looked like cousins and not a couple. Their camaraderie was adored by every one. This was probably because they were friends since college times. They got married a few months after their convocation ceremony. Fortunately for them they had no parental issues. Their wedding was a smooth affair.
It was the life after that taught them some important lessons. Both were ambitious and both had the will to study further. With immense moral and financial support from Nikhil’s father, they had been able to achieve what they’d aimed for. Nikhil was a successful Chartered Accountant, working in one of the prestigious firms. Shilpa got a Masters degree in Mass communication, and was drawing a six figure salary.
They were happy with their DINK status. Lately, life was stressful. There were days when they didn’t even see each other despite living under the same roof. And when they did, there was constant bickering and frustration to unload. Arguments were a daily affair. ‘You don’t understand me!’ was a common statement. Cold wars and silent stares started to seem more appealing than making an effort to exchange words. Worse was when they accepted and settled into this life. None seemed to discuss the rift, none wanted to complain.
They were battling one such situation now - shifting the house. Shilpa tried to make Nikhil understand her reason. However, they had grown beyond the point where compromise was acceptable. They were at logger heads at each other since a month now.
‘Phew! Finally!!’ Shilpa sighed. Nikhil grunted his approval.
‘What?’ Shilpa asked.
‘You very well know what. Now don’t start all that again.’
‘It isn’t me, Nikhil. Try and be more practical... and a bit sensitive to my needs, if possible’ she gave back tearfully.
‘Don’t you even try that on me. It’s disgusting enough to fight on our anniversary, please don’t bring in your messy tears.’
‘Why are you so hurtful, Nikhil? I don’t want all this any more than you do!’
To avoid any more confrontation, Nikhil moved out of the room and started sorting the labelled boxes. Shilpa shed a few more tears; decided it wasn’t worth it and then headed towards the kitchen.
A few moments later Nikhil bellowed, ‘Shilpa, come here.’
‘Why?... Is there something more hurtful that you thought of?’ she uttered through clenched teeth.
‘Just come here, will you?’
She went into the sitting room reluctantly..
‘What’s in this box?’
‘Why? Can’t you read? I have labelled every box.’
'No, this one is not. Take a look.’ he said trying very hard to control his anger at her reproach. ‘It must be one of the boxes from the store room, in which you kept your ratty old clothes and other knick-knacks. I say, throw it out. If you unpack this, you’ll start feeling sappy and keep them in the house. We have no use for any of it.’
‘Nothing I keep is useless. And I am not going to throw anything away without even glancing at it. If you do not want to help, I am quite capable myself. Find yourself some friends and get entertained. I will set up my house.’
‘It’s my house too.’ he shouted.
‘I thought so too, until you showed no inclination to come here.’
‘It is worthless to talk to you.’
‘You should have realised that 11 years back.’ she said, while driving the pen knife into the tape that closed the box in argument. While she busied herself into prodding over the contents of the box, Nikhil grabbed some old newspaper and sat in the same room. Although he would have liked to stay away from her, there was no option as the other rooms laid strewn of painting material and shifted furniture.
Shilpa tore off the remainder tape. A familiar whiff of sogginess hit her as she opened the box. There was an old bed sheet covering the contents. She was puzzled. Slowly she pulled the cover away, careful not to break anything fragile. There was a stack of her college books. It looked like a huge pile.
‘Nikhil was right. I have no need for these books any more.’ she thought and pulled out one book after another. The books were only half way through the box. She found another box inside it. It was a big wooden box with intricate carved designs on it. It was gifted by her mother on her 16th birthday. She took it out lovingly, still wondering what lay inside.
She flipped the metallic latch and the contents took her breath away. They were memories. Memories of good times. Her heart beat fast. The first thing she took out of it was a small Mickey Mouse pocket watch. Nikhil had gifted it to her. He’d pleaded his uncle who lived in States to bring one for her.
As other things came out, memories flooded through her.
‘Nikhil!’ she called out timidly. ‘Look.’
He came close to inspect. His voice cracked as he said ‘You still have all this? It’s been years since I saw them... I’d forgotten about them!’
Together they sat sifting through their old life. Their first pink rose, a ruby pendant, a piece of paper on which Shilpa had smeared some of their Valentine cake, a vial of sand as honeymoon nostalgia, his first SIM card, a photograph clicked during the college annual fest with their common friends, Shilpa’s torn scarf and so many other things that they had tears in their eyes and a smile on their lips each time they said ‘Remember this one?’
The last thing that Nikhil pulled out was a ruled notebook page, folded neatly. It was a written conversation made by them during Financial Management lecture. It read -
N : I have to ask you something.
S : The answer is NO.
N: You haven’t even heard what I want to say.
S : I know you are going to ask me for the notes of Costing lecture, which you bunked yesterday.
N : No re baba! I got them photocopied in the morning.
S : It is still a NO-NO. I know you are going to ask me for a treat. I am all washed out. And now stop this nonsense. Don’t disturb, the prof is saying something!!
N : Marry me no please? I love you.
S : Shut up, idiot! Can’t you see... the prof is looking here. You and your stupid jokes!
N : I am not jok
With this the professor had caught them red handed with the letter and asked the parents to come and meet him.
As soon as Shilpa finished reading the conversation aloud, Nikhil pulled her close to him. He saw the girl with whom he had fallen in love with... just older. He pulled her tear-streaked face close to him and kissed her lips tenderly. All the love that was bottled up somewhere came oozing out. The passion was igniting, the love was glowing, the intimacy was returning.
'I have missed you, Shilpa.’ he whispered between the kiss.
Friday, 10 August 2012
Day 10 :: Horrorscopic
Isn't it wonderful to believe that those twinkle twinkle little stars guide our destiny?!
Call it imperfect science, but people have reasons to swear by its worth. There are believers, non-believers and then there are people like me - who cannot yet decide whether or not to believe.
I have my reasons. Earlier, as a kid I thought it was some god written scripture for each one of us which only the learned pundits could read. As a young adult, I wish-washed the entire thing by calling it a man made hoopla.
Then came a day when I was awestruck! One of my uncles read my horoscope and told every big and small thing about me. I haven't met this uncle since I was a few years old. And here he was telling every minute grain about my nature.
Not just that, he even predicted correctly about my marriage. He said my would-be husband was where my brother was working, but currently (then)he is abroad.
He also said that my wbh would be right under my nose and yet I won't be able to see him. (for those who do not know the story, KK was all the while before me and I never knew I was gonna marry him)
I had goosebumps when my parents told me all this.
I still cannot completely bring myself to give in to believing. I do not trust the horoscope matching during marriages. It is considered to be the sole strong base in arranged marriages. Many of them who had had an excellent match are now living in sad marriages.
Not everyone though. There are happy arranged marriages and there are sad love marriages.
There are some who will go ahead with an alliance without bothering much about horoscope matching, which was the case in my and V's marriage. (mind you, mom had made sure, long long long back that we will net good spouses by asking a pundit against our individual horoscope) and hence the decision not to press.
While that was the case at my place, my mother in law, a strong believer, consulted their pundit who told her "This girl needs to be understood in depth. She is of complex nature." Isn't that true?! ;)
I feel it is ok to consult the H once in a while. Just so that it gives you a rough path to follow. But sometimes when somethings are revealed or suggested by looking at the horoscope, one should think before blindly taking a plunge. Like I was told that if I didn't get married by 22, my marriage would be delayed until I turned 27. That hit the panic button on my parents and hence began a frantic search.
But guess what, I didn't get married until 25 and at 27, I already have a daughter!
Beat that! ;)
Call it imperfect science, but people have reasons to swear by its worth. There are believers, non-believers and then there are people like me - who cannot yet decide whether or not to believe.
I have my reasons. Earlier, as a kid I thought it was some god written scripture for each one of us which only the learned pundits could read. As a young adult, I wish-washed the entire thing by calling it a man made hoopla.
Then came a day when I was awestruck! One of my uncles read my horoscope and told every big and small thing about me. I haven't met this uncle since I was a few years old. And here he was telling every minute grain about my nature.
Not just that, he even predicted correctly about my marriage. He said my would-be husband was where my brother was working, but currently (then)he is abroad.
He also said that my wbh would be right under my nose and yet I won't be able to see him. (for those who do not know the story, KK was all the while before me and I never knew I was gonna marry him)
I had goosebumps when my parents told me all this.
I still cannot completely bring myself to give in to believing. I do not trust the horoscope matching during marriages. It is considered to be the sole strong base in arranged marriages. Many of them who had had an excellent match are now living in sad marriages.
Not everyone though. There are happy arranged marriages and there are sad love marriages.
There are some who will go ahead with an alliance without bothering much about horoscope matching, which was the case in my and V's marriage. (mind you, mom had made sure, long long long back that we will net good spouses by asking a pundit against our individual horoscope) and hence the decision not to press.
While that was the case at my place, my mother in law, a strong believer, consulted their pundit who told her "This girl needs to be understood in depth. She is of complex nature." Isn't that true?! ;)
I feel it is ok to consult the H once in a while. Just so that it gives you a rough path to follow. But sometimes when somethings are revealed or suggested by looking at the horoscope, one should think before blindly taking a plunge. Like I was told that if I didn't get married by 22, my marriage would be delayed until I turned 27. That hit the panic button on my parents and hence began a frantic search.
But guess what, I didn't get married until 25 and at 27, I already have a daughter!
Beat that! ;)
Day 9 :: When little things make you smile...
Despite a long, rainy, gloomy and chilly day, when I see my child sleeping, it brought an instant smile on my face! Sigh!
*Sorry about that! Dunno how I made my post disappear. Had to re post this one. Hence the change in date*
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
Day 8 :: When are you giving me a "good news"?
Yeah! Right, so how many of you married gals have had to endure this statement before you thrust your bounty baby into their hands?
They (read: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, relatives, friends, i.e society, in general) will relentlessly hold your case until they get a satisfactory reply. That reply always is the birth of your baby! They care, they say. Like we don't.
I am not against anyone who inquire once or twice. It's when these people start getting nosy that you are at complete loss of privacy. I mean how in this world are you supposed to answer that question? I guess to shut them up one should say "Tonight we are starting a new session. You might expect the news soon." Try that and you shall be forever labelled "Shameless"
A new life is the biggest investment you make in your life. Like once I heard someone say "A kid isn't as easy as making it." True that! From the moment you find out that you are pregnant, you are responsible for the well being of the life growing inside you. One needs to be prepared (although you realise later that the preparation was but marginal).
The decision to add to your family solely depends on the couple - whether they want to have one or not, now or 10 years later, Vicky donor or adoption or surrogacy - entirely is their say! Alas, we make it our business.
In my case, parents and in laws did mention their wish and need for a grand child. But perhaps the fact that we were here, they did not pursue much. It might have been a different story had we been close by. (You see you can't do too much much-much over an international call.)
One of my friend had this irritating habit of asking me if I were pregnant. She asked me that when I called her to invite for my wedding reception!!! And guess what? She was then already been married for 2 years and still no news of the good news! When I pointed it out to her she says "You are younger than you. You first!!" Like we were arguing over who will first eat a piece of cake.
After that, every time she called, this was the only thing she wanted to know!!!!
Like I said, people have to have their say in others' lives. When I did conceive, one of my school mate pinged to "confirm" the news, although she had read it on my blog in black and white!
Honestly, I was happy she asked. Who doesn't like it when people talk about your happiness?
After asking me if I was in India and if it was indeed the news, she says "really nice to know... But that's really soon right...sorry don't mean to offend" Alright now, the question is not just offending (which you probably already knew), it is downright insulting and vulgar.
I had a thousand ways to answer her query with vile comebacks and some meaner counter-questions, but I held my tongue, just because I did not want any negativity to affect my baby. Nor could I stoop to that level of raising demeaning questions. Did she want to know if it was an unplanned baby? an accident? I am not (and neither should anyone be) answerable to such questions.
All that makes you sick to your stomach pit. No matter how hard we try to escape, someone succeeds in trapping you.
The story doesn't end with the baby. They'll ask you when is the next good news? ;)
Alright now, the question was not just offending (which you probably already knew) , it is downright insulting and vulgar.
They (read: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, relatives, friends, i.e society, in general) will relentlessly hold your case until they get a satisfactory reply. That reply always is the birth of your baby! They care, they say. Like we don't.
I am not against anyone who inquire once or twice. It's when these people start getting nosy that you are at complete loss of privacy. I mean how in this world are you supposed to answer that question? I guess to shut them up one should say "Tonight we are starting a new session. You might expect the news soon." Try that and you shall be forever labelled "Shameless"
A new life is the biggest investment you make in your life. Like once I heard someone say "A kid isn't as easy as making it." True that! From the moment you find out that you are pregnant, you are responsible for the well being of the life growing inside you. One needs to be prepared (although you realise later that the preparation was but marginal).
The decision to add to your family solely depends on the couple - whether they want to have one or not, now or 10 years later, Vicky donor or adoption or surrogacy - entirely is their say! Alas, we make it our business.
In my case, parents and in laws did mention their wish and need for a grand child. But perhaps the fact that we were here, they did not pursue much. It might have been a different story had we been close by. (You see you can't do too much much-much over an international call.)
One of my friend had this irritating habit of asking me if I were pregnant. She asked me that when I called her to invite for my wedding reception!!! And guess what? She was then already been married for 2 years and still no news of the good news! When I pointed it out to her she says "You are younger than you. You first!!" Like we were arguing over who will first eat a piece of cake.
After that, every time she called, this was the only thing she wanted to know!!!!
Like I said, people have to have their say in others' lives. When I did conceive, one of my school mate pinged to "confirm" the news, although she had read it on my blog in black and white!
Honestly, I was happy she asked. Who doesn't like it when people talk about your happiness?
After asking me if I was in India and if it was indeed the news, she says "really nice to know... But that's really soon right...sorry don't mean to offend" Alright now, the question is not just offending (which you probably already knew), it is downright insulting and vulgar.
I had a thousand ways to answer her query with vile comebacks and some meaner counter-questions, but I held my tongue, just because I did not want any negativity to affect my baby. Nor could I stoop to that level of raising demeaning questions. Did she want to know if it was an unplanned baby? an accident? I am not (and neither should anyone be) answerable to such questions.
All that makes you sick to your stomach pit. No matter how hard we try to escape, someone succeeds in trapping you.
The story doesn't end with the baby. They'll ask you when is the next good news? ;)
Alright now, the question was not just offending (which you probably already knew) , it is downright insulting and vulgar.
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
Day 7 :: Another Award And a Tag
First of all apologies for being so late in updating my today's post. It was my Yoga evening and hence the delay.
umm... how do I start? First of all THANKS to Uma for being so generous with the blog awards. And also sorry girl, for not taking it up any earlier. Hope you didn't think I'd pass it!
So I get
Aren't they lovely? I am all smiles. Thanks really! Like blog awards function tradition, I am supposed to pass on this award to fellow bloggers. And I read only a handful of yous! ;) There is a sea of bloggers who write wonderfully, much better than I do! So instead of nominating people, let me pass this award to all the bloggers who are committed to blogging and love their spaces to pieces. Many people start a blog but soon neglect it, since they can't seem to keep up with the writing bit. Hence,consider yourself awarded if you are in the category.
Also I am supposed to write 7 random facts about myself.
1. I am weaker than I thought I was. Physically and emotionally as well. Of late anything hurts me and tears sting in my eyes at slightest provocation.
2. I can live without the television but not without the internet.
3. I forgive, but never forget.
4. I have many unfulfilled wishes. Some of them remain so due to my laziness!
5. I thought it' d be scary to mother a child. Now I am loving it.
6. I do not place trust in anyone easily. I am a doubtful person and will doubt even the most genuine intentions. Perhaps that's just the way I am. Ask KK.
&
7. I drink very less water. :( Maybe just like a glass or two in a day. On the other hand, all through the night I finish a bottle of water! :|
umm... how do I start? First of all THANKS to Uma for being so generous with the blog awards. And also sorry girl, for not taking it up any earlier. Hope you didn't think I'd pass it!
So I get
Also I am supposed to write 7 random facts about myself.
1. I am weaker than I thought I was. Physically and emotionally as well. Of late anything hurts me and tears sting in my eyes at slightest provocation.
2. I can live without the television but not without the internet.
3. I forgive, but never forget.
4. I have many unfulfilled wishes. Some of them remain so due to my laziness!
5. I thought it' d be scary to mother a child. Now I am loving it.
6. I do not place trust in anyone easily. I am a doubtful person and will doubt even the most genuine intentions. Perhaps that's just the way I am. Ask KK.
&
7. I drink very less water. :( Maybe just like a glass or two in a day. On the other hand, all through the night I finish a bottle of water! :|
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