Candid, not Candied

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

What do I do?


At 28, I have a life that not many can even dream of. My parents have always given a lot of importance to education. And thus, when I expressed my wish to go abroad for higher studies to them; they left no stone unturned to fulfill my dream. Now, the life that I boast of consists a fulfilling career with a supporting, heavy paycheck that takes care of all the bills and also a few luxuries, doting parents and a long distance relationship that seems to be working just fine. 

Everything was routinely fine until half a year ago. I walked into the house after a long day of work; only to see my parents rummaging through haphazardly strewn papers and photographs. Only during the dinner time did I come to know that they were a set of horoscopes along with their respective photographs. My parents thought it was time for me to get married. Within no time, they started reading out the bio data of "prospective partners" one after the other. Over and again, they recited terms like "Investment banker", "Chartered Accountant", "Business Analyst at so and so". No doubt, education and career were important to them; so was physical appearance! There were about 30 faces smiling up at me from their glossy and matte finish. In my honest opinion, all of them were certified candies. But they weren't for me. 


Looking at my bored and forlorn expression, my parents dutifully chanted the names of my school and college friends, who had tied a knot one after another like they were roll numbered. Some of them were also tasting parenthood. I remember seeing their happy faces smiling at the lenses; many with their newly born and some with their recently possessed fiancĂ©(e) on Facebook. I was genuinely happy for them. Though I never thought I might need to fit in that shoe one day. 

I met him at a bar, when I was abroad completing my Masters. We met a couple of times before we decided to throw our inhibitions away and accept that we were meant for each other. Our relationship grew from friendship; and that is what kept us together for the 3 years that I was there and even today. I was skeptical at first. I was scared of being betrayed. After all, I was still an Indian when it came to relationships. I'm not forget-and move-on type. But this man was here to stay. He proved that by giving me a surprise visit last month. I had yet not figured out how to make this relation work. For the moment, I was enjoying being marinated in his love.

I moved in with him within 3 weeks of meeting him for the first time. We spent a magical time together. Though we had a tight schedule, we made it a point to spend quality time with each other. I lied to my parents about having Indian roommates. When they accidentally saw him when we were on Skype, I said he was my roommate's friend. The lecture that ensued then, was interminable. They never trusted Westerners. 

Time is running out for me. Parents grill me each day after work, to agree to meet my prospective partner's family and finalize. Dead photographs are still smiling under my nose every day. Calls from punditji haunt me. And parents are relentlessly pursuing this issue. Stress has started making an appearance on my physical self. 

How do I tell my orthodox parents about my life abroad? How do I confess to the delightful sin that I committed there? How do I convince them that "marriage with photographs" is not what I want? Being their only child, they have loaded their expectations on me. How do I say that I'm not their perfect child?

Just for a moment, I wish. I wish I could freeze the time when I was the happiest. The time when I was abroad. The time when I first met him at the bar and thought gay relationships do work.

Friday, 3 September 2010

Love that's brewing...

Before


The situation

A boy and a girl were going to meet for the very first time in their life. The girl was anxious, nervous, happy with the fact that she is finally going to see the person she would be marrying in 19 more days! The boy was happy too, shy even, and feeling heady as he was to meet his would-be-bride-in19-days. And, he wasn't sure what was "romantic". Neither by words, nor by actions. So, in addition to being happy and shy, he was confused too. But, both were super excited and looking forward to the meeting event.  She was coming to pick him up from the bus depot. He had been travelling the night before.

During


The event (1) :: The bus depot

She came in a chauffeur-driven, swanky big car. She texted him. "Where are you?"

He replied, "I don't know.. but I guess we are in the city... I see a lot of buildings and shops etc. Where are you btw?"

She could no longer text. She speed dialed him. "Hey, hi! I have reached... how long will it take for you to get here?"

"This conductor says another 15 minutes. So I guess, you'll have to wait."

"Ok. fine. Just let me know where you..."

"Look, I forgot to charge my cell last night... I'll give you a call when I reach... ok?"

"What???! You knew you were travelling and you did not charge your cell? Oh! C'mon! How could you?"

"Seriously the battery is running low... I'll talk to you later?? Please? Bye"

"Alright, bye. But gimme a call, else I'll call you. Bye"

Finally, they did meet. He called her when he reached and they saw each other. Bells did not ring, birds did not sing. Violins did not play and the trees did not sway. It wasn't Bollywood. It was real life. Instead, infernal honks blared, dogs barked and rickshaw-wallahs haggled for a fair fare. Nevertheless, it was special.

"Hmmm.. you are not taller than me. I thought you were." he complimented. himself.

"That's why I didn't wear heels. Mind if we catch a cup of coffee before we go to my place?"

"No, sure... let's go?"

The event (2) :: At the restaurant

She : Let's just order for coffee? Mom's made proper proper breakfast at home...

He : No problem.

She : (silence)

He : (silence)

She : You are staring at me. You are embarrassing me!

He : No. I'm looking at you. You look so different in the snaps.

She : That's what everyone says!

By this time the coffee came and went, and he said "The coffee was YUCK!" She agreed, because it was.

The event (3) :: At the Men's wear shop

The salesman : Try this one, Sir!

He : Fine. Ray ban... do you like it?

She : Yeah.. if you like it then go ahead...

The cashier : That would be Rs. 4000, Sir!

After


(4 months after they got married)

She : You should take care of your glares... They cost a lot. Seriously, what was worth 4000 in it? Tell me. I don't see anything except the label "Ray Ban". They are so costly. Mine cost me only 1500. And look, there are good.

He : Yes, I know they were costly. You did not take me to a cheaper place!

She : Arre?! You said you wanted to buy right there. So I thought you will buy it there.. like there there.. that place itself.

He : I found it costly too. But I had to buy it anyway.

She : Why? We could have bought something elsewhere, no?

He : You were there with me.

She : I was there with you???! Lekin, I did not force you to buy! You bought it because it looked good on you.

He : Whoa! Look, I have this girl coming to pick me up in a biiig, shiny Honda City, with a driver, a jazzy cell phone in her hand, fighting elegantly with rickshaw-wallahs, throwing orders at the driver over the phone... I naturally thought you were a girl brought up in all luxuries, used to servants and brands and labels etc. You'd think I was a cheapskate if I didn't buy it because the price was HUUGE!

She : :O :O :O I had told you everything about me, no? I was not like that. I am not like that. I knew it! I knew I shouldn't have come in that car with a driver and all. But parents did not allow me to drive all the way in that horrendous place - full of dirty men and dogs and each one barking at another!! I knew this was what you'd think about me.  And did you know what I thought about you?

He : No, what?

She : I thought that since you have come from the States, you were running after labels and amounts that ran into thousands, just because comparing it with USD it would mean spending nothing. I also was devising ways to control your spending habit already.

It was time for him to be :O :O :O!!!

He : That's what we thought about each other?

She : I also thought you were rude. No make it crude. You told me the coffee was YUCK!

He : But it was! And you agreed too!

She : Yes, it was. I agreed and I still agree. But you could be a bit more courteous and say it was good, right? A little white lie wouldn't hurt.

He : I didn't know how to behave around a girl. You were my first, serious date.

She : You didn't/ don't know chivalry?

He : No, who's that??

She : Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!

And there, she knew the core reason for falling head over heels in love with him.

----------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------

Any guesses on who's the "He" and the "She", here?

Edited to add : He says the Ray Ban was for Rs. 4370 and not just Rs. 4000. So there, she put down the value of Ray Ban by Rs. 370. Hence, she apologizes. ;)

Friday, 27 August 2010

My Rakhi Gift for this year is...






Dear V,

It's not like the old times, when we were under the same roof... I fought with you even on Raksha bandhan day and swore not to talk to you ever. Today we live in different continents, lead different lives. I have to calculate the time before I can pick up the phone and give you a call. Though I love my new life, I miss the old one. 

Will always be there for you, no matter what!

Love,

Purnima

Friday, 6 August 2010

Name Game

Have you come across funny surnames? I know, it is considered bad manners - making fun of names, surnames etc. Debate-able, touchy issues those are! However, I have come across some classic surnames and classic-er alliances of such surnames.

You might be knowing the joke which goes like - What's the name of the guy with 3 knees? Nitin
What's the surname of the guy with 6 knees? - Sahani. What's the full name of guy with 9 knees? Nitin Sahani. Well, something like that.

My area for this post is mainly restricted to (majority of) Maharashtrian surnames, since the obvious fact that I have lived my whole life in MH. I hope Maharashtrian bandhu- bhaginis will take this lightly... with a pinch of salt. And for those extra sensitive ones, I highly recommend a bowlful of salt. After all, I don't want ANY jumpy Maharashtrian Manoos to feel insulted and then spam my comments section with hate mails and brickbats and lecture and etc. and etc.

Often I have teased V. "What if our surname was 'Nayak'?" - I would ask. Then in the same breath I'd say "Then your name would be Vinayak Nayak". I relentlessly continued "What if our surname was 'Nayak' and our Dad's name started with a 'V'? Then your name would be Vinayak V. Nayak... that's like calling your name twice!!"

I just couldn't stop there, for I continued "What if my name was 'Prabha'? Then I would be 'Prabha Prabhu'. :D "And then what if our dad's name was Prabhakar? Then I would be 'Prabha Prabhakar Prabhu'?" :D

There are safe surnames and there are volatile ones. The latter ones can make you range from a chuckle to a full throated laughter. Sometimes I wonder how they live with such ones. Not ashamed maybe, but admit it, they do tend to fall on the funnier side. I mean, what do you think of Potdukhe (roughly meaning stomach ache), Tupe (Ghee), Hirwe (Green), Takle (bald), Phatak (gate), Dahibhate (curd rice) etc?

Imagine marriages of such families. In fact, I got thinking when recently there was a marriage at our neighbour's place. Their surname is 'Kurkure' and the bride's side was 'TaLele'. When we went to attend the marriage, I couldn't stop giggling; for the board read 'TaLele & Kurkure' which means Fried Crispy! That's what I call a perfect alliance.

Some more perfect matches as below ::

Imagine the groom's surname as 'Wagh - Tiger' and the bride's surname as 'Waghmare - Tiger Hunter' :D

Imagine the groom's surname as 'Gupchup - the silent ones' and the bride's 'Badbade - The talkitive'. :D

Imagine the groom's surname as 'Kale - Black' and the bride's 'Gore - Fair'. The children hence become Grey? :D

Imagine the groom's surname 'Dhere - big, fat stomach' and the bride's 'Potphode - someone who'll burst the stomach' :D

Imagine the groom's surname 'Sakhardande - sugar candy' and the bride's 'Tikhe - Chilly hot' :D

Imagine the groom's surname 'Kate - Thorn' and the bride's 'Phule - Flowers'. Would her name after marriage be 'Phul aur Kaate'? :D

Then there are parts of the body - 'Doke - The head', 'Mane - the neck' and of course, our very own GSB surname 'Pai - the foot'

And then there are those who manhandle the body parts 'Kanpile - the one who twists ears' and 'Paitode - the leg breaker'

Hey what if there is an intercaste marriage between 'Pai' and 'Paitode'??

And then there are the intellectuals too. 'Vichare - the thinker' and 'Shahane - the intelligent'

And the humans that don't sound like one 'Gaitonde - face of cow', 'Kolhe - the fox', 'Landge - the wolf'

And the metal lovers 'Tambe - copper man', 'Lokhande - Iron man', 'Pitale - Brass man', 'Sonar - Goldsmith', 'Lohar - Blacksmith'...

I hope, by now you are done with your bowlful of salt. Is there more to it? Add on if you know some interesting ones. Will add them here.

Thursday, 15 July 2010

What's in a surname?

Rayshma's this post triggered in me a thought that was reeling at the back of my mind. It seems an obvious step to adopt and change to an altogether new name, surname and hence a new identity after marriage. It's been there since ages, I guess... and pretty much accepted as a norm.

At some point of time during my childhood, V often teased me as "paraya dhan" and made me feel bad. I sensed that, in a few years, I won't be belonging here anymore. So much for a child's thought. Though as I grew up, I have come to believe that I will always belong to my parents no matter what. I'll still be their daughter, still be hankering for their acceptance, their blessings and even their criticism. Marriage does not change my relationship with them - if yes, it is always for the better.

I did not put much thought into whether or not I should retain my surname that I was born with. The main reason was, I liked the double surname concept. For me, double surnames sound sexy and hence I go by the "Prabhu-Kamath" title. Now, coming to think of it, I feel it is more than justified to have my name as above. It honours my dad; it honours my husband. It's the best of both worlds. It is where I belonged earlier (and even now) and it is where I shall build a bond. From a daughter to a daughter-in-law- it brings together two families for me. This is where I identify and discover myself as a person.

It is said that fathers "give" their daughters to the one they think is capable of making a lifelong commitment to her. They certainly do not wash their hands off at the moment they do... rather there is a seed sown of a new relationship between the parents and the daughter that is cherished and nurtured lifelong by both.

I admit, I had feminist ideas earlier. I didn't wanna adopt a different surname, I thought our family was the only greatest one surviving around here. Today, all that's behind me. I don't mind a new surname. Though, I'm yet to accept that I have a changed first name. Rather than accept, I'd call it - get used to it. Coming to the reality, there is a lot of chaos regarding my change of name and surname. In laws call me "Kavya" and many a times, I've had to be told that I was being talked to. There's already a "Purnima" in KK's family (or should I be saying my family ;-) :-)). Thus anyone calling out loud to aunt Purnima, I was the one to raise my hand and stand up only to be reminded that I was not the one they meant. :-)

KK was not much keen to change the name... nor was I... but I really was eager to know what my name would be. KK calls me by the name that I am widely known by, and that is what matters to me the most.

For ease of documentation, if I need to make changes, i don't mind flipping over from "Poornima Prabhu" to "Purnima Kamath". It is just a piece of paper for me. I was born a Prabhu, I guess I will live that way while adopting to a new family. and, why not? And again, why not say as proudly that I belong to the Kamaths as I say I came from the Prabhus? I have grown to love both the families... finally it's not the surname that matters, it is the people.

If you noticed, I have not changed the blog title. That's something I would like to keep it that way. Because, it makes me a girl that I was, I am and would wanna continue to be... free from relations, free from attachments, free from everyone...free from me... even if it is just for a few minutes.

Friday, 9 July 2010

FAQs answered!

Ahem! Everyone was worried about me having to make this excruciatingly long journey to the US of A all alone in this big, bad world. Some bit their nails, some told me I was a brave girl and could certainly make it alone, some gaped at me in awe... all were promptly giving me advices, good, bad, nasty ones even. I appreciate that. I really do. I was made to promise that I'll email them the details of the trip and that I'm FINE.

I am obliged to answer to the same questions over and again, over chats, emails, FB comments, phones and everywhere else that I'm accessible. So I thought of answering to these FAQs on my blog to provide answers collectively rather than deal with them one by one, person by person. So here goes...

1. You reached?

a. Yes, I did.

2. The flight was on time?

a. Yes, it was. There was a delay in Mumbai, but the smart pilot made it here in time.

3. Good journey/ Nice flight?

a. Ok-ok, so-so. It was Air India and thus, airhostesses were to be strictly addressed as "aunties". They were rude and least bothered about providing assistance to the passengers. Moreover, they are crassly underpaid.

4. What did you do in Frankfurt?

a. It took almost an hour to alight from the flight in to the waiting area. Then I was reading my book "The White Tiger" and then coincidently, my ex-boss was on the same flight. So I was talking to him.

5. Saw movies?

a. Only one. Ajab prem ki gajab kahaani. I usually do not make use of the in flight entertainment.

6. Slept well?

a. Hardly for 2 hours... again which was being continually disturbed by one bratty 7 yr old kid. (I don't even sleep while travelling.)

7. How was immigration?

a. Good.

8. So, jet lagged?

a. The day I came, yes. Now, ok. Trying to fit in.

9. Did Kiran come to pick you? 

a. D-U-H! Of course!

10. Was Kiran happy to see you?

a. Yes!

11. Were you happy to see him?

a. I was happy and relieved. (well, what do you expect???)

12. Were you tired?

a. After the 1 hr check-in/ immigration at CSIA, Mumbai, 2.5 hr wait for the boarding, 8 hr flight to Frankfurt, 2 hr wait at Frankfurt, 9.5 hr journey from there to Chicago O'hare and 20 minutes ride back home, I'll say I was a perfect definition for 'tiredness'.

13. What time was it when you reached?

a. It was 6th July, 11:15 AM... that's 6th July 9:45 PM in India.

14. Did you talk to your parents?

a. The day I reached, I managed to say I'm ok. And spoke to them yesterday too.

15. How's your house?

a. Pretty cozy place. I'm loving every bit of it.

16. Done unpacking?

a. No.

17. Any Indians nearby?

a. Yes, one Punjabi family are our neighbours. Ran into them yesterday.

18. Do you like it there?

a. Yes, I do.

19. Did Kiran cook for you?

a. Yes. There was lunch ready for me when I was home.

20. Photos kab bhej rahi hai?

a. As soon as I'm done with setting the house.

Please add on any more questions that you have, will answer them sincerely.

*Offer valid till patience lasts*

Sunday, 27 June 2010

Just another tag

Blog hopped and flicked a tag from this blog.


Rule: Strike out all that you have done from the following list.
1. Graduated high school... 
2. Kissed someone Code … I refused to strike it off unless i understand what it means. 
3. Smoked a cigarette... 
4. Got so drunk you passed out...
5. Rode every ride at an amusement park... 
6. Collected something stupid...  
7. Gone to a rock concert...
8. Helped someone… 
9. Gone fishing…
10. Watched four movies in one night…. 
11. Lied to someone…
12. Snorted cocaine...
13. Smoked weed...
14. Failed a subject - Believe it or not, I flunked French with the rest of the class. :D
15. Been in a car accident...
16. Been in a tornado...
17. Watched someone die…. ants, roaches and mosquitoes that i swat
18. Been to a funeral...
19. Burned yourself… small istri chatkas
20. Run a marathon…
21. Cried yourself to sleep… ahem ahem
22. Spent over 10,000 bucks in one day… 
23. Flown on an aeroplane...
24. Cheated on someone...
25. Been cheated on… i didn't get this?
26. Written a 10 page letter… 
27. Gone skiing.. 
28. Been sailing… 
29. Cut yourself... 
30. Had a best friend... naah, Have best friends. still...
31. Lost someone you loved… 
32. Got into trouble for something you didn’t do
33. Stolen a book from the library….
34. Gone to a different country...
35. Watched the Harry Potter movies... - not all
36. Had an online diary… 
37. Fired a gun...
38. Gambled in a casino
39. Been in a school play... school dance "There was a little princess..."
40. Been fired from a job ... nobody, absolutely nobody can fire me!
41. Taken a lie detector test...
42. Swam with dolphins...
43. Voted for someone on a reality TV show - Abhijit Sawant and Amit Sana got one vote each from me.
44. Written poetry… ya, pathetic ones in school
45. Read more than 20 books a year… 
46. Gone to Europe... will strike this out soon enough
47. Loved someone you shouldn’t have - my puppy love, Mithun da!
48. Used a coloring book over age 12 
49. Had a surgery...
50. Had stitches...
51. Taken a Taxi...
52. Had more than 5 IM conversations going on at once… he he he, those were some days!
53. Been in a fist fight...
54. Suffered any form of abuse...
55. Had a pet… my pet parrot... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!
56. Petted a wild animal... - is snake a wild animal? reptile animal, maybe?
57. Had your own credit card, bought something with it... - :'(
58. Dyed your hair… colored it brown, mom disapproved :'(
59. Got a tattoo...
60. Had something pierced... - I was 12 days old brave baby when i had my ears pierced!
61. Got straight As... naah, i always went down with a 'B' in drawing! hmmmph!
62. Known someone personally with HIV or AIDS...
63. Taken pictures with a webcam...
64. Lost something expensive … can I be corny and say my heart?? :P
65. Gone to sleep with music on... - naah, need peace when i sleep. no muzic.

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