Their "Us" Moment

They were driving back from a get together at a friend's house. The pitter-patter of the raindrops on the windshield was like a rhythm to their year old toddler's continuous babbles.

Suddenly he said something funny which made her laugh.

"I am happy that I can still make you laugh." he said, smiling at her earnestly.

"Mnh-hnn" She smiled back at him, reached for his hand and entwined her fingers in his.

A moment of silence later she responded, "You can make me cry too."

"I was thinking the same. And I am sorry for such times!"

... and just like that, they had their "Us" moment which they hadn't had in a very very long time.

;)

Marriage is a Three-Legged Race

 Isn't it? Two individuals, countless dreams, varied thoughts, myriad opinions, different strategies, but one goal. Tied at the feet, two individuals have to cross the finish line without tripping over. Sounds like an easy one, but many are stumped over it. Communication, co-ordination, communication is necessary. Likewise one cannot discount understanding, trust and the will to make it happen.

Tomorrow we are completing three years of married life. (Hence, the title) Our journey for these three years have been with its highs and lows. We have had a lot of wonderful moments that will remain etched in our memories till forever. And there were not so great moments too. Nothing out of ordinary, but everything is still special.

People change, relationships evolve and our whole world metamorphoses. In fact it keeps changing, at every event, every incident - big or small. We have too. Looking back at how we started off and seeing how we are today, has many differences. Fortunately those differences are not undesirable. I'd like to believe that we are wiser, have a better understanding of ourselves and people around us. We have learnt lessons together. Lessons that were harshly taught by others and situations. We have a better understanding of our life goals.

All these happened only after we made mistakes. As individuals, we did wrong and stumbled. While the other did get angry and frustrated, amends were made and a loving helping hand was always offered to the one on the ground. We have fought about things, bickered at each other's errors. But in the end, we did look beyond the ugly. I think that matters the most. In fact, on a personal note, I think fights are refreshing. They push out all the hostilities and you can start anew.

We have a beautiful daughter and we have enjoyed every bit of her. We loved bringing her up together, and with no help from anyone. It was something we shared. We have been able to relish every part of her first year. I cannot thank Kiran enough for being there for me at all those times and for not giving up on me during that times I felt like I was an undeserving mother. He took care of situations where I was insecure and scared. When no one supported me or my decisions, he told me to believe in myself and my maternal instinct.

We sat up all night when Aarnavi was unwell. Both clueless on how to go by the night. We have taken turns holding and soothing her when she cried on endlessly for reasons that were never revealed. The whole of last year has been "We". We worked as a team. Pushing away individual wishes, ignoring individual needs, we have worked in tune. It is a good thing when you are not alone in the sacrificing bit. Aarnavi's arrival gave a whole new meaning to our relationship. Agreed we have too little time for each other now, but whenever we do, it is special.

Three years is not such a long time. But for me it was, as every minute counted. And it still does. There is a big, winding road ahead of us and a lot more to be explored in this journey. I want my marriage to work and not in a compromising way. I want it to be at the center of my world.

This is the moment that I treasure the most... 

Kanyadaan

Day 28 :: Throwing Out the "In-laws"

Scandalous, I know! ;)

Relations become complicated when "in-laws" follow the words mother, father, brother or sister. Often they are considered secondary, for all the natural reasons. Blood is thicker than water. A daughter in law can never replace a daughter, or a father in law can never hold the same place in your heart as your father.

That said, it is not impossible to bring the ties any closer. Most marriageable girls are vary of their in-laws. So was I. Getting married and going to another household was such an imaginable nightmare for me!

In our society, everyone expects the girl tomake most of the adjustments and compromises. No one bothers to think that the girl requires some time to get out of the mental shock of being married and catapulted into a sea of new people. All a girl needs at such times is a lot of understanding and loving words to convey that she is in good hands.

When I met my in laws for the first time, for all the understandable reasons, I was a nervous wreck. The almost engagement ceremony came to an end and we went to see them off, when my (then) would be father in law says "Dear, do come to visit us,. You are always welcome there."

When we did go after a few days, I was feeling odd sitting in their house. Again my father in law, sensing my discomfort says, "Go ahead dear. See your home. It's all yours now."

That instant I felt the ice melt in me. There was this warmth of being accepted. But still there was this spike in mind, I was not yet married. People are known to be extra kind before marriage and the scene changes drastically afterwards. Yes, I am a suspicious woman that way.

Not so soon after, I was to live with my in laws in my pregnant days. That was the time I got to bond with them closely that too without KK in the vicinity. The day KK went back to the US, mother in law said "Please don't hesitate to ask me for anything. If you feel like eating anything or if you need anything, ask freely. Think of me as your mother." I was already in tears but this statement teared me up freshly.

Since then there was no looking back. I found them easy to talk to. I have shared jokes with my father in law like I never thought I could. I found a younger sister in my sister in law who chose me to unburden all her worries. She was fun and mostly proved to be a cusion in the initial days of my stay there. And my mother in law, although is soft spoken and seems naive can make me a victim of a real naughty comment when least expected.

I cannot think of replacing them with my own parents or my sibling but they hold equal importance, love and respect in my heart.

Me, I couldn't possibly think of throwing out the "in laws" part in these relations, But I have certainly come close.

Multiplied Smiles

My Aa completed 6 months yesterday. Half a year already??! That's fast! It's like I have blinked and suddenly she's this big. This is what happens with kids, eh? They grow up? Just like that?

The months that have gone by since January have been life changing for me. I have experienced pain, love, fear, sorrow, joy, and many ups and downs. I have learnt what sacrifice means. I'd never imagined that I'd survive sleepless nights. Or that I'd send the weight machine panting under my kilos. Parenthood can change a person in so many ways!

SO,


we thought of celebrating Aa's 1/2 birthday with some fruit cake, which obviously was gonna be gulped down by her parents and grandparents.

  

But since I am such a sweetie mommy, I decided that Aa does deserve a piece of her cake for all the hard work she puts in for rolling over and trying to crawl.

and she is happy about it too!

and so are her parents - happy, proud and smiling!

For more pictures and better captions, I hope you are connected to me on Fb! (This is not an open invitation to those who are not! :P)

Blogathon update : Was toying around with the idea of staring the blog marathon with this post. That's when I decided to go ahead with it and conveyed my intention to the husband. As thoughtful as ever (and perhaps a better analyst of situations), he said I should wait since we are planning a trip to St Louis, MO (YAY!!) this weekend. "And I am in no way guaranteeing you the Wi-fi connectivity there. You might not be lucky always." 

So yes, I too agree with that. I am in no mood to disappoint myself and readers. In fact, I am gonna start with the month long commitment on 1st August 2012 - 31st August 2012 . How's that now? No estimates! Only promised dates! (Yeah I sound like some side-y advertisement) 

P.S. Parents are leaving on 31st July. I am hoping that doing a blogathon then will be thereupatic.

Siigh!

She : Why are you staring at me now?

He : Just...

She : You stared at me 1.5 years back and that was understandable... Stop it, please! It feels awkward.

He : I'm looking at you, who was once a girl, then girlfriend, a wife and now a beautiful mother! What an amazing transformation!

... and once again, he steals her heart!

Guest Post by N

A guest post!!! by N, my first and most favourite sister-in-law. Read on what's she got to say. Part 2 of the same will be up, which will be my version of the same story.

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Its been hell loong since I actually wrote anything; even a grocery list. So this blog post better be a good one from me. After all my Purnima now has a reputation to take care of.

Speaking of which, Purni (that's what I call her) and myself have known each other for God knows how long. The fact that she is related to my aunt, who is also her aunt, is the main reason. Well, doesn't my aunt and her aunt mean we might be cuz? Err.. no. Its like this, her aunt in the way of her mom's sister and my aunt being my uncle's wife... aah... now you get it!

Anyways, she's a year younger to me but then, that was never an issue. As long as I remember, my first impression of her was that of a girl who spoke her mind, regardless of who it was. I loved it and her; as it was something I would never even have courage of doing. She was, let us say, a "pataka". She was a little sis I never had, atleast until I had one.  She was the "city girl" in our chota sa village. When we wore salwar, oiled our hair and wore bindis, she would be in her pretty frocks/jeans with her wild curly hair loose. She was a dream we girls wanted to live. I don't think she would actually dream about oiling her hair like me. (blech!)

Zipping into the next 10-15 years, we grew up... meeting occassionally when she would come down during the school holidays to her aunt's house and I too would be there sometimes. Playing was out of question at that time. We just used to sit out and look at our brothers playing Lagori, Cricket and yell for tiniest of "cheatings".. sigh.. those were the days... 

I would like to tell you all my relation with her, she is now my sister in law (legally), but I care for her more... We fight, snicker, tease, bitch about our weight do all that stuff sisters do. We share clothes (unfortunately my waist is rather too big to fit into her clothes), and we both loooove books, hit restaurants like there is no tomorrow, and shop, shop, shop...In short, we are always there for each other (sniff..sniff). 


Purni has been a friend first and sister-in-law next. In fact, other than the mandatory crossover from her calling me by name to calling me "vanni" (bhabhi), nothing has changed between us. We drive her brother (and my husband, who happens to be the same person - V) crazy. The best proof of it would be when V tells us, "You girls are supposed to fight, not backing each other!" We get that from him each time that he is cornered or bullied by us. Or when he pulls our legs. Yeah, we do that a lot! Since I am not to, I let her do the pinching, hitting and punching parts.

We do all kinds of stuff teenagers would. Who cares how old you are? We are still kids :P (we have our own kid(s) now), but still... 

Now, our talks revolve around kids, cooking, books and we still bitch about our weight. I eye her non existence waist and she wants my thin matchstick legs.

How Purni went from being an occassional city friend to a full time sis in law? That's another story. 

I have to say, honestly, I never remember speaking to, far less even look at Purni's brother... When I asked him about it, he says he was busy with his college life. Later I found out he was too shy to speak to girls :P

The very first time I remember seeing her brother was at my uncle's place (duh!)  when I in my 2nd yr degree. A tall, rather skinny guy with French beard who was waaaaaaaaaaaay too shy for his age. After exchanging "Hellos", we were back to our own work. He was then working in Bangalore, and would come down to my uncle's place often during the weekends. I started seeing more of V and my impression of him never wavered. He was definetly the quiet type. We talked and I felt sad for him as I knew he missed his mom and sis way too much. He was actually away from them for the first time, and that too in a whole new state, where he did not even know the local language.

We exchanged email id's and kept in touch. In my final year, V popped up the million dollar question. Honestly, I was not expecting it so suddenly but I was not shocked either. I guess, somewhere in my mind I always knew this would have been the next step. Well, now that it was asked, I had to answer right?  I took my time and finally, I did tell him what I thought. 

For those who don't know me, we got married a year later - after he completed his MS and landed a job in Sg. Its now been 6 year plus and with 2 amazingly wonderful daughters, I wouldn't ask for anything more!