My teacher once said " We never live in our present. We live either in our past or we worry about the future."
How true is that statement!
Just a while ago, I was feeling despondent that my life at mom's place is over. I was reminiscing my carefree life then. My mom allowed me to sleep till late in the morning. I totally miss that perk now. In fact, I need it badly. Those ready made cool coffee, hot breakfast and endless talks with mom - I miss them.
Just then a thought passed my mind, what if I'd I had never married? then probably I'd be dreaming about a married life and a family. And that's what I have now.
I may be close to thirty but I still crave for my parents. I have learnt to walk but I do look back once in a while to see my folks are still there to hold me if I fall.
Am I selfish? Because I despite my vulnerabilities, I do not want to go back to my old life. It is pretty paradoxical there.
So there, I am ruminating about the past. In all this time travelling, I ignored the fact that i spent a wonderful day today. Now I think about it!!!
Hoping to learn and live for today.
P.S. Blogathon's done for the year. :) :( will take some time off from the blog for now. I am not disappearing. Will be just round the block. See ya soon. ;)
Friday, 31 August 2012
Thursday, 30 August 2012
Day 30 :: Reason for feeling alive and tired
Today was one of the days when you truly feel alive. Well nothing out of the ordinary. It was just a normal routine day, just that Aa is getting active by the day and naughty may I add?!
Now since she is used to me for the majority of the day, she screams even if I enter the kitchen to pour myself some coffee. She plays silently if I am sitting there, right next to her. If not, the banshee sounds. As a solution, I ask my mom to be online and video chat for the whole morning (which is comfortably after dinner time for her).
Aa's started to crawl and I don't blame her for wanting to explore every nook and cranny. From the day she started rolling over, I have been dreaming of seeing her crawl. And to whoever I mentioned this dream of mine would say "Just watch your words."
I feel like eating my words! It is wonderful to see her mobile but when I have to cook and clean and sundry, it makes me tear my hair. She loves the wires, chargers, cable, telephone, anything.
So today was one such day. Each time I moved away from her, she lunged towards the laptop or the cell phone or the wires or the sliding table and I had to come running to pick her and relocate the girl, only to repeat the procedure again. And again. And again. It really got to me today! Mommy was having a time of her life looking at her daughter's daughter trouble her daughter as such.
I take it back if it sounded like a complaint. I am so looking forward to another day, where Aa makes me run and turns me mad.
That's the thing about kiddos. No matter what, you fall in love with them.
P.S. Been long since I posted some good pictures of my darling. Will do it soon. ;)
Now since she is used to me for the majority of the day, she screams even if I enter the kitchen to pour myself some coffee. She plays silently if I am sitting there, right next to her. If not, the banshee sounds. As a solution, I ask my mom to be online and video chat for the whole morning (which is comfortably after dinner time for her).
Aa's started to crawl and I don't blame her for wanting to explore every nook and cranny. From the day she started rolling over, I have been dreaming of seeing her crawl. And to whoever I mentioned this dream of mine would say "Just watch your words."
I feel like eating my words! It is wonderful to see her mobile but when I have to cook and clean and sundry, it makes me tear my hair. She loves the wires, chargers, cable, telephone, anything.
So today was one such day. Each time I moved away from her, she lunged towards the laptop or the cell phone or the wires or the sliding table and I had to come running to pick her and relocate the girl, only to repeat the procedure again. And again. And again. It really got to me today! Mommy was having a time of her life looking at her daughter's daughter trouble her daughter as such.
I take it back if it sounded like a complaint. I am so looking forward to another day, where Aa makes me run and turns me mad.
That's the thing about kiddos. No matter what, you fall in love with them.
P.S. Been long since I posted some good pictures of my darling. Will do it soon. ;)
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Day 29 :: I'm almost there
It's almost time to wrap up my Blogathon of this year. I don't want my last post to be concluding one, so this one just jumps in now.
Doing the Blogathon was a biiig decision. But I still wanted to go ahead with it. It was a self imposed challenge. It seems very easy and doable at first, and I fairly had an idea of most if the posts that I wanted to include. However, what I blindly assumed was that I'll have plenty of time to sit in peace and at ease as before. I took for granted that nothing could go wrong.
The main obstacle in this whole event was that my lappy's screen's gone kaput. Now connecting the unit to the tv and enabling wireless keyboard and mouse was not such a great task as was trying to keep Aa away from the whole set up.
We hence decided that I would do the posts while KK took Aa out for a walk. Now, I have married a Software Engineer; it is unethical that I even presume that my baby will be taken out everyday.
Since that was not happening, I had to blog when Aa retired for the day. This usually happens with her on my lap, just like right now. Thank god for Apple products!
I am not as satisfied with my Blogathon this year as I was with the previous one. I like to take my time thinking and writing and rewriting my stuff until I am satisfied with it. This time it wasn't so. I had to try and get it in first shot, which I don't think I have succeeded each time. :(
I haven't been able to reply to the comments lately. I shall hopefully do it soon. I do not like ignoring any comment.
KK has been very very supportive and I couldn't have thought of doing this without him. Frankly, once my parents went, I had cold feet. I wanted to back off and say a timid bye to my commitment. That obviously didn't happen, all thanks to the husband.
I am happy that I am seeing the end of this month long journey. It was a pleasure and pain too! :) But that doesn't mean I am not doing one next year. I most certainly am willing to.
See you tomorrow. Two more to go!
Doing the Blogathon was a biiig decision. But I still wanted to go ahead with it. It was a self imposed challenge. It seems very easy and doable at first, and I fairly had an idea of most if the posts that I wanted to include. However, what I blindly assumed was that I'll have plenty of time to sit in peace and at ease as before. I took for granted that nothing could go wrong.
The main obstacle in this whole event was that my lappy's screen's gone kaput. Now connecting the unit to the tv and enabling wireless keyboard and mouse was not such a great task as was trying to keep Aa away from the whole set up.
We hence decided that I would do the posts while KK took Aa out for a walk. Now, I have married a Software Engineer; it is unethical that I even presume that my baby will be taken out everyday.
Since that was not happening, I had to blog when Aa retired for the day. This usually happens with her on my lap, just like right now. Thank god for Apple products!
I am not as satisfied with my Blogathon this year as I was with the previous one. I like to take my time thinking and writing and rewriting my stuff until I am satisfied with it. This time it wasn't so. I had to try and get it in first shot, which I don't think I have succeeded each time. :(
I haven't been able to reply to the comments lately. I shall hopefully do it soon. I do not like ignoring any comment.
KK has been very very supportive and I couldn't have thought of doing this without him. Frankly, once my parents went, I had cold feet. I wanted to back off and say a timid bye to my commitment. That obviously didn't happen, all thanks to the husband.
I am happy that I am seeing the end of this month long journey. It was a pleasure and pain too! :) But that doesn't mean I am not doing one next year. I most certainly am willing to.
See you tomorrow. Two more to go!
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Day 28 :: Throwing Out the "In-laws"
Scandalous, I know! ;)
Relations become complicated when "in-laws" follow the words mother, father, brother or sister. Often they are considered secondary, for all the natural reasons. Blood is thicker than water. A daughter in law can never replace a daughter, or a father in law can never hold the same place in your heart as your father.
That said, it is not impossible to bring the ties any closer. Most marriageable girls are vary of their in-laws. So was I. Getting married and going to another household was such an imaginable nightmare for me!
In our society, everyone expects the girl tomake most of the adjustments and compromises. No one bothers to think that the girl requires some time to get out of the mental shock of being married and catapulted into a sea of new people. All a girl needs at such times is a lot of understanding and loving words to convey that she is in good hands.
When I met my in laws for the first time, for all the understandable reasons, I was a nervous wreck. The almost engagement ceremony came to an end and we went to see them off, when my (then) would be father in law says "Dear, do come to visit us,. You are always welcome there."
When we did go after a few days, I was feeling odd sitting in their house. Again my father in law, sensing my discomfort says, "Go ahead dear. See your home. It's all yours now."
That instant I felt the ice melt in me. There was this warmth of being accepted. But still there was this spike in mind, I was not yet married. People are known to be extra kind before marriage and the scene changes drastically afterwards. Yes, I am a suspicious woman that way.
Not so soon after, I was to live with my in laws in my pregnant days. That was the time I got to bond with them closely that too without KK in the vicinity. The day KK went back to the US, mother in law said "Please don't hesitate to ask me for anything. If you feel like eating anything or if you need anything, ask freely. Think of me as your mother." I was already in tears but this statement teared me up freshly.
Since then there was no looking back. I found them easy to talk to. I have shared jokes with my father in law like I never thought I could. I found a younger sister in my sister in law who chose me to unburden all her worries. She was fun and mostly proved to be a cusion in the initial days of my stay there. And my mother in law, although is soft spoken and seems naive can make me a victim of a real naughty comment when least expected.
I cannot think of replacing them with my own parents or my sibling but they hold equal importance, love and respect in my heart.
Me, I couldn't possibly think of throwing out the "in laws" part in these relations, But I have certainly come close.
Relations become complicated when "in-laws" follow the words mother, father, brother or sister. Often they are considered secondary, for all the natural reasons. Blood is thicker than water. A daughter in law can never replace a daughter, or a father in law can never hold the same place in your heart as your father.
That said, it is not impossible to bring the ties any closer. Most marriageable girls are vary of their in-laws. So was I. Getting married and going to another household was such an imaginable nightmare for me!
In our society, everyone expects the girl tomake most of the adjustments and compromises. No one bothers to think that the girl requires some time to get out of the mental shock of being married and catapulted into a sea of new people. All a girl needs at such times is a lot of understanding and loving words to convey that she is in good hands.
When I met my in laws for the first time, for all the understandable reasons, I was a nervous wreck. The almost engagement ceremony came to an end and we went to see them off, when my (then) would be father in law says "Dear, do come to visit us,. You are always welcome there."
When we did go after a few days, I was feeling odd sitting in their house. Again my father in law, sensing my discomfort says, "Go ahead dear. See your home. It's all yours now."
That instant I felt the ice melt in me. There was this warmth of being accepted. But still there was this spike in mind, I was not yet married. People are known to be extra kind before marriage and the scene changes drastically afterwards. Yes, I am a suspicious woman that way.
Not so soon after, I was to live with my in laws in my pregnant days. That was the time I got to bond with them closely that too without KK in the vicinity. The day KK went back to the US, mother in law said "Please don't hesitate to ask me for anything. If you feel like eating anything or if you need anything, ask freely. Think of me as your mother." I was already in tears but this statement teared me up freshly.
Since then there was no looking back. I found them easy to talk to. I have shared jokes with my father in law like I never thought I could. I found a younger sister in my sister in law who chose me to unburden all her worries. She was fun and mostly proved to be a cusion in the initial days of my stay there. And my mother in law, although is soft spoken and seems naive can make me a victim of a real naughty comment when least expected.
I cannot think of replacing them with my own parents or my sibling but they hold equal importance, love and respect in my heart.
Me, I couldn't possibly think of throwing out the "in laws" part in these relations, But I have certainly come close.
Monday, 27 August 2012
Day 27 :: Don't You Dare
This incident took place on shuttle bus from the aircraft to terminal at the Mumbai airport.
I was 6.5 months pregnant then. Naturally I got a place to sit, while the husband was standing beside me. The lady next to me noticed the tattoo.
"You are 'Purnima'?" she asked.
I nodded a yes.
"Can I take a closer look at it, if you don't mind?"
Husband nodded a yes.
"Can I touch it?"
Husband put forth his arm. (bear in mind the tattoo was still raw and the arm was swollen)
"Did it pain a lot?" - lady
"Not much." - husband
"Are you very happy he did that for you?" she turned to me.
"I really respect his feelings but I don't like to think about the pain he'd to endure."
"What does your mother in law have to say about this?"
"Umm, nothing. She didn't say anything."
"She must hate you."
"????"
"I am a mother myself. And I am thinking from a mother's point of view. I couldn't bear it if my son had to undergo such pain."
"Umm...!!!!"
"Look, your husband must love you a lot to do that for you. He does! You should not hurt him ever in your life. Never ever! Do you get that?"
"???!!!"
I was flabbergasted. Some unknown lady and she lectures the pregnant me. But she wasn't wrong. KK loves me a lot and he doesn't need a tattoo to tell me that. (although having one gives me thrills)
I was 6.5 months pregnant then. Naturally I got a place to sit, while the husband was standing beside me. The lady next to me noticed the tattoo.
"You are 'Purnima'?" she asked.
I nodded a yes.
"Can I take a closer look at it, if you don't mind?"
Husband nodded a yes.
"Can I touch it?"
Husband put forth his arm. (bear in mind the tattoo was still raw and the arm was swollen)
"Did it pain a lot?" - lady
"Not much." - husband
"Are you very happy he did that for you?" she turned to me.
"I really respect his feelings but I don't like to think about the pain he'd to endure."
"What does your mother in law have to say about this?"
"Umm, nothing. She didn't say anything."
"She must hate you."
"????"
"I am a mother myself. And I am thinking from a mother's point of view. I couldn't bear it if my son had to undergo such pain."
"Umm...!!!!"
"Look, your husband must love you a lot to do that for you. He does! You should not hurt him ever in your life. Never ever! Do you get that?"
"???!!!"
I was flabbergasted. Some unknown lady and she lectures the pregnant me. But she wasn't wrong. KK loves me a lot and he doesn't need a tattoo to tell me that. (although having one gives me thrills)
Sunday, 26 August 2012
Saturday, 25 August 2012
Day 25 :: I am not sorry
A few of my blog readers say that I am too direct sometimes. And that u write about anything and anyone and also that they have to be careful with me, else they'll too land up as one of my blogposts.
I totally agree! I do write about people in my daily life. Whether good or bad I do not hesitate to mention them in my blogposts if I find them worthy of a mention.
The idea behind all this is not to criticize or belittle. It's just that when I undergo a situation or am subject to after effects if human behavior, I find it interesting enough to share. The intention is to share an experience... The intention is to invite other people's view and angle.
Yes, I do at times tend to demean and pass a wry comment, and if I said it was not to send across a message, I'd be lying!
This page is open for anyone to read. This is certainly not "talking behind backs" or even being dead rude. I have a fair idea if who reads my blog and I fairly do not have any idea who else reads my blogs. If the person I have written about comes and reads and understands it is about him/ her, let him/ her come and ask me. I am ready with my answers. I do not write unless I am sure about what I want to write.
Of late, I realized that spreading negativity by writing something negative is not good- not for me and least for any reader. But that doesn't mean negative stuff doesn't happen to you at all? It eases the mind to share things and unload a bit. It really soothes when someone says "Hey, that happened to me too."
I am responsible for what I put down in this blog and I maintain my stand. I will never throw in something that is insulting to anyone intentionally.
I do not feel sorry for speaking my mind which is often the case on my blog. The other day KK read one of my blog posts and said "Are you really writing all that??!"
In my defense - Everyone has their opinions. I have mine too. Although, not every opinion has a place. Mine do, in this blog! ;)
I totally agree! I do write about people in my daily life. Whether good or bad I do not hesitate to mention them in my blogposts if I find them worthy of a mention.
The idea behind all this is not to criticize or belittle. It's just that when I undergo a situation or am subject to after effects if human behavior, I find it interesting enough to share. The intention is to share an experience... The intention is to invite other people's view and angle.
Yes, I do at times tend to demean and pass a wry comment, and if I said it was not to send across a message, I'd be lying!
This page is open for anyone to read. This is certainly not "talking behind backs" or even being dead rude. I have a fair idea if who reads my blog and I fairly do not have any idea who else reads my blogs. If the person I have written about comes and reads and understands it is about him/ her, let him/ her come and ask me. I am ready with my answers. I do not write unless I am sure about what I want to write.
Of late, I realized that spreading negativity by writing something negative is not good- not for me and least for any reader. But that doesn't mean negative stuff doesn't happen to you at all? It eases the mind to share things and unload a bit. It really soothes when someone says "Hey, that happened to me too."
I am responsible for what I put down in this blog and I maintain my stand. I will never throw in something that is insulting to anyone intentionally.
I do not feel sorry for speaking my mind which is often the case on my blog. The other day KK read one of my blog posts and said "Are you really writing all that??!"
In my defense - Everyone has their opinions. I have mine too. Although, not every opinion has a place. Mine do, in this blog! ;)
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