It is during these silent phases on my blog that I am made to realise that I have admirers, rather blog admirers. A lot of you ask me when is my next blog post and why I don't write often. It is indeed heart warming to hear from readers, and the fact that they want you to write, gives a high.
Like I admitted to a friend yesterday (who asked me if I was letting it go); when I don't write, there is this constant nagging at the back of my mind. That voice keeps reminding me of how long it has been, how necessary it is and how I should gain some control over my non-writing phases. It is annoying to keep hearing that over again. And it is impossible to keep that voice at bay.
Yes, I have not been too regular on this space. And for that I apologise. In my defense (as an excuse?), I will say that I lack internal motivation as also the right resource. When I write, I put in a lot of thought, which requires peace - mental as well as physical. I need absolute silence. And a lot of time to frame it the way I do. I cannot fix myself an hour and write a post. It's just me. Even for a post that comes straight from heart, like this one, needs a long time. I write, erase and rewrite over and over. I re-read the post from the beginning after each para.
I don't just write. I indulge. How do you feel when you have that piece of chocolate? or anything that is your absolute favourite? Don't you love to take your time to enjoy the experience of that chemical reaction that is tingling every bit of you. That's exactly what I feel when I write. I like to settle down, take my time thinking and then let everything flow out.
I hate to be disturbed while writing. Any kind of distraction is not welcome. Not even music. It irritates the hell out of me. If I cannot hear myself think, then I cannot write. It looks like writing comes easily to me. It does, but only when all the above conditions are fulfilled.
Given the situation nowadays, it isn't too often that I get what I demand. It is hence difficult for me to focus and dedicate ample time. Nevertheless, there is such a lot that remains to be let out of the system.
Is it too much to ask for? Perhaps, yes. That's the way I function and to be able to function like a well-oiled engine, I just have to have what I want. :)
P.S. Next post coming soon.
Friday, 1 November 2013
Monday, 7 October 2013
TOUCH Thursday Prompt no. 1 - For that Friend I long
We grow to believe during our childhood, or schooldays that friends are forever. That the equation, camaraderie, comfort remains the same, come what may. I have learnt the hard way that nothing is permanent. Not even friendship. At least it is not the same as it started out to be.
One shares a relationship with a friend. And like many others, it goes through a sea of changes. It evolves. Some events bring friends closer while some tear them irreparably apart. Ego, betrayal, non communication, misunderstanding are the strongest and fastest killers of friendships.
To have a friend above all that would be difficult to find, but not impossible. Two girls that I have grown with and have shared so much, are at the core of my life. All three of us being the same age, go through similar experiences that life throws at stipulated periods. Empathy has brought us closer. Whether it was the pressure of board exams or anxiety of getting married, we have been through it together. We find solace in venting out in each others' company. Although we try not to be judgmental, it does happen. We blame; we have that unsaid I-am-upset-with-you phases. We are humans and we err. The essence of it is, we forgive misgivings and carry on like before.
Being there for a friend in happiness is desirable. The joy only multiplies. I remember when I broke the news of my pregnancy to these girls over a video chat. They cried. I had not expected them to cry over my great news, but they did. And in that just moment I knew these two were for real and for the keeps.
No one can deny the emotional support that a friend extends during the "down" part. Sometimes things get so bad that everything looks hazy. The mind is so clouded that it refuses to see a path through it. All you need is a fresh perspective and some non sugarcoated words of reason. Recently, some sudden turn of events left me perplexed. The chaos was mindboggling. Needless to say it was some encouragement that helped me pull away from the obvious distress.
I am absolutely keeping these two for an entire lifetime. We have discussed education, we have suffered the "groom hunt", we have undergone pains of pregnancy and infanthood of our kids. There is a lot more we have to see as a team. We may be continents and time zones apart, but we remain connected through hearts.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is my first attempt at writing prompts. While I was a little skeptical, I have gone for it this time since it is hosted by one of my favorite authors, Preeti Shenoy. Check out this link if you are interested enough in doing the prompt yourself.
TOUCH - The One You Cannot Have, is her next release.
And this is the banner
Interesting?
One shares a relationship with a friend. And like many others, it goes through a sea of changes. It evolves. Some events bring friends closer while some tear them irreparably apart. Ego, betrayal, non communication, misunderstanding are the strongest and fastest killers of friendships.
To have a friend above all that would be difficult to find, but not impossible. Two girls that I have grown with and have shared so much, are at the core of my life. All three of us being the same age, go through similar experiences that life throws at stipulated periods. Empathy has brought us closer. Whether it was the pressure of board exams or anxiety of getting married, we have been through it together. We find solace in venting out in each others' company. Although we try not to be judgmental, it does happen. We blame; we have that unsaid I-am-upset-with-you phases. We are humans and we err. The essence of it is, we forgive misgivings and carry on like before.
Being there for a friend in happiness is desirable. The joy only multiplies. I remember when I broke the news of my pregnancy to these girls over a video chat. They cried. I had not expected them to cry over my great news, but they did. And in that just moment I knew these two were for real and for the keeps.
No one can deny the emotional support that a friend extends during the "down" part. Sometimes things get so bad that everything looks hazy. The mind is so clouded that it refuses to see a path through it. All you need is a fresh perspective and some non sugarcoated words of reason. Recently, some sudden turn of events left me perplexed. The chaos was mindboggling. Needless to say it was some encouragement that helped me pull away from the obvious distress.
I am absolutely keeping these two for an entire lifetime. We have discussed education, we have suffered the "groom hunt", we have undergone pains of pregnancy and infanthood of our kids. There is a lot more we have to see as a team. We may be continents and time zones apart, but we remain connected through hearts.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is my first attempt at writing prompts. While I was a little skeptical, I have gone for it this time since it is hosted by one of my favorite authors, Preeti Shenoy. Check out this link if you are interested enough in doing the prompt yourself.
TOUCH - The One You Cannot Have, is her next release.
And this is the banner
Interesting?
Saturday, 28 September 2013
That pause
It's been such a long time since I wrote and there is so much to update. Yet nowadays, the drive to write, although is strong at heart, never gets transformed into action.
Things have changed and so have people around me. Those who I thought were my (our) friends, people who I thought were dependable and trustworthy and those who promised to be there during good times and bad have turned their backs when I (we) needed them. Close friends have started reaching out only when they feel the need to rant out their frustration or get some baby related advice. Even phone conversations are so strained that I hardly feel friendly towards them anymore. There are promises made to meet, but plans are cancelled at the last minute. I have a feeling everyone is turning towards being selfish, including myself.
Personally too, there is such a mess that is going to take a lot of time and patience to sort. Decisions that were once taken are now invalid, leaving us into turmoil and confusion. Accepted that change is the spice of life, but I hadn't expected my life so spicy! The peace in my life is somewhat missing since I came back home. In fact, there is no place where I really feel at home. There is a constant chugging at the back of my mind and would love to get rid of it soon. :|
It is like I am living outside of myself. I am me yet I am disconnected with self. I feel like an integral part of me is missing.
I hope I get to sort myself out soon.
As I read this post, I realise how ambiguous it is. That is my current state of mind.
Things have changed and so have people around me. Those who I thought were my (our) friends, people who I thought were dependable and trustworthy and those who promised to be there during good times and bad have turned their backs when I (we) needed them. Close friends have started reaching out only when they feel the need to rant out their frustration or get some baby related advice. Even phone conversations are so strained that I hardly feel friendly towards them anymore. There are promises made to meet, but plans are cancelled at the last minute. I have a feeling everyone is turning towards being selfish, including myself.
Personally too, there is such a mess that is going to take a lot of time and patience to sort. Decisions that were once taken are now invalid, leaving us into turmoil and confusion. Accepted that change is the spice of life, but I hadn't expected my life so spicy! The peace in my life is somewhat missing since I came back home. In fact, there is no place where I really feel at home. There is a constant chugging at the back of my mind and would love to get rid of it soon. :|
It is like I am living outside of myself. I am me yet I am disconnected with self. I feel like an integral part of me is missing.
I hope I get to sort myself out soon.
As I read this post, I realise how ambiguous it is. That is my current state of mind.
Monday, 27 May 2013
Award From Aparna
Look who's writing! :) Me!
Although there is a lot to update, I had to prioritize and get this done. Aparna, a fellow blogger has been real kind and awarded me with
Although there is a lot to update, I had to prioritize and get this done. Aparna, a fellow blogger has been real kind and awarded me with
I am so over the moon. It is wonderful to be acknowledged and given a nice award for all that intermittent blogging. Thank you so much Aparna, for following my blog and liking it enough to bestow me with this Liebster Award!
Here go the rules
1. 10 random facts about yourself
2. Answer the questions please
3. Nominate 10 bloggers with less than 200 followers and;
4. Write 10 questions for them to answer
Ten random facts about moi
1. I can dress very well. (Past year and a half should be excused) I have a good sense of what looks good and what doesn't. I can even accessorize. Conversely, I cannot put on make up or do my hair. So if you looked at me from toe to neck, I look good and then I am a total disaster.
2. I do not like too many people at a time. Never liked big friend gang, never liked family reunions. I like being on one to one basis, where there is real conversation and less chaos.
3. Keeping in mind the 2nd point, I hate partying. I prefer sitting alone at home (or close family) with a pizza for New Year's eve than drown the night in heavy dancing/ hanging out/ boozing (whatever comes with it all)
4. I love crafts. I am a crafty person. :) Glitter, sparkle, ribbons, markers, scissors - bring them on!
5. Probably you know this already, but again; I hate to cook! X-( I feel like I waste my time in kitchen.
6. I am not a morning person at all. Given a chance, I love sleeping till 10 AM.
7. I love riding pillion on bikes. LOVE!
8. I hate being asked which city I prefer living. I like Pune and Chicago equally. I love them both for different reasons. Mentally, I punch them in the face when they ask me this!
9. I still cannot believe that I am a mother now! :O
10. Hmm... what else?! I have terrible upper back ache.
Now to answer the questions that are asked
1. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
- Look at my sleeping kid and then pray that she sleeps some more! :ss
2. How do you express your anger?
- Depends on who I am angry at. Keeping mum, banging stuff, arguing back and grinding teeth are common ways. People come to know when I am upset.
3. If you had to live on a lonely island and take only one book with you, which one would that be?
- Isn't that a difficult thing to ask. I'd probably take an Archie's comic. Never got tired of reading that one.
4. An embarrassing moment/ fact about you.
- I have had many. The one which I can never forget is being knocked down by two fighting dogs in full p[ublic.
5. How much do you let your academic success/ failure affect you life?
- Earlier, I did wish I had better academic qualifications. But I realise life requires other qualifications than just academic. We should learn to free ourselves from focusing solely on academic and monetary success.
6. Do you believe in first impressions?
- No. First impressions may or may not be the right one.
7. What period of your life do you think was best?
- College time, but I';d like to believe the best is yet to come.
8. Do you live in the present more or brood in the past and fantasize about the future?
- I daydream about my future.
9. Your favourite cartoon and why?
- Tom and Jerry. Never ask why!
10. Finally Harry Potter or Twilight?
- Harry Potter, all the way! Twilight, No, Please no!
I nominate
1. Meera - Love her so grown up perspective!
2. Divya - A mixed bag of posts. Her style of writing appeals to me.
3. Nibedita - She is the latest one I started reading. Being a mom now, I can so relate to some of her posts.
4. Nivedita - My sis-in-law who blogs once in a blue moon. She definitely has a lot of potential. Why doesn't she update her food blog so often? Well, this should encourage her.
5. Manjula - This one's a food blog too. And how she makes me drool!
6. Nandita - Yet another food blog that makes me go crazy when I see the pics!
7. Preeti - A friend of a friend; her thoughts are so in tune with mine. I like her blog for what she writes.
8. Aarthy - I have read her blog on and off and liked. Would like to be more regular on her page.
9. Shaili - She writes her journal online. I often read but hardly comment. Her's is a direct dil se blog post (as she would put it probably) I like her bubbly, vivacious way of putting everything.
Well, those are all I can think of right now, who haven't already got this award. Hope you all take it up.
Questions for the nominees to answer
1. It takes a lot of commitment to keep blogging. What keeps you going?
2. If you had just an extra hour in a day, how would you spend it?
3. Have you ever cheated to get something your way? If so, how?
4. How would it be to live in a world free of men?
5. If you had to punish a person who's betrayed you, how would that be?
6. What special talent can you boast of? (Except preparing yummy stuff, you food bloggers)
7. Bungee jumping or scuba diving?
8. Which Bollywood actor/actress do you think should retire? and why?
9. Who can make you smile despite rough situations?
10. Do you believe in celebrating Women's Day? Why?
Friday, 19 April 2013
Their "Us" Moment
They were driving back from a get together at a friend's house. The pitter-patter of the raindrops on the windshield was like a rhythm to their year old toddler's continuous babbles.
Suddenly he said something funny which made her laugh.
"I am happy that I can still make you laugh." he said, smiling at her earnestly.
"Mnh-hnn" She smiled back at him, reached for his hand and entwined her fingers in his.
A moment of silence later she responded, "You can make me cry too."
"I was thinking the same. And I am sorry for such times!"
... and just like that, they had their "Us" moment which they hadn't had in a very very long time.
;)
Suddenly he said something funny which made her laugh.
"I am happy that I can still make you laugh." he said, smiling at her earnestly.
"Mnh-hnn" She smiled back at him, reached for his hand and entwined her fingers in his.
A moment of silence later she responded, "You can make me cry too."
"I was thinking the same. And I am sorry for such times!"
... and just like that, they had their "Us" moment which they hadn't had in a very very long time.
;)
Friday, 12 April 2013
Why I Don't Have A Pet
I have already once written about my pet parrot in my blog that I deleted. I feel the need to write about it once again. One of my favourite author, Preeti Shenoy, often writes about her pet dog. Yesterday's post was one such (rather her pic with Lostris, her pet Dob), which made my mind track back to the time when I had my own pet.
I do not remember the details very correctly, but I am going to narrate as I remember it. I was around 6 - 7 years of age when this parrot entered into our lives. My maternal grandma had recently expired. (I don't recall if it was days/ weeks or months before) The environment in the house was generally subdued. One day while returning from our grocery shopping, we found a wounded parrot in the semi-parking duct space. As kids, myself and V were very excited and wanted to nurse it back to health. We pleaded our parents to let us take it home, which they gladly accepted. My mother instantly related this to my grandma's return in another form.
We kept him warm and gave it some fruit and water. The next day my father got him a cage where he could perch. We always kept the cage door open, lest he wanted to fly away. Myself and V being happy at his arrival, spent all our free time with him. We tried to teach him to talk. (He was a grown bird and we were unaware that the best time to teach them to talk is when they are babies) Despite his inability to catch up on words, we loved feeding him soaked lentils out of our palms. We loved watching him flap his wings. In fact, we just loved the idea of him being there. It also seemed like he was getting better every hour.
Every morning after waking up, I would go pet him (even before I brushed my teeth)! Every noon when I came home from school, I wanted to feed him (even before I changed into my pjs)! I was smitten by this new entrant.
It was one of the weekend days, I guess, because that day we woke up late. My mother was trying not to get me near the cage. She was adamant that I brush my teeth and get done with the breakfast. I don't know if I obeyed her. All I remember is seeing my parrot lying lifeless in the cage. His eyes shut tight. (It was just a week or so after we got him home) We cried the whole day. My father buried him in the garden at the backside of our building. I cried throughout the burial uncontrollably. V tried to console me but he was tearing up too. I didn't eat anything for several hours. Mom had to coax me into having something.
After that, even though I did ask my parents to buy me a pet, I did not mean it. I did not try to convince them or beg them because I did not have the courage to face another separation. Till date I do not think I have it in me. It is wrong and morbid to think of separation even before I get one. But that's how it is with me. When I think of a pet, all I think is "how do I deal with its loss?" With that thought, I back off.
Whenever I see someone with their pet; how much love they share, the camaraderie; I flirt with the idea of how it would be if I had one. Now that I have a kid, I realise that in a few years she might demand for a pet. I am still unsure of how to deal with that. It would be unfair for me to devoid her of a friend and beautiful companionship just because I am averse to it. I know for sure that I cannot remain aloof and show no emotion towards it.
I don't know if I'll ever be ready to allow a pet to steal my heart and then have it hurt and broken because of loss/ separation. Perhaps I still have a long time to prepare myself for it. It'd be great if I have a change of heart and turn this reluctance into surety.
I do not remember the details very correctly, but I am going to narrate as I remember it. I was around 6 - 7 years of age when this parrot entered into our lives. My maternal grandma had recently expired. (I don't recall if it was days/ weeks or months before) The environment in the house was generally subdued. One day while returning from our grocery shopping, we found a wounded parrot in the semi-parking duct space. As kids, myself and V were very excited and wanted to nurse it back to health. We pleaded our parents to let us take it home, which they gladly accepted. My mother instantly related this to my grandma's return in another form.
We kept him warm and gave it some fruit and water. The next day my father got him a cage where he could perch. We always kept the cage door open, lest he wanted to fly away. Myself and V being happy at his arrival, spent all our free time with him. We tried to teach him to talk. (He was a grown bird and we were unaware that the best time to teach them to talk is when they are babies) Despite his inability to catch up on words, we loved feeding him soaked lentils out of our palms. We loved watching him flap his wings. In fact, we just loved the idea of him being there. It also seemed like he was getting better every hour.
Every morning after waking up, I would go pet him (even before I brushed my teeth)! Every noon when I came home from school, I wanted to feed him (even before I changed into my pjs)! I was smitten by this new entrant.
It was one of the weekend days, I guess, because that day we woke up late. My mother was trying not to get me near the cage. She was adamant that I brush my teeth and get done with the breakfast. I don't know if I obeyed her. All I remember is seeing my parrot lying lifeless in the cage. His eyes shut tight. (It was just a week or so after we got him home) We cried the whole day. My father buried him in the garden at the backside of our building. I cried throughout the burial uncontrollably. V tried to console me but he was tearing up too. I didn't eat anything for several hours. Mom had to coax me into having something.
After that, even though I did ask my parents to buy me a pet, I did not mean it. I did not try to convince them or beg them because I did not have the courage to face another separation. Till date I do not think I have it in me. It is wrong and morbid to think of separation even before I get one. But that's how it is with me. When I think of a pet, all I think is "how do I deal with its loss?" With that thought, I back off.
Whenever I see someone with their pet; how much love they share, the camaraderie; I flirt with the idea of how it would be if I had one. Now that I have a kid, I realise that in a few years she might demand for a pet. I am still unsure of how to deal with that. It would be unfair for me to devoid her of a friend and beautiful companionship just because I am averse to it. I know for sure that I cannot remain aloof and show no emotion towards it.
I don't know if I'll ever be ready to allow a pet to steal my heart and then have it hurt and broken because of loss/ separation. Perhaps I still have a long time to prepare myself for it. It'd be great if I have a change of heart and turn this reluctance into surety.
Monday, 8 April 2013
Marriage is a Three-Legged Race
Isn't it? Two individuals, countless dreams, varied thoughts, myriad opinions, different strategies, but one goal. Tied at the feet, two individuals have to cross the finish line without tripping over. Sounds like an easy one, but many are stumped over it. Communication, co-ordination, communication is necessary. Likewise one cannot discount understanding, trust and the will to make it happen.
Tomorrow we are completing three years of married life. (Hence, the title) Our journey for these three years have been with its highs and lows. We have had a lot of wonderful moments that will remain etched in our memories till forever. And there were not so great moments too. Nothing out of ordinary, but everything is still special.
People change, relationships evolve and our whole world metamorphoses. In fact it keeps changing, at every event, every incident - big or small. We have too. Looking back at how we started off and seeing how we are today, has many differences. Fortunately those differences are not undesirable. I'd like to believe that we are wiser, have a better understanding of ourselves and people around us. We have learnt lessons together. Lessons that were harshly taught by others and situations. We have a better understanding of our life goals.
All these happened only after we made mistakes. As individuals, we did wrong and stumbled. While the other did get angry and frustrated, amends were made and a loving helping hand was always offered to the one on the ground. We have fought about things, bickered at each other's errors. But in the end, we did look beyond the ugly. I think that matters the most. In fact, on a personal note, I think fights are refreshing. They push out all the hostilities and you can start anew.
We have a beautiful daughter and we have enjoyed every bit of her. We loved bringing her up together, and with no help from anyone. It was something we shared. We have been able to relish every part of her first year. I cannot thank Kiran enough for being there for me at all those times and for not giving up on me during that times I felt like I was an undeserving mother. He took care of situations where I was insecure and scared. When no one supported me or my decisions, he told me to believe in myself and my maternal instinct.
We sat up all night when Aarnavi was unwell. Both clueless on how to go by the night. We have taken turns holding and soothing her when she cried on endlessly for reasons that were never revealed. The whole of last year has been "We". We worked as a team. Pushing away individual wishes, ignoring individual needs, we have worked in tune. It is a good thing when you are not alone in the sacrificing bit. Aarnavi's arrival gave a whole new meaning to our relationship. Agreed we have too little time for each other now, but whenever we do, it is special.
Three years is not such a long time. But for me it was, as every minute counted. And it still does. There is a big, winding road ahead of us and a lot more to be explored in this journey. I want my marriage to work and not in a compromising way. I want it to be at the center of my world.
This is the moment that I treasure the most...
Tomorrow we are completing three years of married life. (Hence, the title) Our journey for these three years have been with its highs and lows. We have had a lot of wonderful moments that will remain etched in our memories till forever. And there were not so great moments too. Nothing out of ordinary, but everything is still special.
People change, relationships evolve and our whole world metamorphoses. In fact it keeps changing, at every event, every incident - big or small. We have too. Looking back at how we started off and seeing how we are today, has many differences. Fortunately those differences are not undesirable. I'd like to believe that we are wiser, have a better understanding of ourselves and people around us. We have learnt lessons together. Lessons that were harshly taught by others and situations. We have a better understanding of our life goals.
All these happened only after we made mistakes. As individuals, we did wrong and stumbled. While the other did get angry and frustrated, amends were made and a loving helping hand was always offered to the one on the ground. We have fought about things, bickered at each other's errors. But in the end, we did look beyond the ugly. I think that matters the most. In fact, on a personal note, I think fights are refreshing. They push out all the hostilities and you can start anew.
We have a beautiful daughter and we have enjoyed every bit of her. We loved bringing her up together, and with no help from anyone. It was something we shared. We have been able to relish every part of her first year. I cannot thank Kiran enough for being there for me at all those times and for not giving up on me during that times I felt like I was an undeserving mother. He took care of situations where I was insecure and scared. When no one supported me or my decisions, he told me to believe in myself and my maternal instinct.
We sat up all night when Aarnavi was unwell. Both clueless on how to go by the night. We have taken turns holding and soothing her when she cried on endlessly for reasons that were never revealed. The whole of last year has been "We". We worked as a team. Pushing away individual wishes, ignoring individual needs, we have worked in tune. It is a good thing when you are not alone in the sacrificing bit. Aarnavi's arrival gave a whole new meaning to our relationship. Agreed we have too little time for each other now, but whenever we do, it is special.
Three years is not such a long time. But for me it was, as every minute counted. And it still does. There is a big, winding road ahead of us and a lot more to be explored in this journey. I want my marriage to work and not in a compromising way. I want it to be at the center of my world.
This is the moment that I treasure the most...
Kanyadaan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
