Candid, not Candied

Thursday, 15 July 2010

What's in a surname?

Rayshma's this post triggered in me a thought that was reeling at the back of my mind. It seems an obvious step to adopt and change to an altogether new name, surname and hence a new identity after marriage. It's been there since ages, I guess... and pretty much accepted as a norm.

At some point of time during my childhood, V often teased me as "paraya dhan" and made me feel bad. I sensed that, in a few years, I won't be belonging here anymore. So much for a child's thought. Though as I grew up, I have come to believe that I will always belong to my parents no matter what. I'll still be their daughter, still be hankering for their acceptance, their blessings and even their criticism. Marriage does not change my relationship with them - if yes, it is always for the better.

I did not put much thought into whether or not I should retain my surname that I was born with. The main reason was, I liked the double surname concept. For me, double surnames sound sexy and hence I go by the "Prabhu-Kamath" title. Now, coming to think of it, I feel it is more than justified to have my name as above. It honours my dad; it honours my husband. It's the best of both worlds. It is where I belonged earlier (and even now) and it is where I shall build a bond. From a daughter to a daughter-in-law- it brings together two families for me. This is where I identify and discover myself as a person.

It is said that fathers "give" their daughters to the one they think is capable of making a lifelong commitment to her. They certainly do not wash their hands off at the moment they do... rather there is a seed sown of a new relationship between the parents and the daughter that is cherished and nurtured lifelong by both.

I admit, I had feminist ideas earlier. I didn't wanna adopt a different surname, I thought our family was the only greatest one surviving around here. Today, all that's behind me. I don't mind a new surname. Though, I'm yet to accept that I have a changed first name. Rather than accept, I'd call it - get used to it. Coming to the reality, there is a lot of chaos regarding my change of name and surname. In laws call me "Kavya" and many a times, I've had to be told that I was being talked to. There's already a "Purnima" in KK's family (or should I be saying my family ;-) :-)). Thus anyone calling out loud to aunt Purnima, I was the one to raise my hand and stand up only to be reminded that I was not the one they meant. :-)

KK was not much keen to change the name... nor was I... but I really was eager to know what my name would be. KK calls me by the name that I am widely known by, and that is what matters to me the most.

For ease of documentation, if I need to make changes, i don't mind flipping over from "Poornima Prabhu" to "Purnima Kamath". It is just a piece of paper for me. I was born a Prabhu, I guess I will live that way while adopting to a new family. and, why not? And again, why not say as proudly that I belong to the Kamaths as I say I came from the Prabhus? I have grown to love both the families... finally it's not the surname that matters, it is the people.

If you noticed, I have not changed the blog title. That's something I would like to keep it that way. Because, it makes me a girl that I was, I am and would wanna continue to be... free from relations, free from attachments, free from from me... even if it is just for a few minutes.

Friday, 9 July 2010

FAQs answered!

Ahem! Everyone was worried about me having to make this excruciatingly long journey to the US of A all alone in this big, bad world. Some bit their nails, some told me I was a brave girl and could certainly make it alone, some gaped at me in awe... all were promptly giving me advices, good, bad, nasty ones even. I appreciate that. I really do. I was made to promise that I'll email them the details of the trip and that I'm FINE.

I am obliged to answer to the same questions over and again, over chats, emails, FB comments, phones and everywhere else that I'm accessible. So I thought of answering to these FAQs on my blog to provide answers collectively rather than deal with them one by one, person by person. So here goes...

1. You reached?

a. Yes, I did.

2. The flight was on time?

a. Yes, it was. There was a delay in Mumbai, but the smart pilot made it here in time.

3. Good journey/ Nice flight?

a. Ok-ok, so-so. It was Air India and thus, airhostesses were to be strictly addressed as "aunties". They were rude and least bothered about providing assistance to the passengers. Moreover, they are crassly underpaid.

4. What did you do in Frankfurt?

a. It took almost an hour to alight from the flight in to the waiting area. Then I was reading my book "The White Tiger" and then coincidently, my ex-boss was on the same flight. So I was talking to him.

5. Saw movies?

a. Only one. Ajab prem ki gajab kahaani. I usually do not make use of the in flight entertainment.

6. Slept well?

a. Hardly for 2 hours... again which was being continually disturbed by one bratty 7 yr old kid. (I don't even sleep while travelling.)

7. How was immigration?

a. Good.

8. So, jet lagged?

a. The day I came, yes. Now, ok. Trying to fit in.

9. Did Kiran come to pick you? 

a. D-U-H! Of course!

10. Was Kiran happy to see you?

a. Yes!

11. Were you happy to see him?

a. I was happy and relieved. (well, what do you expect???)

12. Were you tired?

a. After the 1 hr check-in/ immigration at CSIA, Mumbai, 2.5 hr wait for the boarding, 8 hr flight to Frankfurt, 2 hr wait at Frankfurt, 9.5 hr journey from there to Chicago O'hare and 20 minutes ride back home, I'll say I was a perfect definition for 'tiredness'.

13. What time was it when you reached?

a. It was 6th July, 11:15 AM... that's 6th July 9:45 PM in India.

14. Did you talk to your parents?

a. The day I reached, I managed to say I'm ok. And spoke to them yesterday too.

15. How's your house?

a. Pretty cozy place. I'm loving every bit of it.

16. Done unpacking?

a. No.

17. Any Indians nearby?

a. Yes, one Punjabi family are our neighbours. Ran into them yesterday.

18. Do you like it there?

a. Yes, I do.

19. Did Kiran cook for you?

a. Yes. There was lunch ready for me when I was home.

20. Photos kab bhej rahi hai?

a. As soon as I'm done with setting the house.

Please add on any more questions that you have, will answer them sincerely.

*Offer valid till patience lasts*


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