Day 8 :: Just a day of my life

We had a wonderful time out from the usual routine. We decided to take a small break and visit my cousin who lives in Thane. We spent an enjoyable day with lots of fun, food and endless chatter. 

For me especially, who really needed to get away from the routine, just before a new chapter unfolds - today was a relaxing respite! 

Here are some snaps and don't miss Aarnavi's ice cream eating video

Why I Don't Have A Pet

I have already once written about my pet parrot in my blog that I deleted. I feel the need to write about it once again. One of my favourite author, Preeti Shenoy, often writes about her pet dog. Yesterday's post was one such (rather her pic with Lostris, her pet Dob), which made my mind track back to the time when I had my own pet.

I do not remember the details very correctly, but I am going to narrate as I remember it. I was around 6 - 7 years of age when this parrot entered into our lives. My maternal grandma had recently expired. (I don't recall if it was days/ weeks or months before) The environment in the house was generally subdued. One day while returning from our grocery shopping, we found a wounded parrot in the semi-parking duct space. As kids, myself and V were very excited and wanted to nurse it back to health. We pleaded our parents to let us take it home, which they gladly accepted. My mother instantly related this to my grandma's return in another form.

We kept him warm and gave it some fruit and water. The next day my father got him a cage where he could perch. We always kept the cage door open, lest he wanted to fly away. Myself and V being happy at his arrival, spent all our free time with him. We tried to teach him to talk. (He was a grown bird and we were unaware that the best time to teach them to talk is when they are babies) Despite his inability to catch up on words, we loved feeding him soaked lentils out of our palms. We loved watching him flap his wings. In fact, we just loved the idea of him being there. It also seemed like he was getting better every hour.

Every morning after waking up, I would go pet him (even before I brushed my teeth)! Every noon when I came home from school, I wanted to feed him (even before I changed into my pjs)! I was smitten by this new entrant.

It was one of the weekend days, I guess, because that day we woke up late. My mother was trying not to get me near the cage. She was adamant that I brush my teeth and get done with the breakfast. I don't know if I obeyed her. All I remember is seeing my parrot lying lifeless in the cage. His eyes shut tight. (It was just a week or so after we got him home) We cried the whole day. My father buried him in the garden at the backside of our building. I cried throughout the burial uncontrollably. V tried to console me but he was tearing up too. I didn't eat anything for several hours. Mom had to coax me into having something.

After that, even though I did ask my parents to buy me a pet, I did not mean it. I did not try to convince them or beg them because I did not have the courage to face another separation. Till date I do not think I have it in me. It is wrong and morbid to think of separation even before I get one. But that's how it is with me. When I think of a pet, all I think is "how do I deal with its loss?" With that thought, I back off.

Whenever I see someone with their pet; how much love they share, the camaraderie; I flirt with the idea of how it would be if I had one. Now that I have a kid, I realise that in a few years she might demand for a pet. I am still unsure of how to deal with that. It would be unfair for me to devoid her of a friend and beautiful companionship just because I am averse to it. I know for sure that I cannot remain aloof and show no emotion towards it.

I don't know if I'll ever be ready to allow a pet to steal my heart and then have it hurt and broken because of loss/ separation. Perhaps I still have a long time to prepare myself for it. It'd be great if I have a change of heart and turn this reluctance into surety.

Marriage is a Three-Legged Race

 Isn't it? Two individuals, countless dreams, varied thoughts, myriad opinions, different strategies, but one goal. Tied at the feet, two individuals have to cross the finish line without tripping over. Sounds like an easy one, but many are stumped over it. Communication, co-ordination, communication is necessary. Likewise one cannot discount understanding, trust and the will to make it happen.

Tomorrow we are completing three years of married life. (Hence, the title) Our journey for these three years have been with its highs and lows. We have had a lot of wonderful moments that will remain etched in our memories till forever. And there were not so great moments too. Nothing out of ordinary, but everything is still special.

People change, relationships evolve and our whole world metamorphoses. In fact it keeps changing, at every event, every incident - big or small. We have too. Looking back at how we started off and seeing how we are today, has many differences. Fortunately those differences are not undesirable. I'd like to believe that we are wiser, have a better understanding of ourselves and people around us. We have learnt lessons together. Lessons that were harshly taught by others and situations. We have a better understanding of our life goals.

All these happened only after we made mistakes. As individuals, we did wrong and stumbled. While the other did get angry and frustrated, amends were made and a loving helping hand was always offered to the one on the ground. We have fought about things, bickered at each other's errors. But in the end, we did look beyond the ugly. I think that matters the most. In fact, on a personal note, I think fights are refreshing. They push out all the hostilities and you can start anew.

We have a beautiful daughter and we have enjoyed every bit of her. We loved bringing her up together, and with no help from anyone. It was something we shared. We have been able to relish every part of her first year. I cannot thank Kiran enough for being there for me at all those times and for not giving up on me during that times I felt like I was an undeserving mother. He took care of situations where I was insecure and scared. When no one supported me or my decisions, he told me to believe in myself and my maternal instinct.

We sat up all night when Aarnavi was unwell. Both clueless on how to go by the night. We have taken turns holding and soothing her when she cried on endlessly for reasons that were never revealed. The whole of last year has been "We". We worked as a team. Pushing away individual wishes, ignoring individual needs, we have worked in tune. It is a good thing when you are not alone in the sacrificing bit. Aarnavi's arrival gave a whole new meaning to our relationship. Agreed we have too little time for each other now, but whenever we do, it is special.

Three years is not such a long time. But for me it was, as every minute counted. And it still does. There is a big, winding road ahead of us and a lot more to be explored in this journey. I want my marriage to work and not in a compromising way. I want it to be at the center of my world.

This is the moment that I treasure the most... 

Kanyadaan

Rough Around the Edges

When my husband made Aloo baingan (stir-fried eggplants with potatoes, if you must) for the first time a couple of weeks ago, I was all praises. I just couldn't stop raving about how wonderful it tasted and how lucky was I to have him in my life, every time I went in for a helping.

Yesterday, upon request, he made it again. This time, I gulped my entire portion without a single word. Even a while after dinner, I did not say anything about how it turned out to be. Only when he openly asked me about it, did I realise that I'd given no reaction whatsoever. It was good as it was previously. What was missing this time was my excitement to acknowledge the same. 

I am like that. A lot many times than I want to be. I forget to acknowledge. I forget to speak up even though that is exactly what I am thinking. I do that so many times only to realise a tad too late. Like in this case, I was admiring the meal with every bite, but it never occurred to me that I should speak up. It may not seem such a big issue right here, but there are times when I should say something and I do not. It is preposterous, if you ask me. 

Lately, I started to reflect on why I do this and I did come up with a possible explanation to my dearth of manners to acknowledge something. I think, I am so over stuffed with a certain emotion, that they block out all my words. There is so much to react to that I do not react at all or I react later/ lesser than expected. Rather I forget some essential things; like the formality to do or say something. I am going to quote a few examples.

Whenever any of my friends come home, I (have) never, never offered them a glass of water. Even if they come walking in the hot summer sun, I have never sat them down and offered them a drink of cool water. My friends tease me that I have no manners and do not know how to treat guests. This happens only with my friends. If it is any other person, I'll be the first one to jump up and do the needful. 

I always get an earful from my mother for this. Knowing my lack of "Atithi Devo Bhava" spirit, she makes it her job to look after my friends. In fact, a close friend of mine and my mom exchange looks on how long I take to realise my blunder!

I am actually so happy to see them that I instantly launch into a charade and forget all about carrying out basic formalities. (Also in this case, I think my close friends are welcome to think of my house as theirs and help themselves to the kitchen. Of course, it doesn't always work that way!)

It was a few days before Aa's birthday that another of our close friends offered to help us in the preparations. Although they have a kid of Aa's age, they said they'd love to come over a day before and help. All I could manage to say was, it wasn't required since somebody else had already agreed. I did not thank, nor did I say I was sorry that I couldn't use their help at that time. They are very close friends and I had no intentions of hurting them or even being mean to them. But there I go, without Thanks or Sorry and just firing an explanation. I was very much humbled by their offer and my ignorance to accept that and communicate it to them hurts me even today.

Likewise I forget to congratulate, offer sympathies, be enthusiastic or wish someone. On a few occasions, I do not want to do them consciously, but these are not those. I genuinely feel happy or positive about something and I fail to execute the same in words/ reactions.

I need to work on it! 

28! Is it a big number?

I don't think so. I celebrated my 28th energetic year yesterday and loved every minute of it. And no matter how old I am or will be, I will always love gifts from near and dear ones. I'll let the pictures do the talking 'cause I am busy loving them. :)

On the birthday eve, I got chocolates from V and the family...

which were first claimed by

First thing on the birthday morning got flowers from the husband. I have told him it is ok if I do not get a gift from him, but flowers are a must. I think flowers enhance good moods. Their presence makes me happy. What do you think?

After a relaxed hamburger lunch at Red Robin, saw Special 26 (which of course, I loved). Aa allowed us to watch the movie in peace. :)

Evening we decided we need a cake and some friends to celebrate... 

...that's what's remaining of it now!

and the friends bought me this - Perfume and photo frame! Thanks, Alam, Arti and Vishal!  - I LOVED them!

Just when I thought my gift quota for this year was over, I received this from my parents today...

chocolate covered strawberries! yummmm.....

*I do not believe in shying away from your age. Shout it out loud. Let everyone know how many years you have been awesoming people around you. :)*

We, the non-sharers

Disclaimer : A post meant for women, but you may read too

How many of us like to share? I don't mean a meal, or clothes and shoes. I certainly do not mean FB sharing. How many of us share our stories? By stories I mean those ones which we may not necessarily be proud of. It may be a small incident, like being shouted at by a superior at the office, or it could be a life-shattering one, like being a victim of sexual harassment and all those remaining ones that lie in between. We believe in zipping our mouths and going about our daily lives as if nothing ever has gone awry. 

The problem with non-sharing is that we never realize if we have been right or wrong. We assume and accept that the fault lies within us; while showing the world that we are perfect, strong women with no dents whatsoever. Why do we consider opening up as a shameful act? Why does it feel so negative? 

To take off the ambiguity of this post, let me say that I went through a lot of revelations during and after my pregnancy. They changed a little bit in me for good; for now I believe that speaking up and sharing not only eases your mind but also helps another person who is in dire need for directions. 

The whole mother hood thing is a lot more than it looks. It causes permanent changes in the physical and emotional you. To cope with those changes, a woman needs a lot more comforting and boosts of confidence. 

I had some tough times while going through all this. And I believed in shutting up too. I did not want to look like a loser mom when everyone else was battling it out so fiercely. And then came along a blog post from a fellow mommy that seemed to open up the Pandora's box of mommy emotions. And that is how the emails and chats of mommydom all began with my friends. 

Over the course of next few days, I have decided to share my story of pregnancy and child birth. Stick to me if you are interested. 

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And so I begin my first mini-a-thon of the year. This one is a theme based one "Pregnancy & Child birth".

Day 30 :: Reason for feeling alive and tired

Today was one of the days when you truly feel alive. Well nothing out of the ordinary. It was just a normal routine day, just that Aa is getting active by the day and naughty may I add?!

Now since she is used to me for the majority of the day, she screams even if I enter the kitchen to pour myself some coffee. She plays silently if I am sitting there, right next to her. If not, the banshee sounds. As a solution, I ask my mom to be online and video chat for the whole morning (which is comfortably after dinner time for her).

Aa's started to crawl and I don't blame her for wanting to explore every nook and cranny. From the day she started rolling over, I have been dreaming of seeing her crawl. And to whoever I mentioned this dream of mine would say "Just watch your words."

I feel like eating my words! It is wonderful to see her mobile but when I have to cook and clean and sundry, it makes me tear my hair. She loves the wires, chargers, cable, telephone, anything.

So today was one such day. Each time I moved away from her, she lunged towards the laptop or the cell phone or the wires or the sliding table and I had to come running to pick her and relocate the girl, only to repeat the procedure again. And again. And again. It really got to me today! Mommy was having a time of her life looking at her daughter's daughter trouble her daughter as such.

I take it back if it sounded like a complaint. I am so looking forward to another day, where Aa makes me run and turns me mad.

That's the thing about kiddos. No matter what, you fall in love with them.

P.S. Been long since I posted some good pictures of my darling. Will do it soon. ;)

Day 28 :: Throwing Out the "In-laws"

Scandalous, I know! ;)

Relations become complicated when "in-laws" follow the words mother, father, brother or sister. Often they are considered secondary, for all the natural reasons. Blood is thicker than water. A daughter in law can never replace a daughter, or a father in law can never hold the same place in your heart as your father.

That said, it is not impossible to bring the ties any closer. Most marriageable girls are vary of their in-laws. So was I. Getting married and going to another household was such an imaginable nightmare for me!

In our society, everyone expects the girl tomake most of the adjustments and compromises. No one bothers to think that the girl requires some time to get out of the mental shock of being married and catapulted into a sea of new people. All a girl needs at such times is a lot of understanding and loving words to convey that she is in good hands.

When I met my in laws for the first time, for all the understandable reasons, I was a nervous wreck. The almost engagement ceremony came to an end and we went to see them off, when my (then) would be father in law says "Dear, do come to visit us,. You are always welcome there."

When we did go after a few days, I was feeling odd sitting in their house. Again my father in law, sensing my discomfort says, "Go ahead dear. See your home. It's all yours now."

That instant I felt the ice melt in me. There was this warmth of being accepted. But still there was this spike in mind, I was not yet married. People are known to be extra kind before marriage and the scene changes drastically afterwards. Yes, I am a suspicious woman that way.

Not so soon after, I was to live with my in laws in my pregnant days. That was the time I got to bond with them closely that too without KK in the vicinity. The day KK went back to the US, mother in law said "Please don't hesitate to ask me for anything. If you feel like eating anything or if you need anything, ask freely. Think of me as your mother." I was already in tears but this statement teared me up freshly.

Since then there was no looking back. I found them easy to talk to. I have shared jokes with my father in law like I never thought I could. I found a younger sister in my sister in law who chose me to unburden all her worries. She was fun and mostly proved to be a cusion in the initial days of my stay there. And my mother in law, although is soft spoken and seems naive can make me a victim of a real naughty comment when least expected.

I cannot think of replacing them with my own parents or my sibling but they hold equal importance, love and respect in my heart.

Me, I couldn't possibly think of throwing out the "in laws" part in these relations, But I have certainly come close.

Day 22 :: Reunited!

Deepak and Shweta were the first friends in US with whom we hit off instantly. We have spent many happy hours in each others company.

Shweta made my life livable here. With such dearth of good friends, I found solace in her. We ranted, bitched, complained, laughed and shopped together. Our happiness knew no bounds when we broke the news of our respective pregnancies. We had the same due dates. And no, we hadn't planned that.

Now they live in a different area, a little far from where we live. But that didn't stop us from having a good time. We loved their company after a very long time and this time with our kids trying to pull each other's hair, lord! did we enjoy! Posting some snaps of the two "new" friends.

Happy Aarnavi! Happy to see some new faces!!!

"Look mama! Even I can pull her hair." - Avi

"Dadddy look, tongue comes out when avi pulls my hair!" - Aarnavi

"Yay!!!" - Avi

"Am I supposed to clap too?" - Aarnavi

Day 14 :: How did you know my name?

Priest : Your name?

Me : Pu.... (realizing it's a pooja on the husband's side) No, Kavya.

Priest : So your name's Purnima.

Me : Eh? How did you know? I didn't tell you that.

Priest : I saw the tattoo on your husband's arm!

Day 13 :: Discovering Self

13 things I have newly discovered about myself

1. I can let go of things that disturb me. It is very difficult, but I have been capable of doing it.

2. I can finish my kitchen chores within 45 minutes (Aa's morning nap time) - cooking, cleaning et al.

3. I can lose weight! YAY!

4. I can be very observant if I choose to be.

5. I can set a goal and achieve it too.

6. I can willingly forgo chocolate and cheese. (Of course, not permanently!)

7. I can make a beginning and see it till the end.

8. I can live without many things that I thought I could never live without!

9. I can forgive myself for bad cooking.

10. I can look after Aa, which I thought would be an impossible task.

11. I can understand a lot of things my mother used to tell me. (Yeah, now!)

12. I can stay alive without my 10 hour daily, beauty sleep.

and

13. I can (still) let my mind wander to places of  my imagination.

:) :) :)

Day 9 :: When little things make you smile...

Despite a long, rainy, gloomy and chilly day, when I see my child sleeping, it brought an instant smile on my face! Sigh!

*Sorry about that! Dunno how I made my post disappear. Had to re post this one. Hence the change in date*

Day 6 :: And what they said...

As soon as I lay my eyes on the tattoo, I was welling up with emotions. I was feeling honoured, although I did realise that he must have had to go through a lot of pain for that. I wasn't really thrilled with the thought.

Like I said, with that "I don't care what others think about it." dialogue, I knew that he must have gotten a tattoo. (And there were other clues too, like one day over video chat, he said he was feeling cold and wore a long sleeved shirt. And he is not the one who feels cold so easily!) He wanted to do it long back; even before we got married. I had told him not to. I have heard that it is way too painful,. And let's just face it, there isn't a dearth of people who would have thought I made him do it.

And neither was I expecting it to be this large. It was fairly new and hence the skin was a bit raw and swollen. You can imagine the melange of feel-good and feel-bad emotions that I was experiencing!

That episode elicits a wide range of reactions from people.

Reaction by 

Mom-in-law : She just smiled.

Sister-in-law : WOW, Brother!

Father-in-law : Love birds. Do what you please, you both!

Hubby's aunt : (jaw dropping) Did it pain? Why did you do this?
 - Hubby's reply : Because I love her!

Hubby's maami :Oh! You shouldn't have!
 -Hubby's reply : Oh! But I wanted to!

My mom : Is that permanent?

My dad : (Raises eyebrows with a smile)

V : !!!!!!!

N : (Playfully looks daggers at V)

My younger cousin brothers : Awesome, bhavaji!!! Even I wanted to do, but mom doesn't let me!
 -Hubby's reply : Earn and do it with your own money. No one will say anything.

Our Friend, T :Yaar, tune toh hadd kardi. You shouldn't do such things. It gets the rest of us in trouble with our wives!!!

:) :) :)

The next day was my baby shower, where my Parents-in-law had arranged for a Pooja (Sheemantha) and about a hundred people where invited. No points for guessing, I was NOT the centre of attraction!

And then there are some more reactions, each qualifying for a separate post for themselves. Wait for them.

;)

Day 4 :: Disappointment sometimes

Friendship is a vague term. Just like "Love" is. There is no particular definition to it, nor any boundaries. Hence when someone is good to you, talks to nicely, smiles at you often, you instantly regard him/ her as a friend. And a person can have so many of them. It is hard to say if they are real friends or just casual someones.

I am choosy about befriending anyone. That is not be mistaken with being friendly. I can be friendly with any random person. As a result, I have very few friends and I have held them close to my heart. Maybe I am not that verbal, but friendship from my side has always been sincere and genuine. I cannot fake it. If I have to, I'd rather break the ties. 

Am I wrong in expecting the same kind of devotion to friendship from them? And is this the reason why I end up being disappointed and dejected and sometimes hurt when they fall short???

I remember a series of incidents in college that led to me having a huge fall out with  my so called friends. They called me rude and mean for being straight forward, for calling a spade a spade. And I called them hypocrites, for being hypocrites. They took my straight forwardness to heart, while they celebrated happy times bitching cruelly behind backs. I didn't mind if they hated me, but at least have he guts to tell it to me oin my face! I couldn't bear this two faced friendship. I severed ties with them but not without a verbal.

By then I fairly knew that not everyone is worth your trust`. I understand that my real friends take me as I am, sometimes telling me that being so blunt is not good. And I have respected that, even though I did not agree. 

What do you truly expect from a friend? Just that he shares your joys and understands your sorrows? I realised that not everyone with whom you hang out, spend fun time with, share some secrets with or gives you sound advice can meet your expectation. 

During my pregnant days in Pune, I encountered many friends, online and in person too. All of them were way too happy to see me in pregnant state. "Ohhhhhh you are having a baby??? How sweet, how cute!!!" was the general outburst from them. Everyone was pouring advices left, right and centre. And all of them wanted to be the first one to know whether it was a girl or a boy. And of course, everyone promised to come and meet the little one. 

I was at my parents' place for 5 months. None of these gushing, enthusiastic friends, who wanted to see Aa came to visit me. This is not just one or two of them. Many promised continually, and never turned up. One friend even told me she is coming for sure on Saturday. That Saturday never came.  

I am not saying that I am important or that my baby should be for someone. My point is why make a commitment when you do not plan to honour it? Why act concerned when you obviously do not seem to. Perhaps I would understand if this has happened with one or two friends. But all of them??? Except for my three friends, Pallavi, Shraddha and Tejaswini, who were behind my back to know what Aa does every day. I am so thankful that I still have some of those gems for friends. Others, are they just illusions?

I am not staking my friendship on this incident alone. I am not that fragile. But I can feel disappointed, can't I? 

I know I probably shouldn't have posted this on the eve of Friendship Day. But feelings don't see days! Promising a nice post tomorrow. 

Home Sweet Home

Greetings from the US of A! Yes, we reached here safely and have almost settled. The journey was not smooth. With Aa crying for an hour during the first flight drained all our energy and enthusiasm! Anyway, this post is not about the past. It is about reveling in the present and looking forward to the future.

I am in love with the house. It is bigger, better and lovelier than our previous one. I am having a gala time decorating it. This time we have rented a 2 bedroom apartment (since my folks are here) and anyway here they have some rule saying only 2 people live in one bedroom apartment. Even if you have a baby, you are supposed to rent a 2 bedroom apartment. Yeah, totally :|, I know!

Husband is over the moon to finally see Aa and me. Due to the AI strike, we were unsure of flying, before finally cancelling the tickets and making a fresh booking on Lufthansa. Aa also took to her father pretty soon and awarded him with a heart melting smile as soon as she saw him.


I am already missing homeland - its sights, sounds and smell. Doesn't mean I am not happy here. I had a welcome back feeling when I landed.

All in all, I am genuinely happy after a very long time. And I hope to stay that way, being happy and spreading happiness.


So, I have been all talk about doing a blogathon this year too. Good news is that I shall soon be embarking on the month long journey. This time, promising all the readers word posts and picture posts too. Now there is so much I can (and have to) write on.  I shall start as soon as I get my husband's much needed support. :) Yeah, he pushes me to do things when I am lazy. :)

Hoping that you will stay with me on this journey, reading, encouraging, commenting on posts and giving me suggestions too. Although it seems pretty simple, it takes a lot of determination and mental energy to keep going on. I need assurance that the blog's being read. Do not shy to voice your opinion on the matter. All blogger swear by the importance of getting even a single comment for their posts. You do not necessarily have to agree with or like what I say. Different points of view add dimensions to a subject that can be explored.

Keep your eyes on this space. There shall be Fb updates of course. See you then!

Siigh!

She : Why are you staring at me now?

He : Just...

She : You stared at me 1.5 years back and that was understandable... Stop it, please! It feels awkward.

He : I'm looking at you, who was once a girl, then girlfriend, a wife and now a beautiful mother! What an amazing transformation!

... and once again, he steals her heart!

Guest Post by N

A guest post!!! by N, my first and most favourite sister-in-law. Read on what's she got to say. Part 2 of the same will be up, which will be my version of the same story.

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Its been hell loong since I actually wrote anything; even a grocery list. So this blog post better be a good one from me. After all my Purnima now has a reputation to take care of.

Speaking of which, Purni (that's what I call her) and myself have known each other for God knows how long. The fact that she is related to my aunt, who is also her aunt, is the main reason. Well, doesn't my aunt and her aunt mean we might be cuz? Err.. no. Its like this, her aunt in the way of her mom's sister and my aunt being my uncle's wife... aah... now you get it!

Anyways, she's a year younger to me but then, that was never an issue. As long as I remember, my first impression of her was that of a girl who spoke her mind, regardless of who it was. I loved it and her; as it was something I would never even have courage of doing. She was, let us say, a "pataka". She was a little sis I never had, atleast until I had one.  She was the "city girl" in our chota sa village. When we wore salwar, oiled our hair and wore bindis, she would be in her pretty frocks/jeans with her wild curly hair loose. She was a dream we girls wanted to live. I don't think she would actually dream about oiling her hair like me. (blech!)

Zipping into the next 10-15 years, we grew up... meeting occassionally when she would come down during the school holidays to her aunt's house and I too would be there sometimes. Playing was out of question at that time. We just used to sit out and look at our brothers playing Lagori, Cricket and yell for tiniest of "cheatings".. sigh.. those were the days... 

I would like to tell you all my relation with her, she is now my sister in law (legally), but I care for her more... We fight, snicker, tease, bitch about our weight do all that stuff sisters do. We share clothes (unfortunately my waist is rather too big to fit into her clothes), and we both loooove books, hit restaurants like there is no tomorrow, and shop, shop, shop...In short, we are always there for each other (sniff..sniff). 


Purni has been a friend first and sister-in-law next. In fact, other than the mandatory crossover from her calling me by name to calling me "vanni" (bhabhi), nothing has changed between us. We drive her brother (and my husband, who happens to be the same person - V) crazy. The best proof of it would be when V tells us, "You girls are supposed to fight, not backing each other!" We get that from him each time that he is cornered or bullied by us. Or when he pulls our legs. Yeah, we do that a lot! Since I am not to, I let her do the pinching, hitting and punching parts.

We do all kinds of stuff teenagers would. Who cares how old you are? We are still kids :P (we have our own kid(s) now), but still... 

Now, our talks revolve around kids, cooking, books and we still bitch about our weight. I eye her non existence waist and she wants my thin matchstick legs.

How Purni went from being an occassional city friend to a full time sis in law? That's another story. 

I have to say, honestly, I never remember speaking to, far less even look at Purni's brother... When I asked him about it, he says he was busy with his college life. Later I found out he was too shy to speak to girls :P

The very first time I remember seeing her brother was at my uncle's place (duh!)  when I in my 2nd yr degree. A tall, rather skinny guy with French beard who was waaaaaaaaaaaay too shy for his age. After exchanging "Hellos", we were back to our own work. He was then working in Bangalore, and would come down to my uncle's place often during the weekends. I started seeing more of V and my impression of him never wavered. He was definetly the quiet type. We talked and I felt sad for him as I knew he missed his mom and sis way too much. He was actually away from them for the first time, and that too in a whole new state, where he did not even know the local language.

We exchanged email id's and kept in touch. In my final year, V popped up the million dollar question. Honestly, I was not expecting it so suddenly but I was not shocked either. I guess, somewhere in my mind I always knew this would have been the next step. Well, now that it was asked, I had to answer right?  I took my time and finally, I did tell him what I thought. 

For those who don't know me, we got married a year later - after he completed his MS and landed a job in Sg. Its now been 6 year plus and with 2 amazingly wonderful daughters, I wouldn't ask for anything more!

December Update II

Just a week back got a colour doppler USG. That's some fancy way of checking the baby. :P Anyway, last time I mentioned Jr. was lying in oblique position, this time however, s/he is not. Jr. decided to play hopscotch with the long long umbilical cord and as a result has gotten it looped around his/ her neck (loosely), not once but twice. Yeah, Jr. seems to be naughty already!

Despite me hogging all day like a pig, my weight has not increased even by half a kg, which invited "You need to eat more" from the doc. I don't know how much more I can manage eating when I am reaching for the food plate very 15-20 mins. *And I am eating everything, from chicken to fish to veggies to yummies* Sigh!

Meanwhile, the doc has asked to wait until the 28th December... to take it lying down till then, which means total bed rest. And there would be a final USG to check for Jr. updates. I am most likely to have C-section.

So, am I scared or upset? I thought I would be, but I am not. In fact I am more irritated when I learnt the tailor lady has misplaced my saree blouse! I wanna blow her head off! I was planning to wear that saree for my best friend's reception which falls this Sunday!

Another Jr. news :: Since Friday night, s/he suddenly became lethargic and hence kicked and tumbled less.  That was enough to bring my heart in my throat. No amount of pushing and poking the bump made any difference. I made KK cancel his plan to attend office picnic and rushed to the doc.

As soon as we reached the hospital and Jr. heard doc's voice, s/he was back in action, showing his/ her favorite antics. The heartbeats were normal too. Phew!!!! !!!!! *Now I somehow understand mom's phone call whenever I came home late* 


Currently, night time has become like circus. I wake up at odd times, either to eat or to complain about my sciatic nerve pain or to pee or to drink water or I wake up just like that.

Though, I would love to update it after the next doc visit, I dunno if I will be able to. I have been advised to lie down as much as possible.

Ending note : I am terribly excited, now that the countdown has finally begun (and that there is uncertainty on when the doc's gonna get me delivered) and humongous amount of curiosity - baby boy or baby girl!

BTW, my best friend Shweta gave birth to a baby boy, AVI, C section. Both are doing well... and I am so excited for them too!!!!!!

December Update

Yeah, the last month of preggyness!

The doc visit was as usual. She was pretty happy with my baby's weight gain. I am heavy at 65 kgs now :D But seriously, I don't feel that heavy. My blood pressure and Jr's heartbeats are normal and healthy.

Jr is currently lying in head down, but oblique position. So gyn has asked me to continue with the exercises and try to coax the baby into current position. I have started scolding telling Jr. that s/he needs to move else it could be C-section.

Of course, there is in fact nothing to be worried about yet, as it seems there are still 15 days left for the baby to actually settle in to a final position. Nevertheless, docs will be docs and warn, they will. :)

Other than that, how am I you ask? I am fine, except for the massive physical discomfort that comes along with 9th month. Twisting and turning at night is a HUGE headache. I feel broken in half a dozen places with bones rattling and Jr. merrily kicking from inside. Thankfully, I am still away from exhaustion. Walking has now started to become a duck waddle. Yeah, despite the fact that I don't have a bump that's gigantic, I look funny when I walk! Have I mentioned that the girl who had to be told to walk slow, now tells others to walk like grandmas?

My stomach is somewhere in the throat and, is full within a few grains of food. Gravity is working overtime. Anything and everything that I hold falls on the ground and I am not even allowed to crib about it!!! X(

I sleep on my left, Jr. tumbles to the left and starts tickling me. I sleep on my right and Jr. tumbles to the right and starts tickling me. I sleep on my back; back starts complaining. Jr. still kicks. While I try to attain a balance between what Jr. wants and my comfort, I am thirsty. I have to haul myself in a sitting position and drink water. With immense effort,  lot of aah, ooohs later when I finally manage lie down, the bladder starts talking. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat and wonder "When did I become like this?"!

Amidst all this nocturnal drama, concerned husband asks, "Anything wrong?!" to which I answer, "Nothing, I am just pregnant!"

Name Calling

How do you call your husband? By name? By "those" words of respect? Or some other endearment?

Thinking back about 25 - 30 years; roughly around the time when our parents tied a knot; it is indeed fascinating to see how things have changed. If we were to place those times and situations next to today's, we would probably list down a 1000 differences at least. 

One of the stark difference and perhaps the most revolutionising (liberating?) is how we, the neo-ladies call our respective husbands. With evolution and open-ness of husband-wife relation, the suniye-ji era has started to  fade into oblivion. Once considered the supreme power in a wedded woman's life, is now more of a back slapping buddy who considers his wife an equal. In fact, the good news being, the husbands no longer want to be worshipped or labelled  as pati-parmeshwar. They gladly tell you "Call me by my name. No issues". 

This is where the confusion started for me. For some time, it was a constant battle for me to decide whether to call KK by name or Aji, sunte ho? (Itte, aikata ve? - Konkani equivalent) as a part of sanskar bestowed by my parents. Come to think of it, suniye-ji sounded natural to me before marriage, since that's how my mother and other older ladies in the house refer to their better halves. I have never heard my mother call my father by name, and if she did, I'd probably tell her not to. Not because it is wrong, but because it sounds so alien to my ears! 

Well, it wasn't lightening strike love for me and KK. We took time in discovering that we had feelings for each other. Of course till then, I'd been calling him by name. Later, when we acknowledged our mutual feelings and decided to bring our parents in picture, realisation struck me that he is no longer going to be "just a friend". With involvement of family and relatives and the fact that we were going to be "wedded as husband and wife", I knew I had to look at him from a different perspective. And this is where parents discreetly mention the "now there will be a husband in your life". 

Over a telephone call, I mentioned to KK that I'd have to show him some extra respect for being my husband. He was shocked. He did not expect a Pune-bred girl to have such orthodox thinking. I must admit, somewhere deep inside me, I did not want a husband, I wanted a friend to spend my life with. And suniye-ji would just keep me at one hand distance. But who'd convince my parents? Thinking from their side too, they were not too wrong. Its not always about the husband, its about the husband's family too - they'd say. 

Perhaps I knew KK, but I was certainly not acquainted with his parents. Maybe they expected an aadarsh bahu? Or were they open enough to accept me with my ups and downs? They were from our native town, not much lived in a city. I knew the living conditions in Pune differed a lot from the manner in which our native dwellers live. In such a situation, would they like it if I called their son by name?

Much later did I come to know that KK had told my in laws that he wants me to call him only by name. I was caught in a trap. In private, I'd call KK by his name and in front of others (mostly elders) I referred to him as "He/ His/ Him" (hanni/ tanni in Konkani). It was a tongue twisting job for me. Many a times I ended up confusing myself. KK was blissfully enjoying my predicament. "Who's asking you to create confusion? Why can't you simply call me by name in front of everyone?"

KK got fed up of my pleadings to let him call by "those" words. He said if I were to call address him in that way, then he'd address me in a similar way. What a put off that was! And then there were friends and elders too who laughed at my 1950's way. "You!!! You won't call your husband by name? Are you ancient or what?" they mocked me. 

You might wonder what was the dilemma. Why wouldn't I just take an easy way out and heed to my pati-parmeshwar's simple solution? Well, even I have ego problems. I did not want anyone to say anything to me regarding "ladki ko kuch sikhaya hi nahi". Yeah I was adamant.

However, of late my tenacity to stay put on my self imposed stupid belief started to wither as I realised how cumbersome it was for me to adjust my language every time I spoke to my in laws. Somehow my mother also succeeded in convincing my father that it was naya zamana and kid's lives have changed now. As long as they are comfortable with calling each other whatever they want, that should be fine. 

Still to be on the safer side, I explained it to my MIL why and how the transformation took place. She only laughed at my almost 1.5 year old stint. And I gaped at my FIL when he said "You do what he says. He should do what you says. We are not going to come in between the two of you. As long as you are happy with each other, we are happy." Frankly, very frankly, I was not expecting this kind of open-ness and broad minded ness from my in laws. Do I say I am lucky? :)

Now whether it is a 8 yr old kid or 80 yr old grandma, I call KK by name with no guilt. :D 

To be noted : not every one calls their husband by name, even today. In fact my own SIL, calls out to my brother "aji sunte ho?", while before they got married it was by name.  To each their own levels of comfort.