Day 13 :: I need a vacation already!

I am so looking forward to this weekend. This week just stretched endlessly. By Tuesday I wanted to take a break already! I wonder how mothers and grandmothers did it all these years, without once making us feel like we were a burden to them! Phew! 

To have or not to have

a baby part II is the biggest question that looms over new parents. Much like a sword hovering over; it keeps haunting day in day out. Not to mention parents and relatives who, albeit subtly, won't leave a chance to "remind" you (in case you are forgetting!).

What indeed are you supposed to do? When you are torn in between practicality of inflation laced life and life long guilt of not providing a sibling to your kid; decision making becomes tough.

I am at the threshold of all this. Now that Aarnavi is almost 2, the question looks at me in the face.

Since whenever I thought of my family life, I have always wanted two kids - one of each gender. Probably because that was how we were - myself and V. Kiran, on the other hand, was gonna be happy with just one. This was the time before Aarnavi was born, when we did "the talks" about kids. The whole of first year we have debated on and off - 1 v/s 2. The husband was worried about finances and I couldn't imagine that my still-to-be-conceived-baby would not have a sibling. I tried making him see the advantages of having a sibling. After all, he has a baby sister too who he loves to pieces.

'I cannot imagine my life without V. Can you imagine your childhood without N?' I would ask him continually. Even then he maintained his stand, while reminding me that what I am talking about is still a long way to go. There would be times when he would just give in to my wishful whining. (I guess it was to make me stop discussing the said topic)

After Aarnavi's arrival, opinions took a firmer shape. He was dead against having another baby. Seeing me suffer through the pains and miseries of pregnancy (which was perhaps ones of the easiest ones that women have) and post-partum, he wouldn't hear a word from me. And coming to me, even with all that I went through, I couldn't accept what he said. But then I decided it was best not to bring it up.

As the months passed, the pain, discomfort and even memories of them started to fade away. Aarnavi's growing up was a magical time. She was an ideal baby of sorts. Her milestones were bang on. Her schedule was fixed. She was a happy baby who despite turning our world upside down, kept us hooked. This time, in fact, acted as a catalyst for Kiran to change his mind. Since we were in the US with no help from parents or in laws; he go to be hands-on father.  His involvement with Aarnavi made him rethink the decision. The amount of satisfaction he felt in seeing her grow was apparent. He realised it wasn't enough. And he finally accepted that there would indeed be a baby 2 for us.

Many parents are happy with their first born. They have their reasons, and I believe they are justified. Each one knows what they can handle and what they cannot. It is true that in today's world, having two children is nothing short of a luxury. It isn't just "giving a playmate". As parents we are responsible for their upbringing - which means a lot of money. To make two ends meet is not an easy task.

And it isn't just money, there are few other grave things too. Like when I spoke to some of my friends on whether they would go for a second baby, many said they couldn't imagine going through those 9 months again. Others say they are oscillating between the two options. Still others are yet to recover from the shock of motherhood. As expected, these reasons are smacked down by mothers and aunties who have gone ahead having 2 kids or more. "Haven't we had babies?" is their smug question. I find it very daunting that such ladies are so indifferent to the pains of motherhood. I wonder why they won't try to understand the word "enough".

The fact that decisions are not respected gets on my nerves. From 'when to have the first kid' to 'what age difference is ideal between 2 siblings' - every damn question is under the limelight. No matter how wisely you have come to a mutual decision depending the best on your emotional preparedness, physical health and financial graph, it is always shot down by unsolicited "expert advice" doled out by previous parents.

We have decided to have the second baby (down the line), instead of all the extra luxuries that we could have otherwise afforded. We have come to decisions of our own, and have are not budging from it, whatever anyone says.

It is human to form opinions and pass judgment. But the least we can do is to be sensible and keep them to ourselves unless expressly asked. Such are sensitive topics and there can be no right or wrong. It is an individual family decision, and no outsider should be contributing to it.

Their "Us" Moment

They were driving back from a get together at a friend's house. The pitter-patter of the raindrops on the windshield was like a rhythm to their year old toddler's continuous babbles.

Suddenly he said something funny which made her laugh.

"I am happy that I can still make you laugh." he said, smiling at her earnestly.

"Mnh-hnn" She smiled back at him, reached for his hand and entwined her fingers in his.

A moment of silence later she responded, "You can make me cry too."

"I was thinking the same. And I am sorry for such times!"

... and just like that, they had their "Us" moment which they hadn't had in a very very long time.

;)

Rough Around the Edges

When my husband made Aloo baingan (stir-fried eggplants with potatoes, if you must) for the first time a couple of weeks ago, I was all praises. I just couldn't stop raving about how wonderful it tasted and how lucky was I to have him in my life, every time I went in for a helping.

Yesterday, upon request, he made it again. This time, I gulped my entire portion without a single word. Even a while after dinner, I did not say anything about how it turned out to be. Only when he openly asked me about it, did I realise that I'd given no reaction whatsoever. It was good as it was previously. What was missing this time was my excitement to acknowledge the same. 

I am like that. A lot many times than I want to be. I forget to acknowledge. I forget to speak up even though that is exactly what I am thinking. I do that so many times only to realise a tad too late. Like in this case, I was admiring the meal with every bite, but it never occurred to me that I should speak up. It may not seem such a big issue right here, but there are times when I should say something and I do not. It is preposterous, if you ask me. 

Lately, I started to reflect on why I do this and I did come up with a possible explanation to my dearth of manners to acknowledge something. I think, I am so over stuffed with a certain emotion, that they block out all my words. There is so much to react to that I do not react at all or I react later/ lesser than expected. Rather I forget some essential things; like the formality to do or say something. I am going to quote a few examples.

Whenever any of my friends come home, I (have) never, never offered them a glass of water. Even if they come walking in the hot summer sun, I have never sat them down and offered them a drink of cool water. My friends tease me that I have no manners and do not know how to treat guests. This happens only with my friends. If it is any other person, I'll be the first one to jump up and do the needful. 

I always get an earful from my mother for this. Knowing my lack of "Atithi Devo Bhava" spirit, she makes it her job to look after my friends. In fact, a close friend of mine and my mom exchange looks on how long I take to realise my blunder!

I am actually so happy to see them that I instantly launch into a charade and forget all about carrying out basic formalities. (Also in this case, I think my close friends are welcome to think of my house as theirs and help themselves to the kitchen. Of course, it doesn't always work that way!)

It was a few days before Aa's birthday that another of our close friends offered to help us in the preparations. Although they have a kid of Aa's age, they said they'd love to come over a day before and help. All I could manage to say was, it wasn't required since somebody else had already agreed. I did not thank, nor did I say I was sorry that I couldn't use their help at that time. They are very close friends and I had no intentions of hurting them or even being mean to them. But there I go, without Thanks or Sorry and just firing an explanation. I was very much humbled by their offer and my ignorance to accept that and communicate it to them hurts me even today.

Likewise I forget to congratulate, offer sympathies, be enthusiastic or wish someone. On a few occasions, I do not want to do them consciously, but these are not those. I genuinely feel happy or positive about something and I fail to execute the same in words/ reactions.

I need to work on it! 

Peeping Up From The Mundane

"I was busy." seems like a valid reason to many questions regarding one's whereabouts, online or even in the real world. I, for one, have always believed that it is just an excuse for not doing something.

Like now, in my current situation, where I have immersed neck deep in motherhood, I still think being busy is just a term/ an excuse to not do something. And for me, it's totally got to do with my laziness. I wished a 1000 times that I would blog, or read a book or do something craftsy, or walk the treadmill. Alas, I have just kept wishing. 

This brings me to a whole lot of things that I have just let go and not shared on my space here. 

Thanksgiving is just over and we had some wonderful family time. It's always been the three of us here and over this holiday, we bonded and shared fun times. I realize that to make you feel good, special and happy, you don't need many friends or too many people... one right person, and you are settled for life. And this year, although with the tight budget, we bought a few things... splurged a little to make ourselves happy. Will blog about it soon. 

I get feedback from readers, not just the comments, but elsewhere, saying that they read my blog. Some say they read because I make them laugh, some say they relate to it very well, some say they look forward to my next blog post and often want to know when I will be doing so. I am so touched and humbled to get such beautiful views over my blog. No doubt, I love it when I am writing, but the feedback heightens the excitement. 

Also a lot of you have mentioned that it is difficult to comment on the blog and that you have not been able to do it. I truly do not know how fix that thing... so sorry for that snag. Hope it will resolve in the near future.

I am very much looking forward to the December month. Guess what it brings? Snow, memories and this year, as my god sent Christmas gift, V is gonna come visiting. Life couldn't get any better when you look forward to amazing. I know I am in for some awesome fun time. 

And time flies fast don't you think? Aa is already almost 11 months old and I cannot believe it. I have been given the entire responsibility to put together her birthday. I am pleased as a pie! There was a time when I used to have my birthdays celebrated and here I am planning for my daughter's. I feel older wiser. ;)

Well, that's all much I can think of at this moment to update. More posts will be seen soon. :) Promise.

Freeing From Clutter

As childish as it may seem, crying helps a lot! It eases the mind like anything. In fact, I realize that venting helps to start afresh. A few days ago, I found my mind cluttered with all kinds of things - hurtful comments, bad fights, wrong accusations. These things have a way of creeping into your mind and growing like a crazy weed. I was thinking in a loop . These thoughts just wouldn't go away. They played and replayed till it hurt me anew. And there was no one at the moment to hear me out. Nor was I sure if I wanted to let someone else see these personal ghosts.


I got a book and a pen and I wrote and wrote till my hand ached. The words just came out. It was like taking dictations from somebody. I did not pause for even a second to collect my thoughts. I was so brimming with these emotions that they came oozing out. I had filled up six sides and when my hand stopped receiving signals naturally, all my worries were on the paper.

When I re read them, I was amazed at how much I was holding back. The pain, the hurt, the stress slipped away and I was feeling lighter. I haven't looked back at that writing again.

Some say scribbling hard helps, some say destroying something helps, and some more say screaming helps. Dealing with it in this manner, transforms your discomfort into something tangible. They just give you a temporary outlet to your current emotions; they do not free you from them. To truly cleanse your mind, that bad stuff needs to be out of your system, transferred onto/ into something that goes away. Cry it out. Let the steam out. Let your worries dissolve in tears or words and see them off.

Try it. It might succeed in taking some miseries off your life.

Day 23 :: What made me happy today

We are on a roll! We invited some of KK's friends over for snacks. I presume you already know my friendship with cooking? Yeah, I kind of get all goosy when people come over. I never know what to make.

This time I called the shots and decided for myself what I would do. And I did! Successfully! Everything turned out great!

I feel content when guest who come, leave happily with a smile on their face. It's wonderful to know that they had a good time and enjoyed themselves. Yes, this is what makes me happy today. I am glowing at such a nice evening. I am dead tired now, but I am still *glowing*.

What made you happy today?

Day 17 :: Being Spineless

I have encountered many people who believe in letting go. I think it is a good as long as it lets you stay in peace. That is the most important thing, isn't it?

Call it a way of life or that people have started being more indifferent and insensitive to each other. It isn't easy to escape taunts, vile remarks, injustice or rudeness nowadays. It's just there. It depends on the receptor how he deals with all that. Some prefer to give it all back and oters will keep mum. Like I said, whatever makes you happy.

I wonder why people would want to take it all in, only to complain behind the back. I believe that if you have a problem then talk it out. If it troubles you, say it. If anything gets to you on a personal level, stand up for yourself. Is taking shit from people a better option than feeling shitty yourself?

In my office, there was an HR person, who thought she was above all. She thought she had this "HR" aura about her and that she was untouchable. It didn't bother me any more than it was digusting. Well I kept to myself. She was her way, I was mine. Slowly she started pulling people up and giving them a earful left, right center for work not well done. Now, considering the situation in the office, that was certainly needed. She thought of a way out, instead of selecting employees here and there, why not call every one and tell them that their job is below expected standards. And that's what she did.

It was my turn and she told me so, curtly, without even bothering to look at my work history. I was certainly pissed at such lowly manner, she dealt with me. I said "Prove it." And her jaw dropped.

I said "Sorry to say but I am not gonna accept anything you say here, unless you give me a solid proof of what you are accusing me of. I can give you the proof of my job being done accurately and not you and not even the bigger boss will be able to reiterate that."

She was fuming.

And that was just one of many. Other employees were raging too, but were too timid to speak up. They expected me to speak up and stand up for them, which I didn't. I think each person should e able to say a rightful "NO" when they are supposed to. Instead of harbouring so much bitterness for a long time, why not speak it out and get done with it?

There are such gems placed in the family too. No matter what the situation or celebration, they will love to temper the occassion with their disapproving comments that will spoil your mood.

We are often taught to respect the elders and mind our tongues when we speak with them. But that in no way means the younger do not deserve any respect. It is considered ok for them to mistreat the younger people all in the name of fun.

I have decided to be upfront and blunt wiht such people. No matter how they percieve me, but I am going to be me. If it stinges me, I am going to bite back without regrets. And that is what I have done, in the past and continue to do so.

I do let go - Once, twice and in some cases thrice. Only when the perpetrator crosses this level do I get really mean. If someone does not maintain a decorum, I don't see why I should. Why should I let someone slap me and get away with it?


How lenient can you be with such people? Do you let them hurt you and get away with it? Or do you find it easy to forgive and forget?

Day 13 :: Discovering Self

13 things I have newly discovered about myself

1. I can let go of things that disturb me. It is very difficult, but I have been capable of doing it.

2. I can finish my kitchen chores within 45 minutes (Aa's morning nap time) - cooking, cleaning et al.

3. I can lose weight! YAY!

4. I can be very observant if I choose to be.

5. I can set a goal and achieve it too.

6. I can willingly forgo chocolate and cheese. (Of course, not permanently!)

7. I can make a beginning and see it till the end.

8. I can live without many things that I thought I could never live without!

9. I can forgive myself for bad cooking.

10. I can look after Aa, which I thought would be an impossible task.

11. I can understand a lot of things my mother used to tell me. (Yeah, now!)

12. I can stay alive without my 10 hour daily, beauty sleep.

and

13. I can (still) let my mind wander to places of  my imagination.

:) :) :)

Day 10 :: Horrorscopic

Isn't it wonderful to believe that those twinkle twinkle little stars guide our destiny?!

Call it imperfect science, but people have reasons to swear by its worth. There are believers, non-believers and then there are people like me - who cannot yet decide whether or not to believe.

I have my reasons. Earlier, as a kid I thought it was some god written scripture for each one of us which only the learned pundits could read. As a young adult, I wish-washed the entire thing by calling it a man made hoopla.

Then came a day when I was awestruck! One of my uncles read my horoscope and told every big and small thing about me. I haven't met this uncle since I was a few years old. And here he was telling every minute grain about my nature.

Not just that, he even predicted correctly about my marriage. He said my would-be husband was where my brother was working, but currently (then)he is abroad.

He also said that my wbh would be right under my nose and yet I won't be able to see him. (for those who do not know the story, KK was all the while before me and I never knew I was gonna marry him)

I had goosebumps when my parents told me all this.

I still cannot completely bring myself to give in to believing. I do not trust the horoscope matching during marriages. It is considered to be the sole strong base in arranged marriages. Many of them who had had an excellent match are now living in sad marriages.

Not everyone though. There are happy arranged marriages and there are sad love marriages.

There are some who will go ahead with an alliance without bothering much about horoscope matching, which was the case in my and V's marriage. (mind you, mom had made sure, long long long back that we will net good spouses by asking a pundit against our individual horoscope) and hence the decision not to press.

While that was the case at my place, my mother in law, a strong believer, consulted their pundit who told her "This girl needs to be understood in depth. She is of complex nature." Isn't that true?! ;)

I feel it is ok to consult the H once in a while. Just so that it gives you a rough path to follow. But sometimes when somethings are revealed or suggested by looking at the horoscope, one should think before blindly taking a plunge. Like I was told that if I didn't get married by 22, my marriage would be delayed until I turned 27. That hit the panic button on my parents and hence began a frantic search.

But guess what, I didn't get married until 25 and at 27, I already have a daughter!

Beat that! ;)

Day 7 :: Another Award And a Tag

First of all apologies for being so late in updating my today's post. It was my Yoga evening and hence the delay.

umm... how do I start? First of all THANKS to Uma for being so generous with the blog awards. And also sorry girl, for not taking it up any earlier. Hope you didn't think I'd pass it!

So I get

Aren't they lovely? I am all smiles. Thanks really! Like blog awards function tradition, I am supposed to pass on this award to fellow bloggers. And I read only a handful of yous! ;) There is a sea of bloggers who write wonderfully, much better than I do! So instead of nominating people, let me pass this award to all the bloggers who are committed to blogging and love their spaces to pieces. Many people start a blog but soon neglect it, since they can't seem to keep up with the writing bit. Hence,consider yourself awarded if you are in the category.

Also I am supposed to write 7 random facts about myself.

1. I am weaker than I thought I was. Physically and emotionally as well. Of late anything hurts me and tears sting in my eyes at slightest provocation.

2. I can live without the television but not without the internet.

3. I forgive, but never forget.

4. I have many unfulfilled wishes. Some of them remain so due to my laziness!

5. I thought it' d be scary to mother a child. Now I am loving it.

6. I do not place trust in anyone easily. I am a doubtful person and will doubt even the most genuine intentions. Perhaps that's just the way I am. Ask KK.

&

7. I drink very less water. :( Maybe just like a glass or two in a day. On the other hand, all through the night I finish a bottle of water! :|

April or November?

Its been a while since I really got down to writing. Earlier, I'd spend the whole day lazing in front of the lappy, choosing right words, adding, deleting, embellishing my posts. Now that hardly happens; given the very little time period alloted to me for pouring out my mind.

Sometimes I really wish we had some sort of cord that could connect the brain to the PC. Just like camera or card reader. I'd just plug it in the slot and everything would be transferred and posted on blog. Easy?

Well, just like the previous year, I plan to do the blogathon. Yeah, I am enthusiastic about it! Although am a bit confused. I wanna do it in the month of April, but am unsure if I can sit down to do it. Lemme admit, doing 30 posts one after another is not a joke. Its a commitment that needs to be fulfilled.

I still have a fortnight or so to decide. So lesse!

If I don't do it in April, I will do it in November. I don't know why, but I keep screaming "NOVEMBER" in my head.

So, April or November? Help me decide. :)

What Made Me Happy Lately

I am all over the moon!!! And this is why,

No, I did not pre order it on Flipkart.com to get this signed copy. In fact, I got to meet her in person...

Preeti Shenoy, one of my favorite authors was in town for her latest book launch; and I did not want to miss it for anything! 

We reached before time, which gave me a chance to talk to Preeti akka fora while... and she is as amazing in person as she sounds on her blog! I got to ask her that one question about her that's been haunting me forever... 

I asked her how she manages to be so positive and how come the same radiates through her blog. Does she have bad days or not? Does she never get upset?

"Its not like I don't have my bad days. I scream too. At such times, I divert my attention by making something - I make cards or I paint or do yoga. Secondly, I do not believe in spreading negativity. If I'm having a bad day, why should I torment others by ranting it out?", she speaks candidly.

Inspiring, isn't it? 

We were also glad to meet her husband, Satish Shenoy, who was a pleasure to talk to. (He writes guest posts on her blog, and they are good reads too!)

During the interactive session, I was curious to know if she faces writer's block, especially when she is doing her Blogathon. Without much ado she says she has a variety to offer - even if her daughter's hugged her during the day, she turns it into a blog post. Again so simple, yet so inspiring! A gesture of love, as small as it may seem, qualifies to be a blogpost. This has certainly given me a boost of enthusiasm for my second run of Blogathon. 

Hereby, I have made some resolutions for my own good. I'm going to put them up on my blog. I believe by having something in writing, makes it more real, more solid. That might just avoid me from shying away from my resolutions. Once the world knows about it, then it becomes a question of honour and I'll have to abide by them. 

:) :) :) :) :)

P.S. My lill baby doll allowed me to enjoy the whole session by sleeping peacefully in her gramma's arms!

How people change

One moment they are friendly, the next they behave strangely obtuse! Such are some people, who have the knack to turn down others without as much of remorse. Apparently, there is no reason for such change in behaviour. Or rather, if there is, it is hardly communicated, which leaves the other person in turmoil of emotions in addition to being clueless. 

The same thing has happened to us. There was this family (R) we knew since a long time back. Long time means around 10-15 years. In fact, their daughters were the same age as V and me. Let's call them Sm and Sy respectively. R-Aunty was also pretty friendly and chatty. The families were introduced through me and Sy. Although in different schools, we used to often talk/ discuss about our curriculum. She was my playmate too. That brought us really close. Eventually, R-aunty decided to pay us a visit. 

Friendship between my mom and R aunty also blossomed. Idle chats, coming over for tea, invitations for pooja and every other small things that is involved in women friendship was present. As time passed by, trust and faith seemed to deepen. Soon R-aunty started opening her heart to my mom. She would often speak about her domestic hitches. How her husband would not provide enough money at home, how it was difficult for her to manage expenses despite her salary, how insensitive the girls were, how they don't pay attention to studies, how her husband was least bothered about savings, how in this world was she going to get her daughters married etc. 

She would often come to our place to unload her baggage. She said it relieved her to speak it out to my mom, as she was a good listener and her advice made sense to her deranged mind. She would also come for small favours. "I will not be home today evening when Sy comes home. Can she stay here till I return?", "Do you have a change for Rs. 100?", "Would you mind taking Marathi tutions for Sy? Both (me and Sy) are in the same class. You can teach her when you teach your daughter."

One day there was an unusual favour asked "Can I tie Rakhi to your husband? He's like an elder brother to me."My mom heeded to this humble request. That year during Raksha bandhan, R aunty came armed not just with a pretty Rakhi but also gifts for all of us. Mom felt a bit uncomfortable at this, since we had only bought a sari for her. In spite of politely denying her gifts for us, she insisted that my mom was now like a bhabhi to her and we were like her own children. 

As days passed by; which eventually became months; R aunty would be a regular visitor. Every time she would wail out her woes, curse her husband and say how lucky my mom was to have such a beautiful household. She would sing praises of her new "bhaiyya" and nephew and niece. 

These sessions started getting a bit out of hand. Every single day, she would come and start crying. Ours was a happy household. In spite of hardships, we were never dissatisfied. Even in worst situations, we have never seen our parents slapping their foreheads. Neither did they like that. It would thus be very awkward and uncomfortable for us when she continued her lamentations. 

Mom still didn't have a heart to tell her directly that what she was doing was undesirable. Discreetly, however, she made R aunty understand that problems were every where and crying over them would never help. She said the first thing you should do is stop grinding the problem, instead look for a solution and work upon it. If husband was not supportive, then it was time for her to involve her daughters and take them into confidence. If they never came to know of their mother's hardships, how were they going to help? 

Thankfully, these words of wisdom did have a positive effect on her and slowly the sad visits dwindled. Her problems seemed negligible before her enthused self. She truly rescued herself from miseries. 

The Raksha bandhan stint lasted for just 3 years. After that she conveniently forgot all about her "elder brother" whom she worshipped. Although, all this time she was friendly and would discount a polite conversation on two whenever we met. Growing kids left no time for idle afternoon chat. Thus, meetings were strictly restricted to meeting on the way to the market. 

Within some more months, some more changes took place. Where my mom was always the first one to be invited for all sorts of poojas to her place, now she came to know of them through other ladies. Not just that, R aunty started avoiding talking to her even on the way to the market. Whenever they met, she would only answer the questions asked and try to get away as soon as possible. 

At first, we didn't pay much attention to this. Mom disregarded it saying probably she was caught up in something. 

We shifted our house when V was getting married. She was invited for the reception. There she was her usual self. Showering blessings on the couple and filling N with details and saying how lucky she was to be in the family. Naturally we thought all was well. 

Since we'd moved to a new area (though not too far from our old house) crossing paths with R aunty was rare. Whenever it did, one would think there'd be hour long chats exchanging pleasantries and swapping news. Instead, R aunty started looking the other way, and sometimes even resorted to crossing roads just to avoid my mom. 

Through Orkut, I came to know her elder daughter, Sm, got married. Among 500 odd people that were invited, we were blissfully forgotten. Decked in gold and diamond jewelry, the bride was looking stunning. Not to mention the exquisitely decorated, orchid filled mandap! 

Not being invited didn't hurt as much as not being informed at all even after meeting by chance after the wedding. Mom did not bother asking. She was way too dignified to demand an explanation for the same. Recently again mom was face to face with her. And it certainly isn't her nature to insult any person standing in front of her. She acknowledged R aunty with a smile and got back as much as a grimace from her. 

Through some sources, we came to know that R aunty holds a high position in her work place now. Mom wonders if this fact has some thing to do with the haughtiness in her attitude. Is financial position a valid reason to strike off friendships? To forget those who have been there when needed? To throw people off your life like they were a fly in the milk?

If that was the case, my mom should have never befriended her in the first place. There was a time in our lives too when there was not a single Re. in the house to be spared for extra expenses. Hardships knocked hard on our doors too. Parents have dealt with such situations maturely, not once letting it show on their faces. Relationships are the same as they were before. A promotion from 2 bedroom house to a large 3 bedroom house; from a second hand Premier Padmini to a Honda City and Alto; from unemployment to high post salary did not even once affect the good relations we have had with people all along. 

I wonder whatever went wrong. I wonder why people change. I wonder how is it justified. 

Is it how people are meant to be? Or are we living in prehistoric times?

Why do I read? - Tagged by Uma

Hmm... interesting question indeed!

Why? Well, let me begin by answering 'what'. As far as memory allows me to stretch it, I remember flicking through Archie's comics even before I could read words. Those vivid colourful pages were a bonus to V's animated laughter. I loved the goofy expressions on the characters' faces; they made me laugh. I guess, my eyes read pictures before they read words. Slowly as schooling progressed and improved my reading ability, I graduated to reading the comic instead of simply enjoying the scenes.

Champak, Tinkle, Chandamama, Panchatantra, Amar Chitra Katha, Chacha Choudhary, Billo, Pinky followed soon after. School library and friends who dared to smuggle story books in bag packs were the sources. I read these books until mid-teens. I was not yet ready for anything colourless and devoid of pictures. Soon as I subscribed to a nearby library, my reading horizon began widening. Nancy Drew became my first best friend, which was immediately followed by Famous Fives, Secret Sevens and the likes.

Romance with Mills and Boons was pretty short. I found all the books same and boring. In stead, Harry Potter's magical world renewed my enthusiasm. Sidney Sheldon mermerised me. The first ever Sidney Sheldon book that I laid my hands on was "Nothing Lasts Forver" and the second, "Tell Me Your Dreams". Both left me stupefied and I discovered a new place yet again in the booksworld. Many Daniel Steele, John Grisham, Jeffery Archer books later, I am currently into fiction by Indian authors and short stories.

Coming to the point: I am a highly imaginative person. Perhaps my imaginations are not always vocal, but it runs wild and weird. Reading books have massaged that factor in me. I don't read words; they just help me to build a pictorial story in my mind. That's why I can laugh better, feel the pain and understand many emotions that are portrayed in a book.

Like the movie 'Inception' where dreams are designed, I can architect an entire book in my mind. And if I happen to read the book for the second time, I see the same world unfurling before me.

I like spiralling in a world, which is created by someone yet enjoyed by me. I prefer reading to movies.  I believe I have better imagination than any movie director.

Reading brings me peace and stoical calm. It is my meditation and sometimes my medication too. It puts my swirling mind to rest.

In spite of the above, I cannot claim to consume books at the rate at which I would like to. I don't read everyday. Nor do I read everything that I ideally would want to. I cannot proceed if I cannot draw a clear picture. I am picky. I am finicky. And I am not a voracious reader. Compared to what other book lovers have devoured, I am at the grass root level. And perhaps I may not rise from there.

I read what satisfies me. I do not read because my friend reads it/ likes it/ recommends it. I cannot. I cannot read just because the book is a bestseller. I read it because it appeals to me in a certain manner. I have liked some unheard-of books, and I have hated some award winning ones. I have my own tastes. I shy away from recommending books since I am not sure if it'll please others or not.

One more thing, I like books. Physical books. Not Kindles and Apple e-book readers. I adore turning pages. I love searching for the last read page. For that matter, I don't even like using bookmarks. I like being around books. Take me for an evening outing to any biiiiig library or Crosswords with lots of books; and I will be forever indebted to you.

I would love to pass on this book love to my children. Hope that happens.

Currently reading :: "Indian Voices", a compilation of short stories, prose, poetry by Indian authors.

(The stories are winning entries of some competition that was held some time back. One of the authors is my best friend, Shweta Virmani-Mehta)

Thank you again, Uma for this wonderful tag. I am open to such kinds of tags in future. Keep me in mind. :)

I tag Nitin "Dagabaaz" Prabhu! :P

Day 21 : One line blogpost

What can I write when eyes are blood red, teary and stinging badly? (Read contact lenses)

Day 18 : Digging up the past

I am in no mood to write something great today. Great is subjective as well as relative, mind you. Instead of digging in my mind, I thought of  unearthing some previous blogposts that I love (and wonder, for some of them, did I really write all that?)

Frankly, though I am in some royal mood to, I do not want to rant nonsense like this one which I didn't know how to name or this one, again which I was not sure what to call it. 

Here are some of my *personally personal* favorite posts that I love reading time and again. Listed as and how I found them, not by priority.

1. Some picture humour

2. A confused guy who doesn't know how to say it

3. Silly stuff I did when I was a kid

4. Defending my space

5. What happened on Valentine day

6. A big fight that ensued

7. My first contacts

8. Conversations between V n me

9. Conversations between V n me 2

10. Stranger duties

11. Dilemma

12. The unending wait

I believe, this manner of blogvertising is legit. ;)

Day 14 : One Saturday Morning...

... when you wake up feeling all relaxed at 10 AM and you find the day shining like never before, wind blowing through your hair, breakfast with coffee ready and waiting for you, laundry done, puja done and clean kitchen, you feel life's good. Really good!

:) Ah! Wishing every Saturday morning would start as perfect as this one.

Day 13 : Golden Silence

Its wonderful to have music in your life. Most people love to have some kind of music playing when they are working, reading, cooking, thinking, rather while doing just about anything. Strange as it may sound, I am totally opposite. I cannot stand music when I am doing any of these things. I know you must be having horrific expressions on your face and a WHAT?! I like listening to music only when I am listening to it; like when I am doing nothing but me and music left alone.

Perhaps that's the reason I have no clue on what bands, groups or singers are making waves in the current market. Maybe I am just not interested. Hell, I couldn't tell Justin Beiber from Rihanna! I prefer the silence to engulf me than have music playing around. I just cannot concentrate. I even turn off the radio if it is on. I don't know what percentage of people are like me; I am sure there are very few of them, and I certainly am to meet one of them. 

I love the silence, the solitude. I love being occupied with my own thoughts and no one disturbing them. At such times, music is not a therapy for me, silence is. The only thing I can do while I am listening to music is drive. Other than that zilch. 

I remember, when I first came to US, all that I heard was silence. Pin drop silence couldn't have been better explained. I just sat and listened to the peace and solitude. I loved it. Many good wishers suggested that I should listen to music on high volume to avoid feeling homesick. I never did that. And nor did I feel homesick. I was finally happy to have complete absence of noise. 

Even right now, there is a gentle hum of my laptop and click-clack of keys. Now that's what I call music. The definition of music changes from person to person. For me, it is in the silence that fills me in. Its in the thoughts that run through me unstirred, its in the gravity that silence provides me.

Love, life, silence - for the moment, I am enjoying all three!

Day 11 : Blogathon is good!

Yes, it is! :) Makes me feel good despite the obvious physical illness. I came to know that there are so many shy readers. Just when I was almost thinking that blogging is a dead activity; there have been many people who restored my faith in blogging. I am surprised at all the comments/ praises/ suggestions that I get from people, who I never knew knew that I even had a blog.

It is difficult to find something worth publishing here. Nevertheless, when I see my efforts are not going un appreciated, I feel great. I guess that's what keeps me going and thinking every minute of the day "hmmm... what do I write today?"

Yesterday, we were out and I started feeling feverish. By the time we got home, it was hard for me to even open my eyes. Suddenly, I remembered, 'hey, I said to the worrying husband, I haven't updated my blog for today.' The baffled angry look on his face was worth every bit of uttering that courageous statement.

'For once will you listen to me? Stop thinking and take rest.' he said. And that was that. I did not dare say anything.

He let me lie down for a while and after some 15 mins he came with the lappy in his hand, 'Update your blog.' he said. This was not the "husband" talking, this was my best friend who understood and respected my commitment of blogging continually for 30 days.

I think half of my fever ran away right then!