Candid, not Candied

Sunday, 15 February 2009

Valentine capers

Strange things happen to me. So make it a habit to read it here every now n then. And what happened yesterday, left me with mixed feelings; I was scared, amused, bewildered, irritated and amazed all the the same time.

I received a call on my cell from an unknown number. When I picked it, it was a female voice, but I couldn't make out whatever she said due to a lot of commotion from the other end. I cut the call, expecting the caller to get back to me; if it was all that important. And call she did, again, only to give in to network congestion. Since, I could no longer stand the suspense, I decided to send an sms which went like :

"May I know who this is?"

To which I get a reply saying :

"Happy Valentine day! Your best friend"

Wondering if this might be a prankster friend of mine I wrote back :

"I hope this best friend of mine has a name?"

Reply was :

"I hope this best friend of mine has a name. My name is Anuj."

Now, I know no Anuj, whether from school/ college/ friends/ enemies/ bloggers/ students; none at all. Thus I politely sent him :

"Then I guess you have got the wrong person. I do not know anyone by that name."

Thinking that was the end of the issue, I go back to my job, which was watching TV. But this guy had better plan. He followed it by another one :


and that doesn't just end there. Even before I reply to this or think of ignoring it totally, this comes :

"Subah ka har pal zindagi de aapko,
Din ka har lamha khushi de aapko,
jahaan ghum ki hawa chuu ke bhi naa guzare,
Khuda woh jannat si zamin de aapko."

By this time I was beginning to feel the anger in me. I called this Anuj fellow.

Me : who is this?

Male Voice : *lots of commotion again with female voices at the background* Anuj *buzz* *buzz* ....Annuujj...

Me : whom do you want to speak? *decible rising*

Male Voice : *buzz* *buzz* *commotion* ...... *beep* *beep*

Call phir se cut! But this guy had all the nerve to send me THIS :

"you dont no who i am but i know who you are so please frindsheep with me please replay me."

Ok four things here - A. he had the guts to continue smsing me. B. He was clearly trying his luck, marring a chance and testing my patience. C. he had written this w/o comma, fullstop and horrible spelling mistakes. D. I really thought it could have been Rachana at this point when I saw "frindsheep" spelling; coz thats how we make kachra of the word "fraandsheip" and secondly, I had done this crank sms business to her some time back. So I was wondering if she was seeking a revenge.

Coming back...
Apparently, I don't NO him. But he knows me. And he's my best friend. I'm not sure about this logic, but according to him it is correct. I am really clueless on "how to FRINDSHEEP with anyone" and lastly, I do not know " how to REPLAY guys"!!!!!!!!

Note : I swear on myself, I'm not making it all up. I showed these messages to Tejaswini, my friend, and she choked on laughter in midst of a busy road. Tj, please comment to verify what I said.

For all the reasons mentioned above, I was seething with rage. I had better things to do than chase away this romantically inclined, demented, retard at 10 at night! Finally I said this to him via sms :

"Now listen here. This is the first and the last time that I'm warning you to stop troubling me. If not, be prepared to face the music. And this, you better not take it lightly."

Romeo was adamant, I got a call yet again and I took this one too preparing a huge verbal battle :


Surprisingly a female voice : I'm sorry. (in marathi)

Me : But who is this? and whom do you want to talk to?

Female voice : I'm sorry to disturb you.

Me : Who is speaking?

Female voice : Anuj here.

Me : *flabbergasted* !!!!! Why did you call?

Female Voice : To say sorry.

Me : and the messages?

Female Voice : I said I'm sorry. Why can't you forgive me?

Why can't you forgive me; she asks!!! I just cut it once again not wanting to take this any further.

As I said, I was amused, amazed, confused, irritated all at the same time when this drama unfolded yesterday. I'm sure it was some Juliet deprived, chance maroing Romeo who, god knows, was expecting what when he sent me smses.

It was just too irresistible not to put it on my blog. As for Anuj fellow, whoever you are, male or female, wherever you are; I made you infamous!


  1. I hereby solemnly swear 'Gita pe haath rakhke' that all of the above SMSes are true... I have seen them AND made an utter fool of myself laughing like I were demented myself on the road joining FC Road and Deccan... So yes, I vouch for that...

    And as I sed this 'Anuj' person seems to be some sort of MPD patient who apparently also suffers from MVD, Multiple Voice Disorder. How did he/she/it speak in two different voices male and female...

    Well lady... Valentine's days get stranger each year... all the best for the next crazy fest :D



    dude, there are all kinds of psychos out there!
    a friend of mine called up a biz contact - apparently, on an incorrect number. the guy at the other end pretended to be her contact till she caught on. THEN, he called and SMSed her saying how he liked her voice and wants frandsheep!

    but u must say... entertaining, ur v-day was! :D

  4. :) u should just not correspond with such romeos... ignore gal!

  5. Oh I had one nutcase call me frequently and ask for 'Ria'... or Rhea ... whatever. I was always rather stern and infriendly but I lost it one evening when the bugger called me just as I was hopping down from a busy bus to catch another bus... gave him a right firing and that was the end of that :D

    Oh but there have been other pleasanter callers too... who made ME feel like I should've asked them for frandship :D :P

  6. all in all, seems like u had a gala valentine's day, with loads of craziness thrown in!

  7. @ Tejaswini,
    Thnx for the 'Gita pe haath rakhke' and all. And seriously, i ROFLOLed when I reminded myself of the scene at Apte-Deccan-JM rd. :).

    @ Nitin,
    yeah... it's worth the 'AAARRRR OOOOOO EFFFFFF ELLLLL OOOOOO ELLLLLLL' - I'm sure if u see the SMS u'll literally do that.

    @ Rayshma,
    It was entertaining, u'kno. just when I was thinking that my V day's gonna be uneventful. Whatcha u do, gal, for V day?

    @ Dewdrop,
    Yes, DD, I usually ignore them. But this case was different. First I thought it could be from someone whose number I did not have stored on my cell. Then it was just too tempting to let him go without the firing. :) hehehe

    @ DewdropDream,
    U'kno, pleasenter callers are never looking for fraandsheep. They are looking for someone else. LOL.

    @ Mukta,
    ho na. that too at 10 at night. Romeo/ Juliet remembered quite late I guess! ;)

  8. LOL....

    world is round!!... u got it back.... hehehhe!!

    i swear it wasn't me... and i no where sound close to aguy (by trusted sources!)

    ohh btw, this Anuj is a naice guy who waants to do fraandsheep na, then u ken admit him/her/it to the haspitaal and earn maniy... watsay?? :P

  9. @ Rachana,
    I know 'what goes round, comes round'... but in your case, damage control was in my hands...and pray tell me, was my english that bad, when I SMSed u?
    since it is your 'haaspital' idea, in the first place, I'm ready to share the earned revenue with you. 50% hissa. Kya bolti tu?
    and I know, it isn't you!

    @ All,
    what was more surprising is the first voice was a female voice, that sounded close to Rachana's. Second was a guy's voice. and third was again a female voice, but this time, I could make out it was a much older voice, around 40-ish. She was very polite, speaking in marathi "tumhi plz maaf kara". So I guess this Anuj-it, is an expert voice modulator!

  10. Oh... BTW, I couldn't resist telling this to my 'frinds' at work... And here is one of the prank calls a guy Ankur got...

    Early morning (Man1):
    M1: Hello, kon boltay?
    A: Tumhala konashi bolaychay
    M1: Ha phone majha ahe... Ha phone jo tumhi ghetlay, to majha chorila gelela...
    A: Tumcha phone chorila gelay tar tumhi police madhe complaint kara... mala call naka karu... (Khattt... end of convo)

    LAter that day: (Man2):
    M2: Ae ye chori ka phone hai... Tu kya samajhta hai?
    A: (Fulto gaaliyaan... khatt)

    Late that evening: (Man3... Bewda):
    M3B: (Sounding stinkingly drunk): Ae ye mera phone hai... Tu kya samajhta hai? Tu aa mhatre pul pe...
    A: (This time fultoo maa-baap ki gaali).. Tu aa mhatre pul pe... (All x-rated)... (Anjali and I closed our ears)... Kya samajhta tu...xxxx

    That was the last time this person called... But for good measure he complained to the BPL call centre regarding the number and the phones stopped...

    Can you imagine Purnima, if you had been one of those ppl who started with all gaalis? That 40ish female would have 'tarkoed' big-time ;)

  11. @ Tj,
    hehehehe ... I know swear words really help keeping crank callers at bay. But me's not sure IF I would ever use them. I somehow feel using them would be undignifying for me. But I guess I should resort to them when and if it gets worse than before. ;)

    and again, 40-ish aunty, if she'd tarko, that would be my luck... but have u thought what'd be my halat if she turned out to be more seasoned than me?? /:).. or worse even, she'd demand talking to my mom and say "tumchi mulgi vaya geli aahe, velet aavra tila!" ... hehehehehe

  12. oho sum1's in demand! dont let em bother u yaah, jus CHILLAX :D

  13. @ Shaili,
    haan dekh na...! ;) main CHILLAXed re... after the sorry phone, no one's called. :D

  14. i made the husband cook for me! :D
    i don't really celebrate v-day... but any excuse to not cook and be fed is welcome! :D

  15. hehehe...the same thing happened to one of my roommates...just that this was one guy telling another guy to make franship with him :P

    and do not discount the possibility of this being engineered by rachana...she be knowing many guys whose names start with A, maybe this Anuj is one of them?? :P :D

  16. @ Rayshma,
    Waaaw, that sounds more relaxing than romantic! :)

    @ Mithun,
    hmm, need to keep an eye on Rachana! Now that you too are pointing in the same direction!

  17. Me no gettin no valentino rossi or frandsheep guys or gays on dat day..
    But I'm planning a wonderful surprise for the gal :D so, will post the surprise on my bloggie!!

    So,looks like you stil into frandsheep stuff even if you are married.. me go complaining!

  18. @ Ajan bhai,
    for the n'th time; me not yet myarried!! kya kuch bhi! do you know this Anuj fellow? Ajan-Anuj...see there is similarity there.


Go on, say it! I will not sue you... pinky promise!


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