Candid, not Candied

Saturday, 30 April 2011

Day 14 : One Saturday Morning...

... when you wake up feeling all relaxed at 10 AM and you find the day shining like never before, wind blowing through your hair, breakfast with coffee ready and waiting for you, laundry done, puja done and clean kitchen, you feel life's good. Really good!

:) Ah! Wishing every Saturday morning would start as perfect as this one.

Friday, 29 April 2011

Day 13 : Golden Silence

Its wonderful to have music in your life. Most people love to have some kind of music playing when they are working, reading, cooking, thinking, rather while doing just about anything. Strange as it may sound, I am totally opposite. I cannot stand music when I am doing any of these things. I know you must be having horrific expressions on your face and a WHAT?! I like listening to music only when I am listening to it; like when I am doing nothing but me and music left alone.

Perhaps that's the reason I have no clue on what bands, groups or singers are making waves in the current market. Maybe I am just not interested. Hell, I couldn't tell Justin Beiber from Rihanna! I prefer the silence to engulf me than have music playing around. I just cannot concentrate. I even turn off the radio if it is on. I don't know what percentage of people are like me; I am sure there are very few of them, and I certainly am to meet one of them. 

I love the silence, the solitude. I love being occupied with my own thoughts and no one disturbing them. At such times, music is not a therapy for me, silence is. The only thing I can do while I am listening to music is drive. Other than that zilch. 

I remember, when I first came to US, all that I heard was silence. Pin drop silence couldn't have been better explained. I just sat and listened to the peace and solitude. I loved it. Many good wishers suggested that I should listen to music on high volume to avoid feeling homesick. I never did that. And nor did I feel homesick. I was finally happy to have complete absence of noise. 

Even right now, there is a gentle hum of my laptop and click-clack of keys. Now that's what I call music. The definition of music changes from person to person. For me, it is in the silence that fills me in. Its in the thoughts that run through me unstirred, its in the gravity that silence provides me.

Love, life, silence - for the moment, I am enjoying all three!

Thursday, 28 April 2011

Day 12 : Is this what I think it is?

She : Hello! Who is this?

He : He who cannot be named!

She : Ha ha ha ha... Shut up! Wassup? No work today?

He : Naah, just taking a break. Was a winding week. And hell lot of work. Waddup with you? Hope didn't disturb you, did I?

She : No. I was taking a coffee break. Gotta attend a meeting, another ummm.. 30 minutes or so. 

He : Hmmm... that's cool.

She : So, why did you call?

He : JLT. Been a long time, didn't catch up with you. So I thought I'd say a hi. 

She : Yeah, seriously... it's been a while. 

He : Can you meet me today evening?

She : Today? uhhh... wait a minute.. I think... no, yes, I can. Yes. We can meet actually.

He : No, if you have other plans then alright... nothing urgent... just wanted to say "I Love You!"

She : WHAT???!

He : And wanted to ask you if you'll marry me.

She : Hey....

He : And will you bear me and my idiosyncrasies for the rest of your life.

She : WHAT are you saying?

He : All this, I will ask in person. Be ready to say a yes. Will meet at our usual place at 7 PM. See ya then. Bye.

She had made up her mind. She knew what the answer was. She couldn't wait for the clock to strike 7. 

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Day 11 : Blogathon is good!

Yes, it is! :) Makes me feel good despite the obvious physical illness. I came to know that there are so many shy readers. Just when I was almost thinking that blogging is a dead activity; there have been many people who restored my faith in blogging. I am surprised at all the comments/ praises/ suggestions that I get from people, who I never knew knew that I even had a blog.

It is difficult to find something worth publishing here. Nevertheless, when I see my efforts are not going un appreciated, I feel great. I guess that's what keeps me going and thinking every minute of the day "hmmm... what do I write today?"

Yesterday, we were out and I started feeling feverish. By the time we got home, it was hard for me to even open my eyes. Suddenly, I remembered, 'hey, I said to the worrying husband, I haven't updated my blog for today.' The baffled angry look on his face was worth every bit of uttering that courageous statement.

'For once will you listen to me? Stop thinking and take rest.' he said. And that was that. I did not dare say anything.

He let me lie down for a while and after some 15 mins he came with the lappy in his hand, 'Update your blog.' he said. This was not the "husband" talking, this was my best friend who understood and respected my commitment of blogging continually for 30 days.

I think half of my fever ran away right then!

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Day 10 : Sick leave

Oh! Am I not feeling well! Excuse or reason, whatever you wanna call it - I am typing in midst of shivering, 'bzzzzz' in ears, 'gzzzzzzzzzzzz' in my brain and upset tum tum. Stupid weather!

Monday, 25 April 2011

Day 9 : Good times

I have realized that it is important to cherish every moment in life spent with your loved ones. You never know  when they will go away (or you will), and you never know whether or not you'll have the opportunity to get together again to live and celebrate the friendship. 

This post goes out to my dear and close friend, Shweta, who made life possible and livable in USA; whose kindness has touched me beyond words; whose patience is worth worshiping. 

Shweta, you rock! 

Day 8 : Some new things

There are somethings that you are fully aware of, but still won't acknowledge it, or practise it. Like for eg. smokers know smoking is bad for health, yet the addiction sticks; you know cheating is not good but still you do it; like talking behind some one's back is wrong but you hardly refrain from it. There are so many things as such, perhaps much smaller than what I mentioned here. We are all culprits, "me" highlighted. I have decided to bring these small changes in my life, which I hope will last.

1. I pray before I sleep. Pray for well being, good health and strength and courage to face hardships. Pray for good wishes for everyone. Amma used to tell me that she never prays for money, she always asked for courage. Earlier I was just like any other individual, thanking when job was done, begging when I needed something badly. Now, I realize it is important to thank for small things in life which make it worth living. 

2. I am trying (and succeeding) in keeping my laziness away to do small things and procrastinating habits. This is keeping me generally happy and upbeat. 

3. I try and talk out my feelings. Either to KK or my close friend. I feel relaxed to open up and share my thoughts. 

4. I write. Though I do  ot publish it anywhere, I write. It is cathartic.

5. I enjoy things -  small and big. Smile with a smile is my motto now.

This is just a beginning. There are a lot of things that I want to adopt and start with, though there are some hiccups, some distractions, some apprehensions. Will work on them from time to time. 

P.S. Would someone be kind enough to educate me on "whether discontinuing Yoga (temporarily) will backfire and result in gaining double the weight. Would love to start yoga for general well-being. But there is this but! 

Saturday, 23 April 2011

Day 7 : Just...

Spring is here, bringing along with it some new beginnings, new relations, new dreams, new outlook.

We are all for welcoming it (not without my outbursts of how I hate the unpredictable spring weather). We are having friends over for dinner, and it is gonna be one night to remember. With some people leaving us (temporarily, we're hoping), it is gonna be bitter-sweet. We are looking forward to the sweet part. Bitter can wait.

Just wrote this down now, to mark a date and not forget it in future. Maybe, one day, when we read this and feel nostalgic, April 23rd won't be just another day!

Friday, 22 April 2011

Day 6 : Stranger Duties

'Excuse me?! Are you done? I need to make an urgent call.' I said to the woman standing in front of me. She was still holding the telephone receiver in her hand; although what seemed to be a conversation, had ended minutes ago. I looked at my watch and the time was running. 'I have to make the call', I screamed in my head. I thought of tapping her, but decided against it. I was almost ready to blow my top for I was getting impatient. I couldn't see the point of romancing the phone long after all the talking was done.

What he could not see, was my agony, my pain. What he could not see, were my eyes clouded with tears. What he could not see, was the storm that was surging through me. He just couldn't see. How could I blame him? The news that had fallen on my ears had shattered me. I was beyond thinking. I was numb. I was scared. And, at that moment, I was all alone. I must have fainted; for I remember seeing stars before my eyes and blacking out.

Before I knew it, this woman in front of me collapsed suddenly. I was confused. I didn't know how to help her. Should I even touch her? There were not too many people in sight. Those who were, didn't seem to care much for a lady swooning at a phone booth. She needs medical help I guessed. Thankfully, I always carry a bottle of water. I realized the lady had been crying and suffering too. Tears streaked her cheeks and her lips were colorless.

I was feeling cold and hot at the same time. It was like sitting in a tub of cold water while burning with fever. As I revived, this gentleman was holding me, trying to get me drink some water. 'Are you ok? Are you ok?' he was asking continually. I managed to utter that I was fine. But the state in which I was, couldn't even fool a blind man! I started crying at my misery. I was crying at my helplessness. Tears could hardly justify the angst in me.

She was hardly making any sense to me. She babbled like a child. I wonder if she was saying she is fine or otherwise. I waited for someone else to come by and extend a helping hand. People must have thought we were just lovers making up after a tiff. I was holding her close to me - more out of humanity than pity. I asked her what was so wrong. She finally decided to control her convulsions and talk. 'Its my younger brother... he.. he tried to kill himself. He had gulped down almost a bottle of sleeping pills. Neighbour had called to inform... my phone had no balance.... he is dying. He is dying!!!!' She let out another wail.

I don't know why I needed to burden him with my worries. After all, it was my brother who'd taken the extreme step. My brother was dying. Why should he bother? I found myself in new set of questions. I was supposed to reach the hospital. How was I going to do that? I was feeling nauseated. I was wiped out of my strength.

'Which hospital is it? I have a car... I can drop you there.' I couldn't believe my own ears! I said that? I was to make a really urgent call and here I was, offering a free ride to some unknown female!! I wanted to slap myself. What if she was a thug and this was her routine. Besides, it was not a busy hour. Victims like me were easy. However, I saw raw genuineness in her which moved me enough to help her.

Today, after 17 years, I still remember that man who helped me when I was helpless. Hadn't it been for him, I would have never been able to hold my little brother's hand while he was dying. I never got around to asking his name. I don't even remember thanking him during such tormenting situation. God bless the stranger who was kind enough to do all this for me.

Today, after 17 years, I still remember that woman who I thought was romancing the phone receiver. I never got around to making that important phone call. I lost some lifetime opportunities. But I still do not regret my decision of helping her out.

Thursday, 21 April 2011

Day 5 : Connect disconnect

Isn't it amazing how you lose contact with a person for many years and suddenly one day, just like that, they find you like a needle in a hay stack! This has happened twice with me. And both the times it was through social networking sites!

It is ironic, where one newly-made friend is going far far away; an old friend is reconnecting. Something like "doobte ko tinke ka sahara"?

Just wondering...

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Day 4 : Where's the guest room please?

It’s time to take out some extra bed spreads, fancy dinner sets, teacups and hangers from the store room because you are expecting guests. And you are happy. Happy since it will be a welcome change from your monotonously drab life. Who doesn’t like a house full of people chattering, laughing, gossiping and having a good time? The answer is “me”!

Guests are always knocking down your door if you are a kind of host that makes them feel welcome, at home, at ease and be courteous to them. You are gracious, hospitable and tend to their every big and small needs. Rather, you are expected to be so.

Throughout my childhood, I remember my family playing host to so many guests that I have lost count of them. Like my mother always puts it “Our doors are always open, like that of a temple.” We have seen them all. Long term, short term and visiting guest; of which, visiting guests were the most frequent ones. We had a string of families that would just drop in to say a ‘hello’ and the ‘hellos’ would usually last from 6 in the evening to 11 at night.

Visiting guest were my personal favorites. I was always expected to carry countless trays of water, tea, coffee and food items made by my mother. This often meant a couple of hours respite from a gruesome task of studying. And also, the guests always had word or two of praise for me. Our neighbours were accustomed to see the ever growing pile of footwear in front of our main door. That was only after we riff-raffed their belief that there was some religious function at our place.  

My key role here was to help my mother in the kitchen with assembling and arranging the various plates and teaming them up with teacups. Sometimes I would be allowed to carry the tray to the honorable guests. It is a surprise how you enjoy doing something during your childhood and determinedly despise it when you grow up. After I grew up I underlined this to my mother “I don’t like to be a waitress with a silly grin on my face!”

Excuse me, for I tend to digress every once in a while.

Other than disrupting my study timings, these guests also turned our dinner time upside down. Me and my elder brother would often stuff bhajiyas in our hungry mouths and forget about the dinner. This was another advantage, which allowed us to flout dinner rules for a valid reason. However, as time passed by; and we grew up; and the uncles and aunties got caught up with their own kids’ college and higher studies plans, the number of guests dropping in started dwindling.  

Then there used to be guests who would stop over for a day or two. Our house would usually serve them as a temporary stop before embarking on to their onward journey to their final destination. More often than not, they never “made the room reservation” in advance. They would call up at the 11th hour to announce their arrival, and before we could get our mattresses out, they would ring our door bell.

Since ours was a two-bedroom house, me and my brother would often be kicked out of the room and made to bunk in the living room. Unless if it was too hot, we would sleep in our parents rooms for the sake of air conditioner. I pretty much disliked having to give up my room, even if for a night, but I knew better than to complain. Of course, the guests were always at an advantage. Where else would they find a room for a night with comfortable double bed, breakfast at any time, laundry and phone service - everything “complimentary”?

Situation would be fairly complex when these guests would be your obligations to past favors. Some close friend would call up and say “Hey, s/he’s my friend. Would you please...?” The question always remained unfinished, for my parents never thought twice before helping out someone in dire need. Their answer was always “Yes”. Our parents would brief us some basic details about the guests in order to avoid any kind of faux pas by us kids. But one thing was for sure, with such unacquainted guests, even my parents soon reached a cul de sac.   

The last category of guests that stepped into our house were usually the relatives and very close family-friends. Some relatives were perennially fun to be with, while some were a royal pain in the... let’s just say, all the wrong places! Free stay and service is already assumed. Only it turns ugly when they fill the house so much with their presence that you hardly feel it is your home and not theirs.

It all begins in the morning when they wake up. That is, if they actually do, without you having to bang down your bedroom door. In desperate attempts, we have had to even call them on their cell phones to get them out of their dreamland! Their taste buds do not suit that of yours. So instead of declining politely before being served, they empty the plates into the trash bin. This time when your heart breaks you can actually hear it shatter into trillion pieces and those splinters prick too.

You have to show them the attractions of the city even if they comment later “Is this all your city has got?” Those who are sensitive enough not to do that will generally park themselves in front of your idiot box and browse everything from new channels to daily soaps. You lose all your rights and controls over your remote.

Then you will see them scurrying around the restrooms trying to find a pair of paragon chappals. Why? Because they are used to wearing them in their own house. Naturally, it never occurs to them that you don’t use them. It is not your house policy. On negative response, they will grimace. Many a times I have had this urge to scream “Get your own stuff, we don’t rent them out here. Or better still stay at home!!!”

Blood pressure reaches at its helm when insensitive guests will hang around despite your subtle and/ or strong hints of your upcoming exams. They enjoy at your expense. Literally too. No less than any royalty, they expect highest standards of hospitality from their hosts, while you, pressurized under the “Atithi Devo Bhava” tag line, pull through all this with a smiling face. Their expectations may not necessarily be expressed, it is implied, nevertheless, through their actions.  

Not every guest is as insensitive. But we have had our share of such ones too. During all this time, we have smiled and given them a fair treatment without much expecting returns. Although I admit to having criminal thoughts some times but they were always won over by my parents’ devotion and patience to bear the most difficult of them all.

I still love having guests over. How else can I entertain myself apart from this routine life? ;) :)

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Day 3 : Fleeting Conversations

Some conversations just happen. They don't make you laugh till you burst. They make your day with their subtle humor. Some make you feel stupid, some make you feel like a complete dork! Conversation here happened between us and other people I know. I don't like taking names though. ;) :)


She : I went to the grocery store today. guess who I met there. I met X. X said they are done with the shifting stuff. They love the new house. They are planning to invite us over this Saturday. Shayad they are throwing a party.

He : (watching tv, not even batting eyelids)

She : I think we should buy a gift for them. What do you think? I was thinking something nice and useful. Maybe a gift certificate or something. Oh and by the way before I forget, you don't forget to call that bank guy... what's his name?

He : (still watching tv, still not batting eyelids)

She : I said what's his name? Did you even hear a word I said? I don't know why I even bother! I think I have married the walls! and u do this to me every time. and when I don't respond to you, you get irritated. Before marriage, you kept your every work away to talk to me and you talked for hours on end. Now...

He : Dear, you have married me and not the walls... and I heard every word you said. Before marriage, were we staying together? No right. Now we do. I have 24*7 access to you. We will buy a gift certificate for them ok? That is a very nice idea. I have already called the bank guy. Nothing to worry. And his name is Y.(goes back to watching TV, without batting eyelids)

She : !!!!!!


She : These sandals are giving me blisters. I think I should throw them.

He : Better take a wise decision. I paid for your sandals but the feet came free with you!


She : This pillow cover just ripped through the seam...

He : Throw it and buy a new one.

A few days later...

She : This jacket hardly protects me from this cold.

He : Throw it. We'll find a new one for you.

A few more days later...

She : Remember I told you, our blender was making funny noises? Well, a little part has broken.

He : Throw it. Get a new one.

She : Well, nowadays you fight with me a lot. Shouldn't I get a new husband for myself?

He : !!!!


She : (reading the instructions on a wooden spatula) Look what it says here, "Hand wash only." Which idiot will wash them with his feet?

He : DUH! It means no throwing it into the dishwasher!!

She : I know! I was kidding!


It was his birthday. She arranged for a cake and invited their friends. Finally it was the cake cutting ceremony. He cut the cake. She lovingly fed him the cake first and waited. Waited for him to do the same, that is lovingly feed her a piece.

She : Ok. Now gimme a piece of cake.

He : Why?

She : Why, what? I gave you, now you give me.

He : I didn't ask you to! Secondly, you pulled the knife from my hand. Now since your hands are already messy, eat them for yourself!

She : !!!!

Monday, 18 April 2011

Day 2 : The Twisty Knot Called Marriage

Marriages may be made in heaven but I think it is up to us to make our marriage a heaven. After *successful* completion of one year of marital life, I can stand on a podium and start lecturing. :) Not really, just a bit maybe.

Looking around me at some of my relatives, friends, acquaintances, who have (had) fragile wedded lives, I was terrified of what would be in store for me. As it turns out, all it needs is a bit of everything to work it out. 

My marriage has some mutually agreed upon rules & guidelines to it. And these rules & guidelines are not the ones that require any of us to stand in attention and obey them, but the ones that gently course our lives. They act like a buffer system when there's a fear of hitting the rocks. They keep us happy and smiling most of the times. We aren't experienced people to state definitively that this formula works for everybody. It may; it may not. Each one has to find the fine tuning and balance to their married life. We have observed people around us, seen what keeps them clicked and what draws them apart. We filtered the right ways, enlisted the wrong approach and tried to learn from them. And till now, it has worked perfectly fine. Then why not share it?

Whenever we talk about two individuals, there's bound to be a difference of opinion. Even with us not every day was full of love and rosy red hearts. There have been some days of complaining, whining and don't talk to me. Tears shed here and there. There's no denying to the grey days. There have been times when we have had word dueling sessions on every Saturday of the month. That led us to wonder what in the world has gone wrong with our relationship? However, talking to many other friends restored the faith in us that we are as normal as other couples who fight every weekend because they have nothing to do!

And this is where you need strength, courage and openness of heart to accept mistakes, forgive and come forward to speak about it. We have learnt this only after having a few back and forth of words. 

As much angry as we may be, we never raise our voices (or a hand). I think it is important to respect a person even when you are having an argument with him. Sometimes, argument is the best teacher. It will teach you how not to make the same mistake again; i.e. if you are mature enough to learn from it. 

Trust - One thing that keeps a marriage going, they say. Trust is good; blind trust, not. How many times have we seen women defending their husbands "Main apne pati ke baare main ek shabd bhi nahi sunana chahti!", even when she sees every possible proof of his money philandering activities and extra marital affair? 

Trust is something that needs to be built over a period of time. It isn't something that you can discount a loved person with. Blind trust can only hurt and shatter you. Not every person is trustworthy, but if he is then he'll build it with you. Trust comes from frequent, open communication.

Talking for me, is perhaps the most important factor. However hard or bitter it is, I talk it out. If not, I carry around a heaviness with me, which just keeps worsening till I have had it off my mind. Likewise, I make it a point to volunteer and ask if anything I did was disturbing. Opening up has helped to avoid a lot many arguments and bad feelings later that would have piled up as a result of not communicating. 

Problems arise every where. Tackling them require skill, patience and understanding. Many of these things I am yet to learn and master. But knowing what I need to know brings me a long way. At least I know what I need to begin with. 

As I said, I have some of my friends who are going through rough patches(so rough that it starts to affect everyone around them) in their marital life. And they are recently married. I just wish they could manage to sort their lives out and soon.

I cannot take names and say it to them, but if they ever come here and read :
1. You may be a child at heart but when necessity arises, you need to grow up.
2. Not everyone is rich to afford many luxuries as soon as you start your married life. Do try and understand that earlier you better half was single and his spending was half. Now he is married, earning is still the same but spending is doubled.(If you are not lending a hand i.e.) 
3. The girl who is staying with you has already sacrificed a lot when she married you. She is staying in a new house, a new environment just because you promised her love, affection and lifetime of commitment. She is not a piece of rag that you use, abuse and throw. 
4. Parents got you two married because they thought you were capable of handling responsibilities. Do not go running to them for every small needs and fissures. They have invested close to 25 yrs of their life looking after you. They deserve a break and need to enjoy life. Don't burden them with your troubles. If you need to take a third person's perspective sometimes, talk to your siblings, or best friend. 
5. Let go ego! They work in corporate world, not at home. 
6. Saving money is good... but that doesn't mean giving up having fun. Enjoy when you can. Sometimes buying things on an impulse is good. But only "sometimes".
7. Resolve fights and make peace. Do not leave it unattended. Else you'd be fighting over it even after you celebrate your Golden Jubilee.
8. Suspecting your partner only insults your choice of marrying him/ her. 

One of the best marriage lines I have heard was on one of the Marathi serials "He naatach asa asta, taNla tar tut-ta ani sodla tar sutt-ta" which means "This (husband-wife) relation is queer; you try to pull it- it snaps, you let it lose, it slips."

ETA 1 : Can't thank KK enough for all the love and patience he has shown throughout the year and even now. I  can be pretty difficult to live with. His voluminous patience that absorbed all my tantrums, madness, crying spells, bad hair days, has mellowed me down a bit.

KK :: I love you, but I don't want to be your husband.
Me :: (almost dead at that comment, thinking WTH? He means live-in... how the hell am I supposed to react to this... what will I tell my parents? God! I am screwed)
KK :: We'll be friends just like we are now. warna we'll fight like other husbands and wives.

We fight alright. But not like other husbands and wives.

ETA 2 : Rachana was the one who pointed out "Tali ek haath se nahi bajti" So thanks to her as well for opening my eyes! *sniff*

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Day 1 : Commencing a blogathon

Prodding this idea in my mind for a few days now, I think I should give it a shot! A blog marathon! Writing a blog post each day for one whole month. I know it is not the beginning of a month, but I think it is better late than never.

Where did I flick this from? I have been reading Preeti Shenoy's blog for quite some time now, and she does this blogathon once a year. Taking it from here, let me write a bit about why I like this blogger cum author cum artist cum just a mother of two (and so many more facets to her, which are often revealed through her blog). 

If you like reading, you will absolutely LOVE the way she writes. Its everyday life put in simple words that guarantees a smile on your face. Most of the times I associate myself with every big and small details mentioned therein. I do not always drop in a comment, cz her blogposts have rendered me speechless. I often shake my head and say "Now, how come I didn't think of that?". When I say author, you'd expect some heavy language with heavier philosophical gyaan about how to count chickens and turkeys and how to survive rat races... not her. Navigating through her work is as easy as breathing. She's one blogger, whose blogs if I do miss, I do not feel lethargic to hit the "older posts" link and read them. 

That's the reason why I bought her first book "34 Bubblegums and Candies". Its a compilation of short stories of her life, some hilarious, some merit just a smile, some touch your heart, and overall, its a feel good book. While reading her book, in some places I was like, "hey, that's my story!" It is a warm, soothing book. 

After reading it, I sent her an email and within a few hours I got a reply. The humility in her email touched me immensely. It takes a lot not to let success intoxicate you; and she is, by far one of the best examples I could quote.  

I call her Preeti akka, and she's my daily dose of Chicken soups. :) She's the motivation behind this blogathon and a gentle kick to my lazy, self-induced writer's block.  

Here's to blogging and inspirations in life! Cheers!

Tuesday, 12 April 2011


Everyone has them - with varying degrees of friendship. I have them too. Some are close, some are very close and a few are close to getting close.

Friendship is kind of vague to understand. But it a basic tool required to pull, push and squeeze through life. Sometimes you make friends for life and sometimes you just can't keep them for more than a month. The latter simply fade out; friendship fizzles out; and the chemistry you once shared begins to seem obsolete. And there will be surprising few incidents where you are not in contact for 15 years and still, when you find them through non conventional medium, you'll start from where you left it off. 

I have tasted each one of these in my life too! I have solid friends that I know are gonna stay with me forever. By forever I mean, even if we do lose touch, we will not feel awkward to connect after eons. However, for the moment they are there with me, like they have been since a long time. They know who they are. :) 

And there are other close friends too who have been my pillars in times of extreme necessities. For me, moral and emotional support mean a lot than any other kind of help. They have extended a helping hand and lent an ear. They know when to listen, when to give an advice and when to keep mum. They have provided me with different perspective when everything I saw was in one direction. Especially when I was to get married, there were a lot of great guidelines by friends who have been there done that. No points for guessing how badly I needed these sessions when not many in family would encourage my feelings (nervousness, anxiety, insecurity, curiosity, fear of rejection)

Opposite sex friendships rock too, with a tad bit risk of tipping over to the other side. Not many can carry on with a platonic relation and NOT necessarily think each time you laugh at their jokes and play a prank on them mean you have fallen in love with them. I have struck gold with these too, who have been good listeners, entertainers, jokers, logical thinkers. I married one of them. And my marriage to him hasn't affected the bond and friendship with many others. Of course, there were a few who tried to tip the balance discreetly. And, it was up to me to maintain or throw the person off balance. Some took it graciously, others reacted childishly. I am sure I am not the only girl in this world to have gone through this.

The unexplained ones. Their whooshing presence in life makes me wonder. How they came and how they went never seem to find a logical reason. They hit off with me beautifully, accepted me wholeheartedly, laughed, cried, back slapped, high fived and one fine day abandoned all of it. Coming to think of it, the feeling was mutual. It's like we dumped each other at the same time with no hard feelings... in fact with no feelings at all. One day I come to know that they have just struck me off their friend list. Suddenly, the birthday wishes, excitement over "changed relationship status", phone calls, texting dwindled and I was ok, although I would have loved to have a closure on it. 

I am not the kind of person who dives deep, head first into any relationship. I take my time. If that does happen, I stop to analyse , look through and think on it. Like many others, I find it hard to gulp disappointments. I'd rather brake my speed than get my hands burnt and cry over it. 

Friends are like stickers, some of them are glued to you till death and some of them just fall off due to lack of gum. I guess we have to take them as they are. 

Friday, 1 April 2011

Love at Five

Her eyes fluttered open when she felt his arm on her. Still sleepy, she checked the time on her cell phone. It was 5 AM. She yawned, stretched and said “Why are you up so early today? I told you I wanted to sleep, right?” He said nothing; he was stark awake; he just smiled at her.

Even in their dimly lit room, his lopsided smile melted her like butter. He shook her; she tried to pretend that she was asleep. However, now he had learned to catch her bluff. He tapped her on her belly. She opened her eyes and met his. There he was... again smiling that mischievous smile of his. Slowly, he slid his hand under her orange T-shirt. She knew what he was up to. She threw a stern look at him. He wasn’t even looking at her. He was busy concentrating on the job at hand.

His soft hands on her bare belly always made her giggle. She was vulnerable to tickling. “Stop it! I told you not to do that! Stop!!!” she managed to throw up these words among her fitful giggles. “You are in a mood to play, eh honey?”

Meanwhile, he had successfully pushed her T shirt up. His capers were well known to her. And moreover, she loved him when he did those silly things to her. He sat up languidly and set his brown eyes on his prey. Suddenly, without any intimation, he put his head on her curved waist and started nibbling it gently. She felt his teeth on her flesh, tickling and tingling her. She tried to stop him... but she couldn’t... rather she wouldn’t, because she wanted it as much as he. At first he bit her softly, then hungrily.

“Hey!!!” She complained. But he was beyond hearing her voice anymore. He was enjoying the feast. In a wink, he stopped his activity. He sat up alarmed. He waited exactly two seconds before jumping on top of her. “Hey!!!” she complained yet again. “Slow down, baby. It hurts.” Still he wasn’t bothered. He smiled so deep, it formed a dimple on his right cheek.

He lay his head on her chest. He loved hearing the rhythmic thump of heartbeat. Eventually, his right hand found a new territory to fondle with. Her ear. He was well aware that it gave her goosebumps when you did that thing to her - roll his pinkie along the circumference of her ear. She gripped him to keep him from falling off her.

Against her grip, he rolled off on to the bed. Again he diverted his attention to her stretch marks lined tummy. This time he went for the kill. He dived straight for her belly button. His tongue lapped over the crater as if it held liquid chocolate in it. She squealed, held his jet black curly haired head and tried to back him off. He was a leech when it came to this. He was gurgling and cooing. Her complaints, mixed with heavy laughter and breathlessness, excited him further.

She could no longer take it. She sat up causing him to fall backwards on the bed. Too stunned by her sudden action, his expression turned bitter and hurt. He stared at her with frightful, big eyes. She couldn’t help but laugh at the sudden change in his demeanor. She grabbed his hands and pulled him close to her. She kissed his forehead and collected him in her arms. He nuzzled in the crook of her neck. Her hair smelt awesome. She squeezed him as tightly as she could manage without causing him any pain.

They swung together for a while and she sang his favorite song. Within seconds, he was in dreamland. Slowly she set her 10 month old baby beside her.


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