Candid, not Candied

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

My Ex-home - 8 Darpan Apts

Disclaimer : This is highly emotional post for me; as it concerns my old home. I haven't paid attention to anything except pouring my heart out here. It is heavily pounded with my feelings and may sound drab for you... even then I choose to write this.
As much as I hate to admit to my emotional side, this post is contradictory to that.

I was a gawky lil', innocent 6 yr old when we came to stay at Pune... at Darpan. I do not remember the day when we came to stay there... I can hardly reminisce any memories of me and my brother crying till eyes bulged because we'd to shift to Pune permanently away from our maternal grandparents... nor do i know anything about the hard time that we gave to our mother during the process of settling down.... Thus, Darpan has always been my home, since I remember.

It was a beautiful house with a biiig drawing room, kitchen big enough to accommodate the dining table for 6 and the fridge and still leave space for 5 people at a time, 2 large bedrooms with a balcony for each. It had an amazing layout, that not many houses can boast of. It appealed to that 6 yr old girl and that 11 yr old boy because it had a lot of space to run behind each other during fist fights. We made this house, our home, and welcomed it into our lives and heart just as it had to us.

My home was my heaven, my haven. I've spent a major part of my life there. I've not just grown up there, but I've evolved there. Right from being a cranky 6 to sweet 16.... from a girl to a teenager to the threshold of being a lady...all happened there. That house has seen my transition : physical, mental and psychological. It was a sanctury that I looked forward to coming back each day from school. It has witnessed our lives for 15 long years : good days, bad days..every single thing.

We sold the house 3 yrs back for unavoidable reasons. I realise we just sold the house, not our home, not the memories. And since the 3 years, whenever we go there, we dare to lift our eyes up at the second floor and remind ourselves of the wonderful time we'd had there. The person who's bought it had rented it out to a computer institute.... though we couldn't be in there, we could atleast see our house.

Recently, when I went there and casually glanced up, there were workers breaking down the walls of my house. I was frozen... I couldn't move... I just stood there watching the remains of the walls of my room hitting the ground... I could see the chunks of concrete lying there... the paint which we had choosen lovingly for our bedrooms. They had just done away with both our balconies. Tears sprung up in my eyes then and there. With the each hammer blow, i felt a knife piercing my insides. I just couldn't stand there any longer.

Yet when I knew I'd have no courage to climb the stairs and see what is not remaining; I went there, again after some days with my cousin and my mother... just to see ..... And it was a very unwelcoming sight. The walls had disappeared, the kitchen was gone, it was just an empty space with pillars staring back at me. This was when I'd flashing memories of everything that took place in those 15 years.
1. I blowed bubbles with V in the balcony.
2. We tied strings to the polythene bags and flew them like kites from the same balcony, since we didn't have a common terrace.
3. We played Holi in our bathroom with hot water because mom didn't let us go out and play as the finals were nearing.
4. I fought with V and cried myself to sleep because I wanted to put up my Hrithik Roshan poster on the same wall where he's already pasted his Sachin Tendulkar one.
5. Mom refused to give me money to buy a new top because there was not a single penny at home.
6. V, me and mom made pizzas at home.
7. V got really great marks in 10th and 12th.
8. I got good grades in 10th n 12th.
9. My grandpa expired.
10. My dad bought us, our first new car.
11. Guests came in everyday at 7 and disrupted our study time.
12. Saw mom running a successful creche with 15+ children.
13. Played hide n seek and teacher-teacher with those kids.
14. V met with an accident.
15. Me, dad and mom met with an accident.
16. Rearranged furniture in the house at regular intervals.
17. Distributed Diwali sweets to neighbours, hindus, christians alike.
18. Johnson uncle sending Black forest cake every christmas without fail.
19. Making killas during Diwali.
20. Fighting with friends.
21. Bought new AC.
22. sat up whole night when cousins came.
23. turned V's arm black and blue when he called my friends stupid.
... and so many more uncountable memories came crumbling down in front of me. My favorite corner in my bedroom had vanished, the rooms in which our mom locked us up during extreme fights were laid bare. The kitchen where we spent our summer Rasna time wasn't there. There were only workers with their hammers staring at a silly girl that was standing there and wiping off her tears.

I was unable to hold this surge of emotions in me. I just stood still and cried silently... and yet through that hazy vision I could see myself running around my home, loitering in the passage, studying in the balcony... and I couldn't yet believe that all this was no more. The house which we had turned into a home had died a silent death and all I could do was CRY. That night I couldn't get it out of my head. I kept replaying the images of my home and the proposed showroom in my mind. I kept cursing the fellow who bought our house, I kept wishing that my dad should've been a multimillionaire to afford a second house w/o having to sell the first one. I shed tears again. And I shamelessly admit, that I do each time I remember 8 Darpan Apts... I did, several times, while doing this post.

ETA : now we live in another house in the same area... it is bigger and better, a dream house and yet has provided us the warmth of our old house. We all love to love it. and as long as I live, this house is not going anywhere.

Saturday, 28 March 2009

V, N, Me

Location n situation : V, my SIL, N, and me in a restaurant at Sg 3 yrs back.

V : Purni, we'll search for a nice groom for you here.

Me : uhh... I....

N : oh ya, Purni... we'll enjoy... with you n your family here too...then we'll even tell your parents to shift no?

V : yea yea... very. yea, get married after 8-10 more years.

Me : listen, I...

N : WHAT?? 10 more years? are you alright?

V : yes. I want her with me. Purni, ok no? 28-29 pe shaadi?

Me : arrreee...

N : :O!!! how can you tell her that? No, Purni, get married in another 3-4 yrs. You should also enjoy your life with your partner, u'know?

V : Nothing doing.... 7 years minimum.... Its ok....

Me : but arre, listen....

N : how come you dint insist on getting married to me after 7-8 yrs? afterall I and purni are almost the same age!

V : different for you.

Me : will you??....???

N : no wait, Purni!! how come? you have different set of rules? for each one of us?



... do you both realise that what you are arguing is about my marriage?

V & N : yes, of course...who else?

Me : Then, how come I'm not even asked at what age I want to get married????

V : gladly.... let us know... go ahead...tell this SIL of yours that u wanna get married at 28-29.

N : keep quiet. let her speak... go on tell... but let me remind you 24-25 best age.

Me : I don't know! I haven't thought abt it...I was ....

V : see what I told you... she's indecisive..i tell you 27....

N : No you shouldn't fill crap in her mind..she'll....

Me : siiiiigh *buried my head in the menu card and let the waiter come and interrupt*

Tuesday, 24 March 2009


Note : there's nothing really to read about... Just my state of mind, which at the moment is "wired confusion"

There are so many things in daily life that I want to talk about. Say it to someone... speak out my mind... babble on sans cesse. And for these rambunctious thoughts of mine, I have a blog too. Just then, why does it feel so wrong to articulate my each and every thought or feeling?

Right now, I'm ready to blurt to anyone, all those things which mean nothing to me though in a weird sort of way is a part of my life. Because I fear they sound silly when I say it to someone. I am also too conscious of the fact that no one wants to know the inane details of my life and am very much particular about not burdening others with my loads and baggage... I just can't do it. I've very well done the job of handling this kind of situation for others.... but when it comes to me feeling uncomfortable; I'd rather shut my mouth and sulk than confide in a friend. I, sometimes, find it very difficult to live with myself when I'm in such sticky situation. Mind you, I'm not even complaining... if this seems like it then I'm sorry, I definitely am not complaining.

I can very well hide my emotions. I can smile or laugh or act silly even if I've had a huge fallout with someone and am feeling depressed, angry or even feel like crying over it. And no one even knows what going on behind me. This, I'm complaining.... not about others, but about myself. Why do I do that? Because then to myself, it seems, no one cares to ask me if I've had a bad day, unless I tell them myself. But then again, I never say it to anyone!! Like some 99% of the time, I won't. Even when I say so, I won't tell the reason why I'm so. Why? Because trusting others with my feelings doesn't come easily to me. I staunchly believe, I'm my Best Friend.

Currently, I am dying to let know about my feelings towards my ex-home (which I'm gonna write, no matter what) , what it feels like when friends write about memories they've had with me, albeit it was an Fb tag and was meant to be a fun-element, what high I get when Baby J comes running to me for a hug, how badly I miss my routine back home, what fun it is to teach V French, how much I miss my college days, how flashing memories of childhood brings tears to my eyes no matter what situation I'm in.... these and more.... No connections with one another, yet so close to my heart, my being. Siiigh!

And this whole post, when I'm not in a sulky, stinky mood.

Monday, 16 March 2009

Le Commencement

V and me had our first session of french lessons yesterday. :\

First, he wanted to check if the teacher, herself knew anything about french. So I was supposed to be honoured to be interviewed by this prestigeous student. Well, here I was saying "i-don't-know-what-this-word-means, i-have-not-heard-this-word-before" to all kinds of weird words that he was finding in the bilingual dictionary.

This is one student who's gonna keep me on my toes, asking me the history behind every word that is spelt wrong, pronounced wrong. :\ and this teacher's gonna whack him for every nonsensical questions. He won't even complain to his parents. ;)

Snippet from our comical class yesterday :

Me : ... fine now that we finished learning how to tell time... how will you tell when it'll be 10:36 AM?

V : no one will ask me 10:36 AM.

Me : why not? One can show you a digital clock which shows 10:36 and ask you to tell the time. what will you say? Now tell, Quelle heure est-il? (what time is it?)

V : After 4 mins, it'll be 10:40.

Me : WHAT?!

V : * triumphantly smiling at his witty answer *

After the class, when SIL asked me how the class was, I said "well, this must be the first time ever in history, and maybe, even in the future... the teacher was looking at the watch intently, waiting for the class to get over."

Friday, 13 March 2009

At the Airport,

after the security check, getting bored in the waiting area, blogging thru' my lappy, showing-off, trying to look important like the five others. :) I'm zapped at the beautification of the Chatrapati Shivaji Airport, Mumbai. Its quite good, going by the look it had, just the previous year. Impressed! There's stuff to see around... like just see... Gucci, Swarowski, and some perfume shops... (no biiiiig book shop though :( )... and places where u can eat, KFC, Pizza Hut, CCD...

Had to shell Rs. 130 for a cheese sandwich and rs 100 for coffee and idli!!! I think I shud chuck off the 3 !, since I should have seen that coming, innit?

We sailed through the check-in, immigration and the security check smoothly. The staff was courteous too! Guess they finally have learnt their etiquettes while communicating to the passengers. :D

Lotsa passengers, whiling their time. And one that caught my attention was an Indian female donning an "I Love NY" T-shirt, heading for Sg. Why couldn't she buy 'I love my India' T, is out of my comprehension... and fortunately, I don't see any children, that means I can have a peaceful flight, without the stupid brats running in the aisle area. Me is positively beaming!!!

Some Parag fellow has given his pre- boarding speech. so i better get ready to pack my lappy and leave. Will blog when in Sg. :)

Monday, 9 March 2009

Update - 9th March '09

Hi all,

Some update from my side.

I'm gng to Sg to my brother's place this Saturday for it is Baby J's 2nd birthday and V needs some help with his french. That extends my stay for a full month and half. As much as I'm gonna enjoy it there, I'll miss my stuff back home. There's still a whoop of joy that I can manage there, since I'll be carrying my lappy... that means I'll stay connected. :) Yet, I cannot promise you when my next post will make its appearance. :( DDD, Rayshma and Rasna, patience dearies.

I have a lot of blog posts happening in my tiny brain, right now. Lekin time constraints, people!! Can hardly find time to sit with a peaceful mind that doesn't wander around even without provocation. There are Baby J tales, Bagga tales and a very emotional post that HAS to be put up here. Do bug me for them. Else they'll stay forever in my mind.

I've resolved things NOT to do at Sg, throughout my stay :

1. Be lured by the amazing palate of food the food-courts offer.
2. Buy clothes even if they are free.
3. Think of buying stilettos even when I know I can't walk in them. :
4. Give in to V's and my SIL's pampering; for anything; literally.

Siiiigh! gotta go back to packing, unpacking, repacking, super-packing, hyper-packing and finance management.

Will see you people soon enough.

Truly, yours truly,



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