Candid, not Candied

Saturday, 23 April 2016

Hopefully a Push Start

Life with an infant is always full of uncertainties. Especially, the sleep pattern - yours and theirs - you never know if you will be sleeping through the night or scrolling through your FB/ Twitter/ Instagram feed liking the random alls. Like this morning, though it is a Saturday, the little one's coughing and congestion woke us up AT. 4.30. A.M. That's right, I have been up since then.

The husband is out flexing his cricket bat, and both the kids are asleep. Breakfast and post breakfast cleaning is done and I have some time in hand before the circus starts. I am sure many mothers are are down right giving me the stink eye for getting this precious time. :) But trust me, I am doing a tight rope walk here with stilettos on! I am even scared to breathe, lest it wakes the mini mes up!

B.S. aside; I have been yearning to write since forever and have been waiting for this window of peace where it could be just me and my writing space and nothing else. There isn't a single day when I don't think about writing. As cliche as it may sound, but I really miss being able to connect to my core. Writing to me is like yoga for many. It sets me in tune, no matter what, why and how I write. It is a different state of mind altogether where i can zone out everything and concentrate on pure blissful writing. 

I have also been thinking of going out on a limb flirting dangerously with the idea of starting a blogathon. It forces me to commit myself to doing something that I love. However, this time I am scared to even approach the thought as I am sure I won't be able to honour my stakes. 

Don't mind if this post seems like a hodge-podge of different things. That is how the current state of mind is. For the uninitiated, we, all four of us (the fourth one came into the world almost nine months back) returned to the US four months back. Since then I/ we have been on our own. There's a long and a lot of stories behind the "returned to the US four months back". Kindly do not judge the sentence on its simplicity. 

Things are easy and difficult at the same time; and though, I don't expect people to understand, I hope they do. It is busy here, totally bustling with some or the other activity one after the other. It's good busy not bad busy, BUT it is busy. I manage to run the household, but what I cannot manage is myself. Yes, this may sound a little too baby center mommy-ish, but there are days when I don't even realise I have not combed my hair from the morning bun till the time I hit the sack. My clothes are still unsorted from the long haul from India. There's an active gym membership but the money is just donated to them in my name! There are so many things that I need to do for myself but I just end up putting them on the lowest shelf of the priority list. It's not that I have no time absolutely. There's always a breather. However in that time, doing something or anything for that matter is not tempting at all. I sit and stare in that black hole called FB till I am pulled back into the reality of my own life. Having a conversation, online or real is out of question. I am mentally exhausted answering the older one's "why can't I watch TV/ iPad now?" question day in and out. 

I know, I complain a lot. And I also happen to know that I don't actively do anything about it. Maybe this is my phase where I want to rest still in my "I don't like this" state but too lazy or occupied to take control and bring changes. 

Focusing on the positives while feeling not so great is a dicey task. But, but, but, there is so much that has remained un shared from my end and most of them warrant individual posts. On the other side of this post are exciting; embarrassing; happy; milestone; achievement stuff that isn't so ranty. 

Please show me some love, and promise me you will read my space although I tend to desert it every now and then. 


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