Now the tattoo is more than a year old. It is still gathering all kinds of reactions from people around us. Not many people at my husband's office knew about it since he mostly wears a full sleeved shirt. A few days back when he wasn't, the tattoo caught the eyes of his co workers. To say that they were flabbergasted, is saying the least.
It seems they were all amused that he would go through all that pain to get his wife's name inked on him. One of them (a non-Indian) also went ahead and asked what if we were to go through a divorce. To which my husband said that he wasn't thinking of since he loved me and, moreover we are happy together. It seems she still insisted in asking what if later in life we were bored of each other/ found someone else and wanted to split. My husband still maintained his reply albeit he threw in something extra to quench her thirst for an answer. He told her what I usually say to him playfully. He said that I have threatened to kill myself and return to haunt him forever. I guess that co worker is used to having a last word to every conversation, so she adds, "Try that. Let's see if she will go ahead with her plan."
I was not done laughing with this whole fiasco when he came in yesterday with another episode. It seems the word had spread and those who hadn't got a chance to speak their minds about the tattoo in discussion, did.
One said I was an expert manipulator. Who else can get her husband to tattoo her name onto his arm. They were not done pulling his leg yet. Other asked if it was done before or after marriage. On hearing the answer, they were sure that I was a dictator. It seems everyone laughed it off. Fortunately, they didn't just call me a conniving, evil predator. :)
Well, we both are still finding it funny at how people get goosebumps at the site of the tattoo. It probably would have been a safer bet to get a burning skull or a 3D spider. But a wife's name???!
One would think I am fuming with rage, but the truth is I love being the center of attraction even when I am not in the room. I, hereby, title myself the "Go-Get-The-Tattoo-Bitch" ;) ;) ;)
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Tuesday, 26 February 2013
Thursday, 10 November 2011
Good Girls Do Not Buy Condoms!
@ a super market, billing section...
Ma : You didn't find it?
Me : No.
Ma : Then ask for it.
Me : No need. Leave it.
Ma : You have been eating my ears all this week saying you wanted to come here. At least ask them, it might be in stock.
Exactly two minutes later...
Ma : (bewildered) Is that it's name??? Is that what you asked for??? Look at those sales guys snickering!!! The other one is even pointing at you!!!!!! I thought you wanted something else.
Me : (mumbling and turning red) But I told you I didn't want to ask. You forced.
What happened in those two minutes
Me to ma : Alright, alright. Don't push it. I'll ask.
Me to the billing employee : Do you have KamaSutra Deodorant? (OMG, did I just say it??!)
Billing Employee : Sorry, kya?
Me : (Damn! He didn't hear it!) Deeeodorant.
Billing Employee : Kaun sa chahiye, medem?
Me : Bola naa... Kamasutra.
Billing Employee : Kya? *snicker* *snicker* arrrrre, woh KAMASUTRA HAI KYA DEKH RE!
Other Employee : Nirodh?? Nirodh naa?? Hai naa...*snicker* *giggle* *giggle* *wink*
Me : Nahi, nahiiiiii, DEODORANT!
Ma : (bewildered) Is that it's name??? Is that what you asked for??? Look at those sales guys snickering!!! The other one is even pointing at you!!!!!! I thought you wanted something else.
Me : (mumbling and turning red) But I told you I didn't want to ask. You forced.
----------------------------
Yes, that was me a while ago, no ring on my ring finger, in front of my ma, asking for a product with such a (according to mommy - besharam) name making an absolute fool of myself, falling prey to giggling, winking, pointing at me, perverted idiots.
How could I help it if the deo's named Kamasutra?
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Name Calling
How do you call your husband? By name? By "those" words of respect? Or some other endearment?
Thinking back about 25 - 30 years; roughly around the time when our parents tied a knot; it is indeed fascinating to see how things have changed. If we were to place those times and situations next to today's, we would probably list down a 1000 differences at least.
One of the stark difference and perhaps the most revolutionising (liberating?) is how we, the neo-ladies call our respective husbands. With evolution and open-ness of husband-wife relation, the suniye-ji era has started to fade into oblivion. Once considered the supreme power in a wedded woman's life, is now more of a back slapping buddy who considers his wife an equal. In fact, the good news being, the husbands no longer want to be worshipped or labelled as pati-parmeshwar. They gladly tell you "Call me by my name. No issues".
This is where the confusion started for me. For some time, it was a constant battle for me to decide whether to call KK by name or Aji, sunte ho? (Itte, aikata ve? - Konkani equivalent) as a part of sanskar bestowed by my parents. Come to think of it, suniye-ji sounded natural to me before marriage, since that's how my mother and other older ladies in the house refer to their better halves. I have never heard my mother call my father by name, and if she did, I'd probably tell her not to. Not because it is wrong, but because it sounds so alien to my ears!
Well, it wasn't lightening strike love for me and KK. We took time in discovering that we had feelings for each other. Of course till then, I'd been calling him by name. Later, when we acknowledged our mutual feelings and decided to bring our parents in picture, realisation struck me that he is no longer going to be "just a friend". With involvement of family and relatives and the fact that we were going to be "wedded as husband and wife", I knew I had to look at him from a different perspective. And this is where parents discreetly mention the "now there will be a husband in your life".
Over a telephone call, I mentioned to KK that I'd have to show him some extra respect for being my husband. He was shocked. He did not expect a Pune-bred girl to have such orthodox thinking. I must admit, somewhere deep inside me, I did not want a husband, I wanted a friend to spend my life with. And suniye-ji would just keep me at one hand distance. But who'd convince my parents? Thinking from their side too, they were not too wrong. Its not always about the husband, its about the husband's family too - they'd say.
Perhaps I knew KK, but I was certainly not acquainted with his parents. Maybe they expected an aadarsh bahu? Or were they open enough to accept me with my ups and downs? They were from our native town, not much lived in a city. I knew the living conditions in Pune differed a lot from the manner in which our native dwellers live. In such a situation, would they like it if I called their son by name?
Much later did I come to know that KK had told my in laws that he wants me to call him only by name. I was caught in a trap. In private, I'd call KK by his name and in front of others (mostly elders) I referred to him as "He/ His/ Him" (hanni/ tanni in Konkani). It was a tongue twisting job for me. Many a times I ended up confusing myself. KK was blissfully enjoying my predicament. "Who's asking you to create confusion? Why can't you simply call me by name in front of everyone?"
KK got fed up of my pleadings to let him call by "those" words. He said if I were to call address him in that way, then he'd address me in a similar way. What a put off that was! And then there were friends and elders too who laughed at my 1950's way. "You!!! You won't call your husband by name? Are you ancient or what?" they mocked me.
KK got fed up of my pleadings to let him call by "those" words. He said if I were to call address him in that way, then he'd address me in a similar way. What a put off that was! And then there were friends and elders too who laughed at my 1950's way. "You!!! You won't call your husband by name? Are you ancient or what?" they mocked me.
You might wonder what was the dilemma. Why wouldn't I just take an easy way out and heed to my pati-parmeshwar's simple solution? Well, even I have ego problems. I did not want anyone to say anything to me regarding "ladki ko kuch sikhaya hi nahi". Yeah I was adamant.
However, of late my tenacity to stay put on my self imposed stupid belief started to wither as I realised how cumbersome it was for me to adjust my language every time I spoke to my in laws. Somehow my mother also succeeded in convincing my father that it was naya zamana and kid's lives have changed now. As long as they are comfortable with calling each other whatever they want, that should be fine.
Still to be on the safer side, I explained it to my MIL why and how the transformation took place. She only laughed at my almost 1.5 year old stint. And I gaped at my FIL when he said "You do what he says. He should do what you says. We are not going to come in between the two of you. As long as you are happy with each other, we are happy." Frankly, very frankly, I was not expecting this kind of open-ness and broad minded ness from my in laws. Do I say I am lucky? :)
Now whether it is a 8 yr old kid or 80 yr old grandma, I call KK by name with no guilt. :D
To be noted : not every one calls their husband by name, even today. In fact my own SIL, calls out to my brother "aji sunte ho?", while before they got married it was by name. To each their own levels of comfort.
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
Uncle 1 meets Uncle 2
It is Sunday today and, both Uncle 1 and Uncle 2, are at the Sunday Bazaar to "do" some household shopping. Uncle 2 has two big bags full of vegetables and is trying to fit all that on his 15 yr old loyal Bajaj scooter. This is when Uncle 1, holding newspaper and milk in one hand and eggs and bread in another, meets Uncle 2.
Uncle 1 (U1) : Arre, arre... Good Morning, good morning ji! How are you?
Uncle 2 (U2) : *surprised and smiling wide* Hello, good morning! I am in good health. You tell, how are you? Where have you been? Didn't see you for a long long time!
U1 : No, no. I am here only. Where will I go? You are a big man. I hardly see you. Busy a what? Sunday shoppingaa? *gesturing at U2's big bags*
U2 : Haaaaan, now what to tell? Children are sleeping and wife said if I did not bring vegetables, there will be no food! What can a poor man like me do? You also come for shopping?
U1 : Ha ha ha haha.... Yes. Yes ji. It is the same. Come come, my house is here... we'll have nice hot tea with bisckits.
U2 : Nahi, aaj nahi. I have no time to stand. I have to go.
U1 : It is the same. No one has time now. Life is so busy. What are your kids doing?
U2 : Badi is in First yr engineering and Choti is in 12th. Both very busy with classes! Your son is also in engineering no? Computer? Which college?
U1: Haan. His 4th semester is going. He also so busy, I tell you. Does not have time to raise his head from books!!! Very good college but. Nice teachers. Even if I gave a huge donation, it is not a waste.
U2 : Very good. Very good! It is nice to know children learning. Nahi toh, children nowadays! *slaps forehead*
U1 : What to say! So many rave parties, drugs, daaroo. It was soo different in our times, no. We did what our babuji told us. Always respecting parents.
U2 : Really! But our children are gems, I am telling you. They will shine our names.
U1 : Yes, yes. I am sure. *does namaskar and touches forehead* Your two daughters will shine your name in their sasuraal. They are pretty and talented also, no? I wanted to ask you? Are you seeing a boy for your badi? There is a nice boy, I know. Looks like Salman Khan. Very rich also.
U2 : *makes a face* Now what to tell you bhaii saab?! My wife tried to talk to her about her marriage. She gets angry. Badi wants to complete studies and she wants to do MBA also. And that also in foreign. Now tell me, how will I afford all this? I am middle class. And I have two daughters. How to manage? Tell me.
U1 : God will help you, see. Good things happen with good people only. You should not worry. Have you seen the latest??? Anna Hazare and Jan Lokpal Bill? My son wants to go to Delhi to fast! Who will study now, tell me?
U2 : That one?!! I was seeing. On paper, on tv. Everywhere there is Anna. What a man! What a man! Really, I think. He will do big aandolan.
U2 : He will. I am also sure. Who else can save our country? All politicians are chors, saale. They want money and money. Govaarment is useless.
U1 : No bhaii saab. People also voting same same people. What to do now? Very sad it is. See, how this road is also not repaired for so many days.
U2 : Arre haan. When you said road, I remembered. What happened to the fight between you and your neighbour? Did you build that private road or not between your houses?
U1 : *shakes head violently* nahiii... Where now I will run after small small fights? Tell me. He knows big people. He has contacts. I did not do anything. I heard he is leaving house in a year. I will build road when he goes away.
U2 : Yes, you should do that. Tell me if you need any help. I have a civil contractor friend. I can tell him to see. He is very close. He is my wife's jijaji's nephew. He will do your work for less.
U1 : Haan, will tell you surely. How is bhabhiji? My wife was complaining... nowadays, you both don't come only! Come sometimes for evening chaii and bhajiya.
U2 : Yes yes. That day they went for sale shopping together and all they did was complain about us! My wife was telling.
U1 : Accha? When did they go shopping? *irritated* Arree, everyone knows! I only don't know!
U2 : That new shopping mall is there, no? What is its name...... ummm... something Paradise. There they went. Bhabhiji must have forgotten to tell you.
U1 : Arrree reee, I remember. Remember now. Court Paradise no? She told me, I forgot.
U2 : My girls go there often. Never buy anything, but they go with friends.
Uncle 1's cell phone starts ringing.
U1 : Hello. I am here only... where means? market, where else? I am coming baba.... coming coming. I met bhaiisaab. What? What? Cannot hear... hello... what??? Ok ok. will tell. will tell. Haan haan coming.
*click*
U1 :See your bhabhi called. She is calling you home. She is not listening to any excuse. you have to come for chaii.
U2 : Bhaiisaab, it is getting late for me. Next time will pakka come with wife.
U1 : No, no, no, no.... no listening to you this time. Come, it hardly takes 5 minutes from here. Chaii will be ready when we reach home. She is making also for you.
U2 : That way then you should promise to come to our house in the evening with bhabhiji and your beta. Only then I will come now.
U1 : Haan haan pehle you come.
Saying this, U1 rides pillion with U2. A lot more is exchanged between the two during the five minute ride to U1's house.
Uncle 1 (U1) : Arre, arre... Good Morning, good morning ji! How are you?
Uncle 2 (U2) : *surprised and smiling wide* Hello, good morning! I am in good health. You tell, how are you? Where have you been? Didn't see you for a long long time!
U1 : No, no. I am here only. Where will I go? You are a big man. I hardly see you. Busy a what? Sunday shoppingaa? *gesturing at U2's big bags*
U2 : Haaaaan, now what to tell? Children are sleeping and wife said if I did not bring vegetables, there will be no food! What can a poor man like me do? You also come for shopping?
U1 : Ha ha ha haha.... Yes. Yes ji. It is the same. Come come, my house is here... we'll have nice hot tea with bisckits.
U2 : Nahi, aaj nahi. I have no time to stand. I have to go.
U1 : It is the same. No one has time now. Life is so busy. What are your kids doing?
U2 : Badi is in First yr engineering and Choti is in 12th. Both very busy with classes! Your son is also in engineering no? Computer? Which college?
U1: Haan. His 4th semester is going. He also so busy, I tell you. Does not have time to raise his head from books!!! Very good college but. Nice teachers. Even if I gave a huge donation, it is not a waste.
U2 : Very good. Very good! It is nice to know children learning. Nahi toh, children nowadays! *slaps forehead*
U1 : What to say! So many rave parties, drugs, daaroo. It was soo different in our times, no. We did what our babuji told us. Always respecting parents.
U2 : Really! But our children are gems, I am telling you. They will shine our names.
U1 : Yes, yes. I am sure. *does namaskar and touches forehead* Your two daughters will shine your name in their sasuraal. They are pretty and talented also, no? I wanted to ask you? Are you seeing a boy for your badi? There is a nice boy, I know. Looks like Salman Khan. Very rich also.
U2 : *makes a face* Now what to tell you bhaii saab?! My wife tried to talk to her about her marriage. She gets angry. Badi wants to complete studies and she wants to do MBA also. And that also in foreign. Now tell me, how will I afford all this? I am middle class. And I have two daughters. How to manage? Tell me.
U1 : God will help you, see. Good things happen with good people only. You should not worry. Have you seen the latest??? Anna Hazare and Jan Lokpal Bill? My son wants to go to Delhi to fast! Who will study now, tell me?
U2 : That one?!! I was seeing. On paper, on tv. Everywhere there is Anna. What a man! What a man! Really, I think. He will do big aandolan.
U2 : He will. I am also sure. Who else can save our country? All politicians are chors, saale. They want money and money. Govaarment is useless.
U1 : No bhaii saab. People also voting same same people. What to do now? Very sad it is. See, how this road is also not repaired for so many days.
U2 : Arre haan. When you said road, I remembered. What happened to the fight between you and your neighbour? Did you build that private road or not between your houses?
U1 : *shakes head violently* nahiii... Where now I will run after small small fights? Tell me. He knows big people. He has contacts. I did not do anything. I heard he is leaving house in a year. I will build road when he goes away.
U2 : Yes, you should do that. Tell me if you need any help. I have a civil contractor friend. I can tell him to see. He is very close. He is my wife's jijaji's nephew. He will do your work for less.
U1 : Haan, will tell you surely. How is bhabhiji? My wife was complaining... nowadays, you both don't come only! Come sometimes for evening chaii and bhajiya.
U2 : Yes yes. That day they went for sale shopping together and all they did was complain about us! My wife was telling.
U1 : Accha? When did they go shopping? *irritated* Arree, everyone knows! I only don't know!
U2 : That new shopping mall is there, no? What is its name...... ummm... something Paradise. There they went. Bhabhiji must have forgotten to tell you.
U1 : Arrree reee, I remember. Remember now. Court Paradise no? She told me, I forgot.
U2 : My girls go there often. Never buy anything, but they go with friends.
Uncle 1's cell phone starts ringing.
U1 : Hello. I am here only... where means? market, where else? I am coming baba.... coming coming. I met bhaiisaab. What? What? Cannot hear... hello... what??? Ok ok. will tell. will tell. Haan haan coming.
*click*
U1 :See your bhabhi called. She is calling you home. She is not listening to any excuse. you have to come for chaii.
U2 : Bhaiisaab, it is getting late for me. Next time will pakka come with wife.
U1 : No, no, no, no.... no listening to you this time. Come, it hardly takes 5 minutes from here. Chaii will be ready when we reach home. She is making also for you.
U2 : That way then you should promise to come to our house in the evening with bhabhiji and your beta. Only then I will come now.
U1 : Haan haan pehle you come.
Saying this, U1 rides pillion with U2. A lot more is exchanged between the two during the five minute ride to U1's house.
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Day 28 : What happens when...
it is already 11 45 in the PM and you don't have a clue what to write?
Write something like this and call it legit.
No one calls unfair.
My blog! ;)
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Day 17: Water, water everywhere!
'KK, wake up!!! WATER!!' I literally screamed as I woke up in the morning at 6 AM. Sleepy eyed KK was wondering what got into his newly wed wife.
'What?' he asked.
'OMG, wake up, wake up!! Our house is flooded' said I while looking down at the water level which had covered my ankles.
This was the time when we had not even completed a month of wedded bliss. We had rented a huge two bedroom house in Vallabh Nagar, which was gonna be (relatively) closer to KK's office.
'What happened? Where's the water coming from?' he was asking as I dashed to the kitchen to find the water flowing from the tap at full force. The sink lock had jammed and as a result the water did not find the outlet. It continued flowing till it managed to reach every corner of the house.
Now, ours was a two bedroom house with a kitchen that had a dry area and a terrace. Our bedroom had a terrace too. By modern standards, the house was HUGE!
First, I shut the tap and was relieved that water was no longer adding to the pool. Then I looked around. I was standing there wondering what I should do, what I should say. After all, it was a naya-naya basaya sansaar. I just didn't want KK to think I was a goose-head. I was not trained in disaster management because such disasters never occurred at mom's place. And even if it did, mom knew what to do.
How did I leave the tap open? Well, there was this 'paani aane ka time' and obviously at around 11 PM the water supply used to be off. I must have left it on and forgotten about it.
I was panicky, I was shivering. Oh! Did I mention, it was supposed to be KK's day to resume his desk? Breakfast was yet to be done, dabba was yet to be done and the water... SIGH!!!
'What to do?' I asked him.
'We clear this ASAP.' he said coolly as if I had just spilled a glass of water.
'How?'
'You take care of the breakfast, I'll do it. I will push the water in the balcony where it'll drain out.'
'But, if I do it too, it'll clear out fast.'
'No. You are just out of your illness, I don't want you to take physical strain. Else, let's call Mr. B for his help.'
(Mr. B used to do all petty work at my father's office and he had helped a lot with the shifting stuff. He used to be close-by.)
'Nooooooooooooo, not him... he's a newspaper. He'll tell my dad the moment he sets his foot in the office.'
(Mr. B is a motor mouth. I didn't want my dad to know all this kaand that I'd done. And then the lectures that would ensue, I wanted to avoid them. ;) )
It was 6:30 by then. I walked into the other bedroom and almost fainted. Our 4 unpacked bags lay on the floor, swimming in the pool of water.
'KK, baaags.' I wailed.
'Don't worry, they are water proof. So there are no chances of clothes getting wet. Anyway, lets move them.'
We hauled the water soaked bags (at least from the outside) and kept them on tables. And KK got down to work. Now, the slopes in the house were really weird. It wasn't sloping toward the balconies, but away from them. So he had to drag the water up-slope and then the water would go in the balcony. This was taking a lot more time than expected.
'What about your office?' I asked sheepishly.
'I have to go. Can't stay home.'
'But how will I manage? I HAVE to clear the house before the maid comes in. Nahi toh, she'll tell the whole building and everyone will curse me.'
'Call Mr. B.'
'Nooooooooooooooooooooo... piliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz noooooooo...'
'Ok. Ok. We won't call him. Then what are we gonna do? I'll go at 11 then.'
Thankfully, mom had let me borrow her vacuum cleaner which could be used to swab floor. That meant I could take off the excess water with that. After one and half hour of manually throwing the water out, I brought out the vacuum cleaner and dried the house off the remainder water.
By this time, KK was dead tired and he retired to bed with an instruction to wake him at 10.
Just 2 minutes later, someone rang the door bell. I was petrified to find two men standing in front of me. One was the watchman, I recognized.
'Hello, I live on the first floor, just below your house. We have some leakage in our bedroom. I just wanted to see if the leakage was from here?'
I was petrified. I asked them to wait outside, while I ran in to 'KK, two men have come saying there's leakage. What to do? What to do?'
'We'll tell them the truth.'
'No, no, no, no, noooooooo, please, please, please nooooooo. I know how touchy society women are when it comes to wasting water... pleaseeeeeeee....'
'Ok. But at least let them in. We can't keep them standing outside forever.'
They came into the bedroom and the watchman cum plumber said 'Paani yahaan se leak hua hai' (The water has leaked from here) pointing to one corner in the bedroom which was sharing the balcony.
'Haan, actually aaj subah humne balcony dhoya tha. Shayad uske wajah se leak hua hoga.'(Yes, actually we just washed the balcony today morning. The leakage could have been because of that.) said KK, my HERO!
'Haan, ho sakta hai... lekin ab thode dinon ke liye yahaan paani mat daalna.' (Yes, maybe... but for a few days don't wash the balcony.)
I felt a wave of relief wash over me.
'Look, everything's fine. Now, don't worry!' said KK with a smiling face. 'BTW, I missed my bus, you know that. That means you will have to drop me to the office.'
This happened on May 3rd, 2010. A year after that incident, many would think I am laughing it off, but no, it still gives me goose bumps.
As for telling my parents about it; they came visiting in the evening and I was feeling so guilty that I narrated the whole incident myself. :)
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
Day 4 : Where's the guest room please?
It’s time to take out some extra bed spreads, fancy dinner sets, teacups and hangers from the store room because you are expecting guests. And you are happy. Happy since it will be a welcome change from your monotonously drab life. Who doesn’t like a house full of people chattering, laughing, gossiping and having a good time? The answer is “me”!
Guests are always knocking down your door if you are a kind of host that makes them feel welcome, at home, at ease and be courteous to them. You are gracious, hospitable and tend to their every big and small needs. Rather, you are expected to be so.
Throughout my childhood, I remember my family playing host to so many guests that I have lost count of them. Like my mother always puts it “Our doors are always open, like that of a temple.” We have seen them all. Long term, short term and visiting guest; of which, visiting guests were the most frequent ones. We had a string of families that would just drop in to say a ‘hello’ and the ‘hellos’ would usually last from 6 in the evening to 11 at night.
Visiting guest were my personal favorites. I was always expected to carry countless trays of water, tea, coffee and food items made by my mother. This often meant a couple of hours respite from a gruesome task of studying. And also, the guests always had word or two of praise for me. Our neighbours were accustomed to see the ever growing pile of footwear in front of our main door. That was only after we riff-raffed their belief that there was some religious function at our place.
My key role here was to help my mother in the kitchen with assembling and arranging the various plates and teaming them up with teacups. Sometimes I would be allowed to carry the tray to the honorable guests. It is a surprise how you enjoy doing something during your childhood and determinedly despise it when you grow up. After I grew up I underlined this to my mother “I don’t like to be a waitress with a silly grin on my face!”
Excuse me, for I tend to digress every once in a while.
Other than disrupting my study timings, these guests also turned our dinner time upside down. Me and my elder brother would often stuff bhajiyas in our hungry mouths and forget about the dinner. This was another advantage, which allowed us to flout dinner rules for a valid reason. However, as time passed by; and we grew up; and the uncles and aunties got caught up with their own kids’ college and higher studies plans, the number of guests dropping in started dwindling.
Then there used to be guests who would stop over for a day or two. Our house would usually serve them as a temporary stop before embarking on to their onward journey to their final destination. More often than not, they never “made the room reservation” in advance. They would call up at the 11th hour to announce their arrival, and before we could get our mattresses out, they would ring our door bell.
Since ours was a two-bedroom house, me and my brother would often be kicked out of the room and made to bunk in the living room. Unless if it was too hot, we would sleep in our parents rooms for the sake of air conditioner. I pretty much disliked having to give up my room, even if for a night, but I knew better than to complain. Of course, the guests were always at an advantage. Where else would they find a room for a night with comfortable double bed, breakfast at any time, laundry and phone service - everything “complimentary”?
Situation would be fairly complex when these guests would be your obligations to past favors. Some close friend would call up and say “Hey, s/he’s my friend. Would you please...?” The question always remained unfinished, for my parents never thought twice before helping out someone in dire need. Their answer was always “Yes”. Our parents would brief us some basic details about the guests in order to avoid any kind of faux pas by us kids. But one thing was for sure, with such unacquainted guests, even my parents soon reached a cul de sac.
The last category of guests that stepped into our house were usually the relatives and very close family-friends. Some relatives were perennially fun to be with, while some were a royal pain in the... let’s just say, all the wrong places! Free stay and service is already assumed. Only it turns ugly when they fill the house so much with their presence that you hardly feel it is your home and not theirs.
It all begins in the morning when they wake up. That is, if they actually do, without you having to bang down your bedroom door. In desperate attempts, we have had to even call them on their cell phones to get them out of their dreamland! Their taste buds do not suit that of yours. So instead of declining politely before being served, they empty the plates into the trash bin. This time when your heart breaks you can actually hear it shatter into trillion pieces and those splinters prick too.
You have to show them the attractions of the city even if they comment later “Is this all your city has got?” Those who are sensitive enough not to do that will generally park themselves in front of your idiot box and browse everything from new channels to daily soaps. You lose all your rights and controls over your remote.
Then you will see them scurrying around the restrooms trying to find a pair of paragon chappals. Why? Because they are used to wearing them in their own house. Naturally, it never occurs to them that you don’t use them. It is not your house policy. On negative response, they will grimace. Many a times I have had this urge to scream “Get your own stuff, we don’t rent them out here. Or better still stay at home!!!”
Blood pressure reaches at its helm when insensitive guests will hang around despite your subtle and/ or strong hints of your upcoming exams. They enjoy at your expense. Literally too. No less than any royalty, they expect highest standards of hospitality from their hosts, while you, pressurized under the “Atithi Devo Bhava” tag line, pull through all this with a smiling face. Their expectations may not necessarily be expressed, it is implied, nevertheless, through their actions.
Not every guest is as insensitive. But we have had our share of such ones too. During all this time, we have smiled and given them a fair treatment without much expecting returns. Although I admit to having criminal thoughts some times but they were always won over by my parents’ devotion and patience to bear the most difficult of them all.
I still love having guests over. How else can I entertain myself apart from this routine life? ;) :)
Guests are always knocking down your door if you are a kind of host that makes them feel welcome, at home, at ease and be courteous to them. You are gracious, hospitable and tend to their every big and small needs. Rather, you are expected to be so.
Throughout my childhood, I remember my family playing host to so many guests that I have lost count of them. Like my mother always puts it “Our doors are always open, like that of a temple.” We have seen them all. Long term, short term and visiting guest; of which, visiting guests were the most frequent ones. We had a string of families that would just drop in to say a ‘hello’ and the ‘hellos’ would usually last from 6 in the evening to 11 at night.
Visiting guest were my personal favorites. I was always expected to carry countless trays of water, tea, coffee and food items made by my mother. This often meant a couple of hours respite from a gruesome task of studying. And also, the guests always had word or two of praise for me. Our neighbours were accustomed to see the ever growing pile of footwear in front of our main door. That was only after we riff-raffed their belief that there was some religious function at our place.
My key role here was to help my mother in the kitchen with assembling and arranging the various plates and teaming them up with teacups. Sometimes I would be allowed to carry the tray to the honorable guests. It is a surprise how you enjoy doing something during your childhood and determinedly despise it when you grow up. After I grew up I underlined this to my mother “I don’t like to be a waitress with a silly grin on my face!”
Excuse me, for I tend to digress every once in a while.
Other than disrupting my study timings, these guests also turned our dinner time upside down. Me and my elder brother would often stuff bhajiyas in our hungry mouths and forget about the dinner. This was another advantage, which allowed us to flout dinner rules for a valid reason. However, as time passed by; and we grew up; and the uncles and aunties got caught up with their own kids’ college and higher studies plans, the number of guests dropping in started dwindling.
Then there used to be guests who would stop over for a day or two. Our house would usually serve them as a temporary stop before embarking on to their onward journey to their final destination. More often than not, they never “made the room reservation” in advance. They would call up at the 11th hour to announce their arrival, and before we could get our mattresses out, they would ring our door bell.
Since ours was a two-bedroom house, me and my brother would often be kicked out of the room and made to bunk in the living room. Unless if it was too hot, we would sleep in our parents rooms for the sake of air conditioner. I pretty much disliked having to give up my room, even if for a night, but I knew better than to complain. Of course, the guests were always at an advantage. Where else would they find a room for a night with comfortable double bed, breakfast at any time, laundry and phone service - everything “complimentary”?
Situation would be fairly complex when these guests would be your obligations to past favors. Some close friend would call up and say “Hey, s/he’s my friend. Would you please...?” The question always remained unfinished, for my parents never thought twice before helping out someone in dire need. Their answer was always “Yes”. Our parents would brief us some basic details about the guests in order to avoid any kind of faux pas by us kids. But one thing was for sure, with such unacquainted guests, even my parents soon reached a cul de sac.
The last category of guests that stepped into our house were usually the relatives and very close family-friends. Some relatives were perennially fun to be with, while some were a royal pain in the... let’s just say, all the wrong places! Free stay and service is already assumed. Only it turns ugly when they fill the house so much with their presence that you hardly feel it is your home and not theirs.
It all begins in the morning when they wake up. That is, if they actually do, without you having to bang down your bedroom door. In desperate attempts, we have had to even call them on their cell phones to get them out of their dreamland! Their taste buds do not suit that of yours. So instead of declining politely before being served, they empty the plates into the trash bin. This time when your heart breaks you can actually hear it shatter into trillion pieces and those splinters prick too.
You have to show them the attractions of the city even if they comment later “Is this all your city has got?” Those who are sensitive enough not to do that will generally park themselves in front of your idiot box and browse everything from new channels to daily soaps. You lose all your rights and controls over your remote.
Then you will see them scurrying around the restrooms trying to find a pair of paragon chappals. Why? Because they are used to wearing them in their own house. Naturally, it never occurs to them that you don’t use them. It is not your house policy. On negative response, they will grimace. Many a times I have had this urge to scream “Get your own stuff, we don’t rent them out here. Or better still stay at home!!!”
Blood pressure reaches at its helm when insensitive guests will hang around despite your subtle and/ or strong hints of your upcoming exams. They enjoy at your expense. Literally too. No less than any royalty, they expect highest standards of hospitality from their hosts, while you, pressurized under the “Atithi Devo Bhava” tag line, pull through all this with a smiling face. Their expectations may not necessarily be expressed, it is implied, nevertheless, through their actions.
Not every guest is as insensitive. But we have had our share of such ones too. During all this time, we have smiled and given them a fair treatment without much expecting returns. Although I admit to having criminal thoughts some times but they were always won over by my parents’ devotion and patience to bear the most difficult of them all.
I still love having guests over. How else can I entertain myself apart from this routine life? ;) :)
Friday, 3 September 2010
Love that's brewing...
Before
The situation
A boy and a girl were going to meet for the very first time in their life. The girl was anxious, nervous, happy with the fact that she is finally going to see the person she would be marrying in 19 more days! The boy was happy too, shy even, and feeling heady as he was to meet his would-be-bride-in19-days. And, he wasn't sure what was "romantic". Neither by words, nor by actions. So, in addition to being happy and shy, he was confused too. But, both were super excited and looking forward to the meeting event. She was coming to pick him up from the bus depot. He had been travelling the night before.
During
The event (1) :: The bus depot
She came in a chauffeur-driven, swanky big car. She texted him. "Where are you?"
He replied, "I don't know.. but I guess we are in the city... I see a lot of buildings and shops etc. Where are you btw?"
She could no longer text. She speed dialed him. "Hey, hi! I have reached... how long will it take for you to get here?"
"This conductor says another 15 minutes. So I guess, you'll have to wait."
"Ok. fine. Just let me know where you..."
"Look, I forgot to charge my cell last night... I'll give you a call when I reach... ok?"
"What???! You knew you were travelling and you did not charge your cell? Oh! C'mon! How could you?"
"Seriously the battery is running low... I'll talk to you later?? Please? Bye"
"Alright, bye. But gimme a call, else I'll call you. Bye"
Finally, they did meet. He called her when he reached and they saw each other. Bells did not ring, birds did not sing. Violins did not play and the trees did not sway. It wasn't Bollywood. It was real life. Instead, infernal honks blared, dogs barked and rickshaw-wallahs haggled for a fair fare. Nevertheless, it was special.
"Hmmm.. you are not taller than me. I thought you were." he complimented. himself.
"That's why I didn't wear heels. Mind if we catch a cup of coffee before we go to my place?"
"No, sure... let's go?"
The event (2) :: At the restaurant
She : Let's just order for coffee? Mom's made proper proper breakfast at home...
He : No problem.
She : (silence)
He : (silence)
She : You are staring at me. You are embarrassing me!
He : No. I'm looking at you. You look so different in the snaps.
She : That's what everyone says!
By this time the coffee came and went, and he said "The coffee was YUCK!" She agreed, because it was.
The event (3) :: At the Men's wear shop
The salesman : Try this one, Sir!
He : Fine. Ray ban... do you like it?
She : Yeah.. if you like it then go ahead...
The cashier : That would be Rs. 4000, Sir!
After
(4 months after they got married)
She : You should take care of your glares... They cost a lot. Seriously, what was worth 4000 in it? Tell me. I don't see anything except the label "Ray Ban". They are so costly. Mine cost me only 1500. And look, there are good.
He : Yes, I know they were costly. You did not take me to a cheaper place!
She : Arre?! You said you wanted to buy right there. So I thought you will buy it there.. like there there.. that place itself.
He : I found it costly too. But I had to buy it anyway.
She : Why? We could have bought something elsewhere, no?
He : You were there with me.
She : I was there with you???! Lekin, I did not force you to buy! You bought it because it looked good on you.
He : Whoa! Look, I have this girl coming to pick me up in a biiig, shiny Honda City, with a driver, a jazzy cell phone in her hand, fighting elegantly with rickshaw-wallahs, throwing orders at the driver over the phone... I naturally thought you were a girl brought up in all luxuries, used to servants and brands and labels etc. You'd think I was a cheapskate if I didn't buy it because the price was HUUGE!
She : :O :O :O I had told you everything about me, no? I was not like that. I am not like that. I knew it! I knew I shouldn't have come in that car with a driver and all. But parents did not allow me to drive all the way in that horrendous place - full of dirty men and dogs and each one barking at another!! I knew this was what you'd think about me. And did you know what I thought about you?
He : No, what?
She : I thought that since you have come from the States, you were running after labels and amounts that ran into thousands, just because comparing it with USD it would mean spending nothing. I also was devising ways to control your spending habit already.
It was time for him to be :O :O :O!!!
He : That's what we thought about each other?
She : I also thought you were rude. No make it crude. You told me the coffee was YUCK!
He : But it was! And you agreed too!
She : Yes, it was. I agreed and I still agree. But you could be a bit more courteous and say it was good, right? A little white lie wouldn't hurt.
He : I didn't know how to behave around a girl. You were my first, serious date.
She : You didn't/ don't know chivalry?
He : No, who's that??
She : Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!
And there, she knew the core reason for falling head over heels in love with him.
----------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------
Any guesses on who's the "He" and the "She", here?
Edited to add : He says the Ray Ban was for Rs. 4370 and not just Rs. 4000. So there, she put down the value of Ray Ban by Rs. 370. Hence, she apologizes. ;)
The situation
A boy and a girl were going to meet for the very first time in their life. The girl was anxious, nervous, happy with the fact that she is finally going to see the person she would be marrying in 19 more days! The boy was happy too, shy even, and feeling heady as he was to meet his would-be-bride-in19-days. And, he wasn't sure what was "romantic". Neither by words, nor by actions. So, in addition to being happy and shy, he was confused too. But, both were super excited and looking forward to the meeting event. She was coming to pick him up from the bus depot. He had been travelling the night before.
During
The event (1) :: The bus depot
She came in a chauffeur-driven, swanky big car. She texted him. "Where are you?"
He replied, "I don't know.. but I guess we are in the city... I see a lot of buildings and shops etc. Where are you btw?"
She could no longer text. She speed dialed him. "Hey, hi! I have reached... how long will it take for you to get here?"
"This conductor says another 15 minutes. So I guess, you'll have to wait."
"Ok. fine. Just let me know where you..."
"Look, I forgot to charge my cell last night... I'll give you a call when I reach... ok?"
"What???! You knew you were travelling and you did not charge your cell? Oh! C'mon! How could you?"
"Seriously the battery is running low... I'll talk to you later?? Please? Bye"
"Alright, bye. But gimme a call, else I'll call you. Bye"
Finally, they did meet. He called her when he reached and they saw each other. Bells did not ring, birds did not sing. Violins did not play and the trees did not sway. It wasn't Bollywood. It was real life. Instead, infernal honks blared, dogs barked and rickshaw-wallahs haggled for a fair fare. Nevertheless, it was special.
"Hmmm.. you are not taller than me. I thought you were." he complimented. himself.
"That's why I didn't wear heels. Mind if we catch a cup of coffee before we go to my place?"
"No, sure... let's go?"
The event (2) :: At the restaurant
She : Let's just order for coffee? Mom's made proper proper breakfast at home...
He : No problem.
She : (silence)
He : (silence)
She : You are staring at me. You are embarrassing me!
He : No. I'm looking at you. You look so different in the snaps.
She : That's what everyone says!
By this time the coffee came and went, and he said "The coffee was YUCK!" She agreed, because it was.
The event (3) :: At the Men's wear shop
The salesman : Try this one, Sir!
He : Fine. Ray ban... do you like it?
She : Yeah.. if you like it then go ahead...
The cashier : That would be Rs. 4000, Sir!
After
(4 months after they got married)
She : You should take care of your glares... They cost a lot. Seriously, what was worth 4000 in it? Tell me. I don't see anything except the label "Ray Ban". They are so costly. Mine cost me only 1500. And look, there are good.
He : Yes, I know they were costly. You did not take me to a cheaper place!
She : Arre?! You said you wanted to buy right there. So I thought you will buy it there.. like there there.. that place itself.
He : I found it costly too. But I had to buy it anyway.
She : Why? We could have bought something elsewhere, no?
He : You were there with me.
She : I was there with you???! Lekin, I did not force you to buy! You bought it because it looked good on you.
He : Whoa! Look, I have this girl coming to pick me up in a biiig, shiny Honda City, with a driver, a jazzy cell phone in her hand, fighting elegantly with rickshaw-wallahs, throwing orders at the driver over the phone... I naturally thought you were a girl brought up in all luxuries, used to servants and brands and labels etc. You'd think I was a cheapskate if I didn't buy it because the price was HUUGE!
She : :O :O :O I had told you everything about me, no? I was not like that. I am not like that. I knew it! I knew I shouldn't have come in that car with a driver and all. But parents did not allow me to drive all the way in that horrendous place - full of dirty men and dogs and each one barking at another!! I knew this was what you'd think about me. And did you know what I thought about you?
He : No, what?
She : I thought that since you have come from the States, you were running after labels and amounts that ran into thousands, just because comparing it with USD it would mean spending nothing. I also was devising ways to control your spending habit already.
It was time for him to be :O :O :O!!!
He : That's what we thought about each other?
She : I also thought you were rude. No make it crude. You told me the coffee was YUCK!
He : But it was! And you agreed too!
She : Yes, it was. I agreed and I still agree. But you could be a bit more courteous and say it was good, right? A little white lie wouldn't hurt.
He : I didn't know how to behave around a girl. You were my first, serious date.
She : You didn't/ don't know chivalry?
He : No, who's that??
She : Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!
And there, she knew the core reason for falling head over heels in love with him.
----------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------
Any guesses on who's the "He" and the "She", here?
Edited to add : He says the Ray Ban was for Rs. 4370 and not just Rs. 4000. So there, she put down the value of Ray Ban by Rs. 370. Hence, she apologizes. ;)
Friday, 6 August 2010
Name Game
Have you come across funny surnames? I know, it is considered bad manners - making fun of names, surnames etc. Debate-able, touchy issues those are! However, I have come across some classic surnames and classic-er alliances of such surnames.
You might be knowing the joke which goes like - What's the name of the guy with 3 knees? Nitin
What's the surname of the guy with 6 knees? - Sahani. What's the full name of guy with 9 knees? Nitin Sahani. Well, something like that.
My area for this post is mainly restricted to (majority of) Maharashtrian surnames, since the obvious fact that I have lived my whole life in MH. I hope Maharashtrian bandhu- bhaginis will take this lightly... with a pinch of salt. And for those extra sensitive ones, I highly recommend a bowlful of salt. After all, I don't want ANY jumpy Maharashtrian Manoos to feel insulted and then spam my comments section with hate mails and brickbats and lecture and etc. and etc.
Often I have teased V. "What if our surname was 'Nayak'?" - I would ask. Then in the same breath I'd say "Then your name would be Vinayak Nayak". I relentlessly continued "What if our surname was 'Nayak' and our Dad's name started with a 'V'? Then your name would be Vinayak V. Nayak... that's like calling your name twice!!"
I just couldn't stop there, for I continued "What if my name was 'Prabha'? Then I would be 'Prabha Prabhu'. :D "And then what if our dad's name was Prabhakar? Then I would be 'Prabha Prabhakar Prabhu'?" :D
There are safe surnames and there are volatile ones. The latter ones can make you range from a chuckle to a full throated laughter. Sometimes I wonder how they live with such ones. Not ashamed maybe, but admit it, they do tend to fall on the funnier side. I mean, what do you think of Potdukhe (roughly meaning stomach ache), Tupe (Ghee), Hirwe (Green), Takle (bald), Phatak (gate), Dahibhate (curd rice) etc?
Imagine marriages of such families. In fact, I got thinking when recently there was a marriage at our neighbour's place. Their surname is 'Kurkure' and the bride's side was 'TaLele'. When we went to attend the marriage, I couldn't stop giggling; for the board read 'TaLele & Kurkure' which means Fried Crispy! That's what I call a perfect alliance.
Some more perfect matches as below ::
Imagine the groom's surname as 'Wagh - Tiger' and the bride's surname as 'Waghmare - Tiger Hunter' :D
Imagine the groom's surname as 'Gupchup - the silent ones' and the bride's 'Badbade - The talkitive'. :D
Imagine the groom's surname as 'Kale - Black' and the bride's 'Gore - Fair'. The children hence become Grey? :D
Imagine the groom's surname 'Dhere - big, fat stomach' and the bride's 'Potphode - someone who'll burst the stomach' :D
Imagine the groom's surname 'Sakhardande - sugar candy' and the bride's 'Tikhe - Chilly hot' :D
Imagine the groom's surname 'Kate - Thorn' and the bride's 'Phule - Flowers'. Would her name after marriage be 'Phul aur Kaate'? :D
Then there are parts of the body - 'Doke - The head', 'Mane - the neck' and of course, our very own GSB surname 'Pai - the foot'
And then there are those who manhandle the body parts 'Kanpile - the one who twists ears' and 'Paitode - the leg breaker'
Hey what if there is an intercaste marriage between 'Pai' and 'Paitode'??
And then there are the intellectuals too. 'Vichare - the thinker' and 'Shahane - the intelligent'
And the humans that don't sound like one 'Gaitonde - face of cow', 'Kolhe - the fox', 'Landge - the wolf'
And the metal lovers 'Tambe - copper man', 'Lokhande - Iron man', 'Pitale - Brass man', 'Sonar - Goldsmith', 'Lohar - Blacksmith'...
I hope, by now you are done with your bowlful of salt. Is there more to it? Add on if you know some interesting ones. Will add them here.
You might be knowing the joke which goes like - What's the name of the guy with 3 knees? Nitin
What's the surname of the guy with 6 knees? - Sahani. What's the full name of guy with 9 knees? Nitin Sahani. Well, something like that.
My area for this post is mainly restricted to (majority of) Maharashtrian surnames, since the obvious fact that I have lived my whole life in MH. I hope Maharashtrian bandhu- bhaginis will take this lightly... with a pinch of salt. And for those extra sensitive ones, I highly recommend a bowlful of salt. After all, I don't want ANY jumpy Maharashtrian Manoos to feel insulted and then spam my comments section with hate mails and brickbats and lecture and etc. and etc.
Often I have teased V. "What if our surname was 'Nayak'?" - I would ask. Then in the same breath I'd say "Then your name would be Vinayak Nayak". I relentlessly continued "What if our surname was 'Nayak' and our Dad's name started with a 'V'? Then your name would be Vinayak V. Nayak... that's like calling your name twice!!"
I just couldn't stop there, for I continued "What if my name was 'Prabha'? Then I would be 'Prabha Prabhu'. :D "And then what if our dad's name was Prabhakar? Then I would be 'Prabha Prabhakar Prabhu'?" :D
There are safe surnames and there are volatile ones. The latter ones can make you range from a chuckle to a full throated laughter. Sometimes I wonder how they live with such ones. Not ashamed maybe, but admit it, they do tend to fall on the funnier side. I mean, what do you think of Potdukhe (roughly meaning stomach ache), Tupe (Ghee), Hirwe (Green), Takle (bald), Phatak (gate), Dahibhate (curd rice) etc?
Imagine marriages of such families. In fact, I got thinking when recently there was a marriage at our neighbour's place. Their surname is 'Kurkure' and the bride's side was 'TaLele'. When we went to attend the marriage, I couldn't stop giggling; for the board read 'TaLele & Kurkure' which means Fried Crispy! That's what I call a perfect alliance.
Some more perfect matches as below ::
Imagine the groom's surname as 'Wagh - Tiger' and the bride's surname as 'Waghmare - Tiger Hunter' :D
Imagine the groom's surname as 'Gupchup - the silent ones' and the bride's 'Badbade - The talkitive'. :D
Imagine the groom's surname as 'Kale - Black' and the bride's 'Gore - Fair'. The children hence become Grey? :D
Imagine the groom's surname 'Dhere - big, fat stomach' and the bride's 'Potphode - someone who'll burst the stomach' :D
Imagine the groom's surname 'Sakhardande - sugar candy' and the bride's 'Tikhe - Chilly hot' :D
Imagine the groom's surname 'Kate - Thorn' and the bride's 'Phule - Flowers'. Would her name after marriage be 'Phul aur Kaate'? :D
Then there are parts of the body - 'Doke - The head', 'Mane - the neck' and of course, our very own GSB surname 'Pai - the foot'
And then there are those who manhandle the body parts 'Kanpile - the one who twists ears' and 'Paitode - the leg breaker'
Hey what if there is an intercaste marriage between 'Pai' and 'Paitode'??
And then there are the intellectuals too. 'Vichare - the thinker' and 'Shahane - the intelligent'
And the humans that don't sound like one 'Gaitonde - face of cow', 'Kolhe - the fox', 'Landge - the wolf'
And the metal lovers 'Tambe - copper man', 'Lokhande - Iron man', 'Pitale - Brass man', 'Sonar - Goldsmith', 'Lohar - Blacksmith'...
I hope, by now you are done with your bowlful of salt. Is there more to it? Add on if you know some interesting ones. Will add them here.
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Beauty Parlour Blahs
Any woman that denies having stepped into the oh-so-womanly beauty parlour, at least once in their lifetime, is certainly lying. And here, i talk about the current generation, not that of our moms and grand-moms and great great grand-moms and the likes. It is but natural that women have started venturing out, are more active and are no longer restricted to the confines and comforts of their homes. In short, all such women-lib crap. (Clarification: Women's-lib is not crap - why i mentioned it here maybe...) On second thought, womens-lib is crap.
Let's admit that parlours do enhance the way you look. Maybe they can't change your structure forever(excuse the cosmetic surgeons and the various brow lifts and face lifts and rhinoplasties and chin tucks and ear staples- I'm talking about the normal, average, those ones found in every society wala, beauty parlour); but they can certainly make you look much presentable than you might usually do.
I too have beauty parlour sessions from time to time, and there's no denying to that. The first time I set my foot into one was when I was in college... don't remember when. But i do remember that mom had pushed me to get my eyebrows shaped. I had this bushy, fat eyebrows that needed trimming - as mom put it. I never stopped to think about my eyebrows. I was bewildered at the thought of getting my eyebrows plucked. I begged my mom to come along... but she wouldn't have it. "The way you act anyone would think you are going in for some bypass surgery". Of course, to me it was no less than one. Did I mention that my aunt who shared her experience with eyebrow threading had told me that it pained so awfully and she couldn't stop sneezing and the whole session took about an hour to get her eyebrows in shape? There you go... scary, innit?
Yes, I have come a long way from there. Though I no longer hyperventilate at the idea of threading, I still have my apprehensions.
To say I have delicate, sensitive skin would be a boorish understatement. My skin jumps at least provocation. And so, I launch myself into giving a short tape recorded speech to beauty parlour aunties (BPAs) when they rant 1001 solutions to soft and supple skin, that usually includes various face massages, bleaching, herbal creams, ayurvedic mud packs, costly Parisian lotions etc. And may I please add, at their esteeeeemed parlour - the one stop solution to all my skin care miseries. Most of the time, I successfully wish-wash their skin care hocus-pocus by mumbling *sensitive skin, doesn't take all this so well*.
However, let me tell you, these aunties are doctors by their own standards. One look at your skin and they tell you how cruelly you treat your skin. How insensitively you put it through, dhool-mitti-pradushan day by day, week by week, month by month, year after year... Each time I go for a session, say even for a 45 minute hair trimming one, I have to face the insults thrown at me. My hair is always dry, I don't use conditioner, I don't got for hot oil massages, I don't trim it as often as I should, which shampoo I use, why I use that one, why not the one she suggested, when will I learn, how difficult it'll be after marriage, more so after kids, i should learn to take care of myself, 5 minutes everyday I can't spare for my own good - These are the accusations hurled at me that I hence unabashedly concur.
I try. I do try. Really. Really hard. That is, to fall in line, to take a step towards the betterment of my neglected beauty regime. But that's not the only thing I do, is it? Get this, conditioner + wrapping my head in hot towel should tentatively take not more than 7-9 minutes. But by the time I somehow clumsily get the knack of wrapping the towel, it has already turned cold. I'm back to heating the towel.
Not to mention how many times I call out to my distressed mom to give me a hand at it. I give up. Of course, I haven't yet admitted this to my BPA yet. Else I'd be in another you-don't-listen-to-me charade. I wonder if "How to humiliate your customer" is a part of their training.
And then, there are those whose expertise lie in painting your face in bright colours during occasions like weddings and receptions. The only time that I handed over my face to BPAs is during V's wedding and mine. And that includes the reception too. While the wedding make-ups were commendable, the reception ones turned out to be a nightmare. Believe me, me being fair skinned, they slather every possible cream and foundations to make me look fairer. Then they team it up with the darkest and brightest shaded lipstick that they can lay their hands on. The result? I look a classic example of Noorie. That's what my cousin calls me each time he looks at my snap. All my lamentations fall on deaf ears while parallely giving me the know-it-all-looks i-know-what-looks-best-on-your-skin-tone look.
What annoys me is, no amount of convincing works on them. I guess like you can't argue with your doctor or your lawyer, you can't argue with the BPA's either. So I have devised a way out. The day I need to visit my BPA, I apply moisturizer - of any kind that's available at home but make sure to name the correct brand that she has suggested, bathe in conditioner - again, of any kind that's available at home but make sure to name the correct brand that she has suggested, smile a lot to erase any guilt off my face and say, "hey look I use this product you suggested and it works like magic for me" smile, smile, smile, smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile. Dare her to argue, she won't. This is how I defeat my BPA in her own battlefield. Oh, how vindicated I feel! :D
P.S. I hope my BPA doesn't land here... or i'm done for!
P.P.S I hope none of you are BPAs... I'm still done for!!!
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
LDR Phone call
He : Hi!! wassup?
She : Hi sweetie. nuthin. thinkin about you, what else?
He : *tunes up* riyally?
She : ummm..hhmm.. what you doing?
He : me? talking to you.
She : *doesn't find it funny but* hee hee hee...how cute. so wassup?
He : nuthing new. I think about you... everytime. babes, when do we meet again?
She : My flirt! and when do you work? *puppy expression and tone* I know baybee, i'm dying to see you.
He : hmm...so?
She : so what?
He : Wassup with ur Hitler?
She : *fakes anger* My daddu's not Hitler. He's strict that's it. I haven't talked to him after that day. why?
He : Just. He's never gonna say yes to our relationship.
She : Baby, now don't spoil your mood now. tell me what did u eat? hey whats the time there?
He : No. I want to talk about it.... him, sorry. why can't that $#%^& understand? he's sucha....
She : *now really angry* Stop it! You can't talk about my dad that way. He's my dad!!! he's..
He : *Raises voice* Yea right! he's ur darling dad. and I'm no one for u. I know it. I dunno why I even...
She : If u were no one, I wouldn't make this international call to you at 1 in the morning. do you get me? U cannot insult my dad. let me tell you for the 1000th time now.
He : *silence* ...
She : *silence* ...
He : sorry. I'm sorry. I shudn't have lost my cool.
She : *silence*
He : Babes, I sed i'm sorry. say something to me.
She : what do I say? each time i say something, you connect it to my dad and all hell breaks loose. i love you both. *starts crying*
He : baby, baybeee, please. please. dont cry now. what can i say now.
She : *sheepishly*. say you love me.
He : I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you to pieces. happy?
She : *giggles* i love you too. ok hold on... just a min....
He : why what happened?... hey? dont disconnect.
She : *silence*
He : whaaaat? wassup?
She : No nuthing. i thought dad got up. He'd hear me no?
He : Here we go again. U know. I think we shud elope. get married. and not show our faces ever again to your family. anyway, your dad and bully brother hate me. Aunty hates me too. Everyone in your family hates me ya! we shud run away.
She : does your mother like me?
He : She likes you.
She : *angry* Yeah right. That's why last time she taunted me at least a hundred times in 5 minutes. I have taken away her only kid' it seems. Now, I don't bring up ur mom everytime, do i? and you dad just doesn't care if his D-I-L is me or some other female, as far as she is not a gori mem! and guess what, you can avoid my parents for the rest of ur blissful life. But me? I have to bear yours all through mine.
He : *very angry* If u think u have to bear my parents, we can really call off this relationship, you know. Anyway, this long distance relationship isn't working. It'll save us a lot of headache, you know?
She : *Calmly* Are you serious about this? I have to know. But let me tell you, I have done a lot for this relationship to work.
He : *Calming down* I have too, you know. It's not simple. Listening to ur firang boss breathe down orders on you the whole day and get into personal mess after getting back home. Know what, even Captain Morgan doesn't help me forget all this.
She : Who's he?
He : The Boss? Firang hai yaa. leave him naa. I don wanna talk abt him now.
She : Noooo, Captain Morgan. Who's he?
He : *Irritated* arree yaar, Rum hai.
She : *shocked* You drink everyday?
He : No ya. not everyday!! don't be a typical girlfriend now. what else new? How's your job? Did ur friend get married?
She : Dude! She's 7 months pregnant now! what world are you in?
He : Ohhh? since when?
She : Since 7 months!!
He : DUH! i meant when did she get married?
She : Is it important? hey btw! I think I'm next in line for promotion.
He : oh? ok? cool.
She : That's it? I mean, u don't sound too excited. whats wrong.
He : naah nuthing. Just tired. so wassup with ur promotion thingy? Boss happy with you.
She : Change the tone, I dint like it!
He : Alright, alright! Is your work keeping your Boss happy... so much so that he thought of pushing you up your career ladder? Happy?
She : Now stop being sarcastic! If u don't wanna listen. don't. I won't tell u about it.
He : Baby. C'mon. tell me abt it.
She : hey no. some other time. its late now. almost an hour. Got office tomorrow.
He : hey 5 more minutes please. please.
She : No. Have to sleep ya. I wud love to talk the entire night.
He : Ok. you won't listen. will you dream about me?
She : Of cors sweetie. I dream every night about getting married to you.
He : and...?
She : and what? useless! nothing. then i wake up coz I have to go to the office and please my Boss, as you put it.
He : he he he he... I dream something more you know.
She : I've a censor board for my dreams. Now let me go.
He : I'm not holding you. Though I wish I were.
She : bye.
He : hey wait. what about our ritual?
She : nothing. get lost bye.
He : arrree...not fair. say naa..kaho naa pyaar hai..
She : sheeesh, how corny!! now you go to your firang boss.
He : Look, I'm straight.
She : YUCK! sheeeeeesh....go now. bye.
He : ritual?
She : BYE! Say bye!
He : *sighs* ok bye. when will i call you again?
She : you don't call me. I'll call you. Now bye.
He : I love you babes.
She : I love you too, baybee. byee.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Concept of LDR - Long Distance Relationship was an inspiration from an incident narrated by a friend, KK.
Dialogue - Pure Imagination.
In case of any resemblance to any conversation between any LDR couple anywhere - I eavesdrop too well. :P
She : Hi sweetie. nuthin. thinkin about you, what else?
He : *tunes up* riyally?
She : ummm..hhmm.. what you doing?
He : me? talking to you.
She : *doesn't find it funny but* hee hee hee...how cute. so wassup?
He : nuthing new. I think about you... everytime. babes, when do we meet again?
She : My flirt! and when do you work? *puppy expression and tone* I know baybee, i'm dying to see you.
He : hmm...so?
She : so what?
He : Wassup with ur Hitler?
She : *fakes anger* My daddu's not Hitler. He's strict that's it. I haven't talked to him after that day. why?
He : Just. He's never gonna say yes to our relationship.
She : Baby, now don't spoil your mood now. tell me what did u eat? hey whats the time there?
He : No. I want to talk about it.... him, sorry. why can't that $#%^& understand? he's sucha....
She : *now really angry* Stop it! You can't talk about my dad that way. He's my dad!!! he's..
He : *Raises voice* Yea right! he's ur darling dad. and I'm no one for u. I know it. I dunno why I even...
She : If u were no one, I wouldn't make this international call to you at 1 in the morning. do you get me? U cannot insult my dad. let me tell you for the 1000th time now.
He : *silence* ...
She : *silence* ...
He : sorry. I'm sorry. I shudn't have lost my cool.
She : *silence*
He : Babes, I sed i'm sorry. say something to me.
She : what do I say? each time i say something, you connect it to my dad and all hell breaks loose. i love you both. *starts crying*
He : baby, baybeee, please. please. dont cry now. what can i say now.
She : *sheepishly*. say you love me.
He : I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you to pieces. happy?
She : *giggles* i love you too. ok hold on... just a min....
He : why what happened?... hey? dont disconnect.
She : *silence*
He : whaaaat? wassup?
She : No nuthing. i thought dad got up. He'd hear me no?
He : Here we go again. U know. I think we shud elope. get married. and not show our faces ever again to your family. anyway, your dad and bully brother hate me. Aunty hates me too. Everyone in your family hates me ya! we shud run away.
She : does your mother like me?
He : She likes you.
She : *angry* Yeah right. That's why last time she taunted me at least a hundred times in 5 minutes. I have taken away her only kid' it seems. Now, I don't bring up ur mom everytime, do i? and you dad just doesn't care if his D-I-L is me or some other female, as far as she is not a gori mem! and guess what, you can avoid my parents for the rest of ur blissful life. But me? I have to bear yours all through mine.
He : *very angry* If u think u have to bear my parents, we can really call off this relationship, you know. Anyway, this long distance relationship isn't working. It'll save us a lot of headache, you know?
She : *Calmly* Are you serious about this? I have to know. But let me tell you, I have done a lot for this relationship to work.
He : *Calming down* I have too, you know. It's not simple. Listening to ur firang boss breathe down orders on you the whole day and get into personal mess after getting back home. Know what, even Captain Morgan doesn't help me forget all this.
She : Who's he?
He : The Boss? Firang hai yaa. leave him naa. I don wanna talk abt him now.
She : Noooo, Captain Morgan. Who's he?
He : *Irritated* arree yaar, Rum hai.
She : *shocked* You drink everyday?
He : No ya. not everyday!! don't be a typical girlfriend now. what else new? How's your job? Did ur friend get married?
She : Dude! She's 7 months pregnant now! what world are you in?
He : Ohhh? since when?
She : Since 7 months!!
He : DUH! i meant when did she get married?
She : Is it important? hey btw! I think I'm next in line for promotion.
He : oh? ok? cool.
She : That's it? I mean, u don't sound too excited. whats wrong.
He : naah nuthing. Just tired. so wassup with ur promotion thingy? Boss happy with you.
She : Change the tone, I dint like it!
He : Alright, alright! Is your work keeping your Boss happy... so much so that he thought of pushing you up your career ladder? Happy?
She : Now stop being sarcastic! If u don't wanna listen. don't. I won't tell u about it.
He : Baby. C'mon. tell me abt it.
She : hey no. some other time. its late now. almost an hour. Got office tomorrow.
He : hey 5 more minutes please. please.
She : No. Have to sleep ya. I wud love to talk the entire night.
He : Ok. you won't listen. will you dream about me?
She : Of cors sweetie. I dream every night about getting married to you.
He : and...?
She : and what? useless! nothing. then i wake up coz I have to go to the office and please my Boss, as you put it.
He : he he he he... I dream something more you know.
She : I've a censor board for my dreams. Now let me go.
He : I'm not holding you. Though I wish I were.
She : bye.
He : hey wait. what about our ritual?
She : nothing. get lost bye.
He : arrree...not fair. say naa..kaho naa pyaar hai..
She : sheeesh, how corny!! now you go to your firang boss.
He : Look, I'm straight.
She : YUCK! sheeeeeesh....go now. bye.
He : ritual?
She : BYE! Say bye!
He : *sighs* ok bye. when will i call you again?
She : you don't call me. I'll call you. Now bye.
He : I love you babes.
She : I love you too, baybee. byee.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Concept of LDR - Long Distance Relationship was an inspiration from an incident narrated by a friend, KK.
Dialogue - Pure Imagination.
In case of any resemblance to any conversation between any LDR couple anywhere - I eavesdrop too well. :P
Friday, 30 October 2009
Look n Laff
I won't blab much here. Just look at the snaps (Courtesy: my Sony Ericsson W580i) and decide whether to laugh or to cry.
Picture number 1
This paati (board, to all you angrezi understanding people) is put up on my building gate.
Nothing great, but I loved the audacious way of saying "Worries not allowed inside". If only things could be as easy as saying that!!!
Picture Number 2
Let this talk for itself.
This was a poster put up near my library. Couldn't help but capture this beauty!
Morya Aluminium, Manufacturing and Reappearing... eh?
Picture Number 3
Now this!!!! was at more. supermarket. So what does this mean? Any Guesses? Guesses should pour in at the comments section please. and my office people who have already seen this pic and have got the explanation from me, are not eligible for the guessing thingy. Let the others answer.
Picture number 4
God save the Flate selesman!
Picture number 5
I won't say where this was. But this is the latest LOL. And don't you people forget to "While Exiting Please Swith Off All Switches"! he he he he he he....
Picture number 6
This snap has been bothering me since it has been put up in the parking place in our office building. Take a good look at it and then look at what I have to say about it.
1. I have heard "Fire exit" and "Emergency Exit" but never "Fire Staircase". If it is really used anywhere, then I do not know about it. *Yeah right! It is used here! DUH!*
2. If it is a FIRE EXIT, then why the hell is the man climbing stairs?? Why would anyone in his right senses run upstairs in case of fire??
3. Look what's written above! TOILET! So when you are looking at it from far away, the "Fire Staircase" is hardly seen due to light angles. *Just like in this snap, the "CASE" part is not seen. So, doesn't it look like This person is running towards the toilet because he's facing an emergency situation???
Think!
Picture number 1
This paati (board, to all you angrezi understanding people) is put up on my building gate.
Nothing great, but I loved the audacious way of saying "Worries not allowed inside". If only things could be as easy as saying that!!!
Picture Number 2
Let this talk for itself.
This was a poster put up near my library. Couldn't help but capture this beauty!
Morya Aluminium, Manufacturing and Reappearing... eh?
Picture Number 3
Now this!!!! was at more. supermarket. So what does this mean? Any Guesses? Guesses should pour in at the comments section please. and my office people who have already seen this pic and have got the explanation from me, are not eligible for the guessing thingy. Let the others answer.
Picture number 4
God save the Flate selesman!
Picture number 5
I won't say where this was. But this is the latest LOL. And don't you people forget to "While Exiting Please Swith Off All Switches"! he he he he he he....
Picture number 6
This snap has been bothering me since it has been put up in the parking place in our office building. Take a good look at it and then look at what I have to say about it.
1. I have heard "Fire exit" and "Emergency Exit" but never "Fire Staircase". If it is really used anywhere, then I do not know about it. *Yeah right! It is used here! DUH!*
2. If it is a FIRE EXIT, then why the hell is the man climbing stairs?? Why would anyone in his right senses run upstairs in case of fire??
3. Look what's written above! TOILET! So when you are looking at it from far away, the "Fire Staircase" is hardly seen due to light angles. *Just like in this snap, the "CASE" part is not seen. So, doesn't it look like This person is running towards the toilet because he's facing an emergency situation???
Think!
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
365 days and more to come
My blog completes a year today! :) This day, last year, around the same time or maybe it was later, with trembling fingers and unsure mind, I started blogging for the second time in my life. I made a small promise not to delete it given my eccentricity and natural pull towards deleting accounts when no one's looking. hee hee hee!
I had actually planned a supprize party for my blog. Was thinking of bringing in a cake with wordings "Happy B'day, Blog" and all. Obviously, my laziness outlived my enthusiasm. Secondary reasons though, were that I'd have to buy the cake, and gobble it myself, putting myself through the torture of gaining a whole kilo which is equivalent to that of the birthday cake... THE whole kilo that I have lost by parking myself in front of a glaring PC screen. I'd also thought of taking my sprinkled few close gals out for drinks (read: nariyal paani), with cameras capturing the odd s(l)ipping moments. But, where did my blog come into the picture? Exactly! nowhere! Heck, my sprinkled few close gals are strangers to my blog, just as I am to a Martian's pet feline from Neptune.
Speaking of strangers, have you ever had to experience an incident when you see a person you have talked with, cracked jokes with, laughed with and bitched about nothings with, yet, YET, cannot register when and where and how you know that person? Forgetting the name is not even on the list, because in the first place, you don't even know it? Felt guilty and embarrassed at the thought of approaching them and saying a "Hi, how do we know each other?", like you have worn pista-green pants with red and orange striped sleeveless collared shirt? Well, something like this happened to me... and I couldn't avoid the "upclose n personal" with the lady in question, at our common library. But, BUT, BUT, my dormant-until-now brain came to my rescue and before I could fumble for an excuse, my right side of the brain supplied the information to the left side of my brain... She was one of my french-class-attending-public.
Anyways public, coming to what I was saying... I cancelled out the large scale celebrations in view of the reasons mentioned above. However, small scale celebration did take place... I ate a small cup cake....well, half of it. Hatred for sweets was handed down to me as legacy.
Speaking of which, my mom was on a complaining spree since yesterday that not me, nor my father has touched the sweet dish she'd made for Dassera and it is lying in the fridge unattended. Thank god for the invention of fridges! No fridge would mean having to finish the sweet dishes made for whatever season, reason or festival in one day flat. Meaning more fights and morer weighty issues.
Weight? Wait! I was talking about the successful 365 days completion of my dear blog! If you have been reading me, rather my blog, from day one, you would know how many of my rants and nonsensical ramblings this blog had to endure. Not that it could do much about it, but it has complained in its own small ways... like saying "Could not contact blogger. com. Saving and publishing may fail...retrying"... and that statement has never failed to get me down on my knees praying for the blogger to cooperate. and cooperate it did... eventually... after I hit the "save" button with threatening furor.
Have you ever felt threatened by the things happening around you? Like I have been? Threatened... not like scary threatened. Threatened like challengingly threatened. Where you lose your several nights' sleep thinking how to emerge victorious? Where you indulge in scheming without realizing? Where you jump at a slightest provocation? Where you promise yourself that you won't sleep peacefully until you have had the chance to get even?
Even when I write all this, I still realise that I'm supposed to be talking about my blog. But whatodo? I have these timed chemical injections in my brain that just flow through my veins, pour out of my fingers onto the kb and eventually on the blog. It is an involuntary movement that I can hardly wish to stop.
So, here's wishing my blog a Habby Dabby Budday!! with lotsa mad, sad, happy grave, nonsensical, mature, idiotic, thought provoking moments to come in the future.
However, my (very close) proud blog moments were
1. When I meet one of my schoolmates at a friend's wedding and the second sentence she says "Your blog is lovely. You write well ya!" (This is a schoolmate, classmate rather with whom, I'd lost contact since our SSC result day)
2. When my interviewers ask me my writing experience and I quote my blog. They ask for my blog URL then n there, feed it in their browser and check it up in front of me and say "Impressive... I can see many people have liked what you have written!" and
3. One boring morning at the office, I find an exhilarating mail from Mahesh saying "We find your blog interesting and would like to feature it...."
Once again, Happy Birthday to my second term as a blogger! AND, here's wishing my blog commentors a "Happy Anniversary!!" 365 days of togetherness means a lot to me. You have been very encouraging, lovely, enthu, supporting, loving and a grrrrreat audience. I'm sure you understand the intoxication of a fully filled "comments" section. ;) Well, treat yourselves to a nice black forest cake, on my behalf, from Bakers' Basket while I go back to contemplating the risk of additional 1 kg.
I had actually planned a supprize party for my blog. Was thinking of bringing in a cake with wordings "Happy B'day, Blog" and all. Obviously, my laziness outlived my enthusiasm. Secondary reasons though, were that I'd have to buy the cake, and gobble it myself, putting myself through the torture of gaining a whole kilo which is equivalent to that of the birthday cake... THE whole kilo that I have lost by parking myself in front of a glaring PC screen. I'd also thought of taking my sprinkled few close gals out for drinks (read: nariyal paani), with cameras capturing the odd s(l)ipping moments. But, where did my blog come into the picture? Exactly! nowhere! Heck, my sprinkled few close gals are strangers to my blog, just as I am to a Martian's pet feline from Neptune.
Speaking of strangers, have you ever had to experience an incident when you see a person you have talked with, cracked jokes with, laughed with and bitched about nothings with, yet, YET, cannot register when and where and how you know that person? Forgetting the name is not even on the list, because in the first place, you don't even know it? Felt guilty and embarrassed at the thought of approaching them and saying a "Hi, how do we know each other?", like you have worn pista-green pants with red and orange striped sleeveless collared shirt? Well, something like this happened to me... and I couldn't avoid the "upclose n personal" with the lady in question, at our common library. But, BUT, BUT, my dormant-until-now brain came to my rescue and before I could fumble for an excuse, my right side of the brain supplied the information to the left side of my brain... She was one of my french-class-attending-public.
Anyways public, coming to what I was saying... I cancelled out the large scale celebrations in view of the reasons mentioned above. However, small scale celebration did take place... I ate a small cup cake....well, half of it. Hatred for sweets was handed down to me as legacy.
Speaking of which, my mom was on a complaining spree since yesterday that not me, nor my father has touched the sweet dish she'd made for Dassera and it is lying in the fridge unattended. Thank god for the invention of fridges! No fridge would mean having to finish the sweet dishes made for whatever season, reason or festival in one day flat. Meaning more fights and morer weighty issues.
Weight? Wait! I was talking about the successful 365 days completion of my dear blog! If you have been reading me, rather my blog, from day one, you would know how many of my rants and nonsensical ramblings this blog had to endure. Not that it could do much about it, but it has complained in its own small ways... like saying "Could not contact blogger. com. Saving and publishing may fail...retrying"... and that statement has never failed to get me down on my knees praying for the blogger to cooperate. and cooperate it did... eventually... after I hit the "save" button with threatening furor.
Have you ever felt threatened by the things happening around you? Like I have been? Threatened... not like scary threatened. Threatened like challengingly threatened. Where you lose your several nights' sleep thinking how to emerge victorious? Where you indulge in scheming without realizing? Where you jump at a slightest provocation? Where you promise yourself that you won't sleep peacefully until you have had the chance to get even?
Even when I write all this, I still realise that I'm supposed to be talking about my blog. But whatodo? I have these timed chemical injections in my brain that just flow through my veins, pour out of my fingers onto the kb and eventually on the blog. It is an involuntary movement that I can hardly wish to stop.
So, here's wishing my blog a Habby Dabby Budday!! with lotsa mad, sad, happy grave, nonsensical, mature, idiotic, thought provoking moments to come in the future.
However, my (very close) proud blog moments were
1. When I meet one of my schoolmates at a friend's wedding and the second sentence she says "Your blog is lovely. You write well ya!" (This is a schoolmate, classmate rather with whom, I'd lost contact since our SSC result day)
2. When my interviewers ask me my writing experience and I quote my blog. They ask for my blog URL then n there, feed it in their browser and check it up in front of me and say "Impressive... I can see many people have liked what you have written!" and
3. One boring morning at the office, I find an exhilarating mail from Mahesh saying "We find your blog interesting and would like to feature it...."
Once again, Happy Birthday to my second term as a blogger! AND, here's wishing my blog commentors a "Happy Anniversary!!" 365 days of togetherness means a lot to me. You have been very encouraging, lovely, enthu, supporting, loving and a grrrrreat audience. I'm sure you understand the intoxication of a fully filled "comments" section. ;) Well, treat yourselves to a nice black forest cake, on my behalf, from Bakers' Basket while I go back to contemplating the risk of additional 1 kg.
Thursday, 24 September 2009
V n Me - Tit for Tat
Often I have talked about V n Me capers. Most of the incidents underscoring V's sharpness of mind and consequently Me's dumbness! Time to turn the tide now. These incidents - when V was outsmarted by Me. muahahahahaa - V, you remember these no? no? NO? That's understandable! :P
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back in school days...
Me: blah blah blah... chatter chatter chatter chatter.... blah blah.... yada yada.... jabber....jabber....
V: (irritated) Can't you shut up?? How much you talk?!!
Me: arre? you don't want to listen then, close your ears... get out of the room... but I will nottt...
V: Look at S's sister. You both are the same age. And what a difference between the two of you!!
Me: What difference? Her school's St. Josephs... mine's NCL..that's the difference. hee hee hee...
V: See what I mean? She's so mature... reserved and grown up!! You should be like that y'kno? You shouldn't chatter non-stop. Grow up a bit!
Me: :/ RESERVED? what does that mean now? heheheheahhahahaha....
V: Reserved means mature... doesn't talk like you. Speaks intelligent. unlike you. reserved means knowing to shut your mouth. Now be a good girl from now.
Me: !!!
(after a while)
V: P, come. lets play something!
Me:
V: did you hear me? come, lets play.... wanna play a game on PC?
Me:
V: whats wrong with you?? why can't you speak?
Me: That's because I'm reserved from now on. so I won't speak.
V: Enough now. come, lets play.
Me: I said I'm reserved! I won't play. I shall keep quiet. I won't speak. hmmmph!
V: Plz come no. we'll play your favorite game. come.
Me: I. Am. Reserved.
V: alright! alright! now you can stop being reserved!! I'm sorry I even asked you to change. Now come.
Me: That means I can STOP now?
V: YES! now come pleeeez...and u can stop being reserved forever!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
School days again...
V n Me both had the habit of studying loudly. He chanted his answers and I made it a point to chant mine louder than his. Mom resolved the issue soon. He was to study in our room, and I was to study in my parents' room, which was adjacent to ours. So, this was during our summer exams...
V: (screaming) Ppppp! come here!! fast fast fast!
Me: (comes running) what? what?
V: Good girl. Now switch the light on and go study!
Me: X-( what is this!! I was studying no? are you the only one who wants to score good marks in finals?? ammmmmmmmmmaaaaaa....
V: stop screeching. You have come here no now? why can't you switch on the light? stop wailing.
Me: hmmmph (but switches the light on)
After a few days...
V: Purniiiiiiiiii...come here...fast fast...now..now!!
Me: (jumping out of the bed, running to V's room wide-eyed) what happened??
V: light please!
Me: (tears brimming...brimming....brimming....overflowing, whacking V at the same time) waaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!! you do this everytime...ammmmmaa see V doesn't let me study!!!!!
V: Now, why can't you do this job? switch it on and go..who's troubling you?
Me: !!!!!!!!! X-( (But still switches the light on..swears that she'll get back at him)
Still after a few days....
V: Pppppppppppppp! come here no Pleeeeeeeeez!
Me: (shouts from the other room) No, I'm not coming! I know you'll say "light plz". I am not coming.
V: noooooo...i won't ask you to do that. can't you see I have already switched it on? now come here no pleeeez?
Me: then you want water? i know. go to the kitchen and get it yourself. I ain't your maid servant. get lost.
V: arre..I swear. I don't want light or water. You come here. I want you to come here. come no...see I'm even saying please!!
Me: (goes to the room) what?
V: fan please! (grins idiotly)
M: (grins back at him... idiotly that too and switches the fan on...no complaints...no ammmmmmaaaaaa...no emotional atyachaar)
V: wah! see! my sister is succccccch a good girl... lovely...amazing...sweet....
Me: (switches the lights off, pulls out her tongue and struts out of the room victoriously with V shouting in the background....
V: come back P!!! why did you have to do that!!!! Ppppppppp!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and this incident I don't even remember but have been told by my mom and recalled by V too. I guess I was 4-5 yrs old and V was 9 or 10.
V: (shouting from the balcony at our Gp's place) Pppppppppppp!! come here fast. now now. come running!
Me: (runs at a lightening speed) what??
V: see, there's your husband! (pointing at a lonesome donkey, who was staring into nothingness)
Me: (tears brimming...brimming....brimming...overflowing and whacking V with both the hands) HOW DARE YOU!!! Ammmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaa...see V is calling my husband a donkey!!! waiiiiil waiiiiiiill waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh...my husband is nice. my husband is not a donkey!!! (whack, whack whack!!!!)
(Well, talk about defending my pati parmeshwar at such a raw age(esp. when I hadn't met him and still haven't met him!! and Jinu, now you know why I love donkeys??)
Days later....
Me: V!!! come fast!!! (clapping hands, shouting and jumping up and down in her mothers lap)
V: what happened? you called me, P?
Me: yes yes!! Look what I found!! (points towards a herd of buffaloes) see the first one?? that is your wife!!
V: !!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now this last incident came to light because one fine day, out of the blue, my SIL, N, asks me : from which angle do I look like a buffalo to you? I was terribly taken aback since she asked me this question before they got married. Finally, looking at my lightening struck face, she and mom explained me what had happened 20 saal pehle!
And in case you are wondering what our mom was during all those "ammmmmmmmmaaaaa"s and when V got a bashing of his lifetime... she tried to control us by scolding..and keeping us away from each other for a few hours. When our judaaai was too much to bear we would beg and plead her to let us play together...and then we were back to where we started. :D
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back in school days...
Me: blah blah blah... chatter chatter chatter chatter.... blah blah.... yada yada.... jabber....jabber....
V: (irritated) Can't you shut up?? How much you talk?!!
Me: arre? you don't want to listen then, close your ears... get out of the room... but I will nottt...
V: Look at S's sister. You both are the same age. And what a difference between the two of you!!
Me: What difference? Her school's St. Josephs... mine's NCL..that's the difference. hee hee hee...
V: See what I mean? She's so mature... reserved and grown up!! You should be like that y'kno? You shouldn't chatter non-stop. Grow up a bit!
Me: :/ RESERVED? what does that mean now? heheheheahhahahaha....
V: Reserved means mature... doesn't talk like you. Speaks intelligent. unlike you. reserved means knowing to shut your mouth. Now be a good girl from now.
Me: !!!
(after a while)
V: P, come. lets play something!
Me:
V: did you hear me? come, lets play.... wanna play a game on PC?
Me:
V: whats wrong with you?? why can't you speak?
Me: That's because I'm reserved from now on. so I won't speak.
V: Enough now. come, lets play.
Me: I said I'm reserved! I won't play. I shall keep quiet. I won't speak. hmmmph!
V: Plz come no. we'll play your favorite game. come.
Me: I. Am. Reserved.
V: alright! alright! now you can stop being reserved!! I'm sorry I even asked you to change. Now come.
Me: That means I can STOP now?
V: YES! now come pleeeez...and u can stop being reserved forever!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
School days again...
V n Me both had the habit of studying loudly. He chanted his answers and I made it a point to chant mine louder than his. Mom resolved the issue soon. He was to study in our room, and I was to study in my parents' room, which was adjacent to ours. So, this was during our summer exams...
V: (screaming) Ppppp! come here!! fast fast fast!
Me: (comes running) what? what?
V: Good girl. Now switch the light on and go study!
Me: X-( what is this!! I was studying no? are you the only one who wants to score good marks in finals?? ammmmmmmmmmaaaaaa....
V: stop screeching. You have come here no now? why can't you switch on the light? stop wailing.
Me: hmmmph (but switches the light on)
After a few days...
V: Purniiiiiiiiii...come here...fast fast...now..now!!
Me: (jumping out of the bed, running to V's room wide-eyed) what happened??
V: light please!
Me: (tears brimming...brimming....brimming....overflowing, whacking V at the same time) waaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!! you do this everytime...ammmmmaa see V doesn't let me study!!!!!
V: Now, why can't you do this job? switch it on and go..who's troubling you?
Me: !!!!!!!!! X-( (But still switches the light on..swears that she'll get back at him)
Still after a few days....
V: Pppppppppppppp! come here no Pleeeeeeeeez!
Me: (shouts from the other room) No, I'm not coming! I know you'll say "light plz". I am not coming.
V: noooooo...i won't ask you to do that. can't you see I have already switched it on? now come here no pleeeez?
Me: then you want water? i know. go to the kitchen and get it yourself. I ain't your maid servant. get lost.
V: arre..I swear. I don't want light or water. You come here. I want you to come here. come no...see I'm even saying please!!
Me: (goes to the room) what?
V: fan please! (grins idiotly)
M: (grins back at him... idiotly that too and switches the fan on...no complaints...no ammmmmmaaaaaa...no emotional atyachaar)
V: wah! see! my sister is succccccch a good girl... lovely...amazing...sweet....
Me: (switches the lights off, pulls out her tongue and struts out of the room victoriously with V shouting in the background....
V: come back P!!! why did you have to do that!!!! Ppppppppp!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and this incident I don't even remember but have been told by my mom and recalled by V too. I guess I was 4-5 yrs old and V was 9 or 10.
V: (shouting from the balcony at our Gp's place) Pppppppppppp!! come here fast. now now. come running!
Me: (runs at a lightening speed) what??
V: see, there's your husband! (pointing at a lonesome donkey, who was staring into nothingness)
Me: (tears brimming...brimming....brimming...overflowing and whacking V with both the hands) HOW DARE YOU!!! Ammmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaa...see V is calling my husband a donkey!!! waiiiiil waiiiiiiill waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh...my husband is nice. my husband is not a donkey!!! (whack, whack whack!!!!)
(Well, talk about defending my pati parmeshwar at such a raw age(esp. when I hadn't met him and still haven't met him!! and Jinu, now you know why I love donkeys??)
Days later....
Me: V!!! come fast!!! (clapping hands, shouting and jumping up and down in her mothers lap)
V: what happened? you called me, P?
Me: yes yes!! Look what I found!! (points towards a herd of buffaloes) see the first one?? that is your wife!!
V: !!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now this last incident came to light because one fine day, out of the blue, my SIL, N, asks me : from which angle do I look like a buffalo to you? I was terribly taken aback since she asked me this question before they got married. Finally, looking at my lightening struck face, she and mom explained me what had happened 20 saal pehle!
And in case you are wondering what our mom was during all those "ammmmmmmmmaaaaa"s and when V got a bashing of his lifetime... she tried to control us by scolding..and keeping us away from each other for a few hours. When our judaaai was too much to bear we would beg and plead her to let us play together...and then we were back to where we started. :D
Friday, 12 June 2009
Curiosity - hasn't killed us - yet!
N! What much to say about her. Half of Singapore thinks we are blood-related sisters, where infact we are sistaars-in-loh. And then they have the whole relation between me, V n N jumbled up. They think V's my husband, N's my sister....V my brother-in-law, N my mother(!!!!) and wot-not.... anyways, thats not what I'm gonna talk about here.
Its me n N, who have worked hard enough for people to get our relations wrongly wired. We bitch, gossip, laugh at the most inappropriate times, chatter, keep a look out for sales, exchange Tees, look for confirmation at each other that we are NOT fat... and many more things. And the biggest thing between us is we cannot keep our mouths shut from each other. What happens here has to reach there and v.v. So here's what happens in most cases. Psssst, did I mention she craves for madness as much as I do?
'u callin me piggie? :' started N
'when i called u piigie? :O'
'see last sentence hahahahahaa aaaaaaaaaaahaha'
'arre i closed thwe window... copy paste'
'oh...u said suar....boo hoo'
'HAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAA that is "sure" in rustic way'
' "tell them to check... suar"
yeah...ahahaha .... ask me tmrw menu re
'what tom'
'che che'
'i'm gng to blog this'
'haplease'
'yes yes edited version'
'no no'
'muhahahaha'
'i am signin off then'
'whatever we talked u'll see'
' ok allright' *Thus me gets the unwanted permission*
'tell S, his marriage Jevan was excellent...yesterday his amma had called'
'okies...what said'
'nothing they came bk to old house since new house furniture happening....but will be shiftin there n renting old house'
'gud gud...i gotta tell u yahan ki kahani....but will wait till nxt weekend'
'abt who what ..tell tell...gimme a hint'
'my pota puggid* with it already' *For non-Konks, it means I'm dying to tell this/ I'm dying to know.*
'S and wife'
':O Already??? tell tell no plis plis'
'yeah... talked 5 hrs with her on fone in 2 days'
'who?'
' me and J'
':O what u talked soooo much?'
'u know She is june 82.... only 1.5yrs elder...'
' :O big big'
'N... TALKED ABOUT S... FMLY AND EVERYTHIN HAPPENIN HERE RIGHT NOW'
'WHY EVERYTHING IN CAPS???.....SOMETHING SCANDALOUS?'
'by mistake'
'sheessh.....i was expecting....scandalous newses'
'S is dumber by the day ...i almost feel like wriniging his neck tmrw'
'Don't don't'
'dont blog this ok'
'he's just married think abt J
hehe i will
names will be hidden'
'uska sochke i feel like wringing'
' u see how i edit stuff'
'got loads to tell man...'
'you have Nm and Sb email id...i gotta share it via email'
' yup...what what
what what'
'pics of j n b'
'what what j n b?'
'jandoo n bagga'
'oh my...'
No, it didn't just end there. There was more, lots more infact. We are a pair of curious cats. :)
Its me n N, who have worked hard enough for people to get our relations wrongly wired. We bitch, gossip, laugh at the most inappropriate times, chatter, keep a look out for sales, exchange Tees, look for confirmation at each other that we are NOT fat... and many more things. And the biggest thing between us is we cannot keep our mouths shut from each other. What happens here has to reach there and v.v. So here's what happens in most cases. Psssst, did I mention she craves for madness as much as I do?
'u callin me piggie? :' started N
'when i called u piigie? :O'
'see last sentence hahahahahaa aaaaaaaaaaahaha'
'arre i closed thwe window... copy paste'
'oh...u said suar....boo hoo'
'HAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAA that is "sure" in rustic way'
' "tell them to check... suar"
yeah...ahahaha .... ask me tmrw menu re
'what tom'
'che che'
'i'm gng to blog this'
'haplease'
'yes yes edited version'
'no no'
'muhahahaha'
'i am signin off then'
'whatever we talked u'll see'
' ok allright' *Thus me gets the unwanted permission*
'tell S, his marriage Jevan was excellent...yesterday his amma had called'
'okies...what said'
'nothing they came bk to old house since new house furniture happening....but will be shiftin there n renting old house'
'gud gud...i gotta tell u yahan ki kahani....but will wait till nxt weekend'
'abt who what ..tell tell...gimme a hint'
'my pota puggid* with it already' *For non-Konks, it means I'm dying to tell this/ I'm dying to know.*
'S and wife'
':O Already??? tell tell no plis plis'
'yeah... talked 5 hrs with her on fone in 2 days'
'who?'
' me and J'
':O what u talked soooo much?'
'u know She is june 82.... only 1.5yrs elder...'
' :O big big'
'N... TALKED ABOUT S... FMLY AND EVERYTHIN HAPPENIN HERE RIGHT NOW'
'WHY EVERYTHING IN CAPS???.....SOMETHING SCANDALOUS?'
'by mistake'
'sheessh.....i was expecting....scandalous newses'
'S is dumber by the day ...i almost feel like wriniging his neck tmrw'
'Don't don't'
'dont blog this ok'
'he's just married think abt J
hehe i will
names will be hidden'
'uska sochke i feel like wringing'
' u see how i edit stuff'
'got loads to tell man...'
'you have Nm and Sb email id...i gotta share it via email'
' yup...what what
what what'
'pics of j n b'
'what what j n b?'
'jandoo n bagga'
'oh my...'
No, it didn't just end there. There was more, lots more infact. We are a pair of curious cats. :)
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Frendz m'am?
All of you know Orkut, right? All of you also know *specially gurls* what kind of friendship requests we get? Taking a peak into some of the award-winning requests I got and the replies I'd have loved to give if I'd permitted myself to a little nastiness. Promise, I ain't making them up. I save them into my Gmail draft section. *I've hell lot of time to kill*
And so....
The II Runner-up:
he ihwana be friend?hhm wat u say?hmmm
A. hmmmmm...hmmmmmm ......hhhhhmmmmmmm....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
The I Runner-up:
Hi, I am SB from Mumbai - Peddar Road, as of now you don’t know me, I have send a Friends request to you long back, but dint hear from you, so thought let me give a small Intro about my self….So I am S - Born and brought up in Mumbai, after traveling across the entire world on various International Assignments, right now based in Pune, as Regional Head of an MNC for West India, just moved to Pune some 2 Months back..So that about me mam. So that’s a small description of me, now can we be friends mam !!!
A. uhhh... is this your introduction for a matrimonial site? If it is, I'll say, no girl in her senses will not NOT laugh at such puke-able English of yours. Get yourself a tutor first and call her Ma'am!
The Winner: *Request*
HELLO THIS IS XXXXXX FRM GUJARAT (KUTCH) I AM 36 YRS OLD AND MARRIED I AM BUSINESS MEN I M VERY MUCH
A. I ain't deaf... so please DO NOT SHOUT! You are 36(!!!!!!!) yrs, OLD AND MARRIED! How should that interest me? There's one thing though, that catches my fancy : You are plural?? and rightly said, you do a lot of much-much. Excooz me!
The Winner : *Reply*
hiiiiii, this iss Rahul.....naam toh suna hoga. add me plaese!
(All the shreya goes to Rayshma for the following brilliant come back)
A. yeah.. there are millions of you!
_________________________________________________________________
Despos, really! How they make us giddy with giggles! :P
And so....
The II Runner-up:
he ihwana be friend?hhm wat u say?hmmm
A. hmmmmm...hmmmmmm ......hhhhhmmmmmmm....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
The I Runner-up:
Hi, I am SB from Mumbai - Peddar Road, as of now you don’t know me, I have send a Friends request to you long back, but dint hear from you, so thought let me give a small Intro about my self….So I am S - Born and brought up in Mumbai, after traveling across the entire world on various International Assignments, right now based in Pune, as Regional Head of an MNC for West India, just moved to Pune some 2 Months back..So that about me mam. So that’s a small description of me, now can we be friends mam !!!
A. uhhh... is this your introduction for a matrimonial site? If it is, I'll say, no girl in her senses will not NOT laugh at such puke-able English of yours. Get yourself a tutor first and call her Ma'am!
The Winner: *Request*
HELLO THIS IS XXXXXX FRM GUJARAT (KUTCH) I AM 36 YRS OLD AND MARRIED I AM BUSINESS MEN I M VERY MUCH
A. I ain't deaf... so please DO NOT SHOUT! You are 36(!!!!!!!) yrs, OLD AND MARRIED! How should that interest me? There's one thing though, that catches my fancy : You are plural?? and rightly said, you do a lot of much-much. Excooz me!
The Winner : *Reply*
hiiiiii, this iss Rahul.....naam toh suna hoga. add me plaese!
(All the shreya goes to Rayshma for the following brilliant come back)
A. yeah.. there are millions of you!
_________________________________________________________________
Despos, really! How they make us giddy with giggles! :P
Thursday, 7 May 2009
A Million years in a bank
Banking and Finance has never been my favorite subject during college times. No wonder why it explains my passing chits during those lectures instead of taking down notes. And this unfavoritism has continued even after college. I hate going to banks for any job.
I'd to unwillingly go to SBI near my place to submit an application for a duplicate PPF Pass book. I was directed towards a lady who was supposed to tell me what I was to do with the letter hanging in my hand and a blank expression on my face. Anyways, as soon as I calmly narrated her the purpose of my heart-rendering visit to her; she looked at me as if I've just told her my plans of eloping with her 10 yr old son. She blinked - twice exactly - and said "How did you misplace the passbook?" I couldn't draw a blanker face. If I knew I was going to misplace it, I wouldn't have misplaced it, no?
Fortunately, after she lectured me how important the passbook was, and how thankfully they had relented and let me get off without having to lodge a police complaint (which was otherwise the procedure), did she find it the right time to tell me that I was to give the PAN Card xerox too which would put an end to my miseries.
The xerox did not speeden up things. I was made to run from pillar to post first to "get The Madam's signature" on the application, then to show it to the PPF section handling lady who gave me a challan which said I was to pay Rs. 110 as the charges, then again get the challan signed by "The Madam" and finally deposit the money at one of their counters where the queue was never-ending. And there I was waiting, waiting, waiting...... waiting, waiting,.... and some more waiting, waiting in a long queue that was moving at a snail's pace... all this amidst the stench of all kinds of oils - *not aromatic essential oils - sarson, badam, coconut, palm, sunflower* - you name it and it was stinking from those black, slicky hairs of those uncountable heads. *And to think of it my mom usually asks me why I have to bathe in my deo!!* Each of them armed with a zhatak cell phone having nails-on-blackboard-ish aggressive ringtones that were ringing from every corner. To please my eyes, I pulled out my W580i; which at the moment had one little red network bar and screamed "Emrgcy calls only"... WTH!!!! Just when I needed to call back home to say I'd have to stay here a little(?) longer.
I was roasting in the line wearing a sweat-shirt, holding the extra xerox copies in one hand, the challan and the money in another and also trying to call home with my spare fingers, shouldering a nasty purse, trying to breath despite the oil-slick air pollution, cursing the slow-pokes under my breathe and swearing that I'll definitely blog this.
It did not get any easier after I'd paid though. When I asked the ancient uncle the estimated time period in which I can come and disturb their peace by making an appearance to collect the duplicate passbook, he said I'll have to ask the PPF lady. I was back to where I'd started; the PPF lady, who at the moment was busy crooning over to another lady. She did not glance up, but she acknowledged my presence by muttering a "ek minute haan". She wasn't bothered that I'd almost died of asphyxiation waiting at the line neither was she excited that I'd to almost nudge my way from the ancient uncle to her with or without "excuse me"s, she wanted to seem important and that's what she did. As it is, I was at their mercy.
"Come and check in 2-3 days" she sang; after what seemed like a million years and just when my sensory organ of smell was getting accustomed to that oily stench.
I'd to unwillingly go to SBI near my place to submit an application for a duplicate PPF Pass book. I was directed towards a lady who was supposed to tell me what I was to do with the letter hanging in my hand and a blank expression on my face. Anyways, as soon as I calmly narrated her the purpose of my heart-rendering visit to her; she looked at me as if I've just told her my plans of eloping with her 10 yr old son. She blinked - twice exactly - and said "How did you misplace the passbook?" I couldn't draw a blanker face. If I knew I was going to misplace it, I wouldn't have misplaced it, no?
Fortunately, after she lectured me how important the passbook was, and how thankfully they had relented and let me get off without having to lodge a police complaint (which was otherwise the procedure), did she find it the right time to tell me that I was to give the PAN Card xerox too which would put an end to my miseries.
The xerox did not speeden up things. I was made to run from pillar to post first to "get The Madam's signature" on the application, then to show it to the PPF section handling lady who gave me a challan which said I was to pay Rs. 110 as the charges, then again get the challan signed by "The Madam" and finally deposit the money at one of their counters where the queue was never-ending. And there I was waiting, waiting, waiting...... waiting, waiting,.... and some more waiting, waiting in a long queue that was moving at a snail's pace... all this amidst the stench of all kinds of oils - *not aromatic essential oils - sarson, badam, coconut, palm, sunflower* - you name it and it was stinking from those black, slicky hairs of those uncountable heads. *And to think of it my mom usually asks me why I have to bathe in my deo!!* Each of them armed with a zhatak cell phone having nails-on-blackboard-ish aggressive ringtones that were ringing from every corner. To please my eyes, I pulled out my W580i; which at the moment had one little red network bar and screamed "Emrgcy calls only"... WTH!!!! Just when I needed to call back home to say I'd have to stay here a little(?) longer.
I was roasting in the line wearing a sweat-shirt, holding the extra xerox copies in one hand, the challan and the money in another and also trying to call home with my spare fingers, shouldering a nasty purse, trying to breath despite the oil-slick air pollution, cursing the slow-pokes under my breathe and swearing that I'll definitely blog this.
It did not get any easier after I'd paid though. When I asked the ancient uncle the estimated time period in which I can come and disturb their peace by making an appearance to collect the duplicate passbook, he said I'll have to ask the PPF lady. I was back to where I'd started; the PPF lady, who at the moment was busy crooning over to another lady. She did not glance up, but she acknowledged my presence by muttering a "ek minute haan". She wasn't bothered that I'd almost died of asphyxiation waiting at the line neither was she excited that I'd to almost nudge my way from the ancient uncle to her with or without "excuse me"s, she wanted to seem important and that's what she did. As it is, I was at their mercy.
"Come and check in 2-3 days" she sang; after what seemed like a million years and just when my sensory organ of smell was getting accustomed to that oily stench.
Thursday, 30 April 2009
"M" yada yada
Somewhere in 2008 -
Me : How many people are going to be invited for my wedding?
Mom : what? why? where's the groom?
Me : arre, I know, we are yet to find..blah blah etc. Tell no.
Mom : why but? why so suddenly are you concerned about your marriage?
Me : Tell no, please.
Mom : 300, maybe 500 or even a 1000... I don't know. Ask your dad. Why do you want to know?
Me : Nothing...just so that I know how many fake smiles I'll have to practise!
=================================================================
Me : u'kno, I want a nice mother-in-law.
Mom : who doesn't?!
Me : No, like real nice... who can cook really good food.
Mom : how selfish of you... expecting MIL to cook for you. you'll continue being the lazy bum that you are even after your marriage? blah blah blah....
Me : I said she should be a good cook so that she can teach me to how to cook like her. What you thought? :P
==================================================================
Somewhere in 2007 -
Me : Pedha!!
Neighbour : oh wow! for what? you are getting married, eh? Pedha and all?
Me : well...no
Neighbour : oh yeah, when you do I'm sure pedhas will be of bigger size.....
Me : :/
Neighbour : .....and not just any pedha will do, chitale ones...jumbo pedha. each of us will take one whole.
Me : :/
Neighbour : oh btw, what are the pedhas for?
Me : new car, dad bought, today.
=================================================================
Me : How many people are going to be invited for my wedding?
Mom : what? why? where's the groom?
Me : arre, I know, we are yet to find..blah blah etc. Tell no.
Mom : why but? why so suddenly are you concerned about your marriage?
Me : Tell no, please.
Mom : 300, maybe 500 or even a 1000... I don't know. Ask your dad. Why do you want to know?
Me : Nothing...just so that I know how many fake smiles I'll have to practise!
=================================================================
Me : u'kno, I want a nice mother-in-law.
Mom : who doesn't?!
Me : No, like real nice... who can cook really good food.
Mom : how selfish of you... expecting MIL to cook for you. you'll continue being the lazy bum that you are even after your marriage? blah blah blah....
Me : I said she should be a good cook so that she can teach me to how to cook like her. What you thought? :P
==================================================================
Somewhere in 2007 -
Me : Pedha!!
Neighbour : oh wow! for what? you are getting married, eh? Pedha and all?
Me : well...no
Neighbour : oh yeah, when you do I'm sure pedhas will be of bigger size.....
Me : :/
Neighbour : .....and not just any pedha will do, chitale ones...jumbo pedha. each of us will take one whole.
Me : :/
Neighbour : oh btw, what are the pedhas for?
Me : new car, dad bought, today.
=================================================================
Saturday, 28 March 2009
V, N, Me
Location n situation : V, my SIL, N, and me in a restaurant at Sg 3 yrs back.
V : Purni, we'll search for a nice groom for you here.
Me : uhh... I....
N : oh ya, Purni... we'll enjoy... with you n your family here too...then we'll even tell your parents to shift here....cool no?
V : yea yea... very. yea, get married after 8-10 more years.
Me : listen, I...
N : WHAT?? 10 more years? are you alright?
V : yes. I want her with me. Purni, ok no? 28-29 pe shaadi?
Me : arrreee...
N : :O!!! how can you tell her that? No, Purni, get married in another 3-4 yrs. You should also enjoy your life with your partner, u'know?
V : Nothing doing.... 7 years minimum.... Its ok....
Me : but arre, listen....
N : how come you dint insist on getting married to me after 7-8 yrs? afterall I and purni are almost the same age!
V : different for you.
Me : will you??....???
N : no wait, Purni!! how come? you have different set of rules? for each one of us?
Me : ARRRRREEEEEE STOP!
*silence*
... do you both realise that what you are arguing is about my marriage?
V & N : yes, of course...who else?
Me : Then, how come I'm not even asked at what age I want to get married????
V : gladly.... let us know... go ahead...tell this SIL of yours that u wanna get married at 28-29.
N : keep quiet. let her speak... go on tell... but let me remind you 24-25 best age.
Me : I don't know! I haven't thought abt it...I was ....
V : see what I told you... she's indecisive..i tell you 27....
N : No you shouldn't fill crap in her mind..she'll....
Me : siiiiigh *buried my head in the menu card and let the waiter come and interrupt*
V : Purni, we'll search for a nice groom for you here.
Me : uhh... I....
N : oh ya, Purni... we'll enjoy... with you n your family here too...then we'll even tell your parents to shift here....cool no?
V : yea yea... very. yea, get married after 8-10 more years.
Me : listen, I...
N : WHAT?? 10 more years? are you alright?
V : yes. I want her with me. Purni, ok no? 28-29 pe shaadi?
Me : arrreee...
N : :O!!! how can you tell her that? No, Purni, get married in another 3-4 yrs. You should also enjoy your life with your partner, u'know?
V : Nothing doing.... 7 years minimum.... Its ok....
Me : but arre, listen....
N : how come you dint insist on getting married to me after 7-8 yrs? afterall I and purni are almost the same age!
V : different for you.
Me : will you??....???
N : no wait, Purni!! how come? you have different set of rules? for each one of us?
Me : ARRRRREEEEEE STOP!
*silence*
... do you both realise that what you are arguing is about my marriage?
V & N : yes, of course...who else?
Me : Then, how come I'm not even asked at what age I want to get married????
V : gladly.... let us know... go ahead...tell this SIL of yours that u wanna get married at 28-29.
N : keep quiet. let her speak... go on tell... but let me remind you 24-25 best age.
Me : I don't know! I haven't thought abt it...I was ....
V : see what I told you... she's indecisive..i tell you 27....
N : No you shouldn't fill crap in her mind..she'll....
Me : siiiiigh *buried my head in the menu card and let the waiter come and interrupt*
Monday, 16 March 2009
Le Commencement
V and me had our first session of french lessons yesterday. :\
First, he wanted to check if the teacher, herself knew anything about french. So I was supposed to be honoured to be interviewed by this prestigeous student. Well, here I was saying "i-don't-know-what-this-word-means, i-have-not-heard-this-word-before" to all kinds of weird words that he was finding in the bilingual dictionary.
This is one student who's gonna keep me on my toes, asking me the history behind every word that is spelt wrong, pronounced wrong. :\ and this teacher's gonna whack him for every nonsensical questions. He won't even complain to his parents. ;)
Snippet from our comical class yesterday :
Me : ... fine now that we finished learning how to tell time... how will you tell when it'll be 10:36 AM?
V : no one will ask me 10:36 AM.
Me : why not? One can show you a digital clock which shows 10:36 and ask you to tell the time. what will you say? Now tell, Quelle heure est-il? (what time is it?)
V : After 4 mins, it'll be 10:40.
Me : WHAT?!
V : * triumphantly smiling at his witty answer *
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After the class, when SIL asked me how the class was, I said "well, this must be the first time ever in history, and maybe, even in the future... the teacher was looking at the watch intently, waiting for the class to get over."
First, he wanted to check if the teacher, herself knew anything about french. So I was supposed to be honoured to be interviewed by this prestigeous student. Well, here I was saying "i-don't-know-what-this-word-means, i-have-not-heard-this-word-before" to all kinds of weird words that he was finding in the bilingual dictionary.
This is one student who's gonna keep me on my toes, asking me the history behind every word that is spelt wrong, pronounced wrong. :\ and this teacher's gonna whack him for every nonsensical questions. He won't even complain to his parents. ;)
Snippet from our comical class yesterday :
Me : ... fine now that we finished learning how to tell time... how will you tell when it'll be 10:36 AM?
V : no one will ask me 10:36 AM.
Me : why not? One can show you a digital clock which shows 10:36 and ask you to tell the time. what will you say? Now tell, Quelle heure est-il? (what time is it?)
V : After 4 mins, it'll be 10:40.
Me : WHAT?!
V : * triumphantly smiling at his witty answer *
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After the class, when SIL asked me how the class was, I said "well, this must be the first time ever in history, and maybe, even in the future... the teacher was looking at the watch intently, waiting for the class to get over."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
