Candid, not Candied

Friday, 19 April 2013

Their "Us" Moment

They were driving back from a get together at a friend's house. The pitter-patter of the raindrops on the windshield was like a rhythm to their year old toddler's continuous babbles.

Suddenly he said something funny which made her laugh.

"I am happy that I can still make you laugh." he said, smiling at her earnestly.

"Mnh-hnn" She smiled back at him, reached for his hand and entwined her fingers in his.

A moment of silence later she responded, "You can make me cry too."

"I was thinking the same. And I am sorry for such times!"

... and just like that, they had their "Us" moment which they hadn't had in a very very long time.


Friday, 12 April 2013

Why I Don't Have A Pet

I have already once written about my pet parrot in my blog that I deleted. I feel the need to write about it once again. One of my favourite author, Preeti Shenoy, often writes about her pet dog. Yesterday's post was one such (rather her pic with Lostris, her pet Dob), which made my mind track back to the time when I had my own pet.

I do not remember the details very correctly, but I am going to narrate as I remember it. I was around 6 - 7 years of age when this parrot entered into our lives. My maternal grandma had recently expired. (I don't recall if it was days/ weeks or months before) The environment in the house was generally subdued. One day while returning from our grocery shopping, we found a wounded parrot in the semi-parking duct space. As kids, myself and V were very excited and wanted to nurse it back to health. We pleaded our parents to let us take it home, which they gladly accepted. My mother instantly related this to my grandma's return in another form.

We kept him warm and gave it some fruit and water. The next day my father got him a cage where he could perch. We always kept the cage door open, lest he wanted to fly away. Myself and V being happy at his arrival, spent all our free time with him. We tried to teach him to talk. (He was a grown bird and we were unaware that the best time to teach them to talk is when they are babies) Despite his inability to catch up on words, we loved feeding him soaked lentils out of our palms. We loved watching him flap his wings. In fact, we just loved the idea of him being there. It also seemed like he was getting better every hour.

Every morning after waking up, I would go pet him (even before I brushed my teeth)! Every noon when I came home from school, I wanted to feed him (even before I changed into my pjs)! I was smitten by this new entrant.

It was one of the weekend days, I guess, because that day we woke up late. My mother was trying not to get me near the cage. She was adamant that I brush my teeth and get done with the breakfast. I don't know if I obeyed her. All I remember is seeing my parrot lying lifeless in the cage. His eyes shut tight. (It was just a week or so after we got him home) We cried the whole day. My father buried him in the garden at the backside of our building. I cried throughout the burial uncontrollably. V tried to console me but he was tearing up too. I didn't eat anything for several hours. Mom had to coax me into having something.

After that, even though I did ask my parents to buy me a pet, I did not mean it. I did not try to convince them or beg them because I did not have the courage to face another separation. Till date I do not think I have it in me. It is wrong and morbid to think of separation even before I get one. But that's how it is with me. When I think of a pet, all I think is "how do I deal with its loss?" With that thought, I back off.

Whenever I see someone with their pet; how much love they share, the camaraderie; I flirt with the idea of how it would be if I had one. Now that I have a kid, I realise that in a few years she might demand for a pet. I am still unsure of how to deal with that. It would be unfair for me to devoid her of a friend and beautiful companionship just because I am averse to it. I know for sure that I cannot remain aloof and show no emotion towards it.

I don't know if I'll ever be ready to allow a pet to steal my heart and then have it hurt and broken because of loss/ separation. Perhaps I still have a long time to prepare myself for it. It'd be great if I have a change of heart and turn this reluctance into surety.

Monday, 8 April 2013

Marriage is a Three-Legged Race

 Isn't it? Two individuals, countless dreams, varied thoughts, myriad opinions, different strategies, but one goal. Tied at the feet, two individuals have to cross the finish line without tripping over. Sounds like an easy one, but many are stumped over it. Communication, co-ordination, communication is necessary. Likewise one cannot discount understanding, trust and the will to make it happen.

Tomorrow we are completing three years of married life. (Hence, the title) Our journey for these three years have been with its highs and lows. We have had a lot of wonderful moments that will remain etched in our memories till forever. And there were not so great moments too. Nothing out of ordinary, but everything is still special.

People change, relationships evolve and our whole world metamorphoses. In fact it keeps changing, at every event, every incident - big or small. We have too. Looking back at how we started off and seeing how we are today, has many differences. Fortunately those differences are not undesirable. I'd like to believe that we are wiser, have a better understanding of ourselves and people around us. We have learnt lessons together. Lessons that were harshly taught by others and situations. We have a better understanding of our life goals.

All these happened only after we made mistakes. As individuals, we did wrong and stumbled. While the other did get angry and frustrated, amends were made and a loving helping hand was always offered to the one on the ground. We have fought about things, bickered at each other's errors. But in the end, we did look beyond the ugly. I think that matters the most. In fact, on a personal note, I think fights are refreshing. They push out all the hostilities and you can start anew.

We have a beautiful daughter and we have enjoyed every bit of her. We loved bringing her up together, and with no help from anyone. It was something we shared. We have been able to relish every part of her first year. I cannot thank Kiran enough for being there for me at all those times and for not giving up on me during that times I felt like I was an undeserving mother. He took care of situations where I was insecure and scared. When no one supported me or my decisions, he told me to believe in myself and my maternal instinct.

We sat up all night when Aarnavi was unwell. Both clueless on how to go by the night. We have taken turns holding and soothing her when she cried on endlessly for reasons that were never revealed. The whole of last year has been "We". We worked as a team. Pushing away individual wishes, ignoring individual needs, we have worked in tune. It is a good thing when you are not alone in the sacrificing bit. Aarnavi's arrival gave a whole new meaning to our relationship. Agreed we have too little time for each other now, but whenever we do, it is special.

Three years is not such a long time. But for me it was, as every minute counted. And it still does. There is a big, winding road ahead of us and a lot more to be explored in this journey. I want my marriage to work and not in a compromising way. I want it to be at the center of my world.

This is the moment that I treasure the most... 



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