Day 5 : Knight in Shining ARMor

Every girl has at least once in her life time fantasized about her knight in the shining armor. Like a typical Bollywood movie, she wonders what out of the world thing her man would do for her. And she wishes - wishes that her fantasy does come true.

Now, what was my fantasy? Well, I wanted a memorable proposal. Nothing too elaborate or expensive, but something that would be etched in my mind forever. Something sweet, something special. I didn't want a going down on the knees bit. That is too cliched and unoriginal. I'd have preferred him (I didn't have KK in mind then) to unexpectedly pop the ring, or the question when I was with my friends. 

But as you possibly know already, my story was entirely different! Fantasy indeed!

KK, however, had other plans.

Last year in October, he told me he was coming back from the US with a nice little surprise for me. He has this very bad habit. He knows I am a curious cat and still he has to tell me that there is a surprise. I kept guessing. 'Something awesome, for you.' he assured each time we spoke. 

I kept guessing. Is it a Solitaire?, a car? a villa? Swarovski? Apple?? Each time the response was negative. 'You shall see, and keep seeing'

There was nothing I could do other than wait patiently for him to come. 

In a few days, one of is colleagues wife pinged me and eventually said "Bhaiyya ne aapke liye kuch kiya hai. Aapko bahut accha lagega. Lekin please unhein mat bolna ki maine apko yeh bola hai." (Your husband has done something really very nice for you. You will like it. But please don't tell him that I said this to you")

She knows what he bought for me?? I mean, why would KK want to tell the whole world what he does for me?? And again a few days later, my best friend in Germany pings me and says, "KK is absolutely amazing re! He loves you so much!! He has a nice surprise for you!" She too??!  I was getting a little irritated and impatient. How dare he keep me in the dark?

When I got confrontational, he took another way out by getting all mushy and emotional. "You know, I don't care what people say or relatives think. I just did it for me and for you." Now this dialogue, I had heard before. I started getting a whiff of what he might have got for me. 

He came to India on 16th October. And he was supposed to attend his cousin's wedding and only then come home. On his way back, he refused to even tell it any of his relatives. He wanted me to be the first one to know. (Yeah, right!!!)

The moment I saw him, I pulled him into the bedroom. Even before I asked him how the journey was, I wanted to know what my gift was! 

He pulled up his shirt sleeve and showed me 

I know! Sweet! 

More about this later...

It Takes Two to Tango

This Valentine's day, it wasn't about red roses or cute teddy bears... We have gone through that. I cannot say we have outgrown that phase or that we find it teenager-ish to express emotions through flowers and cakes. I can say, "far yet so near" was our theme for this Valentine's. It's all about love, and whether expressed with gifts or without them hardly matters.

2 years back when our "lhau" was new-new, that bouquet of roses and cake felt mushy. My heart would melt thinking about him. It'd whirl, skip a beat and swell with such novel emotion lately tasted. Prospects of starting an exciting life with a person who you loved and who loved you back (so dearly) made me go weak in knees.

The previous year's V-day was special too; that which was celebrated as a romantic double date with friends! We never thought what future would hold for us - all we knew was that it was time we enjoyed each other's company. Hand in hand, each time that our eyes met, we knew we were not perfect beings but we have our tuning in sync and wavelengths ebb and surge at the same level.

Having taken our relationship to an altogether different platform, today I realise that love can have different shades and shadows. It can change forms, it can evolve for the better. Perhaps I can no longer call it new love, but it still is fresh, thriving and blossoming. I got the customary roses and cake for my birthday. However, this time around, I couldn't fuss much over them. I'd a much more important souvenir of love to look after.

Our life has metamorphosed - for the better - through rough patches and smooth ends. If I had to allot a colour to my life, I'd say it was pink earlier, now it is a tinge darker. Today, I find myself embraced in the warmth of his love and care. I'm sure in the coming years it is going to transform into deeper shades of pink, into red to blazing red and finally there'll be a glow that'll never faze out. The journey till there will demand a lot from us individually. We are ready - in fact looking forward to so many things in life.

From the day I got married, I have known what "plenitude" means. And I have never looked back. I have never missed parents' love or their care or even my freedom. I haven't missed friends' support, I have never found myself lacking in anything. Not that I'm saying I don't need them anymore; but there's always been more than I have asked for.

This year we have lived in installments. Together for 3 months, apart for next 3 - for the whole year. It has also been full of conflicting emotions. Tears reigned. For I've felt like a messy, emotional blob. I have missed him like I never thought I could miss anyone. I craved for his banter, complaints, and also his weird choices of movies. I still do.

If he can turn me from a stubborn-unromantic-who-hates-gooey-love to a hopelessly-head-over-heels-in-love-with-him, then he can do anything under the sun. Being miles away, he still sends my breath for a toss, he has the power to bring happy tears to my eyes. Just like right now.

Sometimes, I love him so much that I hate him. And he knows exactly what I mean by that. ;) ;)

That's us! On 14th February 2011

The Day He Didn't Propose Me...

Every love marriage has a proposal day. Even we have our proposal day, but with a difference. He didn't "propose" me. He did it but didn't really do it. Confusing, isn't it?

That day for us was December 3rd, 2009. I expected it to be a normal working day for me at the office. And, it was. We both used to be online, working and chatting with a dozen people. However, my first priority and preference would always be KK. Yes, I nurtured a special place for him, but was still unsure myself. I hadn't yet acknowledged my feelings, let alone confessing it to KK. 

A light flirt that he was, he would warn me that he'll come and whisk me away for a candle light dinner. I crunched his hopes by saying - ask my parents, if they say yes, I might think about it. One day he declared that he would come to my office with a bouquet of roses, just so that my colleagues will start gossiping about me. Again I punched hole in his high hopes by saying you have to find out where I work. Such was our harmless teasing- flirting bit. Whatever we talked about, he was never indecent. He never teased too much, nor did he ever cross his limits. He was never desperate. It was pure friendship on the borderline of flirtism. * I make good words* 

This day that year, while chatting merrily, he suddenly went silent. I asked him if he ran away. 

"Nope, I am waiting for you to come at the train station. Just like SRK in DDLJ"

I knew the crazy streak in him had started playing. Somewhere there, my doubts got better of me and perhaps I was fed up of this chor-police chuppa chuppi; I asked him if he was serious. From there on, the conversation started taking a serious bend. He said he was never as serious and wanted to take all this ahead. I still find it hard to translate those feelings of mine in words. To talk freely, I asked him to give me a call. The moment he said "hello", I decided I am marrying this guy. He had a wonderful voice, which matched his personality. (We'd never talked before on phone)

We talked for half an hour, discussing how and what of everything. By the time I cut the call, I was shaking and my palms were sweating. He didn't say those words, he didn't ask me that question. Yet it was magical talking to him. We had reached a decision. A decision that we didn't know whether it was a wise one or not. A decision that would not only change our lives but our families lives too forever. It was just a beginning. I had to talk to my parents; he'd a lot of explanation to give to his parents. Getting parental approval seemed like a humongous task. The situation was impossible and logically no parents would say a yes to such a relationship, where the boy and the girl had never seen each other and still claimed mutual love. 

This will throw some light on why KK had to do some manao-ing to his parents (all because of me). 

That was 2 years back. And this is today. What has changed? Perhaps nothing, perhaps a lot. We have realised that our decision, though seemed doubtful and impulsive at that time, was the right one. We have never once regretted it. There are ups and downs, but we have managed them well. Love is deepening, friendship is deeper, respect remains intact. We are still discovering traits in each other. It is fun to find layers in myself and in him. Headiness of love with zing of responsibility, tempering of arguments and a lot of fun thrown in makes an intoxicating concoction. 

2 years later, my waist has become vast; my tummy, earlier size 0 is now shape 0. The weighing scale is screaming for mercy (47 kgs to 65 kgs, is no joke). The clothes shopwala salesman, who never dared to show me stuff above M, now smiles wickedly and says "This is the biggest size available, XXXL" Of course, there's a beautiful reason behind my explosion of size. And that's my Jr. Our Jr. - who brings us closer than where we are right now. 

This day is filled with small memories, surprises, fear, romantic illusions, dreams, ticklish feelings, and so many things that I have not mentioned here. It seems as fresh as everything happened today. I want this feeling to last forever. I may seem like a sappy, romantic lunatic with hearts in my eyes. That's what true love has brought out in me. One right person is all you need to make everything feel like heaven. I have found him and I am proud to have him. 

BTW, in case you are wondering, there's still no sign of candle light dinner, nor has he gone down on his knees, nor has he appeared at the doorstep with a bouquet of roses in his hand. :P (P.S. He did send me roses soon after this chapter, then again for my b'day and then again for V day which falls just 2 days after my b'day)

KK, do I have to tell you that I am in love with you, madly, deeply, immensely?!

I leave you with our romance song which was 

Name Calling

How do you call your husband? By name? By "those" words of respect? Or some other endearment?

Thinking back about 25 - 30 years; roughly around the time when our parents tied a knot; it is indeed fascinating to see how things have changed. If we were to place those times and situations next to today's, we would probably list down a 1000 differences at least. 

One of the stark difference and perhaps the most revolutionising (liberating?) is how we, the neo-ladies call our respective husbands. With evolution and open-ness of husband-wife relation, the suniye-ji era has started to  fade into oblivion. Once considered the supreme power in a wedded woman's life, is now more of a back slapping buddy who considers his wife an equal. In fact, the good news being, the husbands no longer want to be worshipped or labelled  as pati-parmeshwar. They gladly tell you "Call me by my name. No issues". 

This is where the confusion started for me. For some time, it was a constant battle for me to decide whether to call KK by name or Aji, sunte ho? (Itte, aikata ve? - Konkani equivalent) as a part of sanskar bestowed by my parents. Come to think of it, suniye-ji sounded natural to me before marriage, since that's how my mother and other older ladies in the house refer to their better halves. I have never heard my mother call my father by name, and if she did, I'd probably tell her not to. Not because it is wrong, but because it sounds so alien to my ears! 

Well, it wasn't lightening strike love for me and KK. We took time in discovering that we had feelings for each other. Of course till then, I'd been calling him by name. Later, when we acknowledged our mutual feelings and decided to bring our parents in picture, realisation struck me that he is no longer going to be "just a friend". With involvement of family and relatives and the fact that we were going to be "wedded as husband and wife", I knew I had to look at him from a different perspective. And this is where parents discreetly mention the "now there will be a husband in your life". 

Over a telephone call, I mentioned to KK that I'd have to show him some extra respect for being my husband. He was shocked. He did not expect a Pune-bred girl to have such orthodox thinking. I must admit, somewhere deep inside me, I did not want a husband, I wanted a friend to spend my life with. And suniye-ji would just keep me at one hand distance. But who'd convince my parents? Thinking from their side too, they were not too wrong. Its not always about the husband, its about the husband's family too - they'd say. 

Perhaps I knew KK, but I was certainly not acquainted with his parents. Maybe they expected an aadarsh bahu? Or were they open enough to accept me with my ups and downs? They were from our native town, not much lived in a city. I knew the living conditions in Pune differed a lot from the manner in which our native dwellers live. In such a situation, would they like it if I called their son by name?

Much later did I come to know that KK had told my in laws that he wants me to call him only by name. I was caught in a trap. In private, I'd call KK by his name and in front of others (mostly elders) I referred to him as "He/ His/ Him" (hanni/ tanni in Konkani). It was a tongue twisting job for me. Many a times I ended up confusing myself. KK was blissfully enjoying my predicament. "Who's asking you to create confusion? Why can't you simply call me by name in front of everyone?"

KK got fed up of my pleadings to let him call by "those" words. He said if I were to call address him in that way, then he'd address me in a similar way. What a put off that was! And then there were friends and elders too who laughed at my 1950's way. "You!!! You won't call your husband by name? Are you ancient or what?" they mocked me. 

You might wonder what was the dilemma. Why wouldn't I just take an easy way out and heed to my pati-parmeshwar's simple solution? Well, even I have ego problems. I did not want anyone to say anything to me regarding "ladki ko kuch sikhaya hi nahi". Yeah I was adamant.

However, of late my tenacity to stay put on my self imposed stupid belief started to wither as I realised how cumbersome it was for me to adjust my language every time I spoke to my in laws. Somehow my mother also succeeded in convincing my father that it was naya zamana and kid's lives have changed now. As long as they are comfortable with calling each other whatever they want, that should be fine. 

Still to be on the safer side, I explained it to my MIL why and how the transformation took place. She only laughed at my almost 1.5 year old stint. And I gaped at my FIL when he said "You do what he says. He should do what you says. We are not going to come in between the two of you. As long as you are happy with each other, we are happy." Frankly, very frankly, I was not expecting this kind of open-ness and broad minded ness from my in laws. Do I say I am lucky? :)

Now whether it is a 8 yr old kid or 80 yr old grandma, I call KK by name with no guilt. :D 

To be noted : not every one calls their husband by name, even today. In fact my own SIL, calls out to my brother "aji sunte ho?", while before they got married it was by name.  To each their own levels of comfort.

Because, I am PREGNANT!

Once I broke the news to my friends, a lot of them bombarded me with questions! Many asked how I felt, others asked when did I find out, and many more related questions. My feelings never found justifiable words and nor can there be any, for this is far more than just being euphoric! 

When did I find out? 

It was in April end - May start that I had my initial suspicion with the first obvious symptom of any pregnancy. Still, I waited and waited for the second symptom, i.e puking, which never came. As a result, I was confused. In my confusion, I consulted my clueless husband. Who else could I turn to? I didn't want to cause disappointment to parents (who, as always, were waiting with baited breath for the "good news") if it was a false alarm.

Husband shrugged an I-don't-know-what-to-do. I waited some more. Mid May, I thought it was best to start with a home pregnancy kit. We went to the local pharmacy. And boy! what range of pregnancy test kits!! I could hardly choose. 

Again, I asked my clueless husband, "Which one?"

"Don't ask me. I hardly know these things." 

"Like I know a lot of it!!!", I shouted back irritated. Pregnancy hormones were already surging through me. Husband looked at me from top to bottom, screening me as if something had got me. I quickly apologized and said nervousness made me do that. 

I was so excited that I decided to put it to test on the same evening. I ended up doing everything wrong, and not even a single strip turned blue! I knew I was competent enough to screw things, so intelligently, I had chosen the kit which had two strips. 

I then patiently read the instructions and slapped my forehead. I was supposed to keep it lying for 2 minutes. Instead, I was holding it in my hands vertically for five minutes and wondering what the hell was wrong! 

I decided not to waste the second one and was eager for next morning. 

Husband collapsed on the bed at 5 AM for he was working whole night. That was when I woke up and could hardly go back to sleep. I was not feeling pee-ish either. I had to count seconds till then. I wanted to shake my husband awake and talk gibberish. However, the realisation that he was up all night, didn't leave me with much option. 

At 7AM, I decided I had to do it. With shaky hands and drowsy mind, I dragged my feet to the bathroom and did the needful, exactly the way it was instructed. I thought it would take forever for the 2 minutes to slip by. It didn't. Before I knew it, my eyes were clouded with tears. Holding the 2 blue stripped device, I ran to the bedroom, shook the now-groggy husband and waved the thing in front of him. I was choking and words just wouldn't come out. 

I hugged him and must have wailed like a baby myself. "I am preggy" I said in between sobs. 

"It's going to be alright. Don't worry." he tried consoling me, while patting the back of my head. 

"I KNOW it is going to be alright!! I am not worried! I am crying because I am happy." the hormones made me shot back again! 

What followed then was calls to our parents. Incidentally, it was my parent's wedding anniversary when we told them. Their happiness knew no bounds, as was that of my in laws. Advices, congratulations and blessings  poured in through international calls!

Everything was confirmed with a subsequent doctor's appointment and ultrasound. :) 

Everything happy happy, isn't it? You wish!

The puking business started a few days after the doc visit. I had evening sickness. It would start roughly at the time when KK came home from office. Naturally, he bore the brunt of my mad hormones. I have screamed at him for coming home late, when I knew he was working. I threw a fit when I didn't like a movie. I took offence and retaliated at every little general statements he made. 

All this would be my mood, before puking. After the oral combat stage, I had a stage of "something is happening to me. DO SOMETHING!" I knew poor KK had no clue and more than that no means of making me feel better than his soothing words. But I wanted someone to pull me out of the misery. 

Let me not discuss my miseries here. I am far more happier now to discuss those times. 

That nice, dear husband of mine did everything that he could. I wonder how he bore the "First Trimester Monster" that had become of me. 

"Because, I am PREGNANT!" was the only sentence I spoke in those days. It indeed was my way or the highway for him. He decided to always take my way just to keep his preggy lady happy! 

Looking back at it all, I have a multitude of feelings. I am amazed at KK's strength and determination, not to give up on me; his bigheartedness to ignore my sometimes very sly comments; his ability to hold and comfort me; his stamina to work at office and at home. I feel sad that I haven't been able to do much for him during that time, except throw tantrums and tears despite my efforts not to do so. And somethings were plain hilarious.

'I don't like the shirt you are wearing today!', 'Why?', 'Because, I am PREGNANT!'

'Don't tell me about your friends!', 'Why?', 'Because, I am PREGNANT!'

The first thing in the morning I said 'I wanna eat pav Bhaji, right now!', 'What? Now?? Why?', 'Because, I am PREGNANT!' No points for guessing, he made the most delicious pav bhaji for me that instant. 

'Don't go to the office today!.', 'Why?', 'Because, I am PREGNANT!' (which was not heeded to, since now he had learnt to see when I was genuinely flaunting my mood swings and when I was faking it)

'I don't like that woman in blue.', 'Why? What has she done to you?', 'Because, I am PREGNANT!'

'I want to go out now!', 'Why? the sky is overcast and it will pour any minute!', 'Because, I am PREGNANT!' (He did take me out for a ride when it poured so badly that we could hardly even make out the tail light of the car in front of us.)

KK, I love you! And this is not just 'Because, I am PREGNANT!'

Day 17: Water, water everywhere!

'KK, wake up!!! WATER!!' I literally screamed as I woke up in the morning at 6 AM. Sleepy eyed KK was wondering what got into his newly wed wife.

'What?' he asked.

'OMG, wake up, wake up!! Our house is flooded' said I while looking down at the water level which had covered my ankles. 

This was the time when we had not even completed a month of wedded bliss. We had rented a huge two bedroom house in Vallabh Nagar, which was gonna be (relatively) closer to KK's office. 

'What happened? Where's the water coming from?' he was asking as I dashed to the kitchen to find the water flowing from the tap at full force. The sink lock had jammed and as a result the water did not find the outlet. It continued flowing till it managed to reach every corner of the house. 

Now, ours was a two bedroom house with a kitchen that had a dry area and a terrace. Our bedroom had a terrace too. By modern standards, the house was HUGE! 

First, I shut the tap and was relieved that water was no longer adding to the pool. Then I looked around. I was standing there wondering what I should do, what I should say. After all, it was a naya-naya basaya sansaar. I just didn't want KK to think I was a goose-head. I was not trained in disaster management because such disasters never occurred at mom's place. And even if it did, mom knew what to do. 

How did I leave the tap open? Well, there was this 'paani aane ka time' and obviously at around 11 PM the water supply used to be off. I must have left it on and forgotten about it. 

I was panicky, I was shivering. Oh! Did I mention, it was supposed to be KK's day to resume his desk? Breakfast was yet to be done, dabba was yet to be done and the water... SIGH!!!

'What to do?' I asked him.

'We clear this ASAP.' he said coolly as if I had just spilled a glass of water. 

'How?' 

'You take care of the breakfast, I'll do it. I will push the water in the balcony where it'll drain out.'

'But, if I do it too, it'll clear out fast.' 

'No. You are just out of your illness, I don't want you to take physical strain. Else, let's call Mr. B for his help.'

(Mr. B used to do all petty work at my father's office and he had helped a lot with the shifting stuff. He used to be close-by.)

'Nooooooooooooo, not him... he's a newspaper. He'll tell my dad the moment he sets his foot in the office.'

(Mr. B is a motor mouth. I didn't want my dad to know all this kaand that I'd done. And then the lectures that would ensue, I wanted to avoid them. ;) )

It was 6:30 by then. I walked into the other bedroom and almost fainted. Our 4 unpacked bags lay on the floor, swimming in the pool of water.

'KK, baaags.' I wailed.

'Don't worry, they are water proof. So there are no chances of clothes getting wet. Anyway, lets move them.'

We hauled the water soaked bags (at least from the outside) and kept them on tables. And KK got down to work. Now, the slopes in the house were really weird. It wasn't sloping toward the balconies, but away from them. So he had to drag the water up-slope and then the water would go in the balcony. This was taking a lot more time than expected.

'What about your office?' I asked sheepishly.

'I have to go. Can't stay home.'

'But how will I manage? I HAVE to clear the house before the maid comes in. Nahi toh, she'll tell the whole building and everyone will curse me.'

'Call Mr. B.'

'Nooooooooooooooooooooo... piliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz noooooooo...' 

'Ok. Ok. We won't call him. Then what are we gonna do? I'll go at 11 then.'

Thankfully, mom had let me borrow her vacuum cleaner which could be used to swab floor. That meant I could take off the excess water with that. After one and half hour of manually throwing the water out, I brought out the vacuum cleaner and dried the house off the remainder water. 

By this time, KK was dead tired and he retired to bed with an instruction to wake him at 10. 

Just 2 minutes later, someone rang the door bell. I was petrified to find two men standing in front of me. One was the watchman, I recognized. 

'Hello, I live on the first floor, just below your house. We have some leakage in our bedroom. I just wanted to  see if the leakage was from here?'

I was petrified. I asked them to wait outside, while I ran in to 'KK, two men have come saying there's leakage. What to do? What to do?'

'We'll tell them the truth.'

'No, no, no, no, noooooooo, please, please, please nooooooo. I know how touchy society women are when it comes to wasting water... pleaseeeeeeee....'

'Ok. But at least let them in. We can't keep them standing outside forever.'

They came into the bedroom and the watchman cum plumber said 'Paani yahaan se leak hua hai' (The water has leaked from here) pointing to one corner in the bedroom which was sharing the balcony.

'Haan, actually aaj subah humne balcony dhoya tha. Shayad uske wajah se leak hua hoga.'(Yes, actually we just washed the balcony today morning. The leakage could have been because of that.) said KK, my HERO!

'Haan, ho sakta hai... lekin ab thode dinon ke liye yahaan paani mat daalna.' (Yes, maybe... but for a few days don't wash the balcony.)

I felt a wave of relief wash over me. 

'Look, everything's fine. Now, don't worry!' said KK with a smiling face. 'BTW, I missed my bus, you know that. That means you will have to drop me to the office.'

This happened on May 3rd, 2010. A year after that incident, many would think I am laughing it off, but no, it still gives me goose bumps.

As for telling my parents about it; they came visiting in the evening and I was feeling so guilty that I narrated the whole incident myself. :)

Day 11 : Blogathon is good!

Yes, it is! :) Makes me feel good despite the obvious physical illness. I came to know that there are so many shy readers. Just when I was almost thinking that blogging is a dead activity; there have been many people who restored my faith in blogging. I am surprised at all the comments/ praises/ suggestions that I get from people, who I never knew knew that I even had a blog.

It is difficult to find something worth publishing here. Nevertheless, when I see my efforts are not going un appreciated, I feel great. I guess that's what keeps me going and thinking every minute of the day "hmmm... what do I write today?"

Yesterday, we were out and I started feeling feverish. By the time we got home, it was hard for me to even open my eyes. Suddenly, I remembered, 'hey, I said to the worrying husband, I haven't updated my blog for today.' The baffled angry look on his face was worth every bit of uttering that courageous statement.

'For once will you listen to me? Stop thinking and take rest.' he said. And that was that. I did not dare say anything.

He let me lie down for a while and after some 15 mins he came with the lappy in his hand, 'Update your blog.' he said. This was not the "husband" talking, this was my best friend who understood and respected my commitment of blogging continually for 30 days.

I think half of my fever ran away right then!

Day 2 : The Twisty Knot Called Marriage

Marriages may be made in heaven but I think it is up to us to make our marriage a heaven. After *successful* completion of one year of marital life, I can stand on a podium and start lecturing. :) Not really, just a bit maybe.

Looking around me at some of my relatives, friends, acquaintances, who have (had) fragile wedded lives, I was terrified of what would be in store for me. As it turns out, all it needs is a bit of everything to work it out. 

My marriage has some mutually agreed upon rules & guidelines to it. And these rules & guidelines are not the ones that require any of us to stand in attention and obey them, but the ones that gently course our lives. They act like a buffer system when there's a fear of hitting the rocks. They keep us happy and smiling most of the times. We aren't experienced people to state definitively that this formula works for everybody. It may; it may not. Each one has to find the fine tuning and balance to their married life. We have observed people around us, seen what keeps them clicked and what draws them apart. We filtered the right ways, enlisted the wrong approach and tried to learn from them. And till now, it has worked perfectly fine. Then why not share it?

Whenever we talk about two individuals, there's bound to be a difference of opinion. Even with us not every day was full of love and rosy red hearts. There have been some days of complaining, whining and don't talk to me. Tears shed here and there. There's no denying to the grey days. There have been times when we have had word dueling sessions on every Saturday of the month. That led us to wonder what in the world has gone wrong with our relationship? However, talking to many other friends restored the faith in us that we are as normal as other couples who fight every weekend because they have nothing to do!

And this is where you need strength, courage and openness of heart to accept mistakes, forgive and come forward to speak about it. We have learnt this only after having a few back and forth of words. 

As much angry as we may be, we never raise our voices (or a hand). I think it is important to respect a person even when you are having an argument with him. Sometimes, argument is the best teacher. It will teach you how not to make the same mistake again; i.e. if you are mature enough to learn from it. 

Trust - One thing that keeps a marriage going, they say. Trust is good; blind trust, not. How many times have we seen women defending their husbands "Main apne pati ke baare main ek shabd bhi nahi sunana chahti!", even when she sees every possible proof of his money philandering activities and extra marital affair? 

Trust is something that needs to be built over a period of time. It isn't something that you can discount a loved person with. Blind trust can only hurt and shatter you. Not every person is trustworthy, but if he is then he'll build it with you. Trust comes from frequent, open communication.

Talking for me, is perhaps the most important factor. However hard or bitter it is, I talk it out. If not, I carry around a heaviness with me, which just keeps worsening till I have had it off my mind. Likewise, I make it a point to volunteer and ask if anything I did was disturbing. Opening up has helped to avoid a lot many arguments and bad feelings later that would have piled up as a result of not communicating. 

Problems arise every where. Tackling them require skill, patience and understanding. Many of these things I am yet to learn and master. But knowing what I need to know brings me a long way. At least I know what I need to begin with. 

As I said, I have some of my friends who are going through rough patches(so rough that it starts to affect everyone around them) in their marital life. And they are recently married. I just wish they could manage to sort their lives out and soon.

I cannot take names and say it to them, but if they ever come here and read :

1. You may be a child at heart but when necessity arises, you need to grow up.

2. Not everyone is rich to afford many luxuries as soon as you start your married life. Do try and understand that earlier you better half was single and his spending was half. Now he is married, earning is still the same but spending is doubled.(If you are not lending a hand i.e.) 

3. The girl who is staying with you has already sacrificed a lot when she married you. She is staying in a new house, a new environment just because you promised her love, affection and lifetime of commitment. She is not a piece of rag that you use, abuse and throw. 

4. Parents got you two married because they thought you were capable of handling responsibilities. Do not go running to them for every small needs and fissures. They have invested close to 25 yrs of their life looking after you. They deserve a break and need to enjoy life. Don't burden them with your troubles. If you need to take a third person's perspective sometimes, talk to your siblings, or best friend. 

5. Let go ego! They work in corporate world, not at home. 

6. Saving money is good... but that doesn't mean giving up having fun. Enjoy when you can. Sometimes buying things on an impulse is good. But only "sometimes".

7. Resolve fights and make peace. Do not leave it unattended. Else you'd be fighting over it even after you celebrate your Golden Jubilee.

8. Suspecting your partner only insults your choice of marrying him/ her. 

One of the best marriage lines I have heard was on one of the Marathi serials "He naatach asa asta, taNla tar tut-ta ani sodla tar sutt-ta" which means "This (husband-wife) relation is queer; you try to pull it- it snaps, you let it lose, it slips."

ETA 1 : Can't thank KK enough for all the love and patience he has shown throughout the year and even now. I  can be pretty difficult to live with. His voluminous patience that absorbed all my tantrums, madness, crying spells, bad hair days, has mellowed me down a bit.

KK :: I love you, but I don't want to be your husband.
Me :: (almost dead at that comment, thinking WTH? He means live-in... how the hell am I supposed to react to this... what will I tell my parents? God! I am screwed)
KK :: We'll be friends just like we are now. warna we'll fight like other husbands and wives.

We fight alright. But not like other husbands and wives.


ETA 2 : Rachana was the one who pointed out "Tali ek haath se nahi bajti" So thanks to her as well for opening my eyes! *sniff*

Lovely gift!

Furious preparations for our wedding is going on... so from now until the very day my calenders are marked. Currently, me and amma have taken up the responsibility of inviting Pune friends and family.

We just started out today... and how could I not go to one of my best friend's house to invite her??? So, yeah, Tejaswini's place was one of the selected few that we have decided to invite personally.Within 10 minutes of we being there, this girl couldn't sew in her excitement to hand over the gift she bought for me...well, rather thought for me. Well, her extra bubbly-ness was understandable since the gift was...

and the other side being....

I dunno in what words I can thank you, Tj! This is precious! :')

Smiles all around me

I'm genuinely happy!! :) :) :) In addition to "my obvious reasons" to be happy, there are certain other stuff, biiiiig stuff rather, that's keeping a smile pasted on my face 24*7.

It actually brings me to new heights of happiness when I hear "getting hitched" news from friends. Especially when the "getting hitched" part has a nice story behind it and friends willingly share it with you.

I was over the moon when a school friend of mine (just 10 mins back) broke the news to me while I was narrating "my story" to her. What do you do when gaiety multiplies? Smile so hard that your facial muscles stretch, strain and pain, but still you don't want to let go of that smile. This is just one of such blasting news that triggered this post.

It feels like a season of "being congratulated" and "congratulating others". A friend found a job, another found a life partner, yet another is in the process of dumping her current boyfriend and finding a new one, one more friend is in line for some good career surprises... all in all, a good time to celebrate.

I didn't know that good news too, spreads like fire. :) I was amazed to hear my childhood friend's voice from Dehradun calling to wish me and drop in a tip or two about married life; plus an invitation to stay over at their place. It is baffling, even for me, to acknowledge such depth of friendship - no matter how long we have not talked to each other, no matter how many times we break the promises of catching up when she's here... we always manage to start from where we have left...

And for some people who I thought never cared a damn if I existed or not, are holding me close and saying "it'll not be the same without you."

I guess, this occasion in my life will tighten my bonds with people around me.

A reason to smile is always welcome and what more could it be when friends and family find you worthy of sharing it?

Change of Status

Haaaa.. it feels good to be back to blogging again... seems like ages since I last blogged. Well, what happened since the last time I posted a blog post? Believe me, lots! Yes, I do know that I was supposed to reveal details about "the guy" I couldn't say no to....

Sadly, as you all already know it, I'm a serial procrastinator and believe in 'why do something today when you can put it off for tomorrow'; I obviously did not blog.

Coming back to where I started... from December 21st to today, my status has changed from "Still Single" to "in a relationship" to "Engaged". Trust me, even though the days seemed to drag by, I never realised when all this happened within a flash. Everyone's bombarding me with questions and i'm trying my best to answer them. As a result, now, every person that's not so special or not even a friend knows the history and my close friends are still clueless. I'm honestly lost and do not know who knows/ doesn't know about my "changed relationship status".

Anyway, the biiiiiiiiig day falls on April 9th this year... and I'm all :D :D :D !!

I have put in my resignation at work place and am gonna be working for next 15 days ONLY! I'm happy that I'll have some time to be at home; while I'm sad that I'll miss all the fun we've had at the office with my insane colleagues. Yes, I'm not leaving a chance of blogging about them. One post exclusively dedicated to them will come up...sooner or later.

And reserving the Best for the Last - The guy I couldn't say a 'no' to happens to be Kiranraj Kamath; you know him as KK in the comments section. :) :) :)

We are happily welcoming Good Wishes and Blessings! :)

"M" yada yada

Somewhere in 2008 -

Me : How many people are going to be invited for my wedding?

Mom : what? why? where's the groom?

Me : arre, I know, we are yet to find..blah blah etc. Tell no.

Mom : why but? why so suddenly are you concerned about your marriage?

Me : Tell no, please.

Mom : 300, maybe 500 or even a 1000... I don't know. Ask your dad. Why do you want to know?

Me : Nothing...just so that I know how many fake smiles I'll have to practise!
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Me : u'kno, I want a nice mother-in-law.

Mom : who doesn't?!

Me : No, like real nice... who can cook really good food.

Mom : how selfish of you... expecting MIL to cook for you. you'll continue being the lazy bum that you are even after your marriage? blah blah blah....

Me : I said she should be a good cook so that she can teach me to how to cook like her. What you thought? :P
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Somewhere in 2007 -

Me : Pedha!!

Neighbour : oh wow! for what? you are getting married, eh? Pedha and all?

Me : well...no

Neighbour : oh yeah, when you do I'm sure pedhas will be of bigger size.....

Me : :/

Neighbour : .....and not just any pedha will do, chitale ones...jumbo pedha. each of us will take one whole.

Me : :/

Neighbour : oh btw, what are the pedhas for?

Me : new car, dad bought, today.
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