Candid, not Candied

Tuesday, 24 March 2009


Note : there's nothing really to read about... Just my state of mind, which at the moment is "wired confusion"

There are so many things in daily life that I want to talk about. Say it to someone... speak out my mind... babble on sans cesse. And for these rambunctious thoughts of mine, I have a blog too. Just then, why does it feel so wrong to articulate my each and every thought or feeling?

Right now, I'm ready to blurt to anyone, all those things which mean nothing to me though in a weird sort of way is a part of my life. Because I fear they sound silly when I say it to someone. I am also too conscious of the fact that no one wants to know the inane details of my life and am very much particular about not burdening others with my loads and baggage... I just can't do it. I've very well done the job of handling this kind of situation for others.... but when it comes to me feeling uncomfortable; I'd rather shut my mouth and sulk than confide in a friend. I, sometimes, find it very difficult to live with myself when I'm in such sticky situation. Mind you, I'm not even complaining... if this seems like it then I'm sorry, I definitely am not complaining.

I can very well hide my emotions. I can smile or laugh or act silly even if I've had a huge fallout with someone and am feeling depressed, angry or even feel like crying over it. And no one even knows what going on behind me. This, I'm complaining.... not about others, but about myself. Why do I do that? Because then to myself, it seems, no one cares to ask me if I've had a bad day, unless I tell them myself. But then again, I never say it to anyone!! Like some 99% of the time, I won't. Even when I say so, I won't tell the reason why I'm so. Why? Because trusting others with my feelings doesn't come easily to me. I staunchly believe, I'm my Best Friend.

Currently, I am dying to let know about my feelings towards my ex-home (which I'm gonna write, no matter what) , what it feels like when friends write about memories they've had with me, albeit it was an Fb tag and was meant to be a fun-element, what high I get when Baby J comes running to me for a hug, how badly I miss my routine back home, what fun it is to teach V French, how much I miss my college days, how flashing memories of childhood brings tears to my eyes no matter what situation I'm in.... these and more.... No connections with one another, yet so close to my heart, my being. Siiigh!

And this whole post, when I'm not in a sulky, stinky mood.


  1. hey! this random collection of the wispy beginnings of many thoughts and their jostling to be expressed, let out and shouted across roof tops strikes a familiar chord. but you know what...if an idea, a feeling needs to really get out, it just shall, no matter how used you are to keeping things to yourself. plus you are blessed with the ability to put your thoughts out in clear words. Do so. write. I swear it is cathartic.

  2. blogging has often been cathartic to me.
    which is why... even after 3 years of writing inane crap... i am still at it!
    and it's this inane stuff that has made me come across some lovely, like-minded... and absolutely MAD ppl! :)


  3. Vent out... You had once written me an e-mail something which said the exact opposite of what you had commented on my blog... fact is though... at times, it might be a good idea to get it out of your system... good... bad and everything in between

  4. @ Mukta & Rayshma,
    Yes, blogging is cathartic. Regardless of whether you write about your good times or bad... you always end up feeling light and better than what you felt before blogging. and to know that there are people who exactly know what you are talking about, even when one hasn't expressly said something; is like a big relief... Blogging is theraupatic!

    @ Tejaswini,
    I do remember mailing you my comment which I thought would be inappropriate for others to read.. hehe though, honestly, I've forgotten what it was for.
    we'll meet as soon as I get back.

  5. Thatz wot blogs are for... mad rantings and ravings...

  6. That 3rd para abt hiding emotions... that's so much "me". And the thoughts expressed could b smthin I would hv written, although not as nicely as u hv..but its nice to know sometimes that I'm not the only one feeling like that :)

  7. Namratha: I totally understand when you say, its good to feel I am not alone. Sometimes these small things start affecting me so much that i wonder if I am normal or not. Knowing that there are people who are like me sends me a signal that nothing is grossly wrong with me. :) m glad u commented. really.


Go on, say it! I will not sue you... pinky promise!


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