Note : there's nothing really to read about... Just my state of mind, which at the moment is "wired confusion"
There are so many things in daily life that I want to talk about. Say it to someone... speak out my mind... babble on sans cesse. And for these rambunctious thoughts of mine, I have a blog too. Just then, why does it feel so wrong to articulate my each and every thought or feeling?
Right now, I'm ready to blurt to anyone, all those things which mean nothing to me though in a weird sort of way is a part of my life. Because I fear they sound silly when I say it to someone. I am also too conscious of the fact that no one wants to know the inane details of my life and am very much particular about not burdening others with my loads and baggage... I just can't do it. I've very well done the job of handling this kind of situation for others.... but when it comes to me feeling uncomfortable; I'd rather shut my mouth and sulk than confide in a friend. I, sometimes, find it very difficult to live with myself when I'm in such sticky situation. Mind you, I'm not even complaining... if this seems like it then I'm sorry, I definitely am not complaining.
I can very well hide my emotions. I can smile or laugh or act silly even if I've had a huge fallout with someone and am feeling depressed, angry or even feel like crying over it. And no one even knows what going on behind me. This, I'm complaining.... not about others, but about myself. Why do I do that? Because then to myself, it seems, no one cares to ask me if I've had a bad day, unless I tell them myself. But then again, I never say it to anyone!! Like some 99% of the time, I won't. Even when I say so, I won't tell the reason why I'm so. Why? Because trusting others with my feelings doesn't come easily to me. I staunchly believe, I'm my Best Friend.
Currently, I am dying to let know about my feelings towards my ex-home (which I'm gonna write, no matter what) , what it feels like when friends write about memories they've had with me, albeit it was an Fb tag and was meant to be a fun-element, what high I get when Baby J comes running to me for a hug, how badly I miss my routine back home, what fun it is to teach V French, how much I miss my college days, how flashing memories of childhood brings tears to my eyes no matter what situation I'm in.... these and more.... No connections with one another, yet so close to my heart, my being. Siiigh!
And this whole post, when I'm not in a sulky, stinky mood.