Candid, not Candied

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Day 4 :: Disappointment sometimes

Friendship is a vague term. Just like "Love" is. There is no particular definition to it, nor any boundaries. Hence when someone is good to you, talks to nicely, smiles at you often, you instantly regard him/ her as a friend. And a person can have so many of them. It is hard to say if they are real friends or just casual someones.

I am choosy about befriending anyone. That is not be mistaken with being friendly. I can be friendly with any random person. As a result, I have very few friends and I have held them close to my heart. Maybe I am not that verbal, but friendship from my side has always been sincere and genuine. I cannot fake it. If I have to, I'd rather break the ties. 

Am I wrong in expecting the same kind of devotion to friendship from them? And is this the reason why I end up being disappointed and dejected and sometimes hurt when they fall short???

I remember a series of incidents in college that led to me having a huge fall out with  my so called friends. They called me rude and mean for being straight forward, for calling a spade a spade. And I called them hypocrites, for being hypocrites. They took my straight forwardness to heart, while they celebrated happy times bitching cruelly behind backs. I didn't mind if they hated me, but at least have he guts to tell it to me oin my face! I couldn't bear this two faced friendship. I severed ties with them but not without a verbal.

By then I fairly knew that not everyone is worth your trust`. I understand that my real friends take me as I am, sometimes telling me that being so blunt is not good. And I have respected that, even though I did not agree. 

What do you truly expect from a friend? Just that he shares your joys and understands your sorrows? I realised that not everyone with whom you hang out, spend fun time with, share some secrets with or gives you sound advice can meet your expectation. 

During my pregnant days in Pune, I encountered many friends, online and in person too. All of them were way too happy to see me in pregnant state. "Ohhhhhh you are having a baby??? How sweet, how cute!!!" was the general outburst from them. Everyone was pouring advices left, right and centre. And all of them wanted to be the first one to know whether it was a girl or a boy. And of course, everyone promised to come and meet the little one. 

I was at my parents' place for 5 months. None of these gushing, enthusiastic friends, who wanted to see Aa came to visit me. This is not just one or two of them. Many promised continually, and never turned up. One friend even told me she is coming for sure on Saturday. That Saturday never came.  

I am not saying that I am important or that my baby should be for someone. My point is why make a commitment when you do not plan to honour it? Why act concerned when you obviously do not seem to. Perhaps I would understand if this has happened with one or two friends. But all of them??? Except for my three friends, Pallavi, Shraddha and Tejaswini, who were behind my back to know what Aa does every day. I am so thankful that I still have some of those gems for friends. Others, are they just illusions?

I am not staking my friendship on this incident alone. I am not that fragile. But I can feel disappointed, can't I? 

I know I probably shouldn't have posted this on the eve of Friendship Day. But feelings don't see days! Promising a nice post tomorrow. 


  1. What makes you think this wasn't a nice post?

  2. I know exactly what you mean..have been through the same. *hugs* it's ok.

  3. Heya... I know exactly what you are saying.. This happened on my wedding when so many of my so called friends got sick, busy n all...
    Always call a spade a spade and today the world Is so different... It's strange everyone wants honestly and love and yet how little anyone gives it. You can't really do much. It's as simple as everyone cant be your best friend.
    Hope you have a wonderful day and :)
    And don't you smile ever fade.... Lots of love to Aa

    1. You are right Shweta! Not everyone can be your best friend. Like you said many friends had reasons why they couldn't come. Of course everyone is busy in their drill. Then why promise?? I mean no on eexpects you to come and meet me everyday or every weekend. One day was too much? anyway, I think I shopuld leave it at that. people have conveniently become 'online'!

    2. Yes people meet online and live online literally. To some extent it's nice but not when you forgetting live in the real world n treat people like bots... Creating news to make you smile or updated. It's sad people cone close to you and yessss they make bright big promises and disappear in the midst of their world somewhere lost. Your attempts to reach them are as futile as touching the moon and you look at them as you would from a distance as that all you can do online. Also plan to come this side, n you guys never ever need an invitation. Need the heart to heart talk :)

  4. Ditto... marriage, baby... everything... n u know exactly what I think n believe. But I'm truly glad that the ones who could not come did not promise and the ones who did, really did come. Those who haven't come yet do plan to come visit too... These are the ones we should all be thankful for.. others are just fake diamonds in a sea of gems.

    1. you are very right. I think as a learning experience, such incidents only help you to sieve the right ones from the not so right ones.

  5. Rachana sent me this comment as an offliner

    Friendships usually are of different types, each with their own boundaries and expectations.

    There are those who are with you through thick and thin. The ones who don't need an invite to your life, because they make an imp part of that life. They have your back. You can spend months/ days without talking to them, and know that they'd still be there. The bond doesn't depend on the daily dose.

    Then there are the ones, who are friends no doubt, but the connection depends on the daily dose of communication between you two. Without communication for a long time, you begin to lose the connect/ bond formed and go seperate ways

    Sometimes friends just grow up and forget to tell each other! It is all a part of life. Doesn't make anyone a less or more of a friend, but just defines the bond, which keeps fluctuating between you two.

    Sometimes, you are at its receiving end, sometimes, you do it to someone else.

    Just shrug and give it your best and move on :)

    1. I do agree with you, Rachana, that there are sorts of friends. I too have a slots for them. There are also those who are in between the first and second type that you have mentioned. This I realised of late! They seem to be in the first category, but later slip into the seond one as per convenience.

      What kind of friends are we? You and me? We haven't met, never seen each other, we have an online friendship and we could have kept it that way. But no, we seem to be including each other during important milestones! ;)

    2. I agree with your thing what i noticed is frienship between male is more stronger than frienship between female....


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