Candid, not Candied

Thursday, 21 March 2013

Rough Around the Edges

When my husband made Aloo baingan (stir-fried eggplants with potatoes, if you must) for the first time a couple of weeks ago, I was all praises. I just couldn't stop raving about how wonderful it tasted and how lucky was I to have him in my life, every time I went in for a helping.

Yesterday, upon request, he made it again. This time, I gulped my entire portion without a single word. Even a while after dinner, I did not say anything about how it turned out to be. Only when he openly asked me about it, did I realise that I'd given no reaction whatsoever. It was good as it was previously. What was missing this time was my excitement to acknowledge the same. 

I am like that. A lot many times than I want to be. I forget to acknowledge. I forget to speak up even though that is exactly what I am thinking. I do that so many times only to realise a tad too late. Like in this case, I was admiring the meal with every bite, but it never occurred to me that I should speak up. It may not seem such a big issue right here, but there are times when I should say something and I do not. It is preposterous, if you ask me. 

Lately, I started to reflect on why I do this and I did come up with a possible explanation to my dearth of manners to acknowledge something. I think, I am so over stuffed with a certain emotion, that they block out all my words. There is so much to react to that I do not react at all or I react later/ lesser than expected. Rather I forget some essential things; like the formality to do or say something. I am going to quote a few examples.

Whenever any of my friends come home, I (have) never, never offered them a glass of water. Even if they come walking in the hot summer sun, I have never sat them down and offered them a drink of cool water. My friends tease me that I have no manners and do not know how to treat guests. This happens only with my friends. If it is any other person, I'll be the first one to jump up and do the needful. 

I always get an earful from my mother for this. Knowing my lack of "Atithi Devo Bhava" spirit, she makes it her job to look after my friends. In fact, a close friend of mine and my mom exchange looks on how long I take to realise my blunder!

I am actually so happy to see them that I instantly launch into a charade and forget all about carrying out basic formalities. (Also in this case, I think my close friends are welcome to think of my house as theirs and help themselves to the kitchen. Of course, it doesn't always work that way!)

It was a few days before Aa's birthday that another of our close friends offered to help us in the preparations. Although they have a kid of Aa's age, they said they'd love to come over a day before and help. All I could manage to say was, it wasn't required since somebody else had already agreed. I did not thank, nor did I say I was sorry that I couldn't use their help at that time. They are very close friends and I had no intentions of hurting them or even being mean to them. But there I go, without Thanks or Sorry and just firing an explanation. I was very much humbled by their offer and my ignorance to accept that and communicate it to them hurts me even today.

Likewise I forget to congratulate, offer sympathies, be enthusiastic or wish someone. On a few occasions, I do not want to do them consciously, but these are not those. I genuinely feel happy or positive about something and I fail to execute the same in words/ reactions.

I need to work on it! 


  1. Now I know why you never gave me a gipht :-) sharpen your edges starting with giving me a super gipht!

  2. I agree with v Anna.... I am waiting for my giphts tooo :) :p

    1. Oh! You had to comment. Aren't you one of those who does not get offered water??! And all gifts for Riddhya henceforth... your days of receiving gifts are over! :P

  3. Now I know, U and ur bro are two peas in a pod. I ask him every single day, " kashi jalla". To which he then replies. And I can't help but roll my eyes sometimes! He does offer compliments on his own and I will be super duper happy. So rather than gipht ur bro, i think i must get one each from the both of you!!

    1. :O Tu tugele daali shijjoche ghetle ve?? :D Go away Nivi mai, I don't like you! :P

  4. I am glad to read such an honest post. I usually am quite the opposite - I do not hesitate serving friends and people I care for. Its those guests who come unannounced or are unwelcome to whom I do not cater - I don't care even if they are dying of thirst, if I haven't welcomed them to my house - I don't really want to play a hospitable host :P

    But in a way, it is good to have friends around whom you need not have to indulge in formalities. But yes, acknowledgement is always good! Our problems in life stem from the fact that we don't appreciate people enough and are equally bad at accepting compliments too :P

  5. On my part, it is never hesitation. It isn't an intended action at all. It's more like I am dense and I suddenly develop a thick tongue. I know it hardly sounds justified, but at that moment, doing all those correct things do not occur to me (until much later)


Go on, say it! I will not sue you... pinky promise!


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