Candid, not Candied

Thursday, 3 September 2009

Should I really name this?

Have you held sand in your hand? The harder you try to clutch it, the faster it seeps away... moreover, how would you feel if it enters your eyes? All the pleasure of watching it slip off is instantly replaced by the pricking feeling in the eyes.

Similar situations when you face in life, you are left utterly confused - you don't know if you like it...and you are not sure you hate it. So many things happen, with me, with others - friends, family, neighbours - that change the course of life. In these past 10-15 days, I have had to face so many different days - each with its own color. There has been a blast of good news es from my friends/ family, when I was facing my own difficulties. Being a part of their happiness was one thing... but I just couldn't ignore my need to sulk and to vent out. Secondly, I wasn't (and am still not) convinced that things have turned the right way for them. As soon as they broke out their news to me, I felt like screaming "No, don't do it"... but I quickly realised that they have already gone and done that... I had/ have no right to butt in and question their decision.

I guess that's the way it is and it should be. Nevertheless, I feel stupid, guilty and selfish for not rejoicing their decisions whole-heartedly. And I guess, that's the way I am, finally.

I think I'm done rambling. I'll start with a new post, right away.

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