It is during these silent phases on my blog that I am made to realise that I have admirers, rather blog admirers. A lot of you ask me when is my next blog post and why I don't write often. It is indeed heart warming to hear from readers, and the fact that they want you to write, gives a high.
Like I admitted to a friend yesterday (who asked me if I was letting it go); when I don't write, there is this constant nagging at the back of my mind. That voice keeps reminding me of how long it has been, how necessary it is and how I should gain some control over my non-writing phases. It is annoying to keep hearing that over again. And it is impossible to keep that voice at bay.
Yes, I have not been too regular on this space. And for that I apologise. In my defense (as an excuse?), I will say that I lack internal motivation as also the right resource. When I write, I put in a lot of thought, which requires peace - mental as well as physical. I need absolute silence. And a lot of time to frame it the way I do. I cannot fix myself an hour and write a post. It's just me. Even for a post that comes straight from heart, like this one, needs a long time. I write, erase and rewrite over and over. I re-read the post from the beginning after each para.
I don't just write. I indulge. How do you feel when you have that piece of chocolate? or anything that is your absolute favourite? Don't you love to take your time to enjoy the experience of that chemical reaction that is tingling every bit of you. That's exactly what I feel when I write. I like to settle down, take my time thinking and then let everything flow out.
I hate to be disturbed while writing. Any kind of distraction is not welcome. Not even music. It irritates the hell out of me. If I cannot hear myself think, then I cannot write. It looks like writing comes easily to me. It does, but only when all the above conditions are fulfilled.
Given the situation nowadays, it isn't too often that I get what I demand. It is hence difficult for me to focus and dedicate ample time. Nevertheless, there is such a lot that remains to be let out of the system.
Is it too much to ask for? Perhaps, yes. That's the way I function and to be able to function like a well-oiled engine, I just have to have what I want. :)
P.S. Next post coming soon.