Candid, not Candied

Wednesday 8 August 2012

Day 8 :: When are you giving me a "good news"?

Yeah! Right, so how many of you married gals have had to endure this statement before you thrust your bounty baby into their hands?

They (read: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, relatives, friends, i.e society, in general) will relentlessly hold your case until they get a satisfactory reply. That reply always is the birth of your baby! They care, they say. Like we don't.

I am not against anyone who inquire once or twice. It's when these people start getting nosy that you are at complete loss of privacy. I mean how in this world are you supposed to answer that question? I guess to shut them up one should say "Tonight we are starting a new session. You might expect the news soon." Try that and you shall be forever labelled "Shameless"

A new life is the biggest investment you make in your life. Like once I heard someone say "A kid isn't as easy as making it." True that! From the moment you find out that you are pregnant, you are responsible for the well being of the life growing inside you. One  needs to be prepared (although you realise later that the preparation was but marginal).

The decision to add to your family solely depends on the couple - whether they want to have one or not, now or 10 years later, Vicky donor or adoption or surrogacy - entirely is their say! Alas, we make it our business.

In my case, parents and in laws did mention their wish and need for a grand child. But perhaps the fact that we were here, they did not pursue much. It might have been a different story had we been close by. (You see you can't do too much much-much over an international call.)

One of my friend had this irritating habit of asking me if I were pregnant. She asked me that when I called her to invite for my wedding reception!!! And guess what? She was then already been married for 2 years and still no news of the good news! When I pointed it out to her she says "You are younger than you. You first!!" Like we were arguing over who will first eat a piece of cake.

After that, every time she called, this was the only thing she wanted to know!!!!

Like I said, people have to have their say in others' lives. When I did conceive, one of my school mate pinged to "confirm" the news, although she had read it on my blog in black and white!

Honestly, I was happy she asked. Who doesn't like it when people talk about your happiness?

After asking me if I was in India and if it was indeed the news, she says "really nice to know... But that's really soon right...sorry don't mean to offend" Alright now, the question is not just offending (which you probably already knew), it is downright insulting and vulgar.

I had a thousand ways to answer her query with vile comebacks and some meaner counter-questions, but I held my tongue, just because I did not want any negativity to affect my baby. Nor could I stoop to that level of raising demeaning questions. Did she want to know if it was an unplanned baby? an accident? I am not (and neither should anyone be) answerable to such questions.

All that makes you sick to your stomach pit. No matter how hard we try to escape, someone succeeds in trapping you.

The story doesn't end with the baby. They'll ask you when is the next good news? ;)




Alright now, the question was not just offending (which you probably already knew) , it is downright insulting and vulgar.

8 comments:

  1. I disagree with you on the point that being international helps you lessen the nagging. I gueas the only reason you were less nagged was due to the time difference.
    I totally agree that having a kid is a no joke. Its not only for 9mobth committment but a lifelong one. What I have realised is that people dont bother to enquire on your age/maturity or readiness for one. They just want a baby. The minute you are married, they expect one before you can enjoy or even get to know your partner. And may i add in Horoscope prevails!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I disagree with you on the point that being international helps you lessen the nagging. I gueas the only reason you were less nagged was due to the time difference.
    I totally agree that having a kid is a no joke. Its not only for 9mobth committment but a lifelong one. What I have realised is that people dont bother to enquire on your age/maturity or readiness for one. They just want a baby. The minute you are married, they expect one before you can enjoy or even get to know your partner. And may i add in Horoscope prevails!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, by international, I guess it meant time difference. Thanks to that, if something you hate discussing comes up, say "it's late. can I talk to you later?" ;)

      and how in this world could I forget the important deciding factor - Horoscope??! That's like the scariest part, isn't it? Just say if you don't have kid now, you'll never have one...and you are hooked on to it. I mean what choice does that offer you?? during such times then, we are also scared to do our man mani!

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  3. Agree with Nivi! In my case, it started as soon as the first month of marriage. Add to that an already preggers Sis-in Law, and the whole "the kids can then grow up together" theory started doing their rounds. Everyone was telling me their stories of how they raised kids, how my great grand mother had her first at 15 yrs, etc. And I wasn't even pregnant, mind you!

    But once you give them the news, the questions do a 360! What is with people and their curiosity about other's lives? Do they just ask it, because they can't ask questions about married life, without sounding rude? When did asking such questions anyways become acceptable? (I understand immediate family, but random distant relatives and their friends - Oh comeon!) Anyways, such is life - from when are you getting married to when is the baby due - the questions will never stop :)

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    Replies
    1. The questions never cease Rach! and no matter what you decide, you cannot please everyone. there'll always be something wrong with whaszt you do. "Kids can grow up together" theory at least has a good feeling to it. Can you imagine people compete among themselves for such important things in life? It's like a rat race, who will snag a husband first/ who will be pregnant first. Once we broke the news to our family, one of the aunts said "Ohh... you guys are late by a month, my niece is ahead of you" I was like !!! Halwa hai kya???

      and there's another aunt, who's like super competitive. Had my cousin, her daughter, been preggers before me, I am sure she'd have rubbed it in my face for the rest of my life.

      Such are some people!

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    2. Ha Ha Ha Ha! Best of luck to you! :)

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  4. Agree with Nivi... God knows how many ppl asked me at Q even before we completed 3 months of marriage!! Like the entire purpose of u being put on earth was to make a baby. And within two seconds of breaking the news of my pregnancy of 2 months, I was asked to plan for a second one in a few yrs!! Beat that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and galti seif you plan another kid right after the first one, they'll still call you names. You can't please them all re.

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Go on, say it! I will not sue you... pinky promise!

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