365 days and more to come

My blog completes a year today! :) This day, last year, around the same time or maybe it was later, with trembling fingers and unsure mind, I started blogging for the second time in my life. I made a small promise not to delete it given my eccentricity and natural pull towards deleting accounts when no one's looking. hee hee hee!

I had actually planned a supprize party for my blog. Was thinking of bringing in a cake with wordings "Happy B'day, Blog" and all. Obviously, my laziness outlived my enthusiasm. Secondary reasons though, were that I'd have to buy the cake, and gobble it myself, putting myself through the torture of gaining a whole kilo which is equivalent to that of the birthday cake... THE whole kilo that I have lost by parking myself in front of a glaring PC screen. I'd also thought of taking my sprinkled few close gals out for drinks (read: nariyal paani), with cameras capturing the odd s(l)ipping moments. But, where did my blog come into the picture? Exactly! nowhere! Heck, my sprinkled few close gals are strangers to my blog, just as I am to a Martian's pet feline from Neptune.

Speaking of strangers, have you ever had to experience an incident when you see a person you have talked with, cracked jokes with, laughed with and bitched about nothings with, yet, YET, cannot register when and where and how you know that person? Forgetting the name is not even on the list, because in the first place, you don't even know it? Felt guilty and embarrassed at the thought of approaching them and saying a "Hi, how do we know each other?", like you have worn pista-green pants with red and orange striped sleeveless collared shirt? Well, something like this happened to me... and I couldn't avoid the "upclose n personal" with the lady in question, at our common library. But, BUT, BUT, my dormant-until-now brain came to my rescue and before I could fumble for an excuse, my right side of the brain supplied the information to the left side of my brain... She was one of my french-class-attending-public.

Anyways public, coming to what I was saying... I cancelled out the large scale celebrations in view of the reasons mentioned above. However, small scale celebration did take place... I ate a small cup cake....well, half of it. Hatred for sweets was handed down to me as legacy.

Speaking of which, my mom was on a complaining spree since yesterday that not me, nor my father has touched the sweet dish she'd made for Dassera and it is lying in the fridge unattended. Thank god for the invention of fridges! No fridge would mean having to finish the sweet dishes made for whatever season, reason or festival in one day flat. Meaning more fights and morer weighty issues.

Weight? Wait! I was talking about the successful 365 days completion of my dear blog! If you have been reading me, rather my blog, from day one, you would know how many of my rants and nonsensical ramblings this blog had to endure. Not that it could do much about it, but it has complained in its own small ways... like saying "Could not contact blogger. com. Saving and publishing may fail...retrying"... and that statement has never failed to get me down on my knees praying for the blogger to cooperate. and cooperate it did... eventually... after I hit the "save" button with threatening furor.

Have you ever felt threatened by the things happening around you? Like I have been? Threatened... not like scary threatened. Threatened like challengingly threatened. Where you lose your several nights' sleep thinking how to emerge victorious? Where you indulge in scheming without realizing? Where you jump at a slightest provocation? Where you promise yourself that you won't sleep peacefully until you have had the chance to get even?

Even when I write all this, I still realise that I'm supposed to be talking about my blog. But whatodo? I have these timed chemical injections in my brain that just flow through my veins, pour out of my fingers onto the kb and eventually on the blog. It is an involuntary movement that I can hardly wish to stop.

So, here's wishing my blog a Habby Dabby Budday!! with lotsa mad, sad, happy grave, nonsensical, mature, idiotic, thought provoking moments to come in the future.

However, my (very close) proud blog moments were
1. When I meet one of my schoolmates at a friend's wedding and the second sentence she says "Your blog is lovely. You write well ya!" (This is a schoolmate, classmate rather with whom, I'd lost contact since our SSC result day)

2. When my interviewers ask me my writing experience and I quote my blog. They ask for my blog URL then n there, feed it in their browser and check it up in front of me and say "Impressive... I can see many people have liked what you have written!" and

3. One boring morning at the office, I find an exhilarating mail from Mahesh saying "We find your blog interesting and would like to feature it...."

Once again, Happy Birthday to my second term as a blogger! AND, here's wishing my blog commentors a "Happy Anniversary!!" 365 days of togetherness means a lot to me. You have been very encouraging, lovely, enthu, supporting, loving and a grrrrreat audience. I'm sure you understand the intoxication of a fully filled "comments" section. ;) Well, treat yourselves to a nice black forest cake, on my behalf, from Bakers' Basket while I go back to contemplating the risk of additional 1 kg.

V n Me - Tit for Tat

Often I have talked about V n Me capers. Most of the incidents underscoring V's sharpness of mind and consequently Me's dumbness! Time to turn the tide now. These incidents - when V was outsmarted by Me. muahahahahaa - V, you remember these no? no? NO? That's understandable! :P
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Back in school days...

Me: blah blah blah... chatter chatter chatter chatter.... blah blah.... yada yada.... jabber....jabber....

V: (irritated) Can't you shut up?? How much you talk?!!

Me: arre? you don't want to listen then, close your ears... get out of the room... but I will nottt...

V: Look at S's sister. You both are the same age. And what a difference between the two of you!!

Me: What difference? Her school's St. Josephs... mine's NCL..that's the difference. hee hee hee...

V: See what I mean? She's so mature... reserved and grown up!! You should be like that y'kno? You shouldn't chatter non-stop. Grow up a bit!

Me: :/ RESERVED? what does that mean now? heheheheahhahahaha....

V: Reserved means mature... doesn't talk like you. Speaks intelligent. unlike you. reserved means knowing to shut your mouth. Now be a good girl from now.

Me: !!!

(after a while)

V: P, come. lets play something!

Me:

V: did you hear me? come, lets play.... wanna play a game on PC?

Me:

V: whats wrong with you?? why can't you speak?

Me: That's because I'm reserved from now on. so I won't speak.

V: Enough now. come, lets play.

Me: I said I'm reserved! I won't play. I shall keep quiet. I won't speak. hmmmph!

V: Plz come no. we'll play your favorite game. come.

Me: I. Am. Reserved.

V: alright! alright! now you can stop being reserved!! I'm sorry I even asked you to change. Now come.

Me: That means I can STOP now?

V: YES! now come pleeeez...and u can stop being reserved forever!!
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School days again...

V n Me both had the habit of studying loudly. He chanted his answers and I made it a point to chant mine louder than his. Mom resolved the issue soon. He was to study in our room, and I was to study in my parents' room, which was adjacent to ours. So, this was during our summer exams...

V: (screaming) Ppppp! come here!! fast fast fast!

Me: (comes running) what? what?

V: Good girl. Now switch the light on and go study!

Me: X-( what is this!! I was studying no? are you the only one who wants to score good marks in finals?? ammmmmmmmmmaaaaaa....

V: stop screeching. You have come here no now? why can't you switch on the light? stop wailing.

Me: hmmmph (but switches the light on)

After a few days...

V: Purniiiiiiiiii...come here...fast fast...now..now!!

Me: (jumping out of the bed, running to V's room wide-eyed) what happened??

V: light please!

Me: (tears brimming...brimming....brimming....overflowing, whacking V at the same time) waaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!! you do this everytime...ammmmmaa see V doesn't let me study!!!!!

V: Now, why can't you do this job? switch it on and go..who's troubling you?

Me: !!!!!!!!! X-( (But still switches the light on..swears that she'll get back at him)

Still after a few days....

V: Pppppppppppppp! come here no Pleeeeeeeeez!

Me: (shouts from the other room) No, I'm not coming! I know you'll say "light plz". I am not coming.

V: noooooo...i won't ask you to do that. can't you see I have already switched it on? now come here no pleeeez?

Me: then you want water? i know. go to the kitchen and get it yourself. I ain't your maid servant. get lost.

V: arre..I swear. I don't want light or water. You come here. I want you to come here. come no...see I'm even saying please!!

Me: (goes to the room) what?

V: fan please! (grins idiotly)

M: (grins back at him... idiotly that too and switches the fan on...no complaints...no ammmmmmaaaaaa...no emotional atyachaar)

V: wah! see! my sister is succccccch a good girl... lovely...amazing...sweet....

Me: (switches the lights off, pulls out her tongue and struts out of the room victoriously with V shouting in the background....

V: come back P!!! why did you have to do that!!!! Ppppppppp!!!
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and this incident I don't even remember but have been told by my mom and recalled by V too. I guess I was 4-5 yrs old and V was 9 or 10.

V: (shouting from the balcony at our Gp's place) Pppppppppppp!! come here fast. now now. come running!

Me: (runs at a lightening speed) what??

V: see, there's your husband! (pointing at a lonesome donkey, who was staring into nothingness)

Me: (tears brimming...brimming....brimming...overflowing and whacking V with both the hands) HOW DARE YOU!!! Ammmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaa...see V is calling my husband a donkey!!! waiiiiil waiiiiiiill waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh...my husband is nice. my husband is not a donkey!!! (whack, whack whack!!!!)

(Well, talk about defending my pati parmeshwar at such a raw age(esp. when I hadn't met him and still haven't met him!! and Jinu, now you know why I love donkeys??)

Days later....

Me: V!!! come fast!!! (clapping hands, shouting and jumping up and down in her mothers lap)

V: what happened? you called me, P?

Me: yes yes!! Look what I found!! (points towards a herd of buffaloes) see the first one?? that is your wife!!

V: !!!!
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Now this last incident came to light because one fine day, out of the blue, my SIL, N, asks me : from which angle do I look like a buffalo to you? I was terribly taken aback since she asked me this question before they got married. Finally, looking at my lightening struck face, she and mom explained me what had happened 20 saal pehle!

And in case you are wondering what our mom was during all those "ammmmmmmmmaaaaa"s and when V got a bashing of his lifetime... she tried to control us by scolding..and keeping us away from each other for a few hours. When our judaaai was too much to bear we would beg and plead her to let us play together...and then we were back to where we started. :D

All shaken up

'I have to buy water colours!' I remembered, and said out loud to my mom.

3 seconds of understanding passed between us and she nodded her head reluctantly. I knew the nod of reluctance was because 1. I did not remember this when we had been out and 2. it was already past 8 in the evening. And yet, I was granted the permission. Why? Because she knew I was stubborn.

Triumphant, I passed through our gate, out on the road... it was pitch dark and eerily quiet. All the shops were closed, and there wasn't a soul in sight. Yet, for some reason, I was adamant to buy water colours. I thought a short sprint would bring me faster towards the shop. Before I knew it, I broke into a run. I passed the shop where I was supposed to go... I looked straight ahead... a billboard with "SMILE" written across it was flashing in yellow. I realised I was still running... my brain was unable to send the STOP command to my legs. My heart raced at an uncountable speed.

Somehow I managed to change my direction and head home. The street was still empty, black, stark silent and it felt like vacuum. My throat hurt from running, and I felt like I have swallowed a huge rock. All of a sudden, I saw a human shadow move nearby... but I was not scared of that...

...and I woke up with darkness and silence engulfing me. However, this time they didn't stir panic in me... I lay cocooned reassuringly in my own bedroom.
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This was one nightmare that petrified me like anything, yesterday night. I woke up with a start and couldn't go back to sleep at least for an hour. I tried to make sense of it. I clearly remember, I wasn't scared of the darkness, nor was I scared of that doubtful shadow. I was scared of something that I cannot place my finger upon. If I remember correctly, the "SMILE" thing threw me off-balance. The whole thing was eerie and creepy!! brrr...

Any analysis?

Purnima Calling Purnima

Yep! An announcement. I'm taking some time off for myself. Thus, in the coming few days (no count as of now..so it could stretch to a few weeks, or get over in 4 days flat), I'm minimizing my online activities. Naturally that means no chatting - Gtalk will not be signed in to and Gmail will be used only after disabling the chat facility.

No blogging either. As it is I'm suffering from something that prevents me even from opening my page. And it isn't writer's block. I'm just not in any mood to write anything (except this, that is).

Facebook account will be deactivated, as soon as I finish this post. Quizzes are going from bad to worse to worst to something more. Yet I cannot free myself of them, unless I deactivate it. Will be back, but dunno when.

As for phone calls - will keep that minimum too. Do not call me unless you are dying of not talking to me (and that better be a very good reason - "I called because you did not call" is not a valid reason), or unless your name is TJ, Shrads or Pall. Likewise, do not expect me to call you, or return your sms-es. So the best way to avoid being insulted due to non response will be, not to sms/ call me at all. I'll call/ sms if I need to/ feel like.

Yep, it sounds like I'm throwing my weight around, which is pretty much the case. I need some "me" time to do things that I love doing (read: cuddling with books) and, random other things that I have shamelessly been ignoring since a long time (read: bank jobs, clothes that need stitching).

So, please no "you don't call nowadays" or "where are you?" or "are you alright?" or "stopped blogging??" or "shaadi hai kya?". In advance, lemme tell y'all, I'm fine, in Pune, will take care, will start blogging as soon as I feel like it, will call if I'm dying of not talking to you, and it is yet not my shaadi.

Leave me alone coz I just need me.

Look, Look...here's something!

If you are wondering where I have been all these days... I have been right here. My PC suffered virus attacks (no, I dunno how and why...and no, I do not visit notorious websites), and my laptop was hibernating somewhere in the drawer. Today, everyone's fine. PC recovered and Lappy too came out to breathe some fresh air. Thus, I decide to blog.

Ok, before you people congratulate me, you may have to read this. :)

Alright, fine, you can call me a show off, or childish, or even m'as tu vue categorie... but I still had to do it. Else, how would you ever know of my greatness, hein? I'm feeling like a kid who has won a story telling contest. I'm stupidly ecstatic. Let me come to the real reason why I had to shout from the rooftop... V n N know about my blog...they have read it and commented too. Parents know that I blog... but hardly know what "blog" means. So though everyone knows everything, they do not know everything. Get it? No? Leave it!

AHEM!

V believes I'll get the Booker prize. Well, I'm honored he thinks so... and have started practicing my acceptance speech. :D

A said "Lagta hai tu blogging main Oscar layegi" - I have a feeling, I'll be the only one walking the red carpet to accept my Oscar.

K said "Why don't you write novels?" - I'm still too young to do that, u'kno? I might start one... dunno if I'll finish it.

Yet another A was angry that he came to know about it through someone else and not me... blatantly disregarding the fact that I was buzzing him to tell him just that.

T said "congrats, gurl!! when did this happen?" - I had to guiltily explain that it all happened last week and though we met today morning, I did not tell you about it.

and finally mom said "show...hmmm, you look so thin in this snap!!!" **siighh** don't we really love our moms???

P.S. Comments section is waiting. ;)

Should I really name this?

Have you held sand in your hand? The harder you try to clutch it, the faster it seeps away... moreover, how would you feel if it enters your eyes? All the pleasure of watching it slip off is instantly replaced by the pricking feeling in the eyes.

Similar situations when you face in life, you are left utterly confused - you don't know if you like it...and you are not sure you hate it. So many things happen, with me, with others - friends, family, neighbours - that change the course of life. In these past 10-15 days, I have had to face so many different days - each with its own color. There has been a blast of good news es from my friends/ family, when I was facing my own difficulties. Being a part of their happiness was one thing... but I just couldn't ignore my need to sulk and to vent out. Secondly, I wasn't (and am still not) convinced that things have turned the right way for them. As soon as they broke out their news to me, I felt like screaming "No, don't do it"... but I quickly realised that they have already gone and done that... I had/ have no right to butt in and question their decision.

I guess that's the way it is and it should be. Nevertheless, I feel stupid, guilty and selfish for not rejoicing their decisions whole-heartedly. And I guess, that's the way I am, finally.

I think I'm done rambling. I'll start with a new post, right away.