Day 31 :: Living Today

My teacher once said " We never live in our present. We live either in our past or we worry about the future."

How true is that statement!

Just a while ago, I was feeling despondent that my life at mom's place is over. I was reminiscing my carefree life then. My mom allowed me to sleep till late in the morning. I totally miss that perk now. In fact, I need it badly. Those ready made cool coffee, hot breakfast and endless talks with mom - I miss them.

Just then a thought passed my mind, what if I'd I had never married? then probably I'd be dreaming about a married life and a family. And that's what I have now.

I may be close to thirty but I still crave for my parents. I have learnt to walk but I do look back once in a while to see my folks are still there to hold me if I fall.

Am I selfish? Because I despite my vulnerabilities, I do not want to go back to my old life. It is pretty paradoxical there.

So there, I am ruminating about the past. In all this time travelling, I ignored the fact that i spent a wonderful day today. Now I think about it!!!

Hoping to learn and live for today.

P.S. Blogathon's done for the year. :) :( will take some time off from the blog for now. I am not disappearing. Will be just round the block. See ya soon. ;)

Day 30 :: Reason for feeling alive and tired

Today was one of the days when you truly feel alive. Well nothing out of the ordinary. It was just a normal routine day, just that Aa is getting active by the day and naughty may I add?!

Now since she is used to me for the majority of the day, she screams even if I enter the kitchen to pour myself some coffee. She plays silently if I am sitting there, right next to her. If not, the banshee sounds. As a solution, I ask my mom to be online and video chat for the whole morning (which is comfortably after dinner time for her).

Aa's started to crawl and I don't blame her for wanting to explore every nook and cranny. From the day she started rolling over, I have been dreaming of seeing her crawl. And to whoever I mentioned this dream of mine would say "Just watch your words."

I feel like eating my words! It is wonderful to see her mobile but when I have to cook and clean and sundry, it makes me tear my hair. She loves the wires, chargers, cable, telephone, anything.

So today was one such day. Each time I moved away from her, she lunged towards the laptop or the cell phone or the wires or the sliding table and I had to come running to pick her and relocate the girl, only to repeat the procedure again. And again. And again. It really got to me today! Mommy was having a time of her life looking at her daughter's daughter trouble her daughter as such.

I take it back if it sounded like a complaint. I am so looking forward to another day, where Aa makes me run and turns me mad.

That's the thing about kiddos. No matter what, you fall in love with them.

P.S. Been long since I posted some good pictures of my darling. Will do it soon. ;)

Day 29 :: I'm almost there

It's almost time to wrap up my Blogathon of this year. I don't want my last post to be concluding one, so this one just jumps in now.

Doing the Blogathon was a biiig decision. But I still wanted to go ahead with it. It was a self imposed challenge. It seems very easy and doable at first, and I fairly had an idea of most if the posts that I wanted to include. However, what I blindly assumed was that I'll have plenty of time to sit in peace and at ease as before. I took for granted that nothing could go wrong.

The main obstacle in this whole event was that my lappy's screen's gone kaput. Now connecting the unit to the tv and enabling wireless keyboard and mouse was not such a great task as was trying to keep Aa away from the whole set up.

We hence decided that I would do the posts while KK took Aa out for a walk. Now, I have married a Software Engineer; it is unethical that I even presume that my baby will be taken out everyday.

Since that was not happening, I had to blog when Aa retired for the day. This usually happens with her on my lap, just like right now. Thank god for Apple products!

I am not as satisfied with my Blogathon this year as I was with the previous one. I like to take my time thinking and writing and rewriting my stuff until I am satisfied with it. This time it wasn't so. I had to try and get it in first shot, which I don't think I have succeeded each time. :(

I haven't been able to reply to the comments lately. I shall hopefully do it soon. I do not like ignoring any comment.

KK has been very very supportive and I couldn't have thought of doing this without him. Frankly, once my parents went, I had cold feet. I wanted to back off and say a timid bye to my commitment. That obviously didn't happen, all thanks to the husband.

I am happy that I am seeing the end of this month long journey. It was a pleasure and pain too! :) But that doesn't mean I am not doing one next year. I most certainly am willing to.

See you tomorrow. Two more to go!

Day 28 :: Throwing Out the "In-laws"

Scandalous, I know! ;)

Relations become complicated when "in-laws" follow the words mother, father, brother or sister. Often they are considered secondary, for all the natural reasons. Blood is thicker than water. A daughter in law can never replace a daughter, or a father in law can never hold the same place in your heart as your father.

That said, it is not impossible to bring the ties any closer. Most marriageable girls are vary of their in-laws. So was I. Getting married and going to another household was such an imaginable nightmare for me!

In our society, everyone expects the girl tomake most of the adjustments and compromises. No one bothers to think that the girl requires some time to get out of the mental shock of being married and catapulted into a sea of new people. All a girl needs at such times is a lot of understanding and loving words to convey that she is in good hands.

When I met my in laws for the first time, for all the understandable reasons, I was a nervous wreck. The almost engagement ceremony came to an end and we went to see them off, when my (then) would be father in law says "Dear, do come to visit us,. You are always welcome there."

When we did go after a few days, I was feeling odd sitting in their house. Again my father in law, sensing my discomfort says, "Go ahead dear. See your home. It's all yours now."

That instant I felt the ice melt in me. There was this warmth of being accepted. But still there was this spike in mind, I was not yet married. People are known to be extra kind before marriage and the scene changes drastically afterwards. Yes, I am a suspicious woman that way.

Not so soon after, I was to live with my in laws in my pregnant days. That was the time I got to bond with them closely that too without KK in the vicinity. The day KK went back to the US, mother in law said "Please don't hesitate to ask me for anything. If you feel like eating anything or if you need anything, ask freely. Think of me as your mother." I was already in tears but this statement teared me up freshly.

Since then there was no looking back. I found them easy to talk to. I have shared jokes with my father in law like I never thought I could. I found a younger sister in my sister in law who chose me to unburden all her worries. She was fun and mostly proved to be a cusion in the initial days of my stay there. And my mother in law, although is soft spoken and seems naive can make me a victim of a real naughty comment when least expected.

I cannot think of replacing them with my own parents or my sibling but they hold equal importance, love and respect in my heart.

Me, I couldn't possibly think of throwing out the "in laws" part in these relations, But I have certainly come close.

Day 27 :: Don't You Dare

This incident took place on shuttle bus from the aircraft to terminal at the Mumbai airport.

I was 6.5 months pregnant then. Naturally I got a place to sit, while the husband was standing beside me. The lady next to me noticed the tattoo.

"You are 'Purnima'?" she asked.

I nodded a yes.

"Can I take a closer look at it, if you don't mind?"

Husband nodded a yes.

"Can I touch it?"

Husband put forth his arm. (bear in mind the tattoo was still raw and the arm was swollen)

"Did it pain a lot?" - lady

"Not much." - husband

"Are you very happy he did that for you?" she turned to me.

"I really respect his feelings but I don't like to think about the pain he'd to endure."

"What does your mother in law have to say about this?"

"Umm, nothing. She didn't say anything."

"She must hate you."

"????"

"I am a mother myself. And I am thinking from a mother's point of view. I couldn't bear it if my son had to undergo such pain."

"Umm...!!!!"

"Look, your husband must love you a lot to do that for you. He does! You should not hurt him ever in your life. Never ever! Do you get that?"

"???!!!"

I was flabbergasted. Some unknown lady and she lectures the pregnant me. But she wasn't wrong. KK loves me a lot and he doesn't need a tattoo to tell me that. (although having one gives me thrills)

Day 26 :: First sounds and laughter

I shall let this speak for itself.

Day 25 :: I am not sorry

A few of my blog readers say that I am too direct sometimes. And that u write about anything and anyone and also that they have to be careful with me, else they'll too land up as one of my blogposts.

I totally agree! I do write about people in my daily life. Whether good or bad I do not hesitate to mention them in my blogposts if I find them worthy of a mention.

The idea behind all this is not to criticize or belittle. It's just that when I undergo a situation or am subject to after effects if human behavior, I find it interesting enough to share. The intention is to share an experience... The intention is to invite other people's view and angle.

Yes, I do at times tend to demean and pass a wry comment, and if I said it was not to send across a message, I'd be lying!

This page is open for anyone to read. This is certainly not "talking behind backs" or even being dead rude. I have a fair idea if who reads my blog and I fairly do not have any idea who else reads my blogs. If the person I have written about comes and reads and understands it is about him/ her, let him/ her come and ask me. I am ready with my answers. I do not write unless I am sure about what I want to write.

Of late, I realized that spreading negativity by writing something negative is not good- not for me and least for any reader. But that doesn't mean negative stuff doesn't happen to you at all? It eases the mind to share things and unload a bit. It really soothes when someone says "Hey, that happened to me too."

I am responsible for what I put down in this blog and I maintain my stand. I will never throw in something that is insulting to anyone intentionally.

I do not feel sorry for speaking my mind which is often the case on my blog. The other day KK read one of my blog posts and said "Are you really writing all that??!"

In my defense - Everyone has their opinions. I have mine too. Although, not every opinion has a place. Mine do, in this blog! ;)

Day 24 :: Latest from Aa world

We know that every child meets its milestone at its own pace. Even then it is difficult not to compare baby achievements.

When I saw Avi, My friend Shweta's kiddo, sit unsupported when he was mere 6 months old, I was surprised! Aa was not even close. I wondered how long will she take to sit. She has started sitting unsupported since 15 days now. Since then, I have seen huge developments in her activities. I think she is undergoing growth spurts.

She understands a lot more than she did a fortnight back. A slightly high pitched "NO" and she stops in her tracks to the wires. She associates voice with the person; can recognise lullabys from reprimands; screams in my absence; cries when a toy she is playing with, is taken away from her.

And physically too, she is pacing up. She sat, rocked and crawled (like full lenghts without falling) within 2-3 days. Now she finds sitting and crawling boring, so she holds me for support and stands up!! And here I was wondering when she will sit. In a blink of an eye she has done all this.

She is getting verbal too. Since yesterday she has started to make more meaningful sounds, not just gurgles. She started repeating "bababababababa" and "papapapapapa" all of a sudden yesterday evening! When we repeated the same to her, she found it immensly funny and burst into peels of laughter. Would have loved to upload the same. Maybe tomorrow.

I am sure all the babies are as smart and must be doing the same thing world wide. But that's the thing about your "own" baby, anything it does, you find it fascinating and boast worthy. Every parent feels proud of his/ her child's milestones. Hell, it is exciting even if it poops a different colour one day!

I am proud! Yes. Very. Very. Very!

However tired I may be, I look forward to the next day. Waiting for Aa to do something new, make a new face, try a new trick.

Aa, mommy looooooooooves you! Muah!

Day 23 :: What made me happy today

We are on a roll! We invited some of KK's friends over for snacks. I presume you already know my friendship with cooking? Yeah, I kind of get all goosy when people come over. I never know what to make.

This time I called the shots and decided for myself what I would do. And I did! Successfully! Everything turned out great!

I feel content when guest who come, leave happily with a smile on their face. It's wonderful to know that they had a good time and enjoyed themselves. Yes, this is what makes me happy today. I am glowing at such a nice evening. I am dead tired now, but I am still *glowing*.

What made you happy today?

Day 22 :: Reunited!

Deepak and Shweta were the first friends in US with whom we hit off instantly. We have spent many happy hours in each others company.

Shweta made my life livable here. With such dearth of good friends, I found solace in her. We ranted, bitched, complained, laughed and shopped together. Our happiness knew no bounds when we broke the news of our respective pregnancies. We had the same due dates. And no, we hadn't planned that.

Now they live in a different area, a little far from where we live. But that didn't stop us from having a good time. We loved their company after a very long time and this time with our kids trying to pull each other's hair, lord! did we enjoy! Posting some snaps of the two "new" friends.

Happy Aarnavi! Happy to see some new faces!!!

"Look mama! Even I can pull her hair." - Avi

"Dadddy look, tongue comes out when avi pulls my hair!" - Aarnavi

"Yay!!!" - Avi

"Am I supposed to clap too?" - Aarnavi

Day 21 :: True Words These

"You can never be a mother without bearing pain. This is just the beginning of it." - my mom, when I complained of a variety of pains I underwent post delivery

"Be it a love marriage or an arranged one, your real life will start only when you start cohabiting." - V, when I was at the threshold of a life changing event, my marriage

"So what if you are a girl, your hand shake should always be a firm one!" - my uncle when I'd grasped his hand nimbly during a handshake.

"If you start thinking about the commercial success of your book, you will never write one." - KK, when I wondered how well my book would do commercially if I ever write one

"Always refer to your in-laws as 'my in-laws'; never 'my husband's parents'. This will bring you closer to them." -Vru, my ex colleague and a good friend

:) aren't they awesome. These are some words that keep ringing on my ears again and again.

Casually someone says something in the heat of the moment, and there is so much depth in it. I do believe in all of these above and I abide by them.

Will post some more when I remember them. These advices are worth sharing.

Day 20 :: Kiss a Bye

1:00 AM
She felt his embrace against her. She cooed to him in sleep "You came back? I didn't expect you till tomorrow evening."

"I came to say bye, honey. I am leaving.", he whispered into her ears and lightly brushed his lips against her cheeks.

Her eyes flew open. And she sat up straight in her bed. There was no one!

1:05 AM
Aaarghh! It was a dream of course! How in this world was it possible? He'd just left in the late evening! And was not expected until the next day.

And god! Was that some real feeling of his embrace! And the kiss!

1:10 AM

'Nothing's gonna change my love for you....' her cell phone rang. She smiled; it was him.

"Darling you won't believe.... Hello? Hello?" There was no one speaking at the other end. She heard only some men shouting indistinctly and a siren wailing.

She cut the call. What the hell!

1:15 AM

'Nothing's gonna...' her phone sang again. Terrified, she cut the call yet again.

She called back; all she could hear was muffled voices combined with static.

She started debating whether or not to call back.

1:25 AM

The phone rang again. The romantic song now had started to sound eerie.

"Ma'am, does this phone belong to your husband?"

"Yes, why? And who is this? Where is my husband?"

"Ma'am, I am sorry to say but your husband was killed in a car accident. We will have to ask you to come and identify his body."

"Killed? Are you sure he is no more?" she asked calmly.

"I am sorry again. But yes, ma'am, he is no more."

"When did this happen?" she croaked, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Our estimate is around half an hour back, ma'am."

Day 19 :: Cook-a-doodle

Cooking is not my favourite activity. In fact, if it acts like a stress buster for many, this activity is the main cause for stress in my life. Si if you see black circles under my eyes, it is most certainly the cooking.

Having made such catastrophic statement, that too being a woman; let me say that it is highly stereotyped that all women love cooking. I dislike it. I think cooking a meal that too everyday is a pathetic way to hell. It is my personal feeling though. I certainly do not intend to say that anyone who loves it, are pathetic. Believe me, I love eating. Not quantities though. I like the process of eating, but let's not get into that now.

Before marriage, there were all kinds of excusable reasons for not entering the kitchen. However once you are done tying the knot, you are expected to be the masterchef.

It is not to be mistaken that I cannot cook at all. I do manage to dress up the table with a decent meal and at times tasty too. I find it too tiresome to tax myself thinking day after day "what to cook?". I truly can never come up with something myself. I have to resort to cook books or the net for the same. If we are having guests at home, I'd be thinking hours and hours for one dish. My brain somersaults at the thought of cooking!

Give me a blank page and I will write something decent, but give me 5 ingredients and I will be running around in circles. There are a lot of women out there, who are enthused about cooking. Some even have blogs dedicated exclusively to their kitchen encounters. People might think that I am jealous of such bloggers. But no, I truly appreciate their patience to record and take a snap(!!!) of each and every step. In fact, I think "hmmm.... wouldn't it be nice if I could eat this right away?"

Like I mentioned earlier, I am a foodie. I watch cookery shows like a true chef would. I see every step attentively, every measurement accurately. At the end of the show, I'd be saliviating. Only if you ask me what went into making a delectable dish, I'd probably shrug off in reply because I never really paid attention to how it was done, rather I was busy thinking how nice would it be if someone made this for me!!!!

My mom thinks it is shameful that instead of mending my ways, I shamefully admit that I hate cooking. But where is it written that women should be passionate about cooking? It's just that I am not. That's it. I think it is better not to decieve myself of this wayward truth of my life. I do make something to eat everyday, don't I? When I invite people over, even though I spent ample amount thinking than on the action, I do it. It's not that I blatantly refuse to cook.

And one more thing, there have been more misses than hits in my kitchen adventures. I do not mind saying that even, openly. Hence, the displeasure.

Day 18 :: Friends here

Yes!!!! After a very very long time today, we invited some friends over. Now I realize how much I missed socializing in a while.

One importance of having friends at such close quarters is that you can unload a lot and forget the drab.

Am currently enjoying a long chat with a friend who was kind enough to accept our invitation to stay over.

Bliss!

Day 17 :: Being Spineless

I have encountered many people who believe in letting go. I think it is a good as long as it lets you stay in peace. That is the most important thing, isn't it?

Call it a way of life or that people have started being more indifferent and insensitive to each other. It isn't easy to escape taunts, vile remarks, injustice or rudeness nowadays. It's just there. It depends on the receptor how he deals with all that. Some prefer to give it all back and oters will keep mum. Like I said, whatever makes you happy.

I wonder why people would want to take it all in, only to complain behind the back. I believe that if you have a problem then talk it out. If it troubles you, say it. If anything gets to you on a personal level, stand up for yourself. Is taking shit from people a better option than feeling shitty yourself?

In my office, there was an HR person, who thought she was above all. She thought she had this "HR" aura about her and that she was untouchable. It didn't bother me any more than it was digusting. Well I kept to myself. She was her way, I was mine. Slowly she started pulling people up and giving them a earful left, right center for work not well done. Now, considering the situation in the office, that was certainly needed. She thought of a way out, instead of selecting employees here and there, why not call every one and tell them that their job is below expected standards. And that's what she did.

It was my turn and she told me so, curtly, without even bothering to look at my work history. I was certainly pissed at such lowly manner, she dealt with me. I said "Prove it." And her jaw dropped.

I said "Sorry to say but I am not gonna accept anything you say here, unless you give me a solid proof of what you are accusing me of. I can give you the proof of my job being done accurately and not you and not even the bigger boss will be able to reiterate that."

She was fuming.

And that was just one of many. Other employees were raging too, but were too timid to speak up. They expected me to speak up and stand up for them, which I didn't. I think each person should e able to say a rightful "NO" when they are supposed to. Instead of harbouring so much bitterness for a long time, why not speak it out and get done with it?

There are such gems placed in the family too. No matter what the situation or celebration, they will love to temper the occassion with their disapproving comments that will spoil your mood.

We are often taught to respect the elders and mind our tongues when we speak with them. But that in no way means the younger do not deserve any respect. It is considered ok for them to mistreat the younger people all in the name of fun.

I have decided to be upfront and blunt wiht such people. No matter how they percieve me, but I am going to be me. If it stinges me, I am going to bite back without regrets. And that is what I have done, in the past and continue to do so.

I do let go - Once, twice and in some cases thrice. Only when the perpetrator crosses this level do I get really mean. If someone does not maintain a decorum, I don't see why I should. Why should I let someone slap me and get away with it?


How lenient can you be with such people? Do you let them hurt you and get away with it? Or do you find it easy to forgive and forget?

Day 16 :: Tagged like never before

Uma tagged me long back with this one, and I have been putting it off for later. Copy + pasting the rules. Please do not complain about plagiarism! :P

1. You must post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post & then create 11 new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
3. Tag 11 people and link to them on your post.
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!

Here are the eleven questions that Uma has thrown at me. :|

1. Which was the recent book you read and what is your take on it? - Recent Book? Tee hee! Well, I did manage to read one of my favorite author, Preeti Shenoy's book, "Tea for Two and a Piece of Cake". Umm... It was nice. As in good narration. Story wise it was ok, I predicted the flow. But let me say, her first two books were better than this one. My personal take.
2. If you were to choose between the Epic characters Karna and Bhishma, whom would you choose and why? - I'd be Karna perhaps. Simple, he is like me. 
3. Which was been your most memorable trip so far? Any incidents or anecdotes you'd care to share? - Las Vegas trip! Totally! Anecdotes are a secret. ;)
4. Mountains or the sea? - Sea
5. What is the one thing (dream/ ambition) you would like to accomplish yet? - Would you believe it if I said I don't have any dreams?
6. What according to you makes a good writer/blogger? Do you consider yourself as one? - Leaving all humility in a box, I do consider myself a good blogger. Readers of this blog have good things to say about my write ups, and I am frequently at it. I think that's what makes me a good blogger.
7. What is your favourite outfit? - Loose T shirt and Pjs - Yes it IS an outfit. 
8. Who is better: Sachin Tendulkar or Rahul Dravid? - I wouldn't know. Seriously. Not a cricket buff really. I'd say both.
9. If you had the power to change one thing about yourself or your life so far, what would it be? - Ha! Rebirth. I'd change the entire me.
10. Are you in touch with your best friend from school days? - I didn't have any best friend in school. Yeah I am lousy at socializing.
11. What was/is your favourite subject in school/college? why? - Costing in college. I think it takes a good prof to make you like a subject.

 Sorry for the bad formatting. I am brain dead currently and I am yet to think of eleven new questions. 

Ok so here goes

1. You have your set of daily chores. What's the one thing you hate the most?

2. You are supposed to be participating in the next Olympics. Your sport is?

3. What would you rather do - learn a new language or teach a language to someone? Why?

4. What do most people lack according to you?

5. Do you have any regrets in life? Is it in any way repairable?

6. If you were asked to blog right now, what would it be? Not this tag, puhleezz!

7. You are crossing the road when a car screeches to halt. ACP Pradyumn opens the door and says "Aap mere saath bureau chaliye..." Your reaction would be?

8. Your favourite quote is?

9. If you had to meet your "strictly online" friend, where would be best place? And would you trust him/ her to turn up?

10. Do you have recurring dreams/ nightmares? Care to share?

11. Easy one now. Why? Why? Why? :P

I tag, N, Namratha and muhahhaha, Uma! (I don't know anyone except these)

Day 15 :: Mid Blogathon Post

I intended on doing a longish post today. That certainly doesn't seem to be happening. Not at this hour.

Did you take notice that I am already half way through my Blogathon? I was surprised! It's been a tough pull; these 15 days, yet attainable. I did it, didn't I? It takes immense efforts, not for the posts, but to keep up with the promise of blogging daily.

Initially, I admit, I had cold feet but now it feels great to be back to my blog so frequently. Blogging Is my stress-buster and calms me. Something what meditation does to many. It is like a coolant. At the end of the day, although I need to think what to write, once the job's done, I sleep peacefully.

There are still 15 more posts this month and I hope you will stick with me. Until tomorrow, ciao!

Day 14 :: How did you know my name?

Priest : Your name?

Me : Pu.... (realizing it's a pooja on the husband's side) No, Kavya.

Priest : So your name's Purnima.

Me : Eh? How did you know? I didn't tell you that.

Priest : I saw the tattoo on your husband's arm!

Day 13 :: Discovering Self

13 things I have newly discovered about myself

1. I can let go of things that disturb me. It is very difficult, but I have been capable of doing it.

2. I can finish my kitchen chores within 45 minutes (Aa's morning nap time) - cooking, cleaning et al.

3. I can lose weight! YAY!

4. I can be very observant if I choose to be.

5. I can set a goal and achieve it too.

6. I can willingly forgo chocolate and cheese. (Of course, not permanently!)

7. I can make a beginning and see it till the end.

8. I can live without many things that I thought I could never live without!

9. I can forgive myself for bad cooking.

10. I can look after Aa, which I thought would be an impossible task.

11. I can understand a lot of things my mother used to tell me. (Yeah, now!)

12. I can stay alive without my 10 hour daily, beauty sleep.

and

13. I can (still) let my mind wander to places of  my imagination.

:) :) :)

Day :: 12 Taking it for Granted

After ages today, I got to enjoy full five minutes, all to myself. While I sat enjoying a cup of coffee, the silence that engulfed me, allowed some deep introspection.

There was a time when I'd get restless if I didn't have my "me" time throughout the day. And then there is today, the day begins as soon as it starts. I'd have never thought of giving up my five precious for anything.

One takes many things for granted. And it is not a conscious effort. We happen to make everything our habit and when that habit is regularly practiced, we tend to think that nothing will ever change. Like I took my pencil thin body structure for granted. Like I took my five minutes a day for granted.

Have you taken anything or anyone for granted only to realize later?

Day 11 :: Unearthing Love

It was their 11th wedding anniversary. Yet none of them was in a mood to celebrate. Nikhil and Shilpa had been fighting for over a month now. They had bought a new apartment and their squabble was over the shifting day. Shilpa wanted to celebrate their anniversary in their new home, while Nikhil wanted to stay in their old house clinging to the last bits of memories in the house. It had been their home for 8 years.

Adamant as she was, Shilpa’d won the round. She decided she’ll take up the whole responsibility, whether Nikhil lends a hand or not.

They’d been like this; fighting on and off, back slapping, pulling each other’s leg. At first glance, they looked like cousins and not a couple. Their camaraderie was adored by every one. This was probably because they were friends since college times. They got married a few months after their convocation ceremony. Fortunately for them they had no parental issues. Their wedding was a smooth affair.

It was the life after that taught them some important lessons. Both were ambitious and both had the will to study further. With immense moral and financial support from Nikhil’s father, they had been able to achieve what they’d aimed for. Nikhil was a successful Chartered Accountant, working in one of the prestigious firms. Shilpa got a Masters degree in Mass communication, and was drawing a six figure salary.

They were happy with their DINK status. Lately, life was stressful. There were days when they didn’t even see each other despite living under the same roof. And when they did, there was constant bickering and frustration to unload. Arguments were a daily affair. ‘You don’t understand me!’ was a common statement. Cold wars and silent stares started to seem more appealing than making an effort to exchange words. Worse was when they accepted and settled into this life. None seemed to discuss the rift, none wanted to complain.

They were battling one such situation now - shifting the house. Shilpa tried to make Nikhil understand her reason. However, they had grown beyond the point where compromise was acceptable. They were at logger heads at each other since a month now.

‘Phew! Finally!!’ Shilpa sighed. Nikhil grunted his approval.

‘What?’ Shilpa asked.

‘You very well know what. Now don’t start all that again.’

‘It isn’t me, Nikhil. Try and be more practical... and a bit sensitive to my needs, if possible’ she gave back tearfully.

‘Don’t you even try that on me. It’s disgusting enough to fight on our anniversary, please don’t bring in your messy tears.’

‘Why are you so hurtful, Nikhil? I don’t want all this any more than you do!’

To avoid any more confrontation, Nikhil moved out of the room and started sorting the labelled boxes. Shilpa shed a few more tears; decided it wasn’t worth it and then headed towards the kitchen.

A few moments later Nikhil bellowed, ‘Shilpa, come here.’

‘Why?... Is there something more hurtful that you thought of?’ she uttered through clenched teeth.

‘Just come here, will you?’

She went into the sitting room reluctantly..

‘What’s in this box?’

‘Why? Can’t you read? I have labelled every box.’

'No, this one is not. Take a look.’ he said trying very hard to control his anger at her reproach. ‘It must be one of the boxes from the store room, in which you kept your ratty old clothes and other knick-knacks. I say, throw it out. If you unpack this, you’ll start feeling sappy and keep them in the house. We have no use for any of it.’

‘Nothing I keep is useless. And I am not going to throw anything away without even glancing at it. If you do not want to help, I am quite capable myself. Find yourself some friends and get entertained. I will set up my house.’

‘It’s my house too.’ he shouted.

‘I thought so too, until you showed no inclination to come here.’

‘It is worthless to talk to you.’

‘You should have realised that 11 years back.’ she said, while driving the pen knife into the tape that closed the box in argument. While she busied herself into prodding over the contents of the box, Nikhil grabbed some old newspaper and sat in the same room. Although he would have liked to stay away from her, there was no option as the other rooms laid strewn of painting material and shifted furniture.

Shilpa tore off the remainder tape. A familiar whiff of sogginess hit her as she opened the box. There was an old bed sheet covering the contents. She was puzzled. Slowly she pulled the cover away, careful not to break anything fragile. There was a stack of her college books. It looked like a huge pile.

‘Nikhil was right. I have no need for these books any more.’ she thought and pulled out one book after another. The books were only half way through the box. She found another box inside it. It was a big wooden box with intricate carved designs on it. It was gifted by her mother on her 16th birthday. She took it out lovingly, still wondering what lay inside.

She flipped the metallic latch and the contents took her breath away. They were memories. Memories of good times. Her heart beat fast. The first thing she took out of it was a small Mickey Mouse pocket watch. Nikhil had gifted it to her. He’d pleaded his uncle who lived in States to bring one for her.

As other things came out, memories flooded through her.

‘Nikhil!’ she called out timidly. ‘Look.’

He came close to inspect. His voice cracked as he said ‘You still have all this? It’s been years since I saw them... I’d forgotten about them!’

Together they sat sifting through their old life. Their first pink rose, a ruby pendant, a piece of paper on which Shilpa had smeared some of their Valentine cake, a vial of sand as honeymoon nostalgia, his first SIM card, a photograph clicked during the college annual fest with their common friends, Shilpa’s torn scarf and so many other things that they had tears in their eyes and a smile on their lips each time they said ‘Remember this one?’

The last thing that Nikhil pulled out was a ruled notebook page, folded neatly. It was a written conversation made by them during Financial Management lecture. It read -

N : I have to ask you something.

S : The answer is NO.

N: You haven’t even heard what I want to say.

S : I know you are going to ask me for the notes of Costing lecture, which you bunked yesterday.

N : No re baba! I got them photocopied in the morning.

S : It is still a NO-NO. I know you are going to ask me for a treat. I am all washed out. And now stop this nonsense. Don’t disturb, the prof is saying something!!

N : Marry me no please? I love you.

S : Shut up, idiot! Can’t you see... the prof is looking here. You and your stupid jokes!

N : I am not jok

With this the professor had caught them red handed with the letter and asked the parents to come and meet him.

As soon as Shilpa finished reading the conversation aloud, Nikhil pulled her close to him. He saw the girl with whom he had fallen in love with... just older. He pulled her tear-streaked face close to him and kissed her lips tenderly. All the love that was bottled up somewhere came oozing out. The passion was igniting, the love was glowing, the intimacy was returning.

'I have missed you, Shilpa.’ he whispered between the kiss.

Day 10 :: Horrorscopic

Isn't it wonderful to believe that those twinkle twinkle little stars guide our destiny?!

Call it imperfect science, but people have reasons to swear by its worth. There are believers, non-believers and then there are people like me - who cannot yet decide whether or not to believe.

I have my reasons. Earlier, as a kid I thought it was some god written scripture for each one of us which only the learned pundits could read. As a young adult, I wish-washed the entire thing by calling it a man made hoopla.

Then came a day when I was awestruck! One of my uncles read my horoscope and told every big and small thing about me. I haven't met this uncle since I was a few years old. And here he was telling every minute grain about my nature.

Not just that, he even predicted correctly about my marriage. He said my would-be husband was where my brother was working, but currently (then)he is abroad.

He also said that my wbh would be right under my nose and yet I won't be able to see him. (for those who do not know the story, KK was all the while before me and I never knew I was gonna marry him)

I had goosebumps when my parents told me all this.

I still cannot completely bring myself to give in to believing. I do not trust the horoscope matching during marriages. It is considered to be the sole strong base in arranged marriages. Many of them who had had an excellent match are now living in sad marriages.

Not everyone though. There are happy arranged marriages and there are sad love marriages.

There are some who will go ahead with an alliance without bothering much about horoscope matching, which was the case in my and V's marriage. (mind you, mom had made sure, long long long back that we will net good spouses by asking a pundit against our individual horoscope) and hence the decision not to press.

While that was the case at my place, my mother in law, a strong believer, consulted their pundit who told her "This girl needs to be understood in depth. She is of complex nature." Isn't that true?! ;)

I feel it is ok to consult the H once in a while. Just so that it gives you a rough path to follow. But sometimes when somethings are revealed or suggested by looking at the horoscope, one should think before blindly taking a plunge. Like I was told that if I didn't get married by 22, my marriage would be delayed until I turned 27. That hit the panic button on my parents and hence began a frantic search.

But guess what, I didn't get married until 25 and at 27, I already have a daughter!

Beat that! ;)

Day 9 :: When little things make you smile...

Despite a long, rainy, gloomy and chilly day, when I see my child sleeping, it brought an instant smile on my face! Sigh!

*Sorry about that! Dunno how I made my post disappear. Had to re post this one. Hence the change in date*

Day 8 :: When are you giving me a "good news"?

Yeah! Right, so how many of you married gals have had to endure this statement before you thrust your bounty baby into their hands?

They (read: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, relatives, friends, i.e society, in general) will relentlessly hold your case until they get a satisfactory reply. That reply always is the birth of your baby! They care, they say. Like we don't.

I am not against anyone who inquire once or twice. It's when these people start getting nosy that you are at complete loss of privacy. I mean how in this world are you supposed to answer that question? I guess to shut them up one should say "Tonight we are starting a new session. You might expect the news soon." Try that and you shall be forever labelled "Shameless"

A new life is the biggest investment you make in your life. Like once I heard someone say "A kid isn't as easy as making it." True that! From the moment you find out that you are pregnant, you are responsible for the well being of the life growing inside you. One  needs to be prepared (although you realise later that the preparation was but marginal).

The decision to add to your family solely depends on the couple - whether they want to have one or not, now or 10 years later, Vicky donor or adoption or surrogacy - entirely is their say! Alas, we make it our business.

In my case, parents and in laws did mention their wish and need for a grand child. But perhaps the fact that we were here, they did not pursue much. It might have been a different story had we been close by. (You see you can't do too much much-much over an international call.)

One of my friend had this irritating habit of asking me if I were pregnant. She asked me that when I called her to invite for my wedding reception!!! And guess what? She was then already been married for 2 years and still no news of the good news! When I pointed it out to her she says "You are younger than you. You first!!" Like we were arguing over who will first eat a piece of cake.

After that, every time she called, this was the only thing she wanted to know!!!!

Like I said, people have to have their say in others' lives. When I did conceive, one of my school mate pinged to "confirm" the news, although she had read it on my blog in black and white!

Honestly, I was happy she asked. Who doesn't like it when people talk about your happiness?

After asking me if I was in India and if it was indeed the news, she says "really nice to know... But that's really soon right...sorry don't mean to offend" Alright now, the question is not just offending (which you probably already knew), it is downright insulting and vulgar.

I had a thousand ways to answer her query with vile comebacks and some meaner counter-questions, but I held my tongue, just because I did not want any negativity to affect my baby. Nor could I stoop to that level of raising demeaning questions. Did she want to know if it was an unplanned baby? an accident? I am not (and neither should anyone be) answerable to such questions.

All that makes you sick to your stomach pit. No matter how hard we try to escape, someone succeeds in trapping you.

The story doesn't end with the baby. They'll ask you when is the next good news? ;)




Alright now, the question was not just offending (which you probably already knew) , it is downright insulting and vulgar.

Day 7 :: Another Award And a Tag

First of all apologies for being so late in updating my today's post. It was my Yoga evening and hence the delay.

umm... how do I start? First of all THANKS to Uma for being so generous with the blog awards. And also sorry girl, for not taking it up any earlier. Hope you didn't think I'd pass it!

So I get

Aren't they lovely? I am all smiles. Thanks really! Like blog awards function tradition, I am supposed to pass on this award to fellow bloggers. And I read only a handful of yous! ;) There is a sea of bloggers who write wonderfully, much better than I do! So instead of nominating people, let me pass this award to all the bloggers who are committed to blogging and love their spaces to pieces. Many people start a blog but soon neglect it, since they can't seem to keep up with the writing bit. Hence,consider yourself awarded if you are in the category.

Also I am supposed to write 7 random facts about myself.

1. I am weaker than I thought I was. Physically and emotionally as well. Of late anything hurts me and tears sting in my eyes at slightest provocation.

2. I can live without the television but not without the internet.

3. I forgive, but never forget.

4. I have many unfulfilled wishes. Some of them remain so due to my laziness!

5. I thought it' d be scary to mother a child. Now I am loving it.

6. I do not place trust in anyone easily. I am a doubtful person and will doubt even the most genuine intentions. Perhaps that's just the way I am. Ask KK.

&

7. I drink very less water. :( Maybe just like a glass or two in a day. On the other hand, all through the night I finish a bottle of water! :|

Day 6 :: And what they said...

As soon as I lay my eyes on the tattoo, I was welling up with emotions. I was feeling honoured, although I did realise that he must have had to go through a lot of pain for that. I wasn't really thrilled with the thought.

Like I said, with that "I don't care what others think about it." dialogue, I knew that he must have gotten a tattoo. (And there were other clues too, like one day over video chat, he said he was feeling cold and wore a long sleeved shirt. And he is not the one who feels cold so easily!) He wanted to do it long back; even before we got married. I had told him not to. I have heard that it is way too painful,. And let's just face it, there isn't a dearth of people who would have thought I made him do it.

And neither was I expecting it to be this large. It was fairly new and hence the skin was a bit raw and swollen. You can imagine the melange of feel-good and feel-bad emotions that I was experiencing!

That episode elicits a wide range of reactions from people.

Reaction by 

Mom-in-law : She just smiled.

Sister-in-law : WOW, Brother!

Father-in-law : Love birds. Do what you please, you both!

Hubby's aunt : (jaw dropping) Did it pain? Why did you do this?
 - Hubby's reply : Because I love her!

Hubby's maami :Oh! You shouldn't have!
 -Hubby's reply : Oh! But I wanted to!

My mom : Is that permanent?

My dad : (Raises eyebrows with a smile)

V : !!!!!!!

N : (Playfully looks daggers at V)

My younger cousin brothers : Awesome, bhavaji!!! Even I wanted to do, but mom doesn't let me!
 -Hubby's reply : Earn and do it with your own money. No one will say anything.

Our Friend, T :Yaar, tune toh hadd kardi. You shouldn't do such things. It gets the rest of us in trouble with our wives!!!

:) :) :)

The next day was my baby shower, where my Parents-in-law had arranged for a Pooja (Sheemantha) and about a hundred people where invited. No points for guessing, I was NOT the centre of attraction!

And then there are some more reactions, each qualifying for a separate post for themselves. Wait for them.

;)

Day 5 : Knight in Shining ARMor

Every girl has at least once in her life time fantasized about her knight in the shining armor. Like a typical Bollywood movie, she wonders what out of the world thing her man would do for her. And she wishes - wishes that her fantasy does come true.

Now, what was my fantasy? Well, I wanted a memorable proposal. Nothing too elaborate or expensive, but something that would be etched in my mind forever. Something sweet, something special. I didn't want a going down on the knees bit. That is too cliched and unoriginal. I'd have preferred him (I didn't have KK in mind then) to unexpectedly pop the ring, or the question when I was with my friends. 

But as you possibly know already, my story was entirely different! Fantasy indeed!

KK, however, had other plans.

Last year in October, he told me he was coming back from the US with a nice little surprise for me. He has this very bad habit. He knows I am a curious cat and still he has to tell me that there is a surprise. I kept guessing. 'Something awesome, for you.' he assured each time we spoke. 

I kept guessing. Is it a Solitaire?, a car? a villa? Swarovski? Apple?? Each time the response was negative. 'You shall see, and keep seeing'

There was nothing I could do other than wait patiently for him to come. 

In a few days, one of is colleagues wife pinged me and eventually said "Bhaiyya ne aapke liye kuch kiya hai. Aapko bahut accha lagega. Lekin please unhein mat bolna ki maine apko yeh bola hai." (Your husband has done something really very nice for you. You will like it. But please don't tell him that I said this to you")

She knows what he bought for me?? I mean, why would KK want to tell the whole world what he does for me?? And again a few days later, my best friend in Germany pings me and says, "KK is absolutely amazing re! He loves you so much!! He has a nice surprise for you!" She too??!  I was getting a little irritated and impatient. How dare he keep me in the dark?

When I got confrontational, he took another way out by getting all mushy and emotional. "You know, I don't care what people say or relatives think. I just did it for me and for you." Now this dialogue, I had heard before. I started getting a whiff of what he might have got for me. 

He came to India on 16th October. And he was supposed to attend his cousin's wedding and only then come home. On his way back, he refused to even tell it any of his relatives. He wanted me to be the first one to know. (Yeah, right!!!)

The moment I saw him, I pulled him into the bedroom. Even before I asked him how the journey was, I wanted to know what my gift was! 

He pulled up his shirt sleeve and showed me 

I know! Sweet! 

More about this later...

Day 4 :: Disappointment sometimes

Friendship is a vague term. Just like "Love" is. There is no particular definition to it, nor any boundaries. Hence when someone is good to you, talks to nicely, smiles at you often, you instantly regard him/ her as a friend. And a person can have so many of them. It is hard to say if they are real friends or just casual someones.

I am choosy about befriending anyone. That is not be mistaken with being friendly. I can be friendly with any random person. As a result, I have very few friends and I have held them close to my heart. Maybe I am not that verbal, but friendship from my side has always been sincere and genuine. I cannot fake it. If I have to, I'd rather break the ties. 

Am I wrong in expecting the same kind of devotion to friendship from them? And is this the reason why I end up being disappointed and dejected and sometimes hurt when they fall short???

I remember a series of incidents in college that led to me having a huge fall out with  my so called friends. They called me rude and mean for being straight forward, for calling a spade a spade. And I called them hypocrites, for being hypocrites. They took my straight forwardness to heart, while they celebrated happy times bitching cruelly behind backs. I didn't mind if they hated me, but at least have he guts to tell it to me oin my face! I couldn't bear this two faced friendship. I severed ties with them but not without a verbal.

By then I fairly knew that not everyone is worth your trust`. I understand that my real friends take me as I am, sometimes telling me that being so blunt is not good. And I have respected that, even though I did not agree. 

What do you truly expect from a friend? Just that he shares your joys and understands your sorrows? I realised that not everyone with whom you hang out, spend fun time with, share some secrets with or gives you sound advice can meet your expectation. 

During my pregnant days in Pune, I encountered many friends, online and in person too. All of them were way too happy to see me in pregnant state. "Ohhhhhh you are having a baby??? How sweet, how cute!!!" was the general outburst from them. Everyone was pouring advices left, right and centre. And all of them wanted to be the first one to know whether it was a girl or a boy. And of course, everyone promised to come and meet the little one. 

I was at my parents' place for 5 months. None of these gushing, enthusiastic friends, who wanted to see Aa came to visit me. This is not just one or two of them. Many promised continually, and never turned up. One friend even told me she is coming for sure on Saturday. That Saturday never came.  

I am not saying that I am important or that my baby should be for someone. My point is why make a commitment when you do not plan to honour it? Why act concerned when you obviously do not seem to. Perhaps I would understand if this has happened with one or two friends. But all of them??? Except for my three friends, Pallavi, Shraddha and Tejaswini, who were behind my back to know what Aa does every day. I am so thankful that I still have some of those gems for friends. Others, are they just illusions?

I am not staking my friendship on this incident alone. I am not that fragile. But I can feel disappointed, can't I? 

I know I probably shouldn't have posted this on the eve of Friendship Day. But feelings don't see days! Promising a nice post tomorrow. 

Day 3 :: The Memsaab

A golden Honda City halts at the red signal. The rear window on the right side lowers just a bit. A hand peeps out and disposes off a chocolate wrapper. Even before anyone notices it, the hand withdraws itself and the window runs up to shut the world out…

He sees this every day. The whole affair doesn’t take more than a few seconds;  yet this boy, all of eleven, noticed every small detail about the car and the mysterious hand. It fascinates him to no end. He waits in anticipation every day for the shiny golden Honda City to wait at the signal. To his young eyes, it looks like a huge goldfish, shining in the morning sun. There was not a scratch or speck of dust on the car. Ever perfect, spotless, pure. It so did not belong to the ugly weekday traffic - full of rickshaws, Municipal buses and push carts! It belongs to some Rajmarg, where it would be the only car to parade in a grand manner, he often thought.  

The hand that sent chocolate wrappers flying on the road, no less, impressed him. The hand belonged to a lady. Who else could a dainty little hand with long artistic fingers painted in hues of colours belong to? There was a sparkle on one of the fingers. He guessed it was an expensive diamond ring. Imaginative that he was, he was adept at guessing a lot about the Memsaab, based only on the features and characteristics of her hand.

He was amazed at how Memsaab changed the colour of her nails every day! One day it was bright orange, the next it would be olive green! Yellow, soft pink, blue, red, brown, silver, black, purple and sometimes even golden, just like the car! Shades of pink were his favourite, black turned him off! Ohh! So many colours! He had never seen so many colours in his drab, lackluster life!  He would sympathetically look down at himself. With a filthy shirt torn in half a dozen places, held together by tepid sewing attempts by chachi- ji; he never knew what the original colour ever was. In fact he didn’t even remember when he started wearing it! His shorts were no less a joke. Uneven zip and broken button forced him to tie a rope around his waist for it to stay in place. Clothes were unwashed for weeks, or maybe months; he abhorred his pitiful image.

These few minutes of guessing kept his spirits high. Although, he never liked it when the signal was green and the car sped away even before he had the chance to take a good look at it! He longed for the week days as much as he disliked the weekends. Perhaps the Memsaab doesn’t have to go to work on weekends, he thought. But if she is so rich; why does she have to work even? He mentally patted himself for his logical thinking and concluded that she must be a student. Yes, working hands are never so delicate. He had seen chachi-ji’s hands; rough as the tar road he was standing barefoot on.

So mesmerized was he by Memsaab, that one day he decided to collect those unwanted chocolate wrappers. He ran to grab them before they were sent soaring into the sky by other vehicles. He could almost sense the touch of Memsaab’s delicate fingers. He kept them carefully in a “Pan Parag” container. The stench of pan masala was so strong , that the intoxicating, sweet aroma of chocolate eventually faded. How he wished he had another dabba to store his treasure! But he had to make do with what he had. It was after a great deal of boisterous begging that chachi-ji had finally relented and parted with something that had belonged to her.

By and by, he had come close to collecting seventy wrappers. Alas, he would never know. He could only count  ek se dus (one to ten). That too, he had learnt from chachi-ji when, at the end of the day, she distributed biscuits bought out of begging money to four others like him. He longed to study. His horizons never faded with the end of the day. It just about began then, when he yet again fantasized about going to school and making it big! Who knew? Maybe one day he would own a golden Honda City! His thoughts always reached a full stop at the golden Honda City and its Memsaab!

‘How odd!’, he thought. ‘I have never made an attempt to even take a look at Memsaab! I never even went close to the gold car!’ With that thought fermenting in his mind, he started devising ways to encounter the car. He started approaching it with odd jobs. One day he maneuvered his way through other haphazardly strewn vehicles. He felt delirious to be so close something that he thought was unattainable! For almost three seconds he forgot he was supposed to clean the wind shield and windows of the car, allowing him to take a good look at the person whose hand was such a beautiful piece of art! He stood stupefied facing the car with a big grin on his face. He only came to, when the signal turned green and the chauffer rudely shooed him away.

He was not disappointed though. So what if he couldn’t get a glimpse of the Memsaab today; he would try again tomorrow and again the day after and again, till he found the satisfaction of seeing her.

The next day, armed with cloth and Colin(which was bought a few months ago with the children's hard earned money; diluted umpteen number of times to make it last longer), he wasted no time in rushing towards the car. He wouldn’t make the same mistake as the previous day. He would not gape like a fool. He would start his mission immediately.  

This time, the moment he sprayed a little liquid onto the windshield, the ever irritated chauffer pulled down his window and gave him a earful, ‘Gaadi saaf hai. Haath mat lagao!’ (The car is clean. Don’t touch it!’) The words seemed to be painted blood red, just like the driver’s spit. Taken aback by such a sharp retort, he ran to safety. Day 2 was indeed a flop. And what more, he had been told off; never to touch the clean beauty. What could he do now?

After days of anticipation and brainstorming, he decided he would sell magazines. People buy those. They sell like hot cakes! He would carry the filmy magazines. Surely, Memsaab would be interested in those! With these happy thoughts, he started counting the stars… he melted into peaceful sleep just before he counted dus.

Pumped with new enthusiasm, he gathered the glossy, glamorous books in his small hands and waited for what seemed like hours. The moment he noticed the car in his peripheral vision, he made a dash for it. He had also learnt some broken English words from his friends. He thought he would use them to impress Memsaab. Maybe he should call her Memsaab-ji for that added respect.

He was careful not to bang on the window, for he knew the red spit driver too well for his curt manners. He softly knocked on the right window, knowing only too well that Memsaab was on that side.  He peered through the tinted glass. All he could see was his own reflection of foul clothes and sweaty, dust-streaked face. He knocked again, this time firmer, but gently. No response. He squinted and tried to see inside. With a lot of concentration, he managed to see beyond his own image.Memsaab was busy reading newspaper. He could only see her same right hand holding the newspaper in air, covering her face entirely! Dejected and cursing his luck, he turned back.

Next few days too were a stroke of bad luck for him! Some days the signal would jump to green even before the car halted. The other day the driver admonished him yet again for touching the car with his sloppy fingers. It was when the car did not turn up for three days in a row that he was genuinely scared and worried.

On the fourth day, he saw that unmistakable shimmer of gold that seemed to float in the mid-week rush. The royal beauty gently braked and he was promptly by its side. Success was almost licking his feet, when he saw Memsaab was already digging into her purse. Certainly she was looking for exact change. He was smiling ear to ear. His dream would come true today, he thought gleefully. Meanwhile, he was busy being enthralled by her below the shoulder length hair. He could see the softness of her hair, curls at the end dangling beautifully below the right shoulder. He was instantly reminded of the shampoo ad hoarding that was put up just three days before at the junction. She must look like Bipaasa Basu. Within minutes, horns blared and he had to get out of the way. In his reverie, he forgot that Memsaab did not once look up at him. He had missed the opportunity for what seemed like the thousandth time.  

He tried several times; every time a new problem was posed to him. Probably sensing his presence,Memsaab started sitting on the other side, facing to her left!  It was next to impossible to be on the left side of the road, since it was dug up pretty deep. ‘Why do they keep digging every now and then?’ he thought bitterly. He almost gave up on his dream.

Today however, he woke up with an unusual reassurance in his mind. You will see the much awaitedMemsaab today, said a voice somewhere deep within him. He smiled at his confident thought and wondered if it would come true. Looking back at the turn of events in the past few days, he was hardly feeling optimistic! Well, what did he have to lose? He would try again today like the rest of the days.

It was almost time for the goldfish to come gliding down the road. He thought it would be best to stay on the left side of the road. Miscalculating the time today, he started running down the street without even once looking at the signal which was nowhere near red. Within seconds, he heard his bones crunching. His pretty goldfish had hit him. The pain that shot through his entire body was coming in waves. He was feeling drained, as if someone was methodically sucking life from him.

He was in and out of consciousness. In one of the fading moments, he saw the Memsaab, holding his profusely bleeding head, screaming hysterically at people who had gathered all about them, ‘It’s the signal boy! It’s the signal boy! Oh my god! Please don’t die, don’t die! Please help!’

In those morbid moments he thanked his inner voice. How it told him that he would see his Memsaab today! Oh, how beautiful she is! And her hands, ever so soft! Her voice, though loud was silken! And she called me the ‘signal boy’, she recognized me.

With these parting thoughts, he smiled, for the last time. His dream was fulfilled. At last, he slept. Peacefully!

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If you liked this, then the credit also goes to my good friend, Nishanth, who saw to it that the article came out better than how I had originally written it. Many Thanks to you, Nishanth! :)

Day 2 :: When Ties Run Deeper

I hardly realised it was Raksha Bandhan today until I saw some FB wishes. A day when a sister ties a sacred thread onto her brothers' arms and asks for love and protection for a lifetime.

Like every brother sister duo, V and me have also celebrated this day since childhood. Of late we haven't been together on this day. However, I remember all our childhood antics, fights and fun. I particularly remember one day when we fought so badly that I refused to tie him my Rakhi. Every year that's the day I keep replaying in my mind. :)

Today evening, being alone at home with Aa, I was generally feeling lonely and depressed. Suddenly when I heard the knock on the door, i wondered if it was my friend here. It wasn't. It was a kind lady with a huge box in her hand and asked me if I was the person mentioned as addressee. I was.

I cried as I took it in my hands. I was crying and hysterically telling Aa that her mama has sent me flowers for Rakshabandhan!! Aa must have thought I was all gone. I leave you with the pictures.

I thank the lady who was concerned enough to bring the flowers up to me because she thought they might wither. Bless her!

Vinayak anna, I love you! Even though you make me cry.

Day 1 :: New beginnings

The training wheels are off! Yes, parents have gone back and we are all alone trying to get adjusted to our baby. Aa is used to exclusive attention from her maternal GPs. Naturally. She’s been with them since birth and their sudden absence is affecting her. And us.

My parents left yesterday and immediately it felt as if the whole house is gonna eat me up. I was all tears yesterday. Every nook and corner of my home reminds me of my parents. It was easy with them around. They took care of Aa while I ran errands around the house or vice versa. The emptiness is palpable.

I was skeptical on how my day would turn out. Surprisingly, it went well. Aa is a good child and is gorgeously cute. I am not saying this because she is my child. She is (thankfully & touchwood) not cranky/ colicky as some babies tend to be. If she missed her GPs, she didn’t show it. Not today. (Yesterday, KK had a hell of a time trying to console a weepy wife and a screaming infant. – More about that later.) I have gained a lot of confidence and have tweaked out some points where I can better myself.

Aa is manageable. Housework is manageable. The only thing that I dread is the cooking part. It’s been more than a year since I touched those pots and pans. I have no courage. Husband is very understanding, hence there is some relief.

I had mentioned earlier; way back, I think; that I wanted to start practicing Yoga. I have started now.   It’s once a week class (joined for 4 classes, 3 are up already)!!! I might just extend those for I find immense relief from my upper back ache.

Also, I am seriously thinking of shedding those post partum kilos. I know I am sooo late! Better late than never though! I was heavy at 67 kgs! (Imagine that?!) Now I am 64! (Imagine that?!) And no, I am not ashamed to shout my weight out loud.

This weight loss kind of just happened. I did not plan it. Maybe I shed them while sorting, resorting and setting up my abode. I am planning a healthy diet for myself. Not I-will-not-eat-anything-until-I-die diet. Just a healthier one, which will give me energy to last the whole long day with Aa. My ideal goal point is within the range of 52-54 kilos.

I badly want to fit into my old clothes!!!

With that our (mine and KK’s and now Aa’s) second innings have begun. We are trying to fit in. Trying to do as much possible to ease out creases. All this while, Aa is a huge cutester and entertainment. Her antics keep us amused and even if we are dead tired, she doesn’t fail to bring a smile on our face! That’s life!

With that I embark on my month long blogging journey. Hope you will accompany me, encourage and give me feedback as well.

Tomorrow : My Beautiful Home!